Lauren did not know how she felt about the Quileute pack. Leah brought her to meet them and the tribal leaders one day after school and Lauren tried to be on her best behavior despite how uncomfortable she was. Being around so many other werewolves put her instincts on high alert and she struggled not to bare her teeth and growl at anyone. They were wary of her as well. They were alike but different and their wolves weren't sure of what to make of the other.
Leah kept close to her side as she introduced Lauren to the tribal leaders and the Alpha, Sam Uley. Sam was the tallest at seven feet and he moved with a quiet authority and assurance of himself. It put her on edge as her fight of flight instincts was pushing her to do something. The latter felt like defeat and she tried to contain the growing panic inside her.
The meeting was quick with the tribal leaders and Sam explaining to her what they could offer to her if she became a member of the pack which was protection and community, integral for wolves. She hadn't wanted to tell them about Emmett Cullen and the imprinting but Sam asked her in a voice that vibrated power if there was anything she needed help with and she could not stop herself. They all looked shocked and worried at the news. Imprinting was important to the pack and having a wolf imprint on a Cold One was unheard of.
"Are you sure it's him?" Billy Black asked. "You could be mistaken."
"I'm sure," That pull in the center of her being was difficult to ignore when Emmett Cullen was close by and she hated herself for it. "I'm not happy with this either. I didn't want him or any of this."
"He's still a leech," Jacob Black pointed out. "What would that mean for the pack if her imprint is one of them? Would we offer the same protection we do with the other imprints?"
"Imprints are sacred," Sam countered briskly. "No exceptions."
Embry grimaced. "But it's a vampire…"
Quill nodded in agreement. "How would that even work between them?"
"That is for them to figure out," Billy answered. He gave a kind smile to Lauren. "Lauren is pack now and her imprint is under our protection too."
There were no more arguments with that and Lauren was officially a member of the pack. Since she wasn't able to shift without the full moon, she wasn't required to do rounds around town, but had to be guarded during her transformations by two members of the pack for everyone's safety. She would be required to go to pack meetings and Leah would continue to mentor her as she got used to her condition. Most importantly she would never tell anyone outside of the pack about what they were no matter what reason.
Leah led her outside after the meeting ended. Lauren had driven there in her Prius and Leah decided they should go to First Beach instead of going straight home. The beach was empty as they took a seat on a fallen tree and watched the sunset. Leah had started smoking last year and liked clove cigarettes. Lauren didn't mind the smell.
In the past week she'd met Leah Clearwater, she'd learned that there was a deep melancholy in the older girl that she hid with barbed insults. Lauren understood it more than she would ever admit and she didn't mind when Leah went quiet, lost in her own thoughts. They would share silence, comforted in knowing the other person wasn't judging them and understood they both had pain that could never fully heal. They understood each other's anger, their armor against a world that never cared for their softness.
"I wasn't always like this," Leah let out a shuddering exhale of smoke. "I was nice before everything happened."
"Is it difficult having to be around Sam and be reminded what he did to you?"
"It feels like somebody picking on a wound all the time."
"Why don't you leave then?"
"And go where?" Leah gave her a look, some of her mascara had smudged under her eyes giving her shadows. "Like I told you, the lone wolf dies-"
"But the pack survives," Lauren had never really felt like she belonged anywhere and was still struggling at the concept. "There has to be a better way of existing then being around people that treat you this way."
Aside from Leah's younger brother Seth, the rest of the pack treated Leah as a time bomb ready to go off at any minute. They treated her anger and even her very presence with derision. Sam wasn't any better as he spoke to Leah with a detachment that was more insulting. Lauren abhorred indifference more than anything in that world and wanted to punch Sam Uley as hard as she could.
"Life isn't fair. I just have to get over it," Leah closed her eyes as she took a long drag of her cigarette. The smoke floated around her like a mist. "If you can find me another pack that will treat me better, be my guest. For now, I'll just have to make do."
There was a time when Lauren's parents loved her. They were great parents who showered her with love and attention. They made time for her and didn't let their jobs consume them. They attended ballet recitals and brought her with them on vacations to nice places. Lauren had been the sun in the center of their universe and she loved every second of it.
Then Uncle Stephen died. She would remember the day they found out. The house phone in the kitchen rang and she answered it. It was Nana Yelena who had never sounded so grave when she said, "Lauren, hand the phone to your mother."
Lauren would always remember the shell-shocked expression on her mother's face as she learned about her brother's death. The flight to Syracus was long and uncomfortable. She was hungry and wanted a snack. Her mother refused to talk and her dad got impatient and told her to keep quiet as they took a cab to the funeral home.
Her grandparents looked exhausted, a deep-bone weariness she didn't know how to deal with. Uncle Stephen was unnaturally still in the coffin, like a too realistic mannequin. He didn't look like he was just sleeping. Those were such odd words for comfort.
This death was what caused the series of changes in her life. Her parents moved them to Forks from Seattle and she had to say goodbye to all of her friends and start new at a strange place. Her parents pulled away from her emotionally, their indifference far crueler than anything she'd ever experienced before. She would later learn that they handled her with cleverly suppressed fear of what she could become someday.
In that large cage in the basement of their house she finally understood. Her bones and flesh breaking and mending for a new form, she learned what they were so afraid of. A new creature took over, sentient but wild, baring teeth and clawing at the thick bars of the cage. She understood why Uncle Stephen killed himself all those years ago.
Her second full moon, her parents weren't there. She insisted on it. Her father actually looked like he wanted to fight but she assured him that she had a pack now for this. They weren't needed.
He swallowed, his eyes were sad. "I'm sorry."
She kept quiet. Silence had worked so well for her mother. She wanted to emulate that coldness. If she didn't care, maybe this would stop hurting.
"I should've been stronger for you," he continued. "I should've been better."
But you weren't. You left me. Before I was a monster, you already hated me. The words were on the tip of her tongue.
Instead, she said, "You should go. I don't need you."
"If that's what you want…"
"It is."
She didn't need them. Not when they stopped loving her and let her wonder for years what she did wrong. She'd been a child. They lost Stephen and suddenly she didn't matter anymore.
"Go."
"Lauren."
"I said go," She held on to her control. She could exorcise her anger that night. "I don't want to spend the night worrying about you."
She was afraid of what would happen if she escaped the cage. She heard all the ghastly stories from her grandparents. She could picture it. She understood the wolf only wanted one thing – carnage. And names and faces weren't important for that.
"Call me in the morning," her father told her. "For peace of mind."
She nearly scoffed. She agreed because she wanted him to leave. He and her mother got into their car and they left. They were very good at leaving.
Lauren woke up the next morning aching from head to toe. There were scratches all over her body and a particularly deep one around her ribs. She hissed as she sat up and stretched her sore muscles. She touched the edge of the cut with the tip of her fingernail and winced.
She would heal but not fast enough.
There was a cough. She turned to find Jacob Black facing away from her and holding her clothes for her. She reached between the bars and took them. She dressed quickly, wondering where Leah went.
She remembered getting into the cage. She was upset with her parents and the wolf sensed it like blood in the water, aggressively scratching at her control. Leah and Jacob watched as she shifted. The slow and torturous minutes melting away as she let the wolf took over.
"Is it always like that for you?" Jacob asked.
"From what I've been told, it will be."
"Shit," he shook his head. "It hurt the first time I shifted but it was only that time. Having to go through that every month would be…"
"Unbearable?" she supplied. "Life is unfair."
"I know that but isn't there anything we can do to make it better?"
"Knock me out with a tranquilizer?"
Jacob turned to her and looked contemplative. She shook her head at him and told him she was joking. Leah returned to the basement with coffee for everyone and unlocked the cage. They went upstairs to the kitchen and Jacob got toast for himself before running off to report to the pack.
Lauren asked, "Does Jacob always have to be there for my shifts?"
"We can ask for somebody else. There are Jared and Quil who would be polite," Leah answered. "Fuck no to Paul. I'd let your wolf take a bite or two out of him for laughs."
"I mean why can't it just be us two?"
The older girl looked concerned and placed her mug on the counter. "Did Jacob do anything while I went upstairs? Cause I will not hesitate to neuter him."
"No. It's just that I don't really trust any of the guys."
"Understandable but both the Council Elders want at least two of the pack watching over you and I don't see them budging on that."
"They don't think you can handle me if I get out?"
"They don't know how strong your wolf is in comparison to one of us."
She didn't know either. She spent the full moon blacked out. All she knew was what her parents told her happened on the first full moon and the stories her grandparents told her. And they were terrifying stories.
"Mamie told me about this old French legend when I was a child," she began. "The Beast of Gevaudan terrorized a village in the 1700s and killed over a hundred men, women, and children."
"By itself?"
"All by itself," Leah took a sip of her coffee. "Mamie told me we were descended from that wolf."
Leah looked uneasy. "Do you think if you got out of the cage that you would do the same?"
She tried to picture it in her mind. The wolf would run through town looking for victims, tearing them apart with teeth and claws. The streets would be soaked blood red. She would leave a trail of bodies in her wake.
The wolf perked up despite its sleepy state. She pushed it away to the back of her mind.
She didn't tell Leah any of this. Instead, she answered, "I don't know."
That didn't seem to entirely appease the other girl but she didn't say anything more as they made breakfast together. She made a French omelet for Leah and they discussed who she would prefer to be with her during the next full moons. She let Leah decide on who would be appropriate. It wasn't really her they would be watching over anyway.
1. 'Mamie' is used by modern French speakers for 'grandmother'.
