notes: okay, so this is my first ever fanfic for killugon in the hxh fandom. please note, i have not written anything in like more than a year, so my writing is probably horrible. but i am an active reader who consumes killugon fanfiction like a drug so i wanted to participate and share my own work too. i have always admired all the incredible writers here in the hxh fandom, who give it their all to gift beautiful pieces of art. if i have commented on your posts, please realize that you have motivated me to take part of this. so, from the bottom of my heart, thank you! i hope you all like my contribution to our fav ship and forgive me for not being an expert on grammar and spelling. i tried my very best 3
When Alluka came home to their shared apartment Sunday night, Killua already knew how surprised she'd be to find disaster riddling every inch of the living room.
Empty soda cans and his favorite chocolate robot wrappers laid scattered across the floor. Piles of crumpled paper balls tumbled from an overflooded trash can, pathetic in a way he couldn't explain. Broken pencils, misplaced pillows, old trinkets, and a box of tissues had been thrown randomly all-over the sofas. His skateboard that looked suspiciously like it had seen better days was on top of the coffee table.
And in the middle of it all, Killua knew what he looked like - sprawled on the ground, unbothered by the hurricane-like mess surrounding him.
Alluka's open jaw shut. She shook her head in disbelief then turned around to close the front door. Killua stayed rooted in the same spot for a few more seconds, staring at the pale ceiling above him which was void of all the answers he seeked, before deciding to stand up.
"You're back?" Killua yawned, arching his back like a cat. The floor might have not been the best place to rest but considering all the frustration he had gone through the past couple of hours, Killua didn't really care. "I thought I told you to call me when you were done? I would've picked you up."
Alluka hummed and made her way over. "I know, Brother. But Bisky offered so I said yes."
"The old hag, huh?" Killua groaned, a splitting headache overwhelming his senses. "How'd the recording go?"
"I could ask the same thing." Alluka flashed him a worried glance, pointing at the untidiness of the living room. "What happened here, Brother?"
Killua stayed quiet, knowing Alluka would come to the right conclusion soon enough. She was smart like that.
"Do you want dinner? I can order takeout," Killua said instead. The lamp near their TV was the only source of light in the darkness, but Killua easily found a path to the kitchen. Alluka followed him.
"Brother…" She began slowly but hesitated.
Turning on the lights to the kitchen and the adjoining dining room, Killua searched for his phone, ignoring Alluka's concerned stare burning holes at the back of his head. He knew that she noticed the dark circles under his eyes, his disheveled puffy white hair, the pencil marks on his fingertips, and the frown on his brow. They were all similar signs revealing his tension.
Tension they both knew only came from one source, most of the time.
Alluka sat down at the kitchen island. "Did you...try to write again...?" she finally asked, the pink beads in her dark brown hair clacking against each other.
Bingo. As always, she knew him best.
Killua sighed, turning on his phone only to see a few notifications. Nothing important. Nothing that would help him right now.
"You know," Alluka smiled up at him. "Inspiration might come if you go outside once in a while."
"Ha," Killua deadpanned, giving her his best glare before giving up once she started to giggle. He reached over to pat her head instead. "I don't think it'll work anyway. I really can't think of anything. It's all just...blank." He finished for a lack of a better word.
I can't think of anything is an understatement, Killua thought. Absolute nothingness filled his mind whenever he tried to songwrite. Like black static, present and overpowering. He'd attempted to write anything at this point - a simple lyric, a chord, one savor of a melody. But of course, he always drew a blank, if the chaos in the living room was anything to go by.
"Besides," Killua continued, reaching over to sit next to her. "The songs I wrote for your first album are all dark. And you sing about happy things now. I don't want to change that."
Alluka went silent for a moment, and Killua's eyes hardened in resolve. He wrote songs before, but only because it was necessary. Alluka's first album was a great hit, launching her career as a singer to the next level. But the earliest songs he wrote for her were all a buildup of the immense anger, misery and desolation they both drowned in as being part of the Zoldycks. Their family had left gaping holes in both their lives, chasms in which Killua felt no warmth, saw no light, and lived in crippling darkness with no escape. His family had tried to dry him of all hope, but once he turned eighteen, Killua left without so much as a backwards glance.
He took Alluka with him. Because, of course, what kind of brother would he be if he left his little sister in their clutches?
"But, Brother..." Alluka broke the silence between them. Killua looked up to see her features softening. She was smiling at him like she knew something he didn't. "You have written something happy before. When Illumi took you away to summer camp, remember? When you met him."
Him.
Killua hid beneath his bangs, inhaling deeply. A mixture of gold eyes, brown freckles, a blinding smile, and a loud voice containing the sun itself engulfed his thoughts like a flood. Memories of midnight bonfires, chirping fireflies, crashing blue waves, a promise beneath the starry sky, and the taste of freedom from an island boy's lips replayed in flashes inside of Killua's mind. Too fast to hold onto. Too far away to remember.
Him. Best friend. Gon.
"I don't know what you're talking about," Killua denied, cheeks hot. He stood up and made his way upstairs. Maybe if he went to sleep now, his heart would stop aching by the lingering presence of someone from the past who wouldn't leave him alone no matter how hard he tried to forget.
"Brother!" Alluka shouted after him. "Don't leave! I know you know who I'm talking about! What happened to him?"
"I don't know. Mom made Milluki erase any contacts I made that summer. I've never heard of him again."
Killua's firm tone meant the end of the conversation. Alluka watched in defeat as her brother climbed up the stairs, feeling like she's met with a dead end now that Killua wouldn't talk.
But maybe… Alluka thought, gasping in realization.
Just maybe I can try to find him.
Alluka was a top-selling artist, dubbed one of music's upcoming youngest pop stars. She was on many commercials, billboards, and radio stations all over Yorknew City. Killua was proud to be considered her number one supporter, ever since she had told him she wanted to pursue a career in music.
The day they left the Zoldyck mansion, Killua had already planned to use his renowned last name to connect with influential people who might help them achieve Alluka's dream. That way, the curse of the Zoldyck name and the pain they bore by having it, would come in handy for something good - Alluka's voice spreading happiness throughout the world.
Killua couldn't think of anything better.
"I'll never get tired of looking up at this place," Alluka murmured, head tilted upwards to face Gem Records, a music label who's artists were typically signed on by Biscuit Krueger herself, a famous executive known in the industry for polishing and transforming rough gemstones (or unknown talents) into diamond-coated stars. The building was huge, thirty stories high and made entirely out of glass. From the busy city streets below, Killua could already make out the bustling of workers, managers, and interns walking hectically back and forth inside the hallways.
Killua and Alluka stood by the entrance, looking up at the formidable building with opposite expressions. While Alluka's eyes were sparkling with joy, Killua groaned and pulled the hood of his cap further down until it completely covered his face. He could already feel the stress on his shoulders forming and they hadn't even entered yet.
"Don't worry, Brother!" Alluka chirped, grabbing one of his hands to pull him inside. "I'm sure they'll leave you alone, mostly."
Her cheekiness wasn't appreciated in the slightest, but Killua walked through the revolving doors and was once again reminded of the fact that Gem Records was always buzzing in activity.
Several people were dashing and scrambling past the front desk, every single one of them glued to their phones or in a call. Some of them looked up once they entered and greeted Alluka with starstruck faces. Others yelled orders to the attendants following them, passing by the siblings in a flurry of motion.
Basically, it was too crowded for Killua's tastes.
Killua turned to look at his sister with desperate eyes. "We'll be out before noon, right?"
Alluka just laughed. "Hopefully!"
"You're here too, Killua?" Bisky took a sip of her coffee, glancing at the Zoldyck siblings sitting before her desk. Alluka radiated amiability as always, all smiles. While Killua kept sinking in his chair, arms crossed in irritation. Bisky counted to three before Killua finally opened his mouth to speak.
"Do you know how many times I was asked before we made it up here if I had made a new song? Or, if I was up to collaborating with this singer or this other one? I thought I told you guys I don't songwrite 'no more. I'm not a songwriter. Never actually have been."
Bisky listened calmly to Killua's rant. She usually had no patience for the boy but since she had just finished her morning spa, a flicker of serenity washed over her soul. She decided, quite benevolently, to let Killua pick for himself to either continue or finish talking.
"And by the way," Killua carried on. "The songs I wrote for Alluka, for her startup album, were a one-time thing only, okay? 'Don't do that no more so tell everyone to stop asking every time I come here. Seriously."
"Hmmm," Bisky droned, placing her cup of coffee back on the table. "Is that all?"
Killua's eyebrows twitched, and Bisky hid the smile she felt forming on her face. His blue eyes wavered between continuing to complain but then he ultimately chose to stop, for which Bisky was grateful for.
"Well, then," Bisky clapped her hands, turning to face one of her label's most promising singers, plus an easier-to-deal with Zoldyck. "How's your new album going, Alluka?"
"Great, Bisky!" Alluka nodded cheerfully, placing a pink USB drive in front of them. "We've already demoed seven new songs. Most of them are being finalized by the production team. They've been sent to your email, too, I think. And I really, really love them! I can't wait to sing them live!"
Bisky couldn't help but laugh at Alluka's enthusiasm. She pulled the USB drive closer to her and looked up to meet Killua's stare. "And what about you, Killua?"
"And what about me?" Killua repeated, then shrugged. "Alluka's happy with the album, which is all that matters. I'll just support her from behind the scenes when promotion starts."
"Okay," Bisky began to type away at her computer, ideas popping into existence inside her head for Alluka's new comeback. "Then, if you both agree, I don't see any problem contacting the managing department to let them know to prepare for Alluka's comeback."
"Thank you so much, Bisky!" Alluka squealed, shaking her brother's arm in excitement. Killua only smiled back, but Bisky could see the proudness etched on the lines of his eyes as he watched his younger sister clap in eagerness.
Bisky couldn't blame him. She was considered a top-notch executive in the music industry, not just because she could find unrefined talent and turn them into bright jewels, but because the artists that came out of her label were good people as well. Kind people, like Alluka and Killua, didn't come easily. Bisky had immediately spotted the talent of the Zoldyck siblings, but what surprised her the most was their selfless hearts.
Alluka wanted to sing, but she also wanted her voice to lend a helping hand or become a warm hug to the people listening to her. When discussing how she would create her music, Alluka had personally requested time in order to find the image that best reflected who she was. Each week after her first album had been sold out, Alluka had begged Bisky to allow her to partner up with different producers or local songwriters whose missions were to express the truth. Alluka wanted to sing for others, to connect with the realness of their lives. Killua, who Bisky figured would be Alluka's full-time songwriter but was actually more her right-hand man of sorts, had agreed with his sister's decision. He had also approached Bisky with plans on how to create Alluka's wishes into reality. And Bisky never once saw him unrelenting to help assist every inch of Alluka's career.
Both showed Bisky again and again that she had signed on two good-hearted gems.
"All right," Bisky announced, finishing scheduling several appointments with people who would be in charge of all the specifics in working with Alluka's team. "I'll see you both later this week to discuss further. If anything comes up, just let me know."
"Thanks, Bisky," Killua mumbled, rubbing the back of his head. "We owe you a lot."
"Oh? Then, why don't you show me anything new you write?" Bisky said, knowing she'd succeed in ruffling Killua's feathers. "I'd like to hear it."
Killua's face soured instantly and she prepared for what came next.
"Oh my God! I told you already - I don't songwrite, okay!? Alluka, tell Bisky I'm telling the truth."
"Brother," Alluka looked at him sheepishly, totally dodging Killua's request much to Bisky's evergrowing amusement. "Do you mind getting us breakfast from the cafeteria? I'm getting kinda hungry."
Killua halted, blinking once then twice before sighing in frustration. Of course, he thought, Alluka would rather try to distract him than lie to Bisky about how he had quit-not-really-quit from songwriting. Much to Killua's chagrin, she was kinda right.
"Fine." Killua stood up from his seat and walked towards Bisky's office doors. "I'll meet you at the recording studio."
"Okay! Thank you, Brother!"
As soon as Killua's white locks disappeared from view, Alluka swiveled around to look back at Bisky, her sweet-toned voice and expression switching to one of worry in the blink of an eye.
"Bisky," Alluka took a deep breath, eyes hardening as she looked at her mentor. "I have a favor to ask. Can you somehow delay the recording of my album? No matter what they say, tell them to wait just a little longer. It's important - no, crucial - for the future."
Bisky raised her eyebrows in confusion. Alluka had never sounded so serious as she did right now, especially for something so strange. Set back her awaiting album? For what unknown reason? Was she not happy with her work? Did they not just finish talking about wanting to prepare for her comeback? Truth be told, it threw Bisky off guard.
"Why, dear?"
"Because," Alluka closed her eyes, imagining Killua's stress melting away into something more untroubled, more carefree. Her brother deserved to live in the happiest world. And that began with getting into contact with one specific person whose existence might just change their lives forever.
Or, might bring a tiny bit of color back into Killua's eyes. Alluka couldn't help but hope.
"If we do, I believe Killua will no longer shy away from songwriting."
The slam of piano keys interrupted the calmness of the recording studio. The sound was ugly and dissonant, an accumulation of Killua's annoyance with the instrument.
It had been several months since Killua had stepped inside the studio, but since he was already at Gem Records anyway, he decided to make another attempt at songwriting. Which, similar to the night before, ended in horrible failure. At this point, Killua was on the verge of giving up completely.
"Ugh! I'm seriously done," he said out loud to no one. The room was devoid of people, half-lit and empty of its regular engineers working on the mixing and audio production of songs. Alluka was supposed to be here with him, eating the omelette and mocha frappuccino he had ordered as breakfast. But looking down at his phone, to the blinking screen of their chat, she had sent him a text with the words: Sorry! Imma be with Bisky a little longer. Can you pick me up later? :) Love you!
Killua sighed for what seemed like the fifth time today. He made plans with Ikalgo later, but he assumed Alluka wouldn't take more than two hours talking with Bisky. The clock above the entrance of the music studio read 12:45 PM. They had been at Gem Records for three hours now.
Killua stood up from the piano's bench, giving the gleaming white and black keys an offended look. They hadn't helped him in the slightest, instead mocking his lack of creativity in putting together a decent melody. Killua had closed his eyes, imagining the flow of a river, the sweetness of chocolate, or the feeling of skydiving (anything that screamed happiness or love) but his pale fingers refused to move.
Instead, his mind conjured feelings of unease and angst, deciding to visualize the terrible Zoldyck estate, their reaching thorny fingers, their whispery lies about heir this and heir that, Alluka's broken-hearted smile as she was once again locked away from seeing him, and an overwhelming pressure he couldn't get rid of like a needle stuck inside his head with no way out.
And then, because Killua really couldn't get a grip, the purple haze in his mind changed into the form of his long-gone best friend, who Killua had accepted he would never see again, thanks to his family's shady power.
He really needed to get in control of his emotions.
Grabbing his things, Killua decided to finally cover up the piano and turn off the lights. His eyes, flashing with a ray of wistfulness, slowly roamed the recording studio one last time, before he left.
Gem Records was smack dab in the middle of Yorknew City. Killua would've usually taken a taxicab to Ikalgo's apartment since it was far away, but he still felt emotionally drained from trying to songwrite. So, remembering Alluka's advice of going outside to find inspiration, Killua chose to walk.
The city streets teemed with chattering people and loud cars. Skyscrapers of all sizes rose above him, mirroring the afternoon sunlight and milky clouds. Vibrant stores and restaurants and boutiques were inviting and open. The booming of fairground attractions and other entertainment were also full of energy.
Killua eyed it all, searching for anything that flared artistry, anything that captured his attention.
But no such luck.
Killua continued walking though, until he finally found himself far away from downtown and closer to a more peaceful area of the city he never knew about.
There were a few clothing stores to Killua's right, a seafood restaurant to his left, a marble fountain in the middle of the semi-circle park, and two benches where a couple and an elderly man were sitting, feeding hungry birds.
Besides the tranquility of the atmosphere, Killua didn't really recognize anything as revelation. Not the distant foliage of trees nor the cracking pavement beneath his feet. Nothing in this city stood out to him as inspiration. Pulling his phone out of his pocket, he decided to call ahead for a ride to his friend's apartment.
Sorry, Alluka. I guess I really am hopeless after all.
A deep block of regret settled inside his heart, realizing how disappointed Alluka would become if she knew he had given up completely on songwriting.
But Killua found solace in the fact that he had tried, tried, and tried. So many times.
Suddenly, the soft and gentle sound of an acoustic guitar drifted into Killua's ears. His thumb paused on the call button, body unmoving as he listened intently to the music flowing through the air. The chords were bittersweet, Killua recognized, as if played with the most delicate of touches.
He peered up from his spot on the sidewalk, sapphire eyes searching for the one responsible for creating such an alluring sound. Walking quickly past the back of the fountain, he found his answer in the form of a boy around his age, seated at the edge of the fountain, fingers plucking the strings of a well-worn, sand-brown guitar.
Killua could tell this boy was different. The boy had spiky dark hair, the color of black hazelnuts with small tints of green. He was wearing a sage green sweater, beige shorts, and muddy hiking shoes. His eyes were closed, but his face showed no sign of heartache for someone playing so melancholy. Instead, Killua gaped at the tender smile on the boy's lips, his tan cheeks rounded upwards.
The boy continued playing his guitar, only instrumental, even as a group of onlookers slowly appeared beside Killua, also trapped by the captivating sounds of his serene music.
They all watched in silence as the boy opened his mouth and finally started to sing a few repeating words. Nothing extra special, but to Killua, his voice was sweet as honey and so very familiar.
His stupid heart seemed to agree, if its increasing pounding meant anything other. Who was this? And why was he reacting so weird to a stranger?
Said stranger ended his playing as quickly as he began, the final vibration of an A chord reverberating throughout the outdoor place like the echoes inside of Killua's head yelling at him to remember, remember, remember!
The boy's eyes opened bit by bit, and the people surrounding him were all holding their breath, staring in awe at the warmth manifested in his large, caramel brown eyes. His features crinkled in friendliness, and he thanked them for their applause.
"Thank you! Please, if you'd like to donate to the animal shelter by Hunter Street, I'd appreciate it!"
His guitar case rapidly filled with money. People around Killua kept talking to each other, going on about how nice the guitarist's playing was. The group of spectators gradually dispersed, but all Killua could do was stand frozen in time, blood rushing through his whole body, shaking dangerously.
He stared at the boy, agape, and wondered if fate was being cruel or merciful.
Killua didn't come to a decision fast enough because suddenly, his long-gone best friend, who Killua was one-hundred percent sure they'd never meet again, locked eyes with him in a clash of surprise.
There was an awkward pause, a minute of pure stillness, and then Gon Freecss was jumping up from his seat, the guitar falling to the ground with a loud and resounding thump.
"Killua!?" Gon shouted, total shock displaying across his face.
Killua's breathing grew heavier, and he felt like a mixed bag of sensations. But, at the moment, because Killua was someone who would rather run than stand his ground and be confronted by his best friend who he hadn't communicated with in seven years, he only responded with an urgent, "Your guitar, idiot! Don't drop it!"
Gon didn't spare the guitar a glance, refusing to take his gaze away from Killua's pale looks which were warped in a cringe.
Figuring out with a sigh that Gon most likely didn't realize the possibility of his guitar getting broken by the fall, Killua reached down to pick it up himself.
"Jeez, Gon. H-here," Killua mumbled, giving Gon back his guitar. "Be more careful. How else can you keep playing without it?"
Gon hesitated then grabbed it. "You were here, Killua? The whole time?"
Killua understood that the question referred to him watching and listening to Gon's playing and singing, but it also felt like Gon wanted to know if he had been living in Yorknew City all along, if the reason why Killua never reached out to him was because he lived miles and miles away from Whale Island.
"Yeah," he answered softly to both. "You did great, by the way."
Gon started to smile, the smile that Killua could never get enough of when they were younger and laughed breathlessly.
"Really? It didn't suck?"
"Nah. I liked it."
More than liked it, Gon. I felt like I could finally feel again.
"I didn't know you knew how to play guitar," Killua commented instead, watching as Gon collected the donations inside his guitar case and secured them in a bag. "Or sing," he added as an afterthought.
"Yup! Just a little though," Gon giggled and packed up his instrument. "Kite needs help to fund the animal shelter. And so I thought it'd be a great idea to ask for donations here in the center. I didn't think a lot of people would like it, or care, but I decided to give it a shot anyway."
Just a little? Kite? Animal shelter?
Killua wanted to ask more but the words died on the tip of his tongue. He hadn't contacted Gon for seven, long years. Partly his fault, but mainly his family's fault. The Zoldycks, mostly Illumi, had threatened to harm the inhabitants of Whale Island if Killua didn't finally pack up his bags and come back home.
Killua didn't want to, but Illumi's menances were no joke.
He had left Whale Island without saying goodbye, making sure he left no trace behind just in case Gon decided to follow after him. Not that Killua expected him to since he was just another kid at summer camp. Gon wouldn't have had any trouble moving on, as if he never existed in the first place.
Still, it hurt Killua to leave. But even after successfully splitting from his family, Killua was too scared to find Gon again. How could he explain such a complicated situation?
How could Gon forgive him for leaving unexpectedly?
"Kite's kinda like my godfather, and I work with him for an animal shelter outside downtown," Gon explained, as if he could read Killua's thoughts. To his surprise, Gon didn't seem to mind sharing more about his life even though Killua didn't deserve to know. "He specializes in ecological research and goes on many trips around the world. I wanna learn from him and help animals too!"
"Oh," Killua said, not knowing what to do now that Gon had finished packing up, looking straight at Killua with a bright grin. They were standing face to face, and Killua realized he was a little taller than his best friend. Just by half an inch.
"What about you, Killua?" Gon filled in the stiffness between them. "How have you been?"
"Um, nothing much. You know…" Killua trailed off, blinking away from Gon's intense stare. His hands automatically hid in his pockets, their quivering visible to anyone passing by.
Killua swore the heat of the day was making him dizzy. Too dizzy.
He needed to breathe again or else he would keep faltering in his speech like some kind of blubbering mess.
"I, uh, I gotta go, Gon. So…" On that final note, Killua backed away slowly. He barely managed to take one step back before Gon crossed the distance separating them, hugging Killua to his chest as tightly as humanly possible.
"You're crazy if you think I'm letting you go," Gon whispered in his ear, tickling the strands of silvery white locks nearby. Killua's arms flared up with goosebumps at the otherworldly words, heart beating quicker than the drums in Alluka's new songs. Gon's scent was the same as seven years ago, a blend of musk and wood. Killua inhaled deeply. His hands little by little abandoned their pockets to wrap around Gon's waist, returning the hug with equal force.
"I missed you."
The words slipped out of Killua's mouth without his permission. His spine locked in place at his own disclosure, feeling his cheeks grow warm in embarrassment. Shit, did NOT mean to say that out loud!
"I-I mean," Killua stuttered, trying to pull away from Gon's unyielding hold. "It's just, it's been so long-"
"Killua," Gon laughed, lips moving featherly light against his neck. "I missed you too."
At Gon's matching confession, spoken quietly but happily, Killua felt an urge to fly.
True to his word, Gon didn't let Killua leave his side anytime soon.
Killua found himself standing in front of the animal shelter Gon had mentioned previously, not knowing what to expect as they walked inside. Huge murals depicting dogs, cats and other critters were painted on the brightly colored walls. The front desk was empty, with a sign in front saying LUNCH in big, red bold letters. Two parallel hallways with many half-open doors were situated further down, as far as Killua could see.
Gon led him to a particular office by the back.
"I've worked here for a few weeks now," Gon informed with a gleeful tone, motioning for Killua to come into the room. "Kite's usually in charge but since he's doing important research outside the country, he asked me if I could cover for him for a while."
Killua hummed in response and looked around the illuminated workroom. It was the simplest office he had ever seen. A worn out desk, an old computer and a large bookcase full of files were the only things occupying space. There was also a mahogany, timeworn sofa with no pillows underneath the single window. Compared to Bisky's office, which was decorated with a million things such as expensive portraits, awards in glass cases, gifts by other executives, and other knick knacks, Kite's office practically had nothing.
"It's my first step as his intern," Gon continued, giving Killua another big smile. "After this, I can finally start travelling with him."
Killua raised his eyebrows, wondering about Aunt Mito's reaction to Gon's future plans. Was she okay with her only son living so far from home?
Back in time, when they were both twelve years old in summer camp, Gon told Killua about his goal - to find his deadbeat dad, Ging Freecss, who had abandoned him in Whale Island as a baby. Gon wanted to find out the reason behind Ging walking out on his own son.
Killua had thought he was absolutely crazy, but experiencing Gon's determination firsthand quickly changed his mind.
His best friend was insane, yes, but he strived to achieve anything he set his mind to, never stopping to hesitate. Gon showed Killua those three months of his life visiting Whale Island the meaning of being alive, how much freedom existed beyond his wildest dreams.
Still, Killua couldn't help but muse if Gon had forgotten about his main goal.
It didn't seem likely, not with Gon.
"How's Aunt Mito?" Killua decided to ask, trying to be subtle in finding an answer.
Gon's smile flickered at her name, and Killua instantly regretted his curiosity.
What right did he have to ask about Aunt Mito? Especially if it made Gon react like that?
"I miss her a lot," Gon replied honestly, glancing down at the tiled floor. "But she understands I can't just stay in Whale Island forever. She supports me, and I'll always be grateful for that,"
Killua wanted to apologize. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be, Killua!" Gon looked at him with a flawless smile back in place. "We might be far away from each other, but I feel her with me every day. Anyway, come on. I wanna show you something."
Killua followed Gon. They entered a spacious room with an open area to the backyard. Dogs of all types immediately startled in attention and ran towards them. In just a few seconds, Killua was surrounded by a group of jumping dogs, all barking and tails wagging. He crouched down to pet them, feeling amazed at the softness of their fur and at their delighted, cute faces.
"Aren't they adorable?" Gon laughed, busy with his own set of hyper puppies. "They're all available for adoption, but we haven't had any luck today."
"Seriously?" Killua gasped, trying to find space to breathe amongst their excitement. He failed and fell to the ground. The dogs began to lick his face. "I wonder why…"
Gon laughed harder, but he didn't help Killua despite his cries for the dogs to chill, please.
"You look funny, Killua," was all his idiot best friend said.
"Ha-ha," Killua gently pushed the dogs away, standing up to give Gon a sarcastic smile. "Thanks for your help, Gon."
"No problem," Gon returned easily, walking off to check on the dogs' food and water bowls.
Killua watched his back all the while, observing the way Gon's muscles flexed as he bent down to refill them. Was his best friend always this fit? Did he exercise a lot? Or was he naturally blessed with good looks?
Stop, oh my God. Stop thinking!
"Alright, guys," Gon walked towards him, unbeknownst to the uncertain thoughts bouncing around Killua's mind. "Say goodbye to Killua. He's leaving now but he'll come back again really soon."
What?
Gon stared at him expectedly, and Killua stared back with wide eyes.
I'll come back again really soon, huh?
Killua swore Gon's stare turned a little mischievous, lips upturning in a teasing way. "Right, Kil-lu-a?"
"Uh, sure…" Killua blinked hastily and stood up, ruffling a few of the dogs' furs on their way out. "Very soon."
Gon seemed pleased with his answer, and he made a small happy sound at the back of his throat.
Killua felt dizzy again.
"Wanna go get lunch?" Gon suddenly offered, grinning at Killua with full measure.
Killua said yes.
He hated the way it didn't take him longer than a second to accept Gon's invitation. But even so, Killua would be lying if he even considered saying "no" an option to the only person in the world who made him feel so strongly.
"Hurry! Alluka, how do I look?"
Killua stood in front of the foyer mirror with a panicked expression, scrutinizing his own reflection with narrowed eyes.
Alluka glanced at her overreacting brother, sighing in annoyance. She had been watching the newest episode of their favorite TV show, expecting Killua to be on the couch, comfy pajamas on and ready with a full bowl of buttery popcorn for them both to enjoy.
Instead, Alluka was stuck on review-duty (for the eleventh time in two weeks), having to rate her brother's numerous, high-priced outfits on a scale of 1 to 10 for his date at the amusement park in twenty-three minutes.
"Gosh, Killua! I told you already - you look amazing! Whoever your date is will love it, I promise."
Killua swiveled around to look at her with a scowl that could rival Bisky's. "It's not a date!" he hissed, pulling at a few rebellious locks of hair that wouldn't stay down no matter how many times he combed them. "I'm just going out with a friend."
"Sure," Alluka slurped her strawberry milkshake, rolling her eyes at his clear denial and resuming watching the episode. "So, all those other eleven 'dates' were just platonic too? Also, if it's just a 'friend,' why won't you tell me their name, hmm?"
"It's not a big deal," Killua dismissed, still double checking over every single bit of his appearance.
It's such a big deal. Alluka shook her head, hiding her smile. If it wasn't, Brother wouldn't be as happy as he's been these past two weeks.
Alluka just wished she knew who this mysterious 'friend' was in order to thank them.
"Uh-huh. You know, even Ikalgo doesn't believe you. He says you cancelled on him last minute. All for your new friend."
"He's lying! I mean, n-not really, but like, don't believe everything he says, okay?"
"Brother!" Alluka groaned, palms hitting her face. "You won't tell me anything! Who am I supposed to believe?"
Killua shrugged and grabbed his car keys. "Believe me, then. I'll come back by 11, alright? I'm sure his bedtime doesn't extend past midnight anyway. That early riser," he spat out the last word but his face showed no sign of contempt. Instead, much to Alluka's astonishment, Killua's features softened with a certain fondness.
"HE!?"
Alluka's half-shriek, half-squeal almost woke up the entire neighborhood. She tumbled off the couch, blankets twisting at her ankles. She paid no regard to the pain, nothing else mattered but getting more information out of Killua.
"Gotta go, bye!"
Killua all but sprinted to the front door. Alluka tried to chase after him, but Killua was gone like a flash of lightning. She stopped dead in her tracks with a dropped jaw and watched in silence as her brother left.
She didn't know what to do.
If said "friend" was actually a "he" all along, the chances of him not actually being "just a friend" to Killua had now jumped to a greater degree.
Alluka gnawed her lower lip and pondered about her next course of action. She was still in search of Killua's best friend, but did she still need to find him now that Killua seemed so much more alive?
Yes. Was her brain's immediate answer. Find him anyway.
Killua had only ever written one love song before, albeit not finished, but he had still shown it to her the same day she first admitted her passion for singing to him.
And it was inspired by none other than Gon Freecss.
They rode every roller coaster in the amusement park, making a competition as to who would throw up first.
Killua was adamant he would win, but Gon refused to back down. And so, the two of them found themselves almost getting kicked out by security for riding the rides so many times that other guests started to complain about them.
"That's so not fair!" Killua protested loudly over Gon's dying laughter. "I'll show 'em, Gon," Killua returned the other guests' dirty looks with a fierce glower of his own.
"No, Killua," Gon chortled and almost stumbled over, clutching his ribs which had been aching by his unconstrained cackling all night. "Don't do that, please."
Killua only huffed, bringing his gaze back to Gon. He was sporting a simple Gon-like outfit, not really up to Killua's fashion standards but he could easily fix that. His hair was as spiky as ever. Under the night sky, Gon's big eyes were shining like stars, capturing Killua's full attention.
"Let's just go ride the ferris wheel," Gon suggested. "Then, let's leave."
"But you can't sit still."
"I can!" Gon's confidence wavered and Killua smirked at him. "I mean, I'll try…?"
They got on the ferris wheel, which was embellished with a thousand multi-colored lights. Killua expected Gon to vacate some space between them, but was staggered when Gon plopped right beside him, shoulders touching.
"Uh, Gon…?" Killua started but was interrupted by the loud sound of the ferris wheel cranking on. They began to move, at a slower pace compared to all the roller coasters they'd been on. Killua grabbed the handles to calm himself down.
"Isn't it beautiful, Killua?"
Gon breathed next to him, mouth right above his left ear. He was staring at Yorknew City's skyline with open amazement, gaze wide in consuming the luminescence of the megalopolis. Both his brown eyes and golden skin were glistening beneath the glow of the moon, causing Killua's heart rate to spike.
He couldn't help but continue to stare at Gon's profile, at a loss of what to say. He was totally ignoring the view of the city, and he knew that Gon noticed. But maybe Killua could get away with it by explaining how he was immune because he'd seen it a bunch of times.
Although, if the same logic applied, Killua was immune to Gon as well. Which he was not.
"Yeah," Killua finally managed to say, voice a little weak. It took all of his strength to tear his eyes away from Gon, looking down at his lap in awkwardness.
A long silence ensued. Killua wanted to slap himself for causing it.
Good job for ruining it, Killua thought, screaming internally. Gon totally thinks you're weird as fuck now.
"But not as beautiful as Killua."
Killua blinked once, then twice.
His whole body became paralyzed, mouth agape by Gon's sudden, shattering statement. Slowly, Killua turned to look at him, awaiting for the joke, but Gon just beamed brightly at him in return.
Killua's voice dropped into the quietest of whispers, staring at Gon with confused azure-blue eyes. "Gon, what…? What do you mean?"
"I meant what I said. You're prettier than the city view."
Killua might've just died. "Huh!? You can't say embarrassing shit like that, idiot!"
Gon frowned, not quite understanding Killua's alarm. "But it's the truth."
Killua's answering groan was muddled by the creaky noise of the ferris wheel coming to a stop. All the passengers started to descend from the platform, and Killua practically vaulted across to get off, Gon's cries not far behind telling him to wait. But Killua couldn't stay too close to Gon and his shamelessness, or else he would actually explode out of mortification.
But if Killua was honest, he wasn't at all surprised by Gon's non-existing filter. Back in Whale Island, Killua swore Gon thrived on making him flustered, as if it was some kind of challenge for the island boy. Gon would compliment him at the most randomest of times, just to observe his reddening face with fascination. He rattled Killua's composure like an unsteady boat on rocky waters and would always wear a winning grin if Killua retaliated.
"Killua!" Gon yelled, dodging passersby and trying to catch up to him as quickly as he could. Losing Killua amongst the crowd was not acceptable, Gon decided. How else could he repeat himself to Killua if he wasn't around to hear it?
"Don't run from me!"
Killua turned to look over his shoulder, surprised to see Gon hot on his heels, brown eyes unwavering as ever.
"I can do whatever I want!" he shouted back and ran faster, lips twisting into a small smile.
At Gon's relentless pursuit, Killua got hit with a sudden burst of nostalgia, causing him to decelerate.
Gon and him used to chase each other all the time during summer camp, both competitive in nature which in Killua's opinion, made their contests so much more fun than with other people. One of Killua's most precious memories were of him and Gon speeding through the island's forest and coastline, giggling and pushing each other back and forth as they raced. Killua had never known fun at the Zoldyck mansion, but with Gon, he experienced happiness daily, from sunrise to sunset.
Gon and him at the amusement park, reminded him of it.
"Got you!"
Gon caught up to him, sturdy arms hugging Killua's torso. He could feel Gon's fast heartbeat from right behind him, his back to Gon's chest, both trying to catch their breath from their impromptu chase. Killua felt their breathing sync, and raised his head to catch sight of the park's exit a few yards away. He laughed at how far they ran. Gon's body shook in tandem.
"Look, Gon," he pointed towards the gateway. "Because of you - we're here already."
"Because of me!?" Gon's tone was flabbergasted, but he didn't let Killua out of his hold yet. "You're the one who ran!"
"Yeah, 'cuz you said something that wasn't true!"
"But it was!"
"No, it wasn't!"
"Yes, it was!"
Killua had to forcefully detach Gon's fingers from around him one by one until Gon finally released him.
"I'm not beautiful," Killua turned to face him, not believing he was having this conversation with Gon in the middle of the freaking walkway of all places, available for everyone to hear, but here they were. Other park guests continued to pass by them in puzzlement. "So don't lie Gon, please."
Gon was staring at him with bewilderment, attention only on Killua and Killua alone, who was also currently hiding beneath his bangs. "But I'm not lying, Killua. Why don't you believe me?"
Killua was breathtaking. Gon thought internally, affronted with the idea that Killua would think otherwise. He was attentive to the way the street lamps casted a warm glow over his porcelain skin, his silver hair, his cerulean eyes, and his rosy pink lips. Gon had tried to control himself from staring too much the whole evening but he was sure when it came to Killua, he would always be selfish.
"Because," Killua murmured, interrupting Gon's thought process. He still refused to look up and meet Gon's stare, knowing what he'd inevitably come to find. "I left you. Back in Whale Island, remember? I left you just like your dad did and I don't know why you're not mad at me."
The bomb dropped and Killua quashed the urge to run away again. He owed it to Gon to stay put, to be accountable for what happened years ago. Even if Gon decided he never wanted to speak with Killua again, he'd understand and leave him alone no matter how awful his heart would break.
"Oh. So, this is what this is about..."
At Gon's soft chuckle, Killua peeked up through a curtain of hair, swallowing harshly. "What's so damn funny?"
"Sorry, Killua," Gon sobered up immediately and gave him a blinding smile. "I do remember. But, I'm not mad. I mean, I was sad you left without saying goodbye. But then I figured something out. You never do things without a reason. You're so smart, Killua, smarter than me so I thought there was probably a good explanation as to why you left Whale Island so suddenly."
Gon's gaze encompassed him like a warm blanket, not a single drop of resentment or dishonesty reflecting in those big doe eyes. Killua felt like he was laying down on a batch of flower fields, spread out comfortably on the ground, worries of Gon possibly hating him for the rest of his life finally absent from his overthinking mind. He was absorbing the sun's gentle sunlight, greedily enjoying the rays after a long and stormy hurricane that left him without sunshine for a millennia.
"You didn't want to leave," Gon somehow got closer to him, faces now inches apart. "Because you liked summer camp too, right? I asked you that night we went stargazing if you had fun with me, and you said yes, and so we agreed to stay together, remember? So, Killua, I think you were forced to leave."
Killua did not cry, his family made sure to extort that show of weakness out of him. But with Gon, with the things he was saying right now, Killua barely managed to hold the tears back.
"You told me that your family were a bunch of mean people who could hurt others if they wanted to. Did they have something to do with it? Did you leave to protect us?"
Killua's vision went blurry around the edges, trying desperately to keep his composure. How did he…?
"Killua," Gon breathed, pained at the glistening of Killua's eyes. But he needed Killua to understand what he knew. So he asked the final question. "Am I wrong?"
A shaky laugh escaped his lips, and Killua tried to stop his voice from wobbling so much. "I'm sorry for not telling you. I didn't want them to hurt anyone because of me. The thought of something happening to y-you or Aunt Mito or Abe…" he inhaled, face darkening. "I would've never forgiven myself."
"I know, Killua. I know."
"I'm sorry for not texting you sooner. I needed to make sure both Alluka and I were completely safe. We moved around a lot before we settled here in Yorknew for Alluka's career. I didn't have time, and when I did, I was scared. I thought you probably didn't want to hear from me. I thought…"
Killua stopped for a second, mid-rant, a creeping wave of fear sliding throughout his very being. Just because Gon knew his reasoning behind leaving didn't mean he forgave him, or considered him his best friend the way Killua still did with Gon. After reuniting, did Killua really deserve Gon's friendship?
"You thought what, Killua?" Gon hadn't looked away from him once, ignoring the amusement park's loudspeaker informing everyone that the place would close soon. Killua really hated how the intensity of Gon's stare made him freeze, second guessing if any of the words coming out of his mouth made sense. But, he needed to say it out loud, to confirm.
"I thought you didn't want me as your best friend anymore."
Silence.
Then, Gon's startled gasp.
"Killua!" Gon cried out, looking at him with incredulity. Killua didn't comprehend Gon hugging him again until he felt Gon's hair tickling his nose and Gon's breath coming out in little puffs against his chest. "How could you think that? You're my best friend in the whole world! You'll always be."
Gon squeezed him, not wanting to let him go. Killua was on the edge of a cliff, looking down at the clear blue waters calling out to him. He was holding himself back, feet halfway from the ledge. But Gon was swimming in the beautiful ocean below, telling Killua to come down, to let himself fall and experience what came next.
To let them finally meet.
"You're so silly, Killua!"
Killua could only return Gon's hug with a powerful squeeze of his own.
"So, who's Alluka?"
Killua raised an eyebrow at Gon's inquiry, watching curiously as his best friend fidgeted with his hands beside him. After leaving the amusement park, they both decided to take a walk across downtown, sightseeing the dazzling and glowing life of the sleepless city. The ebony night sky was starless, as it always was. He'd usually complain to Alluka about the unattractiveness of the city's dark, bleak and misty tincture, a pale comparison to Whale Island's fresh, sea-sprayed and warm ambience. But walking side by side with Gon, Killua realized it didn't matter as much anymore.
Being able to spend time with Gon, to make up for lost days, casted a vibrant and lively radiance over Yorknew City. Like a new filter through his eyes, Killua could now see the brilliant colors of the streets, cars, skyscrapers, and people passing by. Everything sparkled, an iridescent purple sheen undertoning the atmosphere. It made Gon seem a thousand times brighter.
And it made Killua feel a thousand times more lovestruck. He groaned internally, wanting to bottle up his unwanted feelings and throw them over a bridge. He knew they were not right, but that didn't stop him from longing anyways.
"My sister," he replied simply, remembering Gon's unanswered question.
"Your sister?" Gon gasped, jerking around to stare at Killua with an open mouth. "You didn't tell me, Killua!"
"Yeah, well, she's the only one I consider true family."
"She lives with you, here?"
"Yeah...she, uh, she and I work here together."
"Doing what?"
"Um, she's pursuing a music career."
"Oh, wow! She's a singer? Or, a musician? That's so cool!"
"She's a singer."
"Really? I'd love to hear her sing! What about you, Killua?"
"Um…"
"Wait, are you a singer too!? Do you play instruments!? No way, Killua! Are you-"
"Gon," Killua finally stopped, unsure of why he felt like needed to hide this part of his life from Gon. It wasn't like he was a professional songwriter by any means, so telling Gon that he wasn't actually like Alluka wouldn't be a total lie. Still, Gon had no idea that he was the initial spark behind Killua discovering his songwriting capabilities. Gon had no idea how Killua's first song was inspired by the feelings he had ignited inside of him.
Gon had no idea he was Killua's muse.
"I just, um," Killua struggled to look at Gon's gold-brown eyes which were shining with amazement. "Help Alluka, mostly. She's the star, not me."
Gon hummed, his face scrunched up in thought. But before he could say anything remotely embarrassing, Killua began to walk forward, not waiting to see how Gon scrambled to follow him.
"But anyways," Killua needed to change the conversation. "What about you? You said you were going to work with Kite, but what happened to finding Ging?"
Gon's eyes lost a little of their glitter, but before Killua could apologize for being so nosy on wanting to know what happened to Gon's first goal, he was left abruptly shocked when Gon threw his head back in laughter.
"It's a long story, Killua. But, I met him. A year after summer camp."
Killua paused and waited for Gon to elaborate.
After a few seconds of silence, Killua sighed, "Well? What happened, doofus?"
"Oh!" Gon exclaimed, looking back at him with a hesitant stare. "You want to know?"
Do I want to know? Are you serious?
It wasn't like Killua spent the whole twelfth year of his life listening to Gon go on and on about finding Ging, about overcoming whatever hurdle the universe threw at him to stop him from finding the truth behind Ging leaving. It wasn't like Killua stayed up late with Gon, way past summer camp curfew, coming up with numerous plans of action the two of them could take.
It wasn't like Killua had hoped with every fiber of his being to stay with Gon for as long as possible, preferably forever, to help him find his dad. Just so he could have a place next to Gon.
His best friend was so stupid sometimes.
"Duh, idiot!" Killua's shout could be heard ten blocks away, the same with Gon's happy laughter.
"Sorry, Killua," Gon struck out his tongue at the glaring white-haired boy. "I'll tell you later, I promise. But right now, I just wanna spend time with you."
Like whiplash, Killua's glare turned into an astonished gaze. He felt his face redden instantly, like a tomato. Gon continued laughing while Killua spluttered to fire back a witty response.
"Besides," Gon interrupted Killua's shaken-up noises. "I have another goal now!"
Killua deadpanned at Gon's beaming grin, afraid of whatever aspiration the idiot had come up with now. He knew Gon would stop at nothing to achieve his desires, and so after swallowing a lump in his throat, he asked tentatively, "And that is…?"
Like magic, Gon's grin transformed into something gentler, a close-lipped smile so sweetly-looking it caused Killua's heart to somersault. Gon's warm stare softened completely, his perspective reduced to looking directly at Killua, nothing else.
It pinned him frozen.
"To be with Killua."
Gon's words took a minute for Killua to grasp. For a moment, Killua allowed himself to imagine the perfect world his imagination had guiltily created when Gon had first promised him they would stick together, way back before they separated. It was a world in which Killua would always be by Gon's side, and Gon would always be by his. He could reach out and touch Gon, trace the scars and freckles decorating Gon's skin like a kaleidoscope of constellations, unafraid if Gon would want him to. He could let go of his control, let go of the walls he had built to protect himself, let go of his heart until it landed on Gon's awaiting palms.
He could fall in love.
But a seed of doubt was still planted inside of Killua's mind. Would Gon even feel the same? Would Gon stay with him even after making plans to join Kite's team in the future? Would Gon and him truly be able to hold onto each other?
"Only if Killua wants to, of course." Gon continued after Killua remained deadly silent, lost in his thoughts. A look of desperation flashed across Gon's caramel eyes when Killua's face grew in uncertainty. "I'll do anything Killua wants. I'll go away if you don't want me to-"
"Shut up, Gon," Killua huffed, smiling. "I never said no."
Gon's features brightened immediately. "So...yes…?"
"Hmmm," Killua murmured, stepping backwards to continue walking. He shimmered with newfound confidence, something about the way Gon looked at him had already stomped the seed of doubt out of existence. "You'll have to be specific in what you want."
He felt a little breathless when Gon's eyes darkened at the challenge, shadowing his footsteps as he gave chase to Killua. Their laughter was carried away by the wind, and before Killua knew it, they arrived at the fountain area where they had first reunited.
"Look, Killua!" Gon pointed towards a street performance a few yards away. It was a duet, with a guy playing a fast-paced melody on his acoustic guitar and a girl belting out the lyrics on a blue microphone.
They were situated a few spaces away from the seafood restaurant Killua had caught sight of before. Patrons of the restaurant who were eating outside on the porch and a group of passing onlookers were participating as an audience to the pair.
Clearly, Killua observed, the duet weren't rookies since they had a sound system setup for their audience to hear better. Killua glanced at Gon, not surprised to find his best friend totally intrigued by their music. After letting out a drawled sigh, Killua tapped his shoulder and led them to a corner, motioning for Gon to sit down beside him on the smooth stone steps.
Together, they sat quietly through a song. Gon was watching the duet play with contemplative eyes, brow furrowed. Killua leaned back against the wall, half-listening to the music and half-wondering why Gon had gone so mute. Noiselessly, Killua turned to look at him, slowly outlining the enticing shape of Gon's eyes, nose, and lips.
Would Gon hate him if he reached out right now?
"I wanna sing."
Gon's sudden declaration made Killua jump, dispersing Gon's bewitching spell on him.
"Huh?" Killua said dumbly.
"I wanna sing," Gon repeated, blazing with determination. He stared at Killua with red-hotness, pulling on Killua's gravity like a planet orbiting the sun. "For you."
Killua gulped, tone feeble. "Wha…?"
Before Killua could stop him, Gon stood up and marched to the performing pair, standing firm and unwavering with purpose. Killua was left behind, panicking internally.
What the heck is he planning to do!?
Killua gaped at Gon's back, bewildered at the way Gon spoke quickly to the guy and girl, asking for permission to play a song using their instruments. They nodded nicely and stepped to the side, offering their guitar. Gon took it with a beam and adjusted the position of the guitar strap over his shoulders. He strummed a few notes, then raised his head to meet the hushed faces of the audience.
If Killua wasn't burning with curiosity to hear what Gon would sing, he would've instantly feigned ignorance from Gon's fixed stare and looked away, pretending not to know who he was. But although Killua felt a tingle of embarrassment, he forced himself to maintain eye contact with Gon, pressing his lips together in anticipation.
Slowly, Gon's melodic voice enchanted the people in the vicinity. The noise level of the area lowered until no one moved a muscle, no one so much as whispered. Killua could only stare, weakly, at the sun-kissed boy currently illuminated by the city lights behind him. Killua felt pure adoration coursing through his veins for Gon, for his best friend, his first crush, his first everything.
Gon, unsurprisingly, was singing a love song. A stupid love song Killua only recognized because Alluka sang it all the time at home or in the car or anywhere she could. Whoever wrote it apparently believed in the one, in soulmates, in loving someone so much their connection transcended time and space or some other cheesy bullshit. Killua never paid attention to the song lyrics' meaning, but since it was one of Alluka's favorites, placed under her "for the future love of my life" playlist, Killua had no choice but to acknowledge the songwriter's talent in creating valid poetry.
Whatever.
It wasn't like Killua was holding onto each word coming out of Gon's mouth, absorbing each and every rhyme. It wasn't like the cadence of Gon's voice had him chained in place, hoping against all odds that what Gon was singing was about him. It wasn't like Gon left him utterly dazed, heart soaring above the clouds.
The love song came to a finish, way too fast for Killua's liking.
They stared at each other for a little bit longer, interlocked in a sort of unspeaking dance. Lost in their own world, Killua didn't notice that the rest of the people in the area had vanished into thin smoke. He could only see Gon, discern those wide, soft brown eyes, like a single lighthouse in the middle of the ocean.
Gon smiled at him.
Killua swore he heard the chimes of bells, out in the distance.
As if splashed with cold water, Killua blinked at the sound of sudden clapping and whistling tunneling through his head. Regaining his awareness, Killua ripped himself away from Gon's intense stare to look around at the reappearing audience in front of him. It brought him back to the present, and Killua could only look down at his shoes, a blush forming on his face.
Struggling to keep his reddening at bay, Killua waited for Gon to come back, trying to reset his heart to its normal speed. It always went crazy when Gon was around, and it would probably keep going crazy until Killua uncovered his true feelings.
But for now, all Killua could think about was needing to write a song. Being with Gon for a full night brimmed Killua to his maximum and stripped him naked with creativity. He had the fragments of a melody, a repeating tune, and a scramble of words inside his head that he needed to unearth, to put together, to scrawl on his notebook until it developed into the perfect song that mirrored his crazy feelings for Gon.
Killua trembled with a mix of excitement, nervousness, and adrenaline at the sudden rush of inspiration. His mind began to spin with endless possibilities, already forming the harmony by using the previous chords of the incomplete song he first wrote back in Whale Island, back when Gon had first stolen his heart by claiming Killua as his best friend.
Killua could barely contain his wonderment at the instantaneous change of events. Not only had Gon ignited his spark for songwriting all those years ago, he had also rekindled the dying embers of expressiveness inside of Killua's soul without even knowing that he did so.
He wanted no, needed to go thank Gon before the night ended. And write a love song.
"So, as an expert in the music biz, did you like it?"
Killua's head snapped up at Gon's teasing tone, feeling butterflies inside his stomach. Gon was in front of him, grinning ear to ear and offering his hand for Killua to use to stand up.
Grabbing it, the voice inside of Killua's mind screamed at him to say Yes, thank you Gon. I loved it, and I love you. But all Killua said back was, "An expert? In the music biz? When did I ever say that?"
Gon laughed and pulled him even closer, much to Killua's shyness.
"Well, I only assumed that because you told me Alluka was a singer! And you didn't answer my question. Did you like it?"
At Killua's unflustered expression, Gon pouted and it took all of Killua's power to withstand the irresistible impulse to pinch his cheeks. Too damn adorable.
Out loud, Killua only said, "It wasn't bad," before letting go of Gon's hand. Gon's pout multiplied in size, but before Gon could start making a fuss, and before Killua lost his courage, he moved to interlock their fingers together, pulling Gon forward to start on their way back home.
Gon's warm hand fit like a glove against Killua's. Goosebumps flared on his arms at the contact, but he just hoped Gon wouldn't be able to hear the rattling of his pulse.
Gon, much to Killua's appreciation, didn't say anything at the sudden hand-holding. Instead, his pout melted into a smile, squeezing their hands together as if to say he understood.
They made their way past the fountain, past the guy and girl who had already resumed their playing, past the seafood restaurant, and strolled all the way to the edge of the area before Killua heard the beginning chords of the next song being performed.
Recognizing the song instantly, a quick snort escaped his lips.
"What?" Gon smiled at him, voice tilting upwards in question. He looked back at the street performance and gasped. "Oh, Killua! I know this song! It's called, um, I think it's called Freedom. My friend, Zushi, listens to it all the time. It's by this singer, Alluka-"
Gon stopped talking. Killua watched in amusement as the gears inside his best friend's brain turned slowly and slowly until the lightbulb above his head turned on with a loud ping.
"No way!"
"I have a big surprise for you, Brother!"
Alluka's sing-song voice flowed into their music room, causing Killua to glance at his watch and become surprised at how late he had stayed up songwriting.
For two days straight, after his date-not-date with Gon, he cooped himself up inside their soundproof music room, brainstorming ideas until they blossomed into full verses, using his black guitar to compose a decent melody, and thinking all day about Gon's smile.
So far, Killua was proud to admit he was ninety-nine percent completed with his first ever love song. He didn't want to show it to Alluka yet, because something in his heart told him he needed to be completely sure. If he was going to expose his secret feelings for the whole world to hear, he needed to admit them to himself first.
He needed to accept the fact that he was falling in love with Gon.
And before giving away his song to Bisky and Gem Records, he needed to man up and have a long, embarrassing conversation with Gon.
Just the thought of it made Killua want to bury his face into a pillow.
"You're almost done?" Alluka asked, walking into the room and gawking at the state of Killua's work. "Wow! I've never seen you this serious, Brother."
She crouched down and picked up papers and papers of lovestruck poems, each one describing the amazingness of the same person.
"He's like the sun...?" Alluka read a line, pensive, and the paper was immediately snatched away from her hands.
Killua's cheeks were colored crimson red. "You didn't read that."
"Uh-huh," Alluka rolled her eyes. "I just did. Anyways, I'm not here to make fun of you. I have a surprise waiting downstairs!"
Alluka's blue eyes sparkled with delight. Killua raised his eyebrows, wondering what the heck kind of surprise Alluka had gotten him since it was basically making her leap up and down from excitement.
"Chocolate robots?" he asked because it was never a wrong choice.
"No!" Alluka groaned, forcing him to stand up from his comfortable position on the floor. "Get up! You gotta go downstairs, now!"
Killua grumbled but followed his sister down the hallway and the staircase, all while Alluka rambled on.
"Also, I just wanna say, I deserve the best sister of the year award because it took me weeks, but I finally found him. He doesn't have any social media which doesn't surprise me since you told me Whale Island has barely any phone service to begin with but that didn't stop me. As a singer with many connections, hehe, it only took me about thirty phone calls with different people but I finally got his contact information. I know, I know. A bit stalkery and crazy but I knew it'd be so worth it when I saw the look on your face. And he wasn't mad at all when I called him and explained who I was! Actually, Brother, he was as happy as I was and immediately agreed to come over.
"By coming over, I mean, I invited him over to our apartment because I know you missed him, no matter how many times you said no, and hadn't seen him in years. So, instead of having to waste time planning on where to meet up, I confirmed it was the real him, because you taught me never to trust people with our address unless they were the real deal, and yeah! He's so cute in person by the way. Yes, Brother, I met up with him before just to double-check. Don't worry, I didn't go alone. I went with Ikalgo and Bisky and Leorio and Kurapika. You can call them and confirm. Anyways, Gon agreed to come over because I wanted for you two not to waste any more time! This all happened yesterday by the way."
Before Killua could even begin to process everything Alluka had just said to him, she pushed him forwards to the doorway of their living room.
"Go on!" She smiled innocently like she hadn't just confessed his death warrant.
Killua stared at her in complete shock.
Alluka's features slowly contorted with nervousness at Killua's unnerving silence. She hesitated to speak, feeling like any moment now Killua would snap.
"Um, are you mad?"
Her peep had barely echoed across the doorway and made it into Gon's ears, who was standing unprepared and unknowingly in the middle of the living room, when all hell broke loose.
"AM I MAD!? ALLUKA ZOLDYCK, YOU ARE SHITTING ME RIGHT NOW!"
An hour later, Gon was sitting next to Killua inside the Zoldycks' music room where both siblings practiced and recorded every week on Alluka's music. His jaw dropped the moment he walked in.
The room was a dream for any passionate musician, that was for sure. It had any instrument Gon could think of, all the way from a Bechstein classic piano to a Stradivarius trombone. Bean bags and pillows decorated the floor, comfortable enough for anyone to spend numerous hours playing music without feeling tired. Awards of Alluka's performances and Killua's produced songs were showcased in a big glass case in front of Gon. Everything screamed fragile. Gon felt like he couldn't touch anything, in case he broke something. He knew it would literally take all of his lifetime earnings to pay it back.
However, he couldn't help but spot the obvious stash of papers that had been pushed towards a corner, hidden away from view. Noticing that they blemished the overall clean space of the room, he pointed at them curiously and asked Killua what they were there for. But Killua had refused to show them to him, claiming they were nothing to be worried about.
Well, okay then.
"Why do you look so nervous?" Killua blurted, eyes an intense ocean blue that cut through him like a knife.
Gon hesitated to answer, feeling a sweatdrop on his forehead. "Um, because you didn't seem too happy with either me or Alluka."
Killua clicked his tongue, hands leaning back against the floor. Closing his eyes in annoyance, Killua began reprimanding. "And why do you think that is? You both planned this behind my back! Why didn't Alluka tell me she was trying to find you!? And why didn't you tell her we'd already met up!? What's up with that!?"
Gon squirmed.
"Uh, well, it was supposed to be a funny surprise…?"
"Ha-ha."
"...and, uh, I didn't think it'd be a big deal…?"
"Oh, really?"
"...so, I thought maybe you'd forgive me…?"
Killua's eyes snapped open, face deepening with exasperation. "Are you serious?"
"Killua!" Gon whined, inching closer to his best friend. "Please don't be mad at Alluka. She just wanted to help us get back together! If you wanna be mad at someone, be mad at me since I didn't tell you…"
He tried his best puppy dog eyes, the ones Aunt Mito would always say yes to. He knew he wasn't playing fair since Killua would always turn fidgety at their close proximity, especially once he instituted that Alluka wanted to help them "get back together" as if they were a couple. But Gon didn't feel particularly remorseful, watching as Killua gradually caved in to his wishes with a pretty blush on his ivory skin.
"Fucking fine," Killua seethed, turning away from Gon's too-close gaze. "I forgive you."
"Yay!" Gon drew himself back, holding in a giggle as Killua sulked at the renewed space dividing them apart.
"So, is Killua happy I came?"
"We literally hung out two days ago."
"Yeah, but I missed you! You didn't miss me?"
"Idiot," Killua facepalmed and turned around to grab a shiny black guitar mounted next to them on the wooden wall. "I guess now that you're here, I better come out and say it."
"Say what, Killua?" Gon was instantly interested in what Killua wanted to show him. He was always interested in anything Killua did, but something about Killua wanting to play to him had his heart pounding in eagerness. Had Killua written a song?
"This is so embarrassing but please don't say anything until I'm done. I promise I'll explain everything after this."
Gon frowned at Killua's voice, he sounded scared out of his mind. Killua was rarely ever petrified. Gon admired his best friend's strength, how he battled against his family to regain his and Alluka's freedom. How he always remained calm and logical in difficult situations even when the worst tried to bring him down. How he wasn't a hot-head like him, remaining one step ahead in anything where Gon lost his composure. Killua was brave, having endured so many trials in his life in which others would crumble into dust when facing them.
"Okay," Gon agreed because there was nothing else to do.
Killua nodded jerkily and with shaky fingers, plucked the strings of the guitar, the sound coming off as meek. It took a minute, but then Killua straightened his posture and played more confidently. The lovely tune of a faint melody registered in Gon' s ears before Killua, wonderful and beautiful Killua, started to sing.
His voice, resembling snowflakes in the morning winter, gently lulled Gon into a deep state of peace. He felt light like a feather, watching in silent wonderment as Killua sang to him ethereal words, their significance not failing Gon. The lyrics of Killua's song were heartbreaking, expressing his fear of being rejected by the person he found himself falling in love with. The melody pulsated with the pining to touch, the longing to confess his feelings to someone who might or might not return them, the sadness of keeping such emotions a secret.
The yearning to give his heart and take a chance.
It was a lovelorn song.
Gon took it all in without an utterance, staring profoundly into Killua's frightened eyes. He waited patiently for Killua to finish professing his love, before deciding on the perfect way to declare his reaction, or in this case, his answer. He needed to use actions instead of words, even if Killua became mad again.
Killua placed down the guitar, teary-eyed and scurrying to explain himself because Gon was saying nothing. "Gon, sorry, I...felt this way for a long time now, and actually, I don't know what I'm doing right now, but I wrote this song for you and because of you and you probably don't understand what the fuck I'm saying but I just wanted to tell you, ugh, I seriously wanted to tell you this since we first met but maybe it's too late and maybe you don't feel the same, but if I could fall in love, i'd be with you-"
Killua was cut off from saying anything else by a pair of soft lips pressed against his own. They moved against his own, gently, kindly, and with sun-like warmth before pulling away, leaving Killua without air.
Gon's chocolate orbs crinkled in happiness, cradling Killua's trembling wide-eyed face in his hands with all the tenderness he could muster. Hopefully, Killua got his message loud and clear.
"Killua," he said, just to assure him out loud. "I could fall in love with you too."
notes: omg i can't believe this took me a month to finish. by the way, this was inspired by the song "i could fall in love" by selena quintanilla. it's a beautiful song and once i heard the lyrics, i couldn't help but think about killua's feelings for gon. i know, it's cheesy, but if you'd like to hear the song, i would suggest listening to an acoustic cover since that was how i pictured that last scene. please don't be afraid to comment and share your thoughts, i love feedback :D thanks for reading!
