He wakes up feeling cold and to dark skies. It's only been an hour since he fell asleep, but his body just never lets him fucking rest.

She hasn't moved at all. But somehow, he's on the other side of his bed, eyes so heavy and brain half-dead as he stares at the back of her head. Her breaths are even and graceful. God, she looks so warm.

He takes too long to will himself forward and close his body around hers again. He'll keep her safe, and she'll keep him warm. It's symbiosis. She smells like melted sugar and earth once he gets his arms around her again. She hums in her sleep as he presses his hand into the softness of her lower belly, fitting so nicely in his palm. It took two galaxies to get her here, right where she belongs.

All mine.

He rubs gentle circles into her tummy, shutting his eyes and feeling her sigh. He presses his lips to the back of her shoulder and keeps it there.

Slowly, he slides his hand down, down, down, past the hair in the apex of her thighs and over it until he's holding her sex.

He was inside of her.

He ends his kiss and buries his face into her neck, holding her tighter.

For one blissful moment, the fear doesn't cripple him. It's not on his mind. The world is still, and it lets them rest for a little while. This is where he'll go when he dreams of paradise.

Maybe I came back for this.

This peace is Saturday mornings when his mom was home and awake. Walking Eliza once the sun rises. Hot chocolate after patrol. Summer nights talking more than he has in ages. His flower in her hair. She stirs against him and turns in his arms.

He doesn't let time exist again. He feels it stay still as she runs her hand over the side of his face.

"Jay…" she whispers, brushing his hair back, over and over.

"Mm?"

She kisses the space between his brows, filling him with something warm and bright. Its light goes down his spine and he smiles sleepily. She draws his hand around her waist and he squeezes her there.

She pushes him onto his back gently, exhaling deeply as she lays her body on top of his. Her weight feels so nice. He wraps his arms around the middle of her, but she takes hold of his hands and sits up, uncrossing them as she goes and settling them on her hips.

He blinks his eyes open and finds hers.

"May I?" she says, sitting on his lap, raking her nails lightly over his length. She smiles chastely when he shudders.

"Yeah, baby," he whispers, barely trusting his voice.

She rubs him fully, slowly, once, twice. He's ready for her and she takes him in, sinking onto him and redefining gravity.

She takes her time filling herself up.

She takes her time rocking against him, so deep and measured, so tight around him. Rain patters on the windows as the heat breaks.

He can't keep his eyes open for long. The sensations she brings him don't need sight. He meets her hips everytime she dips back down, each stroke so heavy and full that it spreads thick from his center and out.

She comes for what feels like forever, throwing her head back as she rides the last of her energy out. Before he can, he pulls her flush against his chest and then slips out of her, his hand covering her core and bringing her in even closer. He pumps himself done to her open mouth on his neck and his fingers growing wet with her cum.

"Now you're mine," she whispers sweetly.

Something coils in his stomach, so awful and ugly. Something like dread.

Another rude awakening. He sees his mistake. And how he can't take it back.


Fresh out of the shower, she approaches her bedroom door only to find a dainty pink rose resting on the floor in front of it.

Her chest feels tight as she lifts it, cool to the touch.

Who else would it be? Still, she did not know what to make of it. She twirls the stem in her hand and inspects the petals with a frown, its light color ready to fade into darkness.

Once she enters, she finds the letter.

Her name, scrawled in black ink, taunts her from the floor. It looks too heavy to carry. She does not want to know, but she bends to lift it anyway, hesitating as her fingers brush over his handwriting.

Would she dare to, when her body is so sore from being fulfilled by someone else? Her hands shake with a regretful sense of dread, as if no matter what she does, she will breach his trust and betray him. There never seems to be justice in love. She could never cause anyone else pain. Even when it is well-deserved.

She steps over it as though it weren't there. She cannot look right now. Its very existence unsettled her.

She places the rose on her dresser before sitting on her bed, sighing deeply and falling onto her back.

She arrived back home before any of the others had risen, at least to her knowledge. The rain outside mocks her and leaves her cold. This is not where she wants to be.

She wants to be warm. In his arms.

The sky sings and she shivers, crawling underneath her sheets and curling up into a ball. She places her hand on her stomach, mimicking his touch. But she could not replicate the desperation that comes with holding your tongue.

He withheld so much from her. Secrets that she would, undoubtedly, forever keep. She knows that he holds her close so she cannot see that he's locked all his doors. She recognized it instantly, from the beginning of… what they have become.

That did not make the sting any less deep.

And slowly, a truth she has known for months forms once again in her mind.

She has fallen in love with someone who could not open their heart. What a shock. She ran from what she knew just to find it all over again. The envelope burns her peripheral vision. She imagines it withering under her energy, the rose following soon after, destroyed in her emerald moon.

Thunder sounds, reverberating in the air outside. The echo calls the name lingering in her soul. Who she longs to see at the end of all things.


"Hey dude, can I talk to you for a sec?"

He scratches his head, feeling the bags under his eyes. Catching the matching ones under his. He gestures for Beast Boy to come inside. "Sure. What's up?"

"It's—" Beast Boy cuts himself off, shoving his hands into the pockets of his sweats and squinting at the door. He yawns.

Then Dick yawns. Looks like nobody could sleep these days.

"Didn't sleep either?"

Beast Boy stares blankly past him. He instantly feels unsettled. Watches as his face slowly contorts with pain.

"What's wrong?" Dick says quietly.

He raises his brows and shakes his head, burning holes into the wall.

"Are you… mad?"

His smile is quick and bitter, the chuckle coming out of him actually sounding unnatural. "Something like that, Rob. Somethin' like that."

"Wh—"

"I don't know," Beast Boy cuts him off, looking him dead in the eyes now, "what has been going on…"

The air in the room is wrapped around his throat, strangling him, keeping him in place. Whatever it is, he's not surprised if it's his fault. He's looking at him like it's his fault.

"But it needs to end."

His face falls. He thinks he knows.

No, he knows he knows.

"I know," he whispers.

"Do you, though?" Beast Boy steps closer, his neck and shoulders tense, unmoving. "Don't you get it?"

He swallows past the lump in his throat and nods. The guilt is choking him. He's never seen Beast Boy look so… disappointed in him.

He's ashamed to admit that he forgot how much everyone else mattered to him. But there's one person he should've— how could he forget? Her face last night…

"Look, man. She didn't tell me anything. But God, somehow, I just know it's you. I see it, Rob. Don't think I don't. 'Cause it started up again last night."

Dick fights the urge to look down in shame.

"You think I can handle it? Hearing her cry every night? Trying to get her to stop? We can't take it anymore, dude."

"... Beast Boy."

"Save your fucking sorries," he says, his voice eerily calm.

"What else can I say?"

"You can't say anything to make it better," he seethes, stabbing his finger into Dick's chest and keeping it there. It feels like it's sinking inside. "She told you before, didn't she?"

Dick nods weakly. The humiliation burns him from the inside out.

"And that didn't make you go, 'I should probably fucking stop now?'" He laughs bitterly and steps back, rubbing a hand over his face. "You're really committed to the role, aren't you? I can't believe you knew Raven was hurting and— for fuck's sake, dude, she's connected to you! How did you… you can't forget that shit. You can't forget it."

Dick grimaces, his skin prickling with heat. With remorse. "But I did."

Beast Boy chuckles, eyes bloodshot. He shakes his head. "Don't mean to be a dick, dude, but we expect more from you. This isn't what a leader does. Don't you know how much we look up to you? How much we care about you, man?"

"Yeah."

"Nah. Nah, I don't think so."

"I know I fucked up."

"And I'm letting you know again. Fuck, it's taking a lot right now, not to—"

Anger flashes on his face, almost inhuman. A pure need to protect.

His own friend needs protection from him.

"No more of this weak shit. You're better than that. At least I hope so."

Words are enough, until you don't say them. Then they pile on. And on. And on. 'Til they're worthless.


Dear Starfire,

A good friend of mine reminded me that there are other ways to tell others how I feel. My words have failed you so many times, especially over these past few months, and I wish I could take it all back. But I can't. The very least I can do now is to let you know how much I regret everything that happened because of me, and to have it written.

I understand if it's too much to ask, but I would appreciate it if you read this letter all the way through. If not, I will pretend like I never even wrote it, and I will leave you alone. Whatever you decide, it's okay.

I cannot even begin to tell you just how sorry I am for doing what I did to you. I have never regretted my words and actions so immensely. None of what I have said or done reflected how much I trust, admire, and respect you. You did not deserve anything of what I put you through.

In so many aspects, I see you as my equal. My partner, and my best friend. And in all these ways, you are my freedom. I should have been yours, too. Instead, I pushed you away. I keep asking myself why, but the reasons I gave to me and you back then don't make any sense now. I'm ashamed of how much of a coward I was.

Starfire, I spent all this time choking on the fear of losing myself. Of losing control. And I hid behind this need to protect you, completely disregarding your incredible resilience and strength. I tried so many times to look past you. To convince myself that what I was doing was right. But where did that take me? It damaged everything we had. I broke your heart, and then I broke mine. Knowing that I caused the pain in your eyes haunts me.

Starfire, I want to do better. I want to be better, not only for me, but for you. I want to build myself up as someone who is free, who is always willing to love, even if that means tearing myself down completely. I want to be someone who is worthy of you. I want to support you, to create with you. I want to have the courage and confidence to love and care for you as deeply and openly as you deserve. Whether you are willing to give me another chance or not, I will be working tirelessly to be this exact person. I want my words and actions to always reflect my values, and how much I value you as a person, a teammate, and a friend. I'm so ashamed of the fact that I left them behind.

Starfire, you inspire me like nobody else. Please know that. Your presence in my heart is permanent. Wherever I go, I carry you. Your sincerity, your passion, your patience, your kindness. You always set me free. I hope that I can return the favor one day.

I'm not asking for your forgiveness. I don't expect it. All I want is the best for you. And I'll be there, right by your side, if you let me be. Otherwise, I've got your back for the rest of my life. That's a promise.

There's so much more I want to say, but I need to end this somewhere. Please take your time, whatever you decide to do. You know where to find me.

Always yours,

-R