Her body ached and her head pounded down to tiredness, she was so tired. Ever since that bouquet landed in her life she had panicked and she was clingy, scared, fearful of what would happen when she went out alone, if she was alone at Kian's flat. It was worse than before, Kian understood entirely but he was worried. He had spoken to Sacha about Jac on the rare occasion she wasn't with him, those were few and far between but on that opportunity Kian got he realised that Jac really wasn't coping and Sacha totally agreed. It left him to think about things but all he could think of was supporting Jac but she was constantly pushing him away, not speaking about what happened to her which would really help her. Getting her to understand this meant that he could go behind her back and he knew she would have his head off or probably murdered if he did but he was so concerned and he knew this was out of his control now.
"Here" Kian passes her the cardboard box and her eyes light up all of a sudden "Chicken salad from Pulses"
"Hmm no" she shakes her head and leans back against the sofa, Kian raises his eyebrows at her "Somethings up here, you've been acting weird all day"
"Nothings up-"
"Kian"
"Uh, what are you doing here?" Jac narrows her eyes and Kian bites his lip looking at Lucky who just entered the room "Oh, no. No, no, no"
"Jac listen-"
"No Kian, I don't want to be counselled" she snaps as Lucky looks awkwardly at Kian who had his eyebrows raised knowing it was probably best to let Jac get her outburst over and done with
"You never know it might help-"
"Help?!" she exclaims clearly annoyed by his idea, she sighs in annoyance, "I thought you accepted that things would take time, this is too far Kian, too far-"
"Jac, please just consider it-"
"No!" she snaps back at him before storming out of the room, Kian looks at Lucky awkwardly and she just smiles
"Sorry for wasting your time"
"How about I go, I can try and talk to her?" Lucky suggests as Kian raises his eyebrows "It's worth a shot and the ward looks busy Kian, you need to work and be here in case of an emergency"
"Just don't push it with her" Kian contemplates and Lucky nods before leaving the room, he just hoped that Jac wouldn't push the help she needed away...
The breeze was in her face, in her hair and it was causing it to dance around her face. She shivered slightly and wrapped Kian's hoody around her body which he had lent her that day because for some reason she was feeling the cold a lot more than she realised. In a way, she was thankful for the extra layer of protection she had against the elements. Yawning in content as she stared into the abyss, her legs swinging off the high point she was sitting at; the roof of the hospital. It was calming up here and it allowed her to think about her life and how things were different, all she wanted was to feel the way she once did, how could she when everything that happened was malice and directed at herself, other people directing it at her. Kian was great, more than great, perfect. He was being the ideal 'partner' she scoffed at the words knowing they would probably never go there again. Maybe the baby would bring them closer, even so she was unsure she wanted that along with all the other things she was unsure about in her life.
"Jac why don't you step away from the edge"
"Seriously?" Jac raises her eyebrows wondering if Madani was being annoying on purpose or trying to annoy her "Kian never knew to leave it. You could always sit with me but no, all your psychobabble will probably prevent that"
"Kian didn't send me?"
"Right so you took it upon yourself to stalk me out, creepy if I do say myself"
"See it how you like, it's plain to see that you're struggling"
"Ha yeah don't analyse me Lucky" she responds shaking her head "I just want to be alone, I just need time to think"
"Maybe we could think together?" Lucky suggests sitting a bit away from Jac, she turns around and looks at Lucky raising an eyebrow
"Yeah, no thanks" Jac states and Lucky smiles slightly at her "I must get back to Kian"
"Can I tell you something before you go?"
"Depends what it is" Jac narrows her eyes and Lucky stands in front of her causing Jac to drop her gaze
"If you feel like reaching out you know where I am, I will always listen-"
"Like you 'listened' to Kian?" she smirks and Lucky narrows her eyes kind of shocked at that whole thing "Don't worry, it'll remain a secret"
"He told you?"
"No but I have eyes and ears everywhere" Jac responds not letting on, she drops her gaze and heads back indoors, Lucky hums thoughtfully...
Jac was walking tiredly through the hospital when another wave of pain came over her. Of course, she couldn't let it pass quietly because Fletch was right there in front of her, she groaned in annoyance at his pestering before allowing him to take her back up to Darwin where Kian was. He made sure she was comfortable in the office and his fussing was getting so annoying she snapped back at him and he raised his eyebrows but luckily Kian entered the office and Fletch boldly explained to him that Jac was in pain. As a result, Jac lobbed a cushion at Fletch and then another one at Kian for gossiping about her right in her face which wasn't helpful at all for her. Fletch left them to it knowing Jac was probably going to shout and scream at Kian and Kian thought the same but nothing happened, Jac was just quiet and she was thoughtful and Kian found it very weird.
"Kian?" Jac questions patting the space next to her, he jovially walks over in a sarcastic way she found comforting, he was practically skipping
"Are you ok?"
"No, not really" she shakes her head and Kian nods taking her hand, he smiles up at her "Clayton did a lot of things to me"
"I know" he whispers softly and Jac shakes her head gripping onto his hand for dear life, the only thing comforting her at this moment
"He used to...when I was there with him" she sighs and Kian holds her hand "Hit me...punch me, hurt me and...shout at me, manipulate me. It's funny really, I didn't think I would ever be able to be manipulated by him yet I was, it's weird"
"Sometimes when you're in that situation you don't know it's happening I suppose, you're fighting to survive his next punishment"
"Yeah" she responds kind of shocked that Kian understood to this extent "It was about survival, that's why I need to get Emma away from him and that was scary to think I had to have her away from me because I couldn't protect her you know...I couldn't protect her because I couldn't protect myself from his demands"
"Do you miss her?" he questions noticing the sad look on her face "Sorry, stupid question"
"I miss her every day, I want my little girl back but not right now, not whilst he's in my head"
"You seem a lot calmer today"
"I'm just tired"
"Maybe we could get you some sleeping pills or something herbal to help you sleep?" Kian suggests and Jac thinks about it briefly before nodding
"Maybe" she shrugs closing her eyes and yawning "Hmm"
"Why don't you have a lie-down? Kian suggests and Jac nods allowing him to help her lie down, he gently grabs the blanket and drapes it over her and she smiles "Find me if you need anything ok? Or call Sacha or Fletch"
"Will do" she mumbles and Kian chuckles slightly before going to sit on his desk, he smiles to himself wondering if the future would allow them to have a chance even if it didn't he would be there to support her, he had to be there to support her...
