Her eyes were closed and she was in a peaceful dreamland, her body was tired and in pain from the exertions of childbirth. It also ached and made her feel like she had just run five marathons one after another probably down to all of her previous health complications. Jac's head turned and she smiled slightly forcing her eyes open and she frowned slightly before wincing and soon enough she noticed Sacha who took her hand and squeezed it gently. Looking at him, there was something different. There was something off with the atmosphere of the room and she couldn't quite work it out with all the feelings in her body and sensations she couldn't understand or even be bothered to acknowledge.
"Where's Kian?" she questions looking around the room, Fletch looked withdrawn as he sat in the corner "Fletch? Sacha?"
"Jac..." Sacha trails off unable to break the news to her, she looks panicked all of a sudden and her eyes closed as the tears slipped down her face
"No I won't believe it" she says shaking her head as she tried to control the tears, Fletch takes her other hand and she opens her eyes
"Kian was found in the stairwell with a gunshot wound to his chest by Henrik, they operated and tried to save him but unfortunately Kian passed away"
"You're wrong" she states looking at Sacha, she removes her hand from his grip "You're both wrong, you didn't try hard enough, if I was there I would have been able to save him, you just didn't try, why didn't you try!"
"Jac" Fletch says softly and she seethes at the pity they were providing her with, she hated it "There was no saving Kian, we're so sorry"
"Obviously not sorry enough" she spits before looking straight ahead "You didn't even try, you all thought he was bad for me didn't you so you didn't bother saving him-"
"Jac we never thought that" Sacha assures her but it does little good as Jac just continues to sit there in silence, every now and then the tears slipped down her face
"I just want to be left alone" she whispers and Sacha nods granting her wishes, Fletch looks at him somewhat protesting it but eventually relented knowing Jac would just lash out especially after everything she had been through...
The tiny fingers of something so innocent clasped together in a fist. She watched as her child squirmed under the warm lamp of the bassinet they were lying in, so pure and innocent in this world. The features were astounding, a wad of dark hair covering its head just like his father, how bittersweet she thought. Maybe he would grow up like his dad, be the spit of him or maybe he would grow up to be like her. She'd even be happy with a mix of the both of them reflected in her son's life. Gently she reached out and placed a finger in the palm of the hand and the tiny fingers clasped around simply causing a brief smile amongst the grief flowing through her body.
"There you are" Fletch sighs and admires the baby in the incubator but Jac just doesn't speak or even acknowledge his presence "Why didn't you tell them that you were coming down here?"
"Because its none of their business on when I decide to see my son" she responds with a roll of her eyes "They don't control me-"
"You're meant to be resting-"
"And you're meant to not be telling me what to do so if you're going to stay don't do that" she responds bitterly and Fletch pulls over a chair and sits beside the bassinet
"He's tiny"
"Great observation Fletch" Jac nods sarcastically looking down at her child before softening slightly "Thanks for...being there"
"Well, I didn't really have a choice did I?"
"I guess not and I apologise for shouting, screaming and being-"
"Jac?"
"Yeah, that, being Jac I suppose" she rolls her eyes before turning her attention back to her child
"Have you thought of any names?"
"None, I was hoping me and Kian would do that together, that's not going to happen now is it?" she chuckles slightly before shaking her head "Above everything, after everything, I thought we were getting somewhere but now we will never have that opportunity"
"This is Clayton's fault"
"No, it's mine" she shakes her head and Fletch narrows his eyes "If I could just accept that I needed to be with Kian to help him before I left Holby back then, everything would have been ok, we would have been happy"
"You know it doesn't work like that"
"How else can I see it?"
"I think you just need to understand that you can't change the past but you can change the future" he smiles and Jac hums thoughtfully looking at her son "Hanssen wanted to speak to you"
"Well if he wants me he can find me" she rolls her eyes and Fletch nods before getting up
"I'll leave you to it" Fletch says quietly and Jac nods slowly watching him leave, she takes out of her phone and raises it to her ear as her heart broke all over again at the last voicemail from Kian on her phone, the last time she would probably hear his voice, how could she move on now?
It was the gentle squeak of her shoes moving along the polished concrete-like floor as she travelled through the hospital basement. She stretched her fingers and closed her eyes letting out a breath, maybe it was a sigh of relief or maybe it was something more. Her life had changed in an instant, a new normal she would have to get used to and that was something she didn't have time to comprehend she was just immersed in it without warning. Jac gently opened the door and closed her eyes as she padded into the room, tilting her head to the side she closed her eyes and let out a choked sob as she placed her hand on Kian's face, cupping his cheek to be precise. Her thumb stroking his dull skin as she took in his appearance. The thing was no one would be able to tell what happened to him, there were only two people there Clayton and Kian and she knew her gut instinct was to believe that Kian tried his best to reason with her psycho ex but she would never forgive Clayton for taking away Kian's love from her life. Maybe now she would be able to have some peace in her life and be free, her life was different, no more Clayton and that was because there was no more Kian. The future was bleak and lacked the love of someone who wasn't scared of her, of someone who loved her. It wasn't fair. None of this was fair.
The End
