Author's Note: Hi! I hope you are all safe & well. The world is batshit crazy right now. Please take care.

I hope you enjoy!


"I'm sorry, man. I am."

"I wouldn't want to tell me, either. It's fine."

"Is it, though?"

"I'm not here to punish you. I just didn't want you to think…"

Cyborg shifts in his seat uncomfortably. "That you couldn't figure it out?"

Dick shakes his head, pressing the pads of his fingers together, over and over. "Nah. Nothing like that. Just that… that I'd lose it over that. I don't want you to think of me that way."

"I mean, as good as our intentions were, it's actually pretty damn disrespectful. God, it's been crawling under my skin since it happened."

"I mean," Dick's face twists before he chuckles, "I haven't been honest, either."

Cyborg looks at him blankly. "About what, exactly?"

"Why I left. What I was doing. What I've been feeling." He shifts his focus up, forcing himself to look his friend in the eyes. "It's not a secret that I'm hurting people that don't deserve it."

The look he gets is nothing short of cold, but it's quick to change into something that resembles pity. "Rob…"

"No," he says, crossing his arms and leaning back. "That's not my name anymore."

"What?"

"One of the reasons I left was to get it all ready. I'm not going to be Robin anymore. And I should've told you, out of all people. I'm sorry that I didn't."

Cyborg is silent for a moment, looking more surprised than he expected him to be. "Wait. Does that mean you're gonna—"

"No. This one's all me."

"Is someone else gonna—"

"There used to be. Somebody," Dick croaks, swallowing the discomfort of what he's about to say. What he hasn't said. "And he's— he's gone now. He died on the job. A little over a year ago."

"Man…"

"Don't." He holds a hand up, avoiding Cyborg's gaze. "This shouldn't be news to you. But I made it like that."

"It's not like I told you everything about my life. You don't needa tell me all about the shit that hurts, y'know?"

"I know a lot more about you than you know about me, Cy. Trust me."

"Was he your brother?"

The question catches him off guard. He never had to explain him to anyone who didn't know.

"He was… he… he, uh…" he stammers before settling on an answer. "Yes, he was."

Instead of pity, Cyborg just looks… sad. "I'm sorry. I would've been there for you, man."

"I know. You don't need to worry about that. Or about the latest case. You handled it right. That's all that matters."

"She was worried you'd be upset."

In less than two minutes, Cyborg drops another explosive on him. Oh, god. That's how he died.

"I fucked up big time."

"I know."

"And I should've told her how I felt. A long, long time ago."

"I know."

"And all the pain, all of mine, all of hers. It's hurting Raven. And I don't know how to stop it. Or how to fix it. I'm so ashamed of myself, but that only makes it worse. And not feeling would just make it even worse in the long run." He sighs deeply, rubbing his hands over his face. "I love her so much that it kills me. I thought it was right to do what I did. I thought that somehow, she'd understand. But she doesn't think the way I do. No, she thinks a whole lot better."

He bites back all the self-deprecating remarks, willing himself not to add fuel to the fire. It did nothing but hurt him even more.

He scrubs a hand over his face and chuckles. "I gotta stop with this bullshit."

"Nah," he shrugs. "You're good."

Dick stares blankly ahead for a moment before breaking out into a smile. "I'm good?"

"Yeah."

"Huh."

His legs are bouncing so fast that his whole body seems to shake. "What do you, uh… mean. By good?"

"I mean, you're good. I think you're on the right track."

"Th-that's… hmm."

"I'm not happy with the way things have been. Or what you did. It's none of my business, but… it kinda is now. It's messing with the team. Big time. And no one's… I don't know, man. It just hasn't been good. But I think you're seeing things for what they are. I think you know what you gotta do."

I gotta… I gotta… I gotta move forward… fix it.

"You still got faith in me, huh?"

He laughs. "I never stopped, man."


You always set me free. I hope that I can return the favor one day.

He tugs her by the arm and into his own. The spray of the shower is warm, and when it hits her directly in her face, he laughs and shifts them so he can protect her from it. "Sorry, Kor," he says, smiling, not sorry at all.

She brushes her hair back with both hands before dropping them on his shoulders.

She rolls her eyes and raises a brow. "Zarbnof," she says, smiling despite herself.

She smoothes her hands over the sides of his neck, feeling the way he hums when she walks her fingers back up and rubs circles beside his jaw. He leans forward until his forehead rests on hers. His hands are gentle, splayed upon her back.

And this is how she adores him. As long as his eyes remain closed, they shall stay this way. Locked in the cage of what they do not say.

She still threads her fingers through the back of his hair, still runs them back and forth. She still cups the back of his neck, brushes his hair back from his face, the streak of white a strike of lighting against her skin.

Still holds his face in the palms of her hands and blinks up at him, even when he forces himself out of the dream and stares at her, eyes hard and cracked and so unkind, but she takes it.

With her gaze, she dares him.

End it.

But he plays his part and his flame flickers. Eyes green and muddied and miles away from the truth.

Out of everyone, she never thought he would take her for a fool.

Or perhaps she was only looking for a reason. Something to make her angry.

In so many aspects, I see you as my equal. My partner, and my best friend.

His lips part, deep with color, his breath so regrettably soothing. Something she would pray for in her darkest hours.

The tips of his fingers trace up her spine, a language she tried countless times to speak. Her mother tongue does not allow her. She never knows what he is saying, underneath it all, but the flame still flows where she is empty of him. Where she belongs to him, but he does not belong to her.

She presses her chest against his, back arching into him. He draws huffs of laughter out of her, and then he is joining in, cheeks dimpling. He tries to kiss her open mouth with a smile. His nails graze her at the base of her spine and she squirms.

His lips are wet against the corner of her mouth, against her cheek. Trailing down and then cutting his teeth into her neck, an animal at play. She wounds her arms around him.

"You wanna play?" he says low near her ear, mouth pressed against her hairline.

"Did we not begin?"

He drops his head to her shoulder and chuckles. "No, sweetheart, I'm asking you." His smile is soft compared to the sharpness of his gaze. As though he is ready to bite.

She tilts her head and cups his jaw into both of her palms. "Of course I do," she says sweetly.

He sees right through her. She expects nothing less.

His jaw tightens where she holds it. She bats her eyelashes at him, feigning ignorance, feigning compliance to this tired game. This… inequality.

"I don't think we're on the same page," he says gruffly. He fits his hand over her breast and the other snakes down behind her.

Below, she grazes the back of her hand over him, scrapes her nails lightly, watches his teeth sink into his lip. "You are — ah."

His nose, buried in her hair. "What's that, baby?" as his middle finger slides against her.

Starfire, I spent all this time choking on the fear of losing myself. Of losing control.

She cannot help but fold against him. Her cheek rests on his chest, his heavy-beating heart too far off from the rhythm he sets where she aches. She kisses him there, her lips latched onto his skin and then she is biting down as he finds her where she needs him.

"C'mon," he breathes into her ear, mocking. "Talk to me, baby. You don't have to stop."

"Jason."

"Yeah?"

"Do not make me think," she finishes in a rush, in a breath, and then her face is on the cold tiles instead of his warm chest.

"Maybe we are thinkin' the same thing…" he mumbles.

"Hmm?" she asks, as though she didn't hear.

"Nothing, nothing…" he trails off.

He locks her arms behind her, both of her wrists held by a single hand. She is still sore from before, but open, ready for him, wondering why she ever let him leave.

She does not stop saying his name. He calls her anything but hers.

She gives herself to him once again. She knows it will not be the last time. She knows why he does not want to see her face.

She moves with him, every relentless move of his, his bruising grip. As though he were trying to break her so that she could hate him, leave him, anything but stay.

She breaks one arm free and grabs for his hair behind her, dragging his face next to hers. She pants between each kiss on his cheek, hot and wet. A hand slides onto her stomach and she grabs it, nails sinking in deeply. His other wraps around her hip.

"I know… what you… are doing," she huffs, pulling his hair. Her palm slides down his face, and she presses his cheek to hers.

"'m fuckin' you, sweetheart."

She nuzzles into him, laughing lightly. "Trying to, perhaps."

His grabs her hips roughly. Each of his fingers a brand on her. He stops inside of her, and leans in.

"Got somethin' you wanna tell me?" he says coldly.

She turns her neck to face him. His eyes, still cracked, a mosaic.

"Do not hold back."

Too many things break from that moment on. Her body, her spirit, his sanity, as fragile as glass, but it cuts her skin open as she tries to pick up the pieces and hand them back.

And she knows the feeling. She knows the sacrifice that comes with it. She wants to hate him for bringing her here again.

But even as he lies to her. Even as he loses himself, she loves him.

He grabs her jaw roughly, turning her head to face him. Showing her his depravity. His regrets.

In it, she sees another person who loves her. But they will not love her. They won't.

He won't love her.

A tear leaks from her eye, but it washes away.

He pushes her up against the wall, over and over and over. He builds her up so high. Always so high.

I'm not asking for your forgiveness. I don't expect it. All I want is the best for you.

He growls. "Enough with the games."

"Tell me the truth."

"Nothing… to say."

"There is everything," she heaves, "everything to say."

He chuckles darkly. She feels it through her entire body. "Baby, you've got it all wrong."

The tears flow freely. She bares her teeth at him. Something bitter is stuck between them. "I can see it in your eyes. Jason," she spits.

She gasps as he moves harder.

"That you're pissing me off?"

"Who are you, Jason?"

He answers with a growl. He completes her endlessly. Fulfills her and empties her and hates to love her.

It comes down over her from the inside out. Heaven shaking her, starting from the core and radiating in beams. She feels him on her back, and then his arms wrap tight around her ribs and chest, holding her. Trying to breathe. She closes her eyes.

He will not say it. Not now.

She untangles herself from him. Without a word, she steps out.

She let him in. Her mind, her heart, body, soul. Her soul.

She hears him following after her into his room. "What're you on about, Kor? Hm?"

"Why are you the upset?" she retorts, crossing her arms.

"'Cause you don't make any fucking sense."

"You are not a fool."

He stares at her, dumbfounded. She raises a brow at him. Daring him once more.

"You've been acting weird all night. If something's the matter, you gotta tell me," he says softly, approaching her. Another show he puts on. "If I was too rough… is that it? I'm sorry. I don't wanna make you feel bad, Kor."

She smiles bitterly. Laughs as well. "I… wanted you to be… rough." She shakes her head. "That is the only time you are honest."

His mouth pulls into a thin line. He closes in on her, almost dangerously, until their noses brush together, his brows furrowed deeply. She wants to kiss him. He stares and she stares back, wordlessly. His hair hangs limply across his forehead and she aches to brush it back.

He is a curse.

He drops down onto his bed, pulling her into his lap. Still naked and dripping wet. He locks her in with his arms and stills.

Then he sighs, and his taut body loosens beneath her. He buries his face in her neck and his hand in her hair. "You're killin' me, Kori."

She holds him there. "I mean well," she says weakly, uselessly.

He inhales. "I know."

"Do you?"

"I know."

"So you will allow me to do this again?" She cards her fingers in his hair and tugs his head back until his eyes slide onto hers. "You will allow me to come here and pretend?" He searches hers, and she knows he knows. He knows. He knows.

He hardens again. "That's not on me. Whatever choice you make. All you, doll."

"But you…"

Except she chokes on the words, and a whimper escapes her. His thumbs rub circles into her back, but it does not keep her down. It only kills her further. He is running away.

"No, princess. No more crying." He grabs the back of her neck, his face tight. "Enough."

And on his command, she stops.

"Whatever you need to work out, work it out. Then get back to me."

"Jason…"

"No." He stands, lifting her. Scolding her, but unable to let her go.

She wraps her legs around him. She cannot let him go, either.

He throws her onto the bed and climbs over her, arms on either side. He dips his head and licks at the underside of her breast. "What's it gonna take? For things to get back to the way they were?"

He plants a kiss in the space between her ribs, trails hotly down her stomach, growing more tender, longer. Each breath cementing her in place. He buries himself into her center and kisses her there, inhales her.

X'hal, with all her strength, she breaks free. But he only pushes her back down, his eyes full of fire.

And she lets him. Because tonight, she has been nothing but weak.

His mouth is hot and languid on her, and her legs shake so hard that he pins them down by her thighs. She rolls her whole body with his tongue, and it seems like she will never be satisfied. She will never have enough.

"How were they like b-be-fore," she stutters as he reaches somewhere divine, and a whimper follows.

He kisses her. "Just," he kisses her, "relax," he kisses her. "Keep sayin' my name." He kisses her long. Longer. He lingers. And lingers, lingers, lingers, feather soft…

You did not deserve anything of what I put you through.

"Jason…"

She does not think she could take this right now. No, not when she knows better than this.

"Jay…"

She is trying to lift the veil, but he stops her, he keeps the show going, his spell too strong for her to break. When had he cast it? When did she get here? What is she still not seeing?

"Jason, no more…"

He moves against her, and her body reacts as richly as ever, her body fluid to what he does to her, while her mind grows rigid. She wants to feel good. She wants to feel good, but everywhere, especially in her heart, where her veins still ache from what it has been missing all this time…

"No more."

He slows, but he does not stop, as if making sure he heard her correctly. He knows her body. He knows she is close.

"Enough." She uses the same tone he had. The same coldness he slipped into so effortlessly.

And he sits back, a look of irritation across his face. She hates how handsome he looks that way. She hates how badly he wants him to finish. She feels herself swelling up, begging.

"You know you want it, Kor. Y'know I do it right."

She trembles and folds her arms over herself. She furrows her brows and frowns deeply. "I want an answer."

Then he inches so close to her, the lines of his face sharper, making him look almost older. Like the weight of what he does not tell her has aged him so. He matches her expression, and it sends this heat, this unease throughout her body. "Before, we didn't talk about any of this, baby. Why're you asking so many questions now? Hm?"

She refuses to look away, even to blink. "I do not want the lies you give."

"What lies, princess?" he almost chuckles, but tilts his head instead, blinking in a way that is somehow mocking.

"What do you do? Why are you here? Why are you with me?"

He stares blankly at her, and for a moment, she thinks he will not answer at all. That she kept him from moving on with the act.

But then he is laughing. Laughing so hard that he looks the complete opposite of before. He looks so young that her chest aches for a second or two.

"I'm sorry, Kor, it's just… your face…"

Now, she feels embarrassed.

"No, no, it's 'cause you looked so serious… look. Last thing I wanna do is keep things from you, alright?"

She looks down at the sheets, gripping her own shoulders. Hiding herself.

"Hey," he says softly, tipping her head up by the chin. "Do you trust me?"

I do.

Somehow, I do.

She nods.

He strokes her cheek, and she leans into it, watching his gentle gaze. "What I do… it's not something I can tell you about. It's a job I was trained very hard for."

"Is that why…" she says quietly, and gestures to the smattering of scars across his body.

"Yeah. You never asked about those before, have you?"

"My scars heal. If you could see them, I do not think I would want you to know…"

He tucks his hand underneath her arm, over the skin near her belly. "This one didn't."

She grimaces. "That is… what you saved me from," she says lowly, her heart beating wildly.

"I'm glad I did, Koriand'r."

She squeezes her eyes shut. She feels herself succumbing to him, to his kindness all over again, despite the pull of her mind. "Me too, Jason," and she says it because it is the truth.

"Why hasn't it healed? Do you know?"

I am weak. I have been weak.

But no, that is not why. That is not the only reason.

Tentatively, she finds his eyes once more. And they make sense. It is what she always wants to find when she is lost.

Your presence in my heart is permanent. Wherever I go, I carry you.

"I did not want to forget."

He brushes her hair back, still wet and clinging to her skin. She hugs her knees to her chest and turns away from him, his gentle touch too overwhelming now. He says nothing. His stare feels heavy on her.

"I am yours, Jason. Do with that what you will."

You know where to find me.


When she gets back, the sky is only barely beginning to lighten. She pushes him out of her thoughts, ready to sleep.

That is, until she spots someone on the roof.

"Raven?" she says gently as she lands, a breeze swaying her still-damp hair. She has never seen her friend on the roof at this hour, in her meditative state.

Her eyes open immediately, shock causing her to lose her pose and fall to the ground.

"Raven!" She quickly heads to her side and falls to her knees.

"I'm fine, just caught me off guard…" she mumbles.

"I apologize! Please forgive me!"

"It's okay, Star, it's — oh-kay," she chokes out as Kori wraps her arms around her.

"Are you the okay?"

"Yeah, I just… couldn't sleep."

Kori unwraps her arms from her and stares at her friend, eyes wide and sad. The exhaustion is so evident in Raven's eyes…

"Why?" she asks simply.

"Just can't," she shrugs nonchalantly. Or at the very least tries to.

"How long have you been here?" she asks gently, sitting beside her. She does not miss the way she tenses up, so she shifts a bit further away, trying her best to give her the space.

"Not long."

She must be pleading with her eyes more than she intends to. Or apologizing.

How could she forget? How could she only think of herself once again? Who is she to put herself above her friend?!

She wishes Raven would tell her that it is something else, and have it be the truth. But Kori knows that this is her fault. Mine and Robin's. No… Richard.

"There is… no excuse for this, Raven, I… I do not know…" Kori scrambles to find the words, but they do not come to her. The panic comes to her. Somehow, this feels irreversible. "How could I be such a zarbnof?"

"Star…"

"After all you have done for me… this is how I treat you in return? Raven, you must think I am awful…"

"Starfire…"

"And after… after… after you told me… I should have been aware, I should hav—"

"Kori," Raven nearly shouts, her irritation smoothing over once she looks over, stunned. "It's not your fault. Or Robin's. Okay?" she ends softly.

She pauses for a beat, trying to keep the tears in her eyes from falling. My heart is beating so fast. Why does it hurt so much? "How can you be so sure?"

"Because. How long have we been a team? It's never gotten like this before. If it's anybody's fault, it's mine. Don't you get that? I should have everything under control. It's… it's my powers," she says, frustration seeping into her voice. "It's my own fault. It's—"

Raven goes quiet, and a jolt of fear goes through her. "What happened?" she whispers frantically, grabbing for her hands, but they seem to be frozen on her lap.

Then she hears the footsteps.

"Rae, I've been looking everywhere— uh… you guys are up early. Haaa."

They both stare dumbly up at Beast Boy.

Kori's face heats up so quickly that she has the sudden urge to fly up and away. Beast Boy rubs the back of his neck awkwardly, avoiding eye contact with either of them.

She does not need to ask, nor does she want to. She knows the look.

"It's, uh… it's not like that," Raven whispers to her, finally gaining her mobility back. She stares down at her lap.

"O-oh," Kori stutters, tapping her fingers together. "No, Raven, this is… none of my business. Do not feel as though… you must… explain it to me," she finishes with a squeak, the combination of her discomfort and previous panic causing her to simply act… awkward.

"'m gonna…" Beast Boy points down the stairwell, "yeah."

"Good night! Morning! Guh!" Kori slaps a hand over her face in embarrassment. "I intruded on something thatI was not meant to see! Forgive me!"

Raven sighs heavily. "It's okay. Believe me. It's okay. You should go sleep."

She nods her head vigorously, as if her agreement would stifle the palpable discomfort in the air between them.

Nothing… bad had happened, but still, she wants to always respect her friend's privacy, and that had felt like looking in at something so vulnerable, something that no one else was allowed to see or touch.

"I am the sorry," she says once more before leaving, the guilt festering low in her stomach.


The knocking at his door doesn't wake him, but it does startle him. An instant spike of anxiety shoots through him. It's 5 am. What's wrong?

"You 'kay?" Babs says through the other end of the line.

"Yeah. Gonna call you back, okay?"

"Oh. Okay. You better."

"I will," he says, and then hangs up.

Whoever is behind his door knocks again, softer this time. And yeah, he… he thinks he has an idea of who it might be. But… why? He doesn't think he's ready to deal with it.

Before he can think himself to death, and because maybe there's actually an emergency, he opens the door and finds her there, mid-knock, her eyes taking up half of her face.

"What's the matter?" he says, the adrenaline kicking up even more.

Then her chin wobbles and he can't stand it.

"Hey, what's wrong? What happened?"

She stares straight at him, like she can't even believe she came to him. Me neither, Star.

Her hair is disheveled, curlier than he ever remembers it being, and as long as ever, wrapping around her body.

"It's… wet?" he questions softly, tilting his head.

"O-oh! A s-shower!" she stutters, pulling at the front strands of her hair. "I, I, I am…"

He waits for her to finish, but she doesn't seem to have the words. He nods, encouraging her to continue, to let her know that he's listening, but she only bites at her lip, eyes red and glassy.

"Do you wanna… come in?" he says quietly.

To his complete and utter surprise, she nods.

"O-okay." He steps over and lets her take her time coming in, her arms crossed over her body. He closes the door. She stands with her back facing him.

He stands as far away from her as he possibly can.

Minutes pass by, and he's afraid to move. Hell, he's afraid to breathe too loud. Like she's some stray kitten he took in during a storm, but then the thought of comparing her to a small helpless animal make his stomach turn, but then again he only drew that comparison because she's technically a feline, right? And she came here with wet hair, and those eyes, and—

"I hope I am not bothering you…" she says hesitantly, her body growing more taut.

"No, Star, I'm just… confused," he says, because it's the truth, and how could he fuck up the truth anymore?

"I-I-I read your l-letter, but I am not here… about that… something else…" she trails off, and he ignores the way his heart sinks a bit.

"Yeah?"

"Or… perhaps I am."

Huh?

"What is it?" he asks, as gently as possible.

He watches as she takes in a deep breath and all at once, she turns to face him, her expression determined, but her eyes betray her sadness.

"Robin. Wait…" she squeezes her eyes shut and shakes her head before meeting his gaze fully. "Richard. I apologize for worrying you… I just…" she pauses, her teeth cutting into her lip. "I could not sleep. I understand that this is sudden, but Raven…"

Then it all clicks, and his gut is sinking, too.

"She's in pain."

With tears dangerously close to falling, she nods. "I have been so… foolish."

I may have been a fool, but I was not blind.

"Selfish," she spits out. He grimaces. He recognizes the guilt etched into her face all too well. "How could I forget that she could feel it all as well?" she continues, defeated.

"Well, to tell you the truth, I… I forgot too. And I don't know how, but I did. And it's… it's kinda killing me, too."

She stands there silently, her shoulders slumped and looking down at her feet.

"It is simply too much… too much, too much…" she mumbles to herself. "Robin... Forgive me. Perhaps this is too much to ask," she starts walking out, heading for the door. Not again. "I apologize."

"Wait," he huffs "What's too much to ask?"

She looks back up for a moment before she finds her feet again. She's closer now, leaning her shoulder onto the same wall he is. His head spins. "It has been too much…"

She shuts her eyes and tilts her head, a tear slipping down her cheek. He reaches to wipe it away, but he stops himself. He almost touches her jaw instead.

Right underneath her jaw, above her breastplate. Something dark. He whips his head back to her tears. He doesn't know what to think about. He doesn't know how.

"Are you hurt?" he asks tentatively.

"No, I am the okay." She shifts again and her hair hangs over either side of her neck. "But I do not think Raven is the okay. Regardless of what she may say. I do not wish to hurt her any further. Due to my… my childishness."

"You're not acting childish. I hurt you. I don't think you're supposed to get over it just like that. Is that what you're suggesting here?"

And then, he's… frustrated. That she'd put herself down like that. When did it get here?

"I cannot stand," she breathes shakily, "being the source of someone's pain. I cannot do that to my friend. I do not care about what I go through. She should not have to suffer because of me!"

"Star, I can't stand it either."

She stares at him, dumbfounded. He can practically see her heartbeat move her whole body.

"But we're not… we can't… put it to the side. I can't."

"Then what do we do?" she says as the room turns red.