"Sirius?"

Remus gawped at the man in front of him. He was taken severally off-guard, with Sirius being the last person he had expected to turn up at his doorstep.
"Can I come in?" Sirius asked, his usually overzealous voice sounding oddly meek, Remus decided that it didn't suit him, Sirius was made to be boisterous - not shy. If Remus was being honest, a rather large part of him wanted to slam the door right in Sirius's face. However, he couldn't quite bring himself to do so.
So, instead - he stepped aside and let Sirius in, shutting the door behind him.

"Sirius, what the hell are you doing here?" Remus asked, watching the darkened figure of Sirius walk around his living room, his eyes were fixated on Remus's mantlepiece - or more specifically, the pictures of Teddy above his mantlepiece.

"You've done such a good job with him Moons," Sirius said softly, in almost a ghost of a whisper. Remus looked accusingly at Sirius - not appreciating that he was deliberately avoiding his question.
"I know," Remus replied bluntly, arms crossed and standing on the other side of the room.

Sirius nodded gently and turned around to face Remus. He noted that Sirius looked incredibly tired, and instinctively - Remus ached to care for the man; He shook this thought off, however, but he couldn't stop himself from etching towards him.
"Do you hate me, Remus?" Sirius asked pleadingly, tears threatening to spill from his smoky eyes. His voice sounded so genuinely torn and fatigued that Remus wanted to cry aloud, How could I possibly hate you? I can't hate you! I've spent fifteen years of my life trying to fucking hate you and I can't Sirius, I just can't.

Of course - he didn't dare utter this. So he opted to reask his original question,
"What are you doing here Sirius?"
Sirius laughed shakily and looked at Remus - like he had expected him not to answer -
"I can't bear to think that you hate me, Remus, resent - that I can live with, but hatred?"

Sirius had now sat on the sofa, with his eyes still fixed on Remus - who was still standing in the entryway.
"You don't deserve my hatred Sirius, nor my resentment. You don't deserve my anything. " Remus said slowly, his facade of calmness never leaving his voice. He stood solidly, a complete opposite to Sirius's shaky disposition.
"How is Peter nowadays?" Sirius asked thickly, his head now in his hands - making no effort to address Remus's words. "I believe that he's married - works as a banker in Manchester," Remus answered.

"You believe?" Sirius asked curiously, his face now uncovered, and his tears had subsided.
" Well , he wasn't too hot on being mates with a teen dad, we drifted - it was understandable." Remus shrugged, and anger bubbled into Sirius's face. "That little RAT." Sirius cried, standing up - his fists clenched and brows tangled, but Remus scoffed casually at Sirius, finding his anger hypocritical.
"Well, it was better than buggering off to France."

This appeared to have only angered Sirius more as he cried desperately,
"You don't understand Moon-"
"-Remus, It's Remus to you." Remus sighed, stepping forward once more, "Look, Sirius, I'm gonna ask you one the last time, what the fuck are you doing here?"
Sirius shifted uncomfortably, and Remus was glad that the lights in the flat were dim, He didn't want to have to feel guilty over the look of pure hopelessness on his former lovers face.
"I don't know- I-" Sirius began, but his words drifted off, and the similar feeling of dread filled Remus's stomach.
"Sirius, forgive me if I didn't make this perfectly clear at James's - this ." Remus pointed from himself to Sirius, "Is done. It's over . So I'm sorry but you're going to have to find another fuck-buddy."

Sirius's face crumpled up, in something similar to disgust, "God Remus, that's- that's not why I'm here!" he yelled, his hands curled up into fists as he frantically tried to find words to describe what he was feeling.
"Then what Sirius? Why are you here? Because we both know it's not to grovel, or for me to forgive because that's not happening!"
"I don't want you to forgive me- I don't want that! I just-"
"Want me to suck your dick? Want me to fill you in on all the gossip that you've missed in the last fifteen years?" Remus screams, letting himself feel the anger that had kept him so numb for so many years.

"I just want you to look at me, Remus." Sirius cries, and the two fall silent.

"I am looking at you Sirius." Remus mumbles, his arms crossed in defiance.
"You're not- You've not looked at me for fifteen years Rem- You're looking at me but you're seeing someone different-"
"I'm seeing the person who lied to me, I'm seeing the person who I thought I could trust, the one person who I thought actually loved me."
Sirius opened his mouth, but made no noise - instead he just groaned, and fell back onto the sofa.

Remus carefully walked towards him and sat down beside him, conscious not to touch him in any way.
"Why Sirius? I just need to know, why did you leave?" Remus pleads, feeling his own tears form in his eyes.
"Why would I stay Remus? You're the one-" Sirius turned, and Remus snapped.
"I'm the one ? Me?" he scoffed, turning and facing Sirius - whose expression of guilt had now changed to boiling anger.
"Yes- You," Sirius yelled back.
"Get out Sirius- get the fuck out of my house!" Remus yelled.

He didn't need to ask Sirius twice, as the man scoffed and stood up - racing out of the door, his anger almost as blazing as Remus's.
"You want to know why Remus? Then ask you're good ol pal Wormtail, I'm sure he would love to tell you!" Sirius says, before slamming Remus's front door.

Remus sat in the heavy silence of the flat, scoffing to himself quietly before he lifted his knees to his chin and cried, he cried for his old life, and he cried for his best friend and he cried because he knew, deep down - that he still loved Sirius .


17 years earlier

Remus knew that it wasn't normal, he knew that other guys didn't think about each other like the way he thought about Sirius - but how could he not? Especially when Sirius does something so catastrophically heartwarming as this.
"It's a spell-checker, for your dyslexia." Sirius smiles, pointing to the small - calculator like contraption in Remus's hands.
"Pads how did you get this?" Remus gasped, typing into the spell-checker, he had been asking the school years for one, only for his requests to be ignored.
"May have borrowed it from pupil support." Sirius grinned, combing a hand through his frustratingly silky hair.

"So you stole it?" Remus scoffed, rolling his eyes playfully at his beloved friend.
"They won't be missing it - plus you needed it, so.." Sirius shrugged, looking devastatingly pretty as a light blush dorned his perfect skin. "Pads-" Remus began, wanting to voice his thoughts and to tell Sirius how positively handsome he was.
"Look, it's tiny so it'll fit in your blazer pocket perfectly - so you don't even have to take it out during class!" Sirius interrupted, stepping forward and pulling Remus's blazer open, popping the spellchecker into the inside pocket with a smile.

Remus laughed lightly at Sirius but was trying not to notice how close he really was, and he blushed a deep crimson - clearing his throat. "You're lovely- I mean, it's lovely, thank- thank you Sirius." he corrected, cursing himself for being so stupid as to slip out such a compliment.
"I'm lovely?" Sirius said, a fresh smile on his face, with not a hint of sarcasm. The dark-haired boy was staring up at Remus in amazement like he couldn't believe what he'd just said.
"Yes- I mean- No, shit." Remus groaned, hanging his head down in embarrassment.

"Remus Lupin thinks I'm lovely? Well, that's good, cause I think he's rather lovely too.." Sirius whispers softly, and Remus lifts his head back up - a wide smile plastered on his freckled face.

"You do?" Remus smiled, and Sirius nodded slowly, leaning forward to whisper in the taller boy's ear. "I do."

"Moony- I'll kill him, don't think I won't do it," James growled, but Remus couldn't find it in his heart to tell him how positively un-intimidating he looked.
Remus wondered if there was any way that a person could look intimidating whilst swinging on a children's swing (That was shaped like a zebra.)
"Don't laugh, I'm deadly serious - I told him to leave you the fuck alone," James said, looking up at Remus sternly, with his signature I'm not taking anybody's shit face.
"You told him what?!" Remus groaned, sitting on a swing next to James (This one was lion-shaped - much more masculine.)
"I told him to bugger off for a while, to give us - and you some much-needed space," James said, and Remus once again finding himself grateful for his motherly nature.

"Well, he apparently didn't listen to you," Remus muttered as he stretched his legs out and let himself swing, unable to resist. "Did he say why he was there?" James asked, also leaning back to swing. Remus had to make an effort not to laugh aloud at the fact that two grown men in their thirties were having such a discussion on a swing set.
"No, but I asked - numerous times," Remus said and James furrowed his brows, looking over to the sandpit - where Harry was playing.
"Harry! The sand is not for eating!" James screamed over to his son - who was currently eating a handful of sand like it was sugar. Remus couldn't help but laugh, and he prayed that Harry would grow up with Lily's brains, not James's.

"And he said to ask Pete? What the fuck would Peter have to do with anything?" James said, taking another swing after parenting Harry. "Beats me, it's probably just him wanting to shift the blame from him, but last night he said something like, like - I wanted him to leave or something," Remus said, looking at James with pure confusion in his face.
"Is he crazy ? God, if tries to come over to mine I think I'll kill him."
Remus laughed lightly at James, "I doubt he'd be going over to yours for a casual fuck Prongs."

"Ugh Remus, Gross ," James said, screwing up his face with disgust and sticking out his tongue.

Remus was laughing as Harry stumbled over, "Daddy, I wanna seesaw." Harry said, stopping in front of the two on the swings. James sighed and leaned forward, fixing the crooked glasses on the boy's face.
"How bout you go ask Ron? Moony and I are too heavy to seesaw with you."
Harry nodded excitingly as he bounded over to Ron, who was getting beaten up by his younger sister.
"Are you calling me fat Prongs?" Remus scoffed after Harry was out of sight.

"Yes - maybe if you played on my rugby-" James said, starting his rugby propaganda.
"No. I'm going to stop you right there. I'm never, and I mean never - going to join your stupid rugby team!" Remus refused, making a cross with his arms dramatically.
"It's not stupid , We're in the league and everything! Listen, Frank and Alice are going to Turkey soon, which means I'm two men down. Could you and Teddy just play-" James started.
"No. No means no Prongs, Teddy and I aren't playing."

James huffed, leaning back on the swing dramatically. "Bet you Sirius would do it." James whispered childishly.
"Then why don't you ask him!" Remus replied bitterly, in a similar huff. "You know what? I will!" James replied with equal sass.
Remus was about to call him an arsehole when a random woman approached the two.
"Hello? Excuse me, but my children have been wanting to get on the swings for over an hour."

Remus and James blushed scarlet, looking at each other on the swings, Before standing up and mumbling their apologies.


Remus was always grateful for Euphiema Potter, however, what he was not grateful for - was her bone-crushing hugs.
"Mum, you can let go of Remus now." James laughed from behind Remus - trying to rescue him from his mother's deadly grip.

"No, I will let go when I am confident that Remus has received a sufficient hug," Effie said strictly, grinning at her eldest son from Remus's shoulder.
"Effie, if you let go of Remus - you can have Harry," Lily said, holding up the gurging toddler. This temptation worked, as Effie promptly released Remus in favour of her grandson. Remus laughed and smiled gratefully at Lily, who was forever his saviour.
"Where's Teddy?" Lily whispered in Remus's ear, looking around in case he had turned up.
"I don't know, I've tried phoning him all morning, he stayed at Liam's last night," Remus whispered back, shrugging at Lily.
"Liam's?" Lily asked, a brow raised at Remus.
"Yes? What's wrong with that?"

"He stayed at Liam's last night, and he's still not here?" Lily questioned again, her arms folded accusingly. "Uh, yeah?" Remus said, still unsure as to why Lily was suspicious.
"You are such an idiot." Lily groaned, throwing her head back. Remus - only mildly offended - pulled a face at Lily.
"And why am I an idiot?" Remus asked, laughing slightly at the exasperated Lily.
"He didn't stay at Liam's you mongo, He clearly stayed at Victoire's!" Lily said as if it was the most obvious thing ever.

Remus's eyes widened and he scoffed, "No he didn't - why would he lie?" Remus couldn't even comprehend Teddy lying to him.
"Because you wouldn't let him," Lily said flatly. "Damn right I wouldn't let him! I stayed over at Nymphs in our sixth year and now look at us!" Remus laughed, still not believing Lily.
"But I still don't think he'd lie - Teddy's never lied to me!"
Lily raised an eyebrow at Remus and she looked across the living room, catching the eye of her husband and beckoning him over. James nodded and finished talking to his dad as he approached the two.
"Hello beautiful, you called?" James said, a cocky smile on his face.

"We're talking about Teddy-" Lily started and James nodded and looked around, "Yeah, where is that bugger? Mums not gonna accept any excuse other than death for missing Saturday lunch."
"Well, our dearest Moony just informed me that he stayed at Liam's last night," Lily said, and James immediately groaned. "Remus you fool, everyone knows that's code for staying at his girlfriend's!" James said and Remus scoffed.
"Not you too Prongs, what evidence suggests that he didn't just stay at Liam's?" Remus argued, but the slow feeling of dread filled him.

"The fact that I told my parents that exact lie when I stayed over at James's!" Lily argued and James nodded, sipping his mug of coffee he had been carrying.
"Fuck - really?" Remus said, looking at his two smug best friends. "Poor Moony, your dumb homosexual self never had to make up excuses to stay over at the opposite sexes house." James smiled and Remus swatted him away, mildly embarrassed.
"Okay, but we don't know that for sure," Remus said, and the doorbell of the Potter cottage sounded - announcing Teddy's arrival.

Lily and James looked sceptical, but Remus rolled his eyes, calling to Effie and Monty that he'd get the door. Remus's fears were confirmed however when a very bashful Teddy Lupin stood at his grandparent's door - his neck absolutely littered with hickeys.
"Edward, where the fuck have you been?" Remus said, walking Teddy into the garden and shutting the front door behind the two.
"At Liam's," Teddy said guiltily, his ears turning pink. "At Liam's? Oh, and Liam gave you all those hickeys, did he? Have something to tell your dear old dad?" Remus said, trying to keep his voice down in fear of Effie or Fleamont hearing.
" Okay , I saw Victoire this morning before coming here." Teddy lied again, turning even pinker. Remus scoffed at him as he leant back and folded his arms.

"So not only have you lied to me once, you're continuing to lie right to my face! Now, I want the truth - where did you stay last night?" Remus asked again, and Teddy hung his head shamefully.
"I was at Victoires.." Teddy admitted, mumbling and shuffling his feet on the path.

"Victoires? Teddy, why would you lie to me?" Remus said, feeling stupid for trusting his son so blindly. "Cause I knew that you'd say no!" Teddy said, looking back up at his dad.
"Of course I'd say no Teddy! I don't want you-" Remus began and Teddy interrupted,
"To make the same mistakes that I did - Yeah I get it, but I'm not you dad, and Victoires not Ma!" Teddy argued back and Remus felt his anger boil to the surface.

"You're naive Teddy, You're young, and you think you're invincible. Well, you're not . You're not , and I had to learn that in the hardest way possible, so forgive me for trying to spare you the pain!"
Teddy's eyes teared up as he looked up at Remus, the pain on his young face reminding Remus so much of himself. "Well, I'm so sorry that I was such a pain to you, but it's not my fucking fault you couldn't keep it in your pants!" Teddy screamed back and Remus leant back, shocked by Teddy's anger.
"Whatever dad, I don't need this," Teddy said, and he turned back and started walking out of the Potters garden.
"Edward! EDWARD, YOU BETTER GET YOUR ARSE BACK HERE." Remus screamed, but Teddy was already out of sight.

Remus turned back to the house, screaming into his hands as the front door opened.
"Where did he go?" Lily said, walking down the path to Remus. "I- I don't know…" Remus said, his voice thick and eyes blurry.
Lily nodded and took him by the shoulder - leading him back into the cottage.


For the love of god Lupin, stop looking at Sirius.

Remus begged himself, still not taking his eyes off of the back of Sirius's head. He sighed and looked down, breaking out in a ridiculous grin as he saw the spell-checker on the table below him. He cursed himself again, reminding that Sirius was his friend, his best friend- who happened to be one of the most heterosexual guys alive.

Remus was taken out of his self loathing by a note that was slid onto his desk. The smug grin of Lily Evans met Remus's gaze as he looked up to see who the note was from. He sighed at Lily but he unfolded the perfectly folded note, rolling his eyes as he saw the message.

You're staring again
- L

Remus turned to Lily and scowled at her, before ripping out a corner of paper from the back of his English jotter.

Not helping Evans.
- R

Remus leant backwards and slipped the crumpled note on Lily's desk, fearful of the watchful eye of Ms McGonagall.

Ew. Don't call me that, potty-mouth Potter calls me that.
- Not Evans

Evans Evans Evans Evans Evans Evans
Nevermind, I'll just call you Lily Potter ;)

- Lupin

Pigs will fly, before I EVER marry that insolent fool, McGonagall will turn into a CAT, before I lay a hand on that putrid Potter.
- Lily J.
Evans

J? What does that J stand for? James Potter's number one fan?
- Remus J. Lupin.

What does your J stand for then Lupin? Just staring at Sirius Black for the ENTIRE english period…
- Lily
Jolene Evans.

Remus scrunched up his face at Lily's note, turning around and shaking his head at the girl, - ripping up her note into tiny pieces. Lily feigned shock by dramatically pretending to cry, and Remus just scoffed, turning back around, feeling slightly embarrassed that Lily caught him looking at Sirius, but he couldn't help himself as his eyes wandered back over to Sirius.

He swore that his heart did a small leap overseeing that Sirius was turned around slightly, looking right at Remus's blushing face. Remus (who was taken aback.) Halfheartedly waved back to Sirius.
Sirius stuck his tongue out at him, but Remus could swear that there was a ghost of a blush on his face.

"Mr Lupin? Are you with us?" The shrill Scottish accent of Ms McGonagall called, snapping Remus's stare away from Sirius and onto his teacher, who was looking at him with raised brows.
"Er, Yes miss." Remus spluttered.
"Good, now who can tell me the answer to question nine?" McGonagall continued giving Remus a sly look. Remus just sat back in his seat and shut his eyes tight, wishing that the world could just swallow him whole.

He set his phone back down, another exasperated sigh filling the silence. To say the least, Remus was worried for his son. Teddy hadn't even texted Remus to let him know if he was okay. His phone was also turned off, which only made Remus more fearful, and he knew for a fact that he wasn't at Victoires, after receiving a call from an equally worried Victoire, who only got a brief text from Teddy before he switched his phone off.

Lily set down a cup of tea next to Remus, cupping his shoulder and sitting next to him on the sofa. All four of them had congregated in Remus's flat - in case Teddy came home.
"Still nothing?" Lily asked, but Remus and her both already knew the answer.
"His phone's still off," Remus grunted, eyes focused on his feet that were kicking under his shabby rug. "Don't do that, you'll ruin the rug." Lily mothered, leaning down to rearrange the rug.
"It's already ruined Lils, look at the massive splodge of blue dye," Remus said, pointing to a corner that was indeed - the most horrific shade of aqua. "Fuckin' hell, looks like a smurf was murdered," Lily said, picking up the corner to inspect with horror.

"I shouldn't have shouted like him like that," Remus said, rubbing his forever tired eyes.
Remus remembered his all too familiar teen days, with the strict Christian Lyall Lupin forever lecturing Remus on how to be a proper bloke and not one of them fairy fucks.

(To be fair to Lyall, he had only started the homophobic slurs after he had caught him and Sirius making out on his twin bed, under the false impression Mr and Mrs Lupin were attending church.)
"Remus, love of my life - you're his father it's your bloody job to shout at him," Lily said, rolling her eyes and placing her feet in Remus's lap. "You called?" James said, walking back from the bathroom, a very giggly Harry on his hip.
"Sorry? Who are you again?" Lily said to James, folding her arms and staring up at her husband. "Lily! I'm scorned, you think you'd remember the father of your child." James said dramatically, leaning down and placing Harry in Lily's lap. Harry happily babbled, curling up in his mother's lap.
"I'm sorry love, you're mistaken, you do make a good babysitter though," Lily said, smiling fondly up at James. "Where's my pay then Evans?" James said, sitting on the arm of the sofa.

"James, your payment is right here! Quality time with the most handsome boy ever!" Lily said, tickling Harry's tummy. The small boy squealed and squirmed, shouting various Stop Mummy! And make it stop Moony!
"Sorry Harry, I'm not Mummy anymore, I'm the tickle monster!" Lily laughed, tickling the boy more.
Remus looked over to the three with a faint smile, feeling that familiar pang of nostalgia when he remembered Teddy at that age. He felt a soft buzzing in his pocket and he stood up slowly, slipping out of the living room and into his bedroom.

Andy Tonks

Remus furrowed his brows at the contact name, not thinking for the life of him why the hell Andromeda would be phoning him.
"Andy? What's goin' on?" Remus answered, lifting the phone to his ear.
"Hey darling, just phoning to let you know that Teddy is okay, he's with us."
Remus felt a weight drop from his shoulders, as he immediately relaxed.

"Oh thank god, is he okay?"
"Perfectly fine, he got the train here, then sat on the doorstep for two hours while Ted and I were at the market." Andromeda laughed.
"I'm going to kill him- I'm sorry if-" Remus began. "Oh hush, you know how much we love having him, he is our grandson after all. However - I'm really not happy with him for runnin' off like that, I've given him a proper scolding, but he seems really upset." Andy interrupted.
"Yeah… well, we got into a huge fight," Remus admitted.

"So I heard - and you're totally in the right," Andy said, and Remus was glad of her approval, still worrying if he was too harsh with him.
"Thanks, that means a lot.." Remus laughed, and he continued "I'll just hop in the car and come get him." Remus said, already walking over to get his jacket.
"Oh no need love, Sirius will run him over," Andy said happily, not knowing that Remus froze at the mention of the man's name.

"Sirius?" Remus said, trying his best to remain nonchalant. Andromeda, who apparently was oblivious to Remus's peril continued; "Oh yeah, Sirius is back from France! He's bought a house but the bathroom's getting redone so he's kippin' it with us!" Remus mumbled a yes, he couldn't bring himself to tell Andy that Sirius was the last person he wanted to see right now.

"That's grand Andy, thanks." Remus forced himself to say, feeling a pang of dread erupt in his stomach. "No problem love, they're off the now - you'll see them soon!"
"Yeah, I will won't I?" Remus tried not to say, as he said his final goodbye to Andromeda.