Chapter 23
Facing the hurt
I woke up and panicked a little when I saw I was in my old room. I went to the window and felt a hand grab my shoulder.
"Don't even try." Owen's voice cut through the confusion.
"What happened?" I asked.
"You got drunk and called my cell phone. Puck found you in the park as Rachel Winters. He sang your lullaby in mourning and Rachel could hear him." He explained.
I winced. "Shouldn't have drank so much." I paused and noticed my reflection and saw how green my eyes were. "I need to go. My tour…"
"Is on hold due to sickness." Owen told me.
I frowned. "What else did you do?"
"Talia, I would not wish it on my worst enemy to live as someone else, never to go home again." He said.
"That's a lot." I said.
"Alexander helped. Let's go get breakfast." He led me to the clan's kitchen. He made me pancakes.
I smelt Alex's magic and prepared myself to get sick to my stomach. I didn't. He crawled into my lap and hugged me. I wish I had gotten sick.
"Tai." He whispered.
I wasn't ready for this. "Do you remember me?"
"You taught me how to make a snowball and I threw it at you. You used to tickle my tummy. The night before you ran away for the second time in my life, you sang me to sleep. It was my fault. I made you-" He clenched his jaw shut.
"Alex, when you were first born, your parents focused on you. They had to. They just thought I could handle myself on my own. You were a baby, understand? I was a teenager. I could, should have been able to handle everything. But I was a coward. Still am. And now, you've grown so big and I wasn't there because I couldn't handle a single fight with my father!" I felt warm tears trickle down my face. "It's not your fault. Never your fault. What I did, I decided to do on my own."
"Talia, you're not a coward. You just have trouble communicating your feelings when it comes to stressful situations and decide to run away from the stress rather than be subjected to it." Owen told me.
"Please stay." Alex clutched my shirt like I would fly away with a breeze.
"I won't cut you off again. I'm sorry. I'll come bac-" I tried to soothe.
"You can't leave again! I won't let you!" He yelled.
"My house is in Oregon. I have to go back. All my stuff is there." I explained.
"I can get it." He calmed down.
"No. That's not your responsibility. It's mine." I told him.
Owen's lips turned downward. There was no promise I would stay. Just keep in touch. He handed me a plate and a fork.
"Aren't you supposed to be in school?" I asked.
"Daddy let me stay home because Puck found you." He explained.
"Let Talia eat, Alexander." Owen put a booster seat on a chair.
Alex clung to me a little longer before getting down and going to his seat. Owen made sure he was going to stay put and he sat on the other side of me with his own pancakes.
We ate quietly. I think they were still shocked I was here. It felt weird. Being in my own body felt strange. I was so used to being Rachel. I think turning into her now would give Alex a panic attack. I made him afraid of a useful power. But I didn't like how food felt in my mouth now.
I altered my mouth and Alex stilled. "I'm still here, Alex. It just feels funny to eat with own mouth now."
"Ok." He said slowly. Owen frowned.
We finished up and Alex wanted to be carried. Owen told him he was a big boy now and could walk on his own. I remembered when I changed into Crow and he started crying. I picked him up.
"There we go, Xander." I smiled. Alex hugged me. "What's that about?"
"It's been a long time since anyone called him Xander." Owen explained.
I kept quiet. I did so much damage and, to be honest, I was ready to do it again. Make a new persona and ditch everyone. If only I could make Alex forget me. I was a coward, no matter what Owen said.
Alex played with my hair and it just reminded me what I did to him and wanted to do to again. "I'm sorry, Alex…"
"Don't leave." He held onto me.
"I hurt you so bad." I couldn't do it. I couldn't stay. I put him down after prying his hands off and walked out. Alex cried. I ignored him as best I could and went to the elevator. I got in and pressed the button. David got in before the door closed.
"Where're you going, Talia?" He asked.
"Elisa's. I might come back, I might not, but don't force me to choose." I said tersely.
"Alright." He nodded and it was a tense ride down.
I took a cab to Elisa's and went up to her apartment. She opened the door. "Talia, hey."
"I can't do it. I can't go back. It hurts." I walked in and took a beer from the fridge.
"Talia… you remember my brother, don't you?" She asked.
"Talon?" I asked, going to the couch.
"When he was first turned, he didn't want to go home either. It was a tough for him to adjust." She said.
"What changed?" I asked.
"He realized we would love him no matter what." She explained.
"Hard to feel love when your little shit of a father knows where you are when you're in your own skin." I muttered. "And the married one is too busy with his flesh and blood."
"I don't know about Xanatos and Fox, but Puck really does love you. He's just a first time father. And Alex." Elisa said.
I frowned.
"What did you do?" She furrowed her eyebrows.
"I was getting distressed and guilty and I left without a word. Kinda. I told David I was coming here. But does that count?" I sipped my beer.
"You better tell him where you are." She told me.
"Alright." I concentrated and felt Alex's magic.
"TAI!" He yelled excitedly.
"HOLY FU-dge. Alex, don't yell. I'm at Elisa's." I said, sensing his magic getting ready to teleport. "No, stay home. Staaay. This is my time with Elisa."
"You coming back for dinner?" Puck joined it.
"Get off the line, Puck. I'm talking to Alex." I told him.
I felt his glare, the one that Owen used when I called by his name in private. "Talia…"
"I dunno. Maybe." I shrugged.
"You gotta eat dinner with us!" Alex whined. "You just got home!"
… Not by choice. "Alex, I'm an adult now. I can eat wherever I want."
"No! That's not fair! Come home!" He stamped his foot.
"Alexander." I said with Owen's sharpness and steady tone.
He stopped. Elisa looked at me, surprised. Puck was also surprised then he was a little pissed I used Owen against Alex.
"I need time to adjust to this. 5 years of being on my own is a long time and having a family again is a lot to deal with." I explained.
"We never left." Alex told me.
"I know, but this is a consequence of my actions. Talk to them when you feel upset, ok, Alex?" I asked.
"Ok." He nodded.
"Good boy. I'll be back soon." I let their magic go. Alex reluctantly let me go. "Get out." I growled.
"What the fuck, Talia. I get you got overwhelmed, but are you really gonna just go back to Oregon just like that?" He asked.
"My life is there." I scowled.
"Rachel's life." He corrected.
"Her work is my work." I said.
"You can Skype your agent. Stop being stubborn! You know perfectly well what you're doing." He growled.
"Can we talk about this later?" I asked.
"…Alright, Tai." I had mixed feelings about his use of my nickname.
He let me go and I finished my beer. "There's something I have do, back home. My home." I got up.
"Go." Elisa said.
I teleported back to my apartment and turned back into Rachel. We stared at the safe. "He's not going to let you keep it." She told me. "Maybe the gun, but not Fae Slayer."
"I know." I said, settling back in.
There was a knock at the door. "Rachel?" Adri called.
I couldn't let Adri go no matter how hard I tried. If Puck was more patience, we wouldn't have been in this mess. I would have been home all of Alex's life and started dating Adri as myself instead of Rachel.
"Coming!" She opened the door for her and let her in.
"How's the tour going?" She asked.
"Good." She answered without thinking.
"Talia, did you go see your family?" Adri addressed me.
We stilled. "Uh…"
"I know you don't like it when I do this, but I don't have magic powers. So, did you?" She crossed her arms.
"They, uh, actually saw m-me on the tour." Rachel said as we looked at each other, but to Adri, it just looked like Rachel was glancing away.
"I didn't ask about you. I asked if Talia saw her family." She raised her eyebrow.
I turned back into myself. "They found me drunk in Central Park."
"That wasn't so bad, was it?" She smiled a tiny bit.
"They want me to come home." I frowned.
"I know you got mad at your dad because he got pushy, but it's been 5 years. I think you made your point." She told me.
"It's not just that! New York is not my home. It never was." I shook my head.
"Will you, at least, go back to talk about it to them?" She asked.
"I guess we can fight in person before I finish my tour." I said. Adri frowned at me. "They want me to go back to the castle and I don't wanna."
"Then compromise. There has to be something to you can do." She walked over and kissed me on the cheek. Then she made her way to my lips, nipping and sucking my bottom lip. I changed back into Rachel. "Tai, get your ass back here. Rachel is fun, but I want you now."
"Lemme go do something first." I said.
"Fine." She frowned lightly.
I went to the kitchen and found the iron fish that you were supposed to boil to get what you needed. This was a blessing and curse. As a Halfling, my iron levels were lower than what they were supposed to be. Having the cold metal fish around could kill me if I wasn't careful or more likely send me to the hospital as Talia, but as Rachel, it hurt way less. I stuck Rachel's tongue on the fish and my magic recoiled. That's right, fucker. You're not getting Adri pregnant. I decided my magic was weak enough and put the fish back.
Adri was in the bedroom. She smiled as she saw me. I undressed and we kissed. I was really reacting to her movements and touching. Being isolated for so long left my body in hypersensitive state. She noticed and decided to show me mercy. I still was tortured by her teasing, but it was worth it. We lied in bed afterward.
"You set my world on fire." I smiled.
"You doing ok? I've never seen you like that before." She rolled onto her side.
"I'm fine. Just been awhile since you've had me." I smiled again.
"Maybe I should've made you come out more." She thought.
"Um, how long has it been?" I asked.
"Well, you've eaten me out a couple months ago, but I haven't got the chance to please you like this since…" She frowned. "Way too long."
It was Rachel who had eaten Adri out and pleasured her, not me. It had been in a fit of lust. I frowned. I knew exactly why I couldn't be spontaneous anymore. Rachel was a safer bet. Being human was easier.
"Tai?" She brushed my hair behind my ear.
"Not looking forward to going back." I said.
"I know, but it's not fair to either party to leave things like this." Adri looked into my eyes.
My phone rang and I went to answer it. "Yeah?"
"Are you coming home for dinner?" Owen asked.
Might as fight as soon as possible. "Sure, but uh, can Puck come get me?"
"Get dressed and then he'll come." Owen said.
"Kay." I hung up.
I took a quick shower, I didn't want to smell like sex during dinner, and got dressed. Adri did the same. We went in the living room and Puck was lounging on the couch.
"You kids have fun?" He asked and Adri blushed.
"That's not your business." I told him.
"Hello, Puck." She gained enough courage to speak.
"Adri, I told you not to call me that." He chided.
"You're just being an arrogant fuck now." I scolded.
"She's your girlfriend." He smiled.
"You better get going, Tai." Adri kissed me. I kissed back.
"See you later." I went to Puck and we left.
We weren't in the dining room. I looked at Puck and he spoke. "You don't smell like magic."
"So, what?" I said.
"I thought you were tired because you used too much during sex." He said honestly.
"You said you didn't want a bastard grandbaby." I reminded him.
"With a random girl. Adriana's your girlfriend." He elaborated.
"Is it Adri that makes it ok or that she's my girlfriend?" I asked.
"I just wanted you to be committed when you chose someone. You were with her for three years and I knew you still had feelings… But that's not an excuse. I should have let you do your own thing. I'm sorry." His ears drooped.
"You should have." I glared.
Puck was quiet for a minute. "But seriously, why don't you smell of magic?" He asked.
"… I licked an iron fish until my magic curled into a ball and cried. I used Rachel's tongue." I said.
"That's dangerous!" He exclaimed.
"My ex committed suicide because she thought she was raped!" I growled. "And I just took control of Rachel! That's all I did!"
Puck stared, mouth gapping. "I'm so sorry, Sweetheart. I'll teach you a spell so you don't have to worry anymore."
I paused. I totally forgot about lessons. Then I became angry.
I did this to myself. I missed so much and hurt so many people. My tears evaporated from the power burning in my eyes. My mind tortured me with all I had done to stay hidden. I could have been happy… I sank to the ground, unable to hold my own weight, and wailed wordlessly.
Puck bent down and hugged me. I didn't push him away, burying my face in his shirt. My anger cooled and my tears flowed. I felt Alex come into the hall and his magic was just a slap in the face. My throat was raw from all the crying I did. My tears left a sticky trail down my face.
"Let's get you cleaned up." Puck said softly.
He turned back into Owen and lifted me up. He took me to the nearest bathroom and wiped my face clean. I let him. Then he took me back to my old room and Puck tucked me in. I still fit my old night clothes. I think. I was too tired to care. Puck sat on my bed and brushed my hair, singing softly. I felt my eyes close.
Talia's POV End
Puck's POV
"Alex said she got upset." Xanatos hung back. "He didn't need to though. I felt it."
"I think everything just hit her at once. 5 years of unnecessary suffering and drama is a lot. Her life's been nothing but drama since I saved her…" My ears drooped.
"Don't think like that. You showed her love when we couldn't." He said.
"I never meant to get attached to her. But when I would come back, she'd smile and cling to me." I reminisced.
"Children do do that." Xanatos said.
"I think she was coming back to negotiate her terms before she got upset." I told him. "Tell Alex I'm gonna be a bit."
"Alright." He left.
Puck's POV End
