The sea glittered under the moonlight, reflecting off the rock surrounding them. The air was still, liberating. She inhaled its earthy scent deeply.
This is what summer nights looked to be in her thoughts and dreams. Nothing but calm and warmth, nothing but hope lingering in her chest. She can take the present for what it is, and cultivate her future so that it is just like this.
She can breathe here. She does so, slowly. The moment feels sacred. Hers to share with none but one.
She turns to him, smiling sweetly. His cheeks dimple deeply. She's never seen his eyes so soft a green.
This is enchantment.
The light spills over his face, so intricate and perfect that it must have been a higher power's doing.
He smiles with his teeth. He is so handsome to her that she just about melts, knees ready to buckle.
They may not have met under the most ideal circumstances, but right now, she is reminded of just how much of her heart she has put into him already. Whatever part of her died, he managed to lift and mend it.
Without a doubt, she trusts him.
The moon and stars watch over her, watch her hand thread into his like they have done it all their lives. She allows her eyes to speak. Her soul is beyond words.
"You like it here?" he breathes onto her lips, his other hand sliding onto her face.
She tilts her head back to keep looking at him. She smiles lazily and nods, leaning into his touch. His laugh is a melody.
"Figured you would." He stands even closer to her, bringing their hands, still interlocked, to his chest. "C'mere."
He does not even need to say it. She melts into him, trying to cast the same spell he has on her. She does not stop kissing him. She never wants to stop.
He stains her soul with his passion, coats her insides with his endless warmth. She wanted always to belong here.
If anyone were ever to ask, without even a heart beat's pass, she would say this is paradise. This is where she would choose to be, the end of July on this small beach, under the prettiest sky of stars, in the arms of her lover.
She does not stop kissing him, not even well into the night. She has no reason. None at all.
"Awwww, pink!"
"Yes! Stop yelling in my ear!"
"You're so cuuuuuuuuuute."
"I'm hanging up now. I can see them."
She gasps dramatically, and it actually hurts his eardrum. He flinches away from his phone.
"Barbara…" he growls.
"You know I love messing with ya, Dickie-poo. Good luck. I'll be praying for you."
He rolls his eyes and knows she knows he's rolling his eyes. "Thanks."
"You got this. Text me later!" she says before hanging up.
It seemed like she was nervous. For him.
He groans and rubs his face. His stomach knots when he looks into the distance. God, he can hear them from here.
He regrets ever suggesting this in the first place.
Except a year ago, he was happier. And life seemed to be going pretty okay, for the most part.
And now he's just standing here awkwardly with about half a beard and no uniform. He's never dressed in civvies on purpose in front of his teammates before. But how can he put that Robin suit back on?
It's not him anymore.
He takes his time walking across the beach. It may be fairly small, but it was still a damn walk to get to them. He's close enough to see a bonfire, and hear its crackling.
Each step closer kind of makes him want to barf.
He could have parked his bike where the T-car was. He could have started this, like, thirty minutes ago. But he went the long way around instead. On purpose. Deliberately on purpose.
He feels like a little bitch.
In a moment of sheer panic, he considers calling Babs again. But he knows what she's gonna say, and he really doesn't wanna hear it again.
No. No calling anybody. Act like a fucking man.
He stops moving for a couple minutes. And genuinely contemplates turning back around and going straight home.
Or maybe sabotaging the party with his cool new explosives. Without hurting anyone. Obviously.
He formulates the plan in his head and takes his phone out of his pocket.
"You haven't turned back yet, have you?" she says once she picks up after the first ring.
"I'm about to."
She sighs deeply. "You're really annoying me now. I got work to do."
"I know, I know. But what if I planted a couple of explosives? Scared 'em off?"
"A bunch of super-powered teenagers? Trained to fight and investigate crime? Okay."
"Yeah," he huffs. "I feel like a dumbass."
"'Cause you are. A little bitch, too."
"I was thinking the same exact thing."
"Doesn't somebody know you're coming already?"
"Yeah," he says, pulling at his hair. "Cyborg. I texted him a couple hours ago that I'd be able to make it…"
"You think he told anyone else?"
"I told him not to."
But still, he freezes. What if he accidentally blurted it out? What if he just told everybody anyway? What if she knew?
And what if he just never showed his face at this stupid fucking party that is all his fault?
"I think it'll be worse if you don't go."
He sighs. "I know."
"Stop knowing and start doing, Grayson. Come the fuck on. Just go."
"Remember when this was the other way around?"
She chuckles. "I don't miss those days."
He mocks her, and she mocks him back. Then they're silent.
"I'm hanging up now. I want every last dirty detail. I mean it."
"We'll see about that."
"Love ya, Dick. You know you'll be fine."
He doesn't say anything. He just hangs up and stares up at the sky.
Don't you want to make things better already? Don't you want to stop wasting time? Don't you respect her enough to just go and fucking do it?
"C'mon, Grayson," he mumbles to himself. "You're better than this. A whole lot fuckin' better."
He forces himself to take a step. And then another. And then another. And then it gets easier. And easier. And easier.
Raven spots him first.
She looks… shocked. He doesn't know if his stomach settles or turns.
He locks eyes with her. "What?" he mouths to her. She shakes her expression off and turns her head, the furrow of her brows giving her away.
I can't go back now.
He takes his duffel bag off his shoulder and holds it in his hand, walking towards the bonfire. He scans the circle surrounding it. All the girls seemed to be having the time of their lives, talking and laughing and paying absolutely no attention to him.
Except Raven, who sneaks glances at him in the awkward minute he just stands there.
Technically, he could still go back if he's quick enough.
"IS THAT ROB?!"
Fuck his life, then.
The girls all turn to look at him at once. They all stare dumbly for a moment before they're greeting him loudly.
"What's up, Robby!"
"Long time no see!"
"You look… good!"
And he looks like hot garbage, too.
Beast Boy is practically on top of him in the next second, choking him. "I knew you'd come, bro! I missed you, bro!"
"Missed. You.Too," he strains, trying to untangle the arms around his neck.
"Sorry, sorry," he says, wiping at his chest. "Wait…"
He gulps. "What?"
"You can grow a beard?"
Robin deflates, in both annoyance and relief. "Barely."
Beast Boy tugs at his face before slapping his own, his eyes getting way too big and way too shiny. "Soon…"
"Are you drunk?"
"What if I am?"
"Definitely. He's a lightweight."
Cyborg extends his hand, and Robin shakes it firmly, smiling genuinely at his friend.
"Good to have you back, man."
He could lie and say that it's good to be back. Or he could tell the truth and say he'd rather leave again, anything to avoid the inevitable.
He does neither. Now is not the time to be a coward.
"I missed you guys a lot."
Cyborg grins and squeezes his shoulder. "We missed ya, too. Wanna eat? I'm gonna start grilling the rest of the meat right now."
"Nah," he says. "Not hungry. Thanks."
A strong breeze hits his neck. He knows who it is right away.
"Rob!" Wally says. Robin thinks he's trying to smile, but it looks more like a grimace.
What's up with all these looks tonight?
"Whats up," he says, deadpan. Wally cringes.
He doesn't expect him to kiss him on the cheek.
Robin turns slowly, confused as ever. "Why?"
"I'm sorry!"
And then he understands.
Robin rolls his eyes. Then he tries not to laugh. Then he fails.
Beast Boy snorts and Cyborg snickers, the tension lifting as soon as it came.
"Fucking weirdo," Dick says, shoving Wally's shoulder.
"Don't tell my girlfriend. She'll kill you."
"Me?"
"She is willing to destroy any potential threat that comes her way."
Wally looks at him, dead serious. It only makes him laugh more.
"It's okay."
"Okay?"
"Okay."
"Okay."
"Seriously."
"Good! Cool. Radical."
"Alright. That's enough."
"I wish I had a friendship like you guys do," Besst Boy sniffles, wiping a tear from his eye and looking up at Cyborg, who lifts his arms.
"l'm out."
Robin waves at all the other guys, holding cups and cards in the sand. He scans the rest of the area, hoping against hope for —
He didn't know what. She has to be here. There's not way she wasn't.
So where did she go?
"Rob!" Bumblebee calls from behind him. He turns and walks to her stiffly, shoving his hands deep in the pockets of his basketball shorts after lifting his bag over his shoulder.
"What's up?" he says, his growing discomfort making his shoulders tense.
"Could I ask you for a favor?"
"Uhhh…" he scratches his chin and shuffles from foot to foot. "Sure?"
"Your energy is contagious," Jinx says.
He shrugs. "I'm tired. What's up?"
"It's less of a favor and more like… a game. You just gotta go to that cave over there." Bumblebee points to the other end of the beach, a good distance away from where they are. "You'll understand once you get there."
He scans her face, searching for something. Anything. It feels odd, but also not. He didn't not want to go now. It feels like he should.
Like this is his chance.
He dares to look at Raven, who remains silent. She doesn't look back at him.
"Sounds like a trap," he says, playing the part. "But alright. I hope it's fun."
"It is. Why not put your bag down?"
"Nah," he says quickly, adjusting the strap. "I'm good."
"Okay… you may go now," says Jinx. Her smirk is what confirms it all for him.
Did they know something? Or were they just basing everything off what happened at the last party? An act of kindness or a cruel trick?
They may have managed to find the inbetween.
It felt so… high school, like he's been locked in a closet with somebody he apparently needs to make amends with.
Except it's true, this time. He does need to. He needs forgiveness.
He needs to see her.
He starts running. He doesn't think about it. He just does.
He can't hear everybody else from here. Only the ocean was there, and it seemed to be reaching inside the cave. He takes his sneakers and socks off as fast as he can, rushing closer.
He needs to see her.
The water washes over his feet. He throws his shoes onto the dry sand and turns into the mouth of the cave, hanging onto the rock for dear life.
As much as he wants this, he's terrified.
But for once, it doesn't stop him.
He's been iffy about God for the past decade of his life but he thinks he might believe again.
There's no way this moment in time wasn't divine, created by some higher power. He dares to think that maybe it's for him and him alone, the way the moonlight illuminates her with this ethereal glow that makes his heart stop. The way her hair is so deep and rich in color, tied up and hanging down her back. The way her skin glows golden. The way the dusty rose color of her dress fits everything so perfectly.
She's so beautiful that it makes his heart ache.
He's completely mesmerized by her beauty, by the way that even when she's alone she's as graceful as ever, inspecting the walls and the way they glitter. She's humming to herself, and it spreads warmly inside of him. He's about to break.
Then he can't really believe that this is real. He can't believe that he's been led straight to her. A chance to reconcile, to atone.
Panic rolls in waves through him, filling his limbs his heat before fading into ice. Even his teeth feel rattled. He grips the rock of the cave so hard that his knuckles turn white.
He has to start. It has to be him.
But just as he opens his mouth to speak.
She spins, her skirt seeming to float around her, petals of a rose.
She smiles at him.
His heart stops beating.
Then it cracks.
Pure ice runs through her veins.
This… this is not—
"Hi," he whispers weakly, barely the sound of a drop of water, but it bursts in her ears.
She flinches.
She wraps her arms around herself and backs away, watching his face crumble and fall.
It hurts to see him like this. It hurts to be the way she is now, almost cowering away from him. She sinks her nails into her arms and forces herself to stay in place.
She counts her breaths. She does not allow even a tear to shed while they stand in silence.
"Hi," she says, just as weakly. She looks down at her feet, something like shame crawling through her.
Maybe they are both cowards.
"Starfire."
When he says her name, he seems to choke. It comes out too thick and his voice wavers as if he cannot get it past a lump in his throat. She feels her own and tries to swallow it, but it remains.
Just as he does. His stare burns sores into her skin.
That's all it takes.
She physically cannot stop the tears from escaping her. They cloud her vision and they obscure him, but not his presence. Never his presence. Nothing could ever fade it, diminish it, kill it.
It sticks by her side beyond distance and time.
"Please don't cry," he pleads quietly. "Not because of me."
She collects herself in an instant, his words bringing an eerie sense of calm from within her. "All you have brought me is tears."
He flinches. He doesn't speak for a moment. "I know."
She unwraps her arms from around herself and drops them to her sides, clenching her fists and digging her nails into her palms. She focuses on it, trying to find the words.
But what words does she have? None. Not for him, not anymore.
She stares into the white of his mask. She could burn it away if she wanted to.
The pain you have caused me is beyond words.
His expression levels, an unnatural calm seeming to take over him. She tenses even further, wanting to step into the darkness, but not wanting to cut short the ferocity of her stare.
He drops the bag that hung from his shoulder and stands still in the light.
That's when she truly sees him. His pale skin, even at the end of summer. His gaunt face and ragged facial hair. His hair messy like spilled ink, flopping over his eyes in slight waves. His dark shirt and gray shorts. The mask almost comical, covering the part of him she ached to see the most.
Water reaches the inside of the cave, rushing over his feet. He does not move an inch.
"No."
She stares at him, confusion creasing her brows. "What?"
"No," he repeats, slightly louder. "I can't be a coward anymore. Star, I can't."
That's when his voice breaks and he turns away, trying to collect himself. She hugs herself once more.
She stifles the urge to comfort him.
"Star…" he starts, lifting his head back up. He turns to her again.
Her face softens despite herself. She feels her walls breaking. He always does this, somehow. Always.
"Robin."
She says it so quietly, but it seems to make him lurch forward. She nearly comes to his side, but she forces herself to remain still.
"I'm sorry."
Her mouth parts, but no sound comes out.
"I've never been more sorry in my whole entire life."
He takes a hesitant step forward, and it looks as though it hurts. Her own chest burns.
"How could I hurt you, Star? How? The most caring, the kindest person I've ever known… the bestest friend I've ever had. And I hurt you."
Both of their breaths have become ragged, the emotion filling all the air in between them, all around them.
"Over and over, I hurt you… and for what? That's all I've been asking myself. And everytime I ask it, I hate it even more. God, I hate myself for what I did."
He inhales shakily, leaning against the wall for support. "I thought it was the right thing to do, to push you away. I thought I was protecting you."
"From what?" she says softly.
"From me!"
They both seem to be taken aback. She is not sure she has ever heard something so absurd. Or infuriating.
She crosses her arms, bitterness seeping from her eyes to her voice. "And yet."
He gestures to her weakly, frowning deeply. "And yet."
"Yet you have made it so that I do need protection from you. You have betrayed me in more ways than one…"
"I know."
"You… lied to me."
"I know."
"You…" The tears return, her guard threatening to fall once again. She squeezes her eyes shut and shakes her head. "You let me… go."
An overwhelming pain washes through her, and she clutches her chest. Her chin wobbles. She looks anywhere but at him. He stumbles closer to her, as if the weight of her words drag him down.
She cannot stomach the sight.
"I'm sorry."
"You say you are tired of being a coward…" she shuts her eyes and twists her body away from him, the anger boiling deep in the bottom of her belly. "And yet…"
"Starfire?"
"Say it! Just SAY IT!"
He stares at her, dumbfounded. She seethes, her jaw tight with tension. Her blood runs hot through her.
"SAY IT! SAY IT! TELL ME!"
She doesn't realize that she's pounding at his chest until he wraps his hands around her wrists and pulls her in. He pins her there while she writhes, hot tears spilling down her face so quickly that she feels like she might drown. He stands stock still, even when she digs her nails into the fabric of his shirt and scratches him, over and over and over.
She hates him. Hates him. Loathes, despises, absolutely ABHORS him.
When the world starts to spin, she stops. She does not fight it when he unfurls one of her fists and presses her open palm to his wildly beating heart. She tries to move, but his grip is too strong.
"But you know, don't you?"
She stares at his hand, the one holding hers. "I may have been a fool, but I was not blind."
He winces at that. She tries to wiggle her fingers again, but she cannot even bend them slightly. His heart pumps harder, somehow. She feels it run from her palm, through her arm, and then straight to her own heart.
"How?"
Her head snaps up and she stares straight into his soul. "Your eyes."
Even now, this close, just barely, she can see.
Blue.
"Your eyes tell me more than your words, or actions, ever can or will."
He doesn't speak.
"They tell me of your fears. Your limits. Your cowardice," she spits, and he whimpers. "And your love. Always, your love."
His grip on her hand becomes impossibly tighter.
"Tell me, Robin. Tell me so that I may lay it to rest."
"No."
"Tell me."
"No."
"TELL ME!"
Finally, she breaks away, her fists instantly colliding with his chest. He tries to grab her again, but she does not let him.
"TELL ME THE TRUTH!"
"NOT LIKE THIS!"
She stops, the green glow in her eyes dissipating. She hadn't even known it had gone that far. She blinks at him stupidly.
"Not when you don't know who I am."
"All of this…"
"Please."
"All of this, and you still…"
"Please, Star."
"YOU WON'T ALLOW ME TO PUT IT TO REST!"
She singes the skin of his hand before shoving him against the wall, where he falls straight down. She throws starbolts at him, growing brighter and bigger and hotter, but he manages to dodge them all.
She keeps throwing, and throwing, and throwing.
She cannot stop crying.
"STOP HURTING ME!"
"Starfire, STOP!"
"NO!"
"LET ME TELL YOU! LET ME SHOW YOU!"
"YOU HAD YEARS! YEARS!"
Her arms are beginning to tire out, but she does not relent. She has finally lost control.
She hits the side of his leg.
"AH, FUCK!"
He hisses as he falls against the wall, his face contorted with pain.
She holds her arm out, starbolt ready to fire. She has done this with him before.
Her intentions are not at all the same.
She sees tears leaking down his face, one after the other. She feels as though her body is ready to close in with the crippling guilt.
She grits her teeth and clenches her fist.
"No more," he sobs. "Please."
She shakes her head.
"You did this to me, Robin."
He is in front of her in a second, her starbolt pressing against his chest.
But then it dissipates.
Disappears.
So does her control.
He pinches the back of her neck so hard that her body goes numb.
Her weak spot, being exploited by the only person on Earth she has ever told.
"Enough."
She cannot even blink. She just stares at him, wide-eyed, shocked. Her body feels cold.
"That's not my name."
She can only manage a weak, pathetic mewling sound in response.
"I'm going to let go now."
Slowly and steadily, he does. Slowly and steadily, feeling returns to her body. She feels shocks run through her fingertips. She blinks her dry eyes.
She still cannot move.
"My name isn't Robin."
Her face twists while his remains stoic. She lifts her shaking hand and rests it on his cheek, her fingers picking at the edge of his mask.
"My name is Richard Grayson."
As fresh tears slip down her cheeks like rivers, she pulls at the mask with what little strength she has left.
"My name is Richard Grayson. That's my birth name. That's who I've always been."
The adhesive starts to give away. It pulls at his skin, but she does not even mutter a quick apology.
"Say my name, Star. Say it."
"Tell me you love me."
"Tell me who I am."
He rubs a hand up and down her arm. Over and over.
"Please."
She tugs at the mask, the desperation to get rid of it overwhelming her. But she is too weak.
"UGH!" she grunts, pounding against his chest one more time before collapsing into him.
His movements are so sudden that her heart skips a beat. He has her front pinned to his, his arm protective around her waist. He stares out of the mouth of the cave, searching.
"What?" she says, breathless.
"Someone was here."
Fear makes her insides sink down to her legs. Down to the ground. Far below.
Who else would be here?
Even with her arms and chest crushed against his, she does not dare to move. He holds her even tighter, afraid to let go.
She can feel the heat of his injury radiating onto her own leg. Suddenly, she gags on the regret.
"Hey, what's wrong? What happened!?" He tries to lift her head with a hand underneath her chin but she just buries her face into the crook of his neck, body racking with her sobs.
"I'm sorry!" she wails.
"No, no, no," he hushes, rubbing her back slowly. "No, I deserved it. I deserve worse."
She continues to cry as the realizations set in.
She hurt him. On purpose.
Somehow, that breaks her heart more than anything else.
She begins to slip, her knees buckling under the pressure of her emotion, but he straightens her back up. He holds her. She has never wanted him so far away and so close at the same time.
"You deserve better than this, Star. You should be angry. I'm surprised you haven't done it sooner."
He leans back and tips her head up gently, her face reddening even more as he stares.
"But even if this is the last time I get to hug you," he says, tucking a stray hair behind her ear and chuckles, his brows lifting and trembling with emotion, "I'll be questioning for the rest of my life how I got so lucky. Fuck, I am, now. The fact that I even met you, Star. The fact that we got this far. How did I get so lucky? I'm way beyond pushing it, now."
He wipes her fresh tears with his thumb. "I'm trying to be better. You make me want to be better. Do you know that?"
She closes her eyes, her cry continuing its silence.
"I don't expect you to forgive me for a very, very long time. Or ever. But I'm hoping against hope that you do, someday. And if you don't, it's okay. I understand. I understand."
He rocks her back and forth. She feels his own tears on her forehead.
She has never loved and hated anyone so equally, with so much passion. The line refuses to blur. The gap between the love and the hate refuses to be filled. She goes between both in a matter of seconds.
And the same goes for this: she is dead and alive, being brought back and killed, over and over.
Her heart cannot take it.
She pushes at his chest. He complies instantly, putting a good distance in between them.
"Please leave."
He doesn't move for a minute or so. She wants to scream at him. She wants to hit him again, but then the thought fades when she sees the red skin on his leg.
"I would, but I think someone might still be out there."
"It is okay."
He shakes his head. "Were you…" he gulps audibly, the vulnerability in his voice making her cringe. "Expecting someone?"
She lies through her teeth.
"No."
"Oh. Okay."
Silence.
"Just allow me to have some time to collect myself. I shall return to the party in a few minutes."
"Okay," he says. "I'll be over there."
She does not reply. She does not bother asking him to cover his injury, or to lie about what happened here. She knows he will.
He walks to his bag, hesitating before he lifts it over his shoulder.
"See you soon, Star."
She waits a few minutes after he leaves to move.
She exits the cave and peeks around the corner.
It does not take long for her to find it.
She gasps when she does. A sick combination of dread, awe, panic, and adoration manifest in her so quickly that she is just about ready to collapse.
In the sand is a brilliantly pink flower, so rich and vibrant that it bleeds into red towards the center.
Hibiscus flower.
With her violently shaking hand, she picks the flower and twirls it around, shame flooding her face.
He was here.
He must have been waiting for her.
He must have heard.
She closes her eyes and sighs, her lips pulling into a grimace.
She looks up at the moon and begs.
Let this all end.
She tucks the flower behind her ear and listens to the waves crashing.
