(Sam and Kurt both looking and talking into the camera)
(Kurt and Sam jump into camera view together): Hi everyone.
Kurt: Okay guys so today we're both going to prank our friends Sebastian and Blaine by pretending to get into a huge fight with each other.
Sam: Yeah it's going to be epic.
Kurt: So basically we're having them over for dinner and I'm going to pick on Sam.
Sam: And then I'm going to get mad and we're going to start fighting (Sam says fighting with quotation marks)
Kurt: I just can't wait to see their reactions.
Sam: Me neither.
Kurt: So right now I'm going to make dinner and Sam's going to set up the cameras. (Sam holds up two camera in his hands)
Sam: And we'll see you guys again when they get here.
Kurt and Sam together, waving into the camera: See you soon.
(Sam places his hands over the camera lens)
Kurt whispering in the kitchen: Okay we're back and I'm currently in the kitchen while Sam's in the living room with Seb and Blaine. So I hate when Sam leaves dirty dishes in the sink and everyone knows it so I'm going to put a fork in the sink and then I'm going to accuse him of leaving it in there. I haven't told him that yet but hopefully he catches on and figures out that it's part of the prank. So here goes nothing.
(Scene: Kurt standing at the stove, mixing something in a pot while Sam, Blaine and Sebastian are talking at the table. Kurt walks over to the sink and sees the fork before turning to look at Sam who meets his eyes. Kurt winks at Sam, signaling that he's ready to start.)
Kurt, through gritted teeth: Sam, why is there a fork in the sink?
Sam, casually: Oh, I had some salad before Seb and Blaine came.
Kurt, raising his voice: God Sam, what do I always say? The dishwasher was empty, how hard was it to put the fork in there?
Sam, frowning: Well I had to get ready for our guests Kurt. It's not that big of a deal.
(Sebastian and Blaine look at each other and frown.)
Kurt, throwing his hands up in the air: It's not that big of a deal? Are you serious Sam? The one thing I ask you to do and you can't even do that for me. It's simple. Here I'll show you. (Kurt aggressively opens the dishwasher) You open the door. (Kurt aggressively turns on the water and rinses the fork off) You wash off the fork. (Kurt throws the fork into the silverware container in the dishwasher) You put the fork into the dishwasher. (Kurt slams the door back up) And you close the door. See simple.
Sam, getting up from the table to go over to Kurt: Well I'm sorry that I left one little fork inside the sink. God, why do you always have to be so dramatic all the time?
(Blaine and Sebastian get up from the table, sensing a fight about to start)
Blaine: Umm guys don't you think we should all just take a breath and calm down.
Sam: No Blaine, he's always like this. He makes a big deal out of every single thing I do wrong and it's annoying. And then he goes and acts like he never does anything wrong ever.
Kurt: Because I never do anything wrong Sam. I do exactly what you want me to do but you can't do the same for me. How is that fair?
Sam: What do you mean you do everything I want you to do? No you don't. I ask you to do one simple thing for me like to get my charger and you can't do it without having an attitude and telling me that I should've gotten it when I was up. At least I'm not a bitch who complains about doing things for their boyfriend.
Blaine and Sebastian: Whoa.
Sebastian: Calm down Sam.
Blaine: Look, the fork is in the dishwasher and the problem is solved. Right?
Kurt, glaring at Sam: I bet Blaine doesn't have this problem with Sebastian, do you Blaine?
Sam: And there you go comparing me to all our friends again. I'm your boyfriend, you choose me and when you did that you got my flaws too. Stop being so judgy all the time.
Kurt: Well all I'm saying is that you could try a little bit harder to do things my way. Then we wouldn't have to have these conversations.
Sam: You call this a conversation? You're yelling down my throat. You know what I'm leaving.
Kurt: Excuse me?
Sam, starting to walk out of the kitchen: That's right, we're done. Sorry for not doing things your way.
Kurt: It's a fork Sam, all you had to do was put it in the dishwasher. You're not breaking up with me over this?
Sam: Sure am.
Sebastian: No, no, no one is breaking up. Let's just calm down.
Kurt: You're pathetic Sam. What happened to being a man and dealing with your problems instead of running away, huh?
Sam: You're too big of a problem for me to deal with Kurt. How am I supposed to deal with you?
Kurt, starting to cry and putting his hands in his face: Why are you so mean to me?
Sam: I'm mean to you? You're mean to me, you just lectured me about leaving a fork in the sink, do you have any idea how that makes me feel?
Kurt: All you had to do was put it in the dishwasher. I've told you several times before that I will not tolerate dishes being left in the sink. I thought you loved me, why is that so hard for you to do?
Sam: Well maybe I don't love you.
(The room goes silent and Kurt and Sam glare at each other.)
Kurt: Fine, then go and don't come back. I'll never forgive you for this.
Sam, before leaving the room: Fine
(Sam goes into the other room and Blaine and Sebastian turn to Kurt who is crying)
Blaine sympathetically: Kurt…
Sebastian: Don't cry, he'll be back.
Kurt, crying dramatically: No, I always do this. I always screw something up, no wonder he doesn't want me. No one ever wants me.
Blaine: Kurt, don't say that.
Sebastian: Yeah, you're great, it was just a fight.
Kurt, rolling his eyes, wiping his tears and breaking out into a grin: Yeah, just a fight (Kurt says fight with quotation marks)
Blaine, lowering his eyebrows: Wait, what do you mean just a fight?
Sebastian: Yeah, why are you smiling like that?
Sam, yelling and running back into the room: Because…
(Sam runs up to Kurt and dips him down before kissing him right on the lips. Sebastian and Blaine look at each other before Sebastian rolls his eyes and Blaine throws his hands up in the air.)
Kurt, laughing and standing up at him and Sam stop kissing: ...it's a prank.
Sam: We got you two good.
Blaine: I can't believe this.
Sebastian: You guys suck. We were supposed to have a nice, fun dinner and then you guys pull that.
Blaine, shaking his head: And to think I felt bad for you Kurt.
Kurt: Oh come on Blaine, it was fun. Fun for us anyways.
Sam, taking the camera from where it was hidden on the table and pointing it towards Sebastian and Blaine: What do you have to say for yourself?
Kurt: Say hi to our fans boys.
Sebastian, looking into the camera: These two suck.
Blaine: Don't like or subscribe.
Kurt, whining: Blaine…
Sam: Don't be sore you guys. Your reactions were hilarious.
Blaine: Yeah well we'll get even.
Sebastian: Just you wait, ours will be better too.
Kurt, throwing his arms onto Sam and kissing him on the cheek: Sure it will. I can't wait.
Sam, laughing and talking into the camera: Okay guys so what did you think?
Kurt: Vote team Hevans (Kurt points to him and Sam and Sam gives a thumbs up) or team Seblaine (Sam pouts and gives a thumbs down)
Sam: Now let's eat.
Kurt, taking the camera and waving his hand and blowing a kiss into the screen: Bye everyone!
