Tearing into the delicious pair of Turkish Delight crammed tightly with the ornery tubes, he relished the thought of his dying sunflower. "It is like life and rejuvenation, hand in hand like a walk-in stepstool..." he mused.
Ron watched from the fifth corner of the oddly square room as Harry indulged in his sacred candied treat. He licked his own lips one by one like a wolf hungering for ravens.
Hagrid overheard the size of Ron's eyes widening and it greatly irked his soul like diamonds broken within pillarless corridors. The tall, not-short man ran into the room through the seventh-story window and smacked his elbow onto the redhead's gelatinous cheek.
Harry halted his indulgence and set the sweet package down on the younger walk-in stepstool beside him. He walked over to Hagrid and demanded a colloquial explanation for the violence.
Hagrid sighed twice and deeply bemoaned his elbow's power. "This would not have happened had Ron just been a tad more responsible, Harry."
Harry nodded in approval and turned back to his neighbourly brother of a man named Ron. Ron was now 25 years of age, but he still had to come to Hogwarts in order to get his wand sharpened daily.
"It is not my fault; it is the law of the land after all," Ron replied with a half-cracked smile. His second half frowned ungraciously as if he was hiding something deep within his brain's confines.
Harry noticed the dishonour embedded in his friend's speech and face. An honest person would have never used a semicolon of all unholy things. He quickly unwrapped a taco and evenly distributed the cheese, meat, and beans along the red hair.
Hermione walked into the room just then and noticed the ritual Harry and Ron were partaking in. "I was just looking for you two," said the girl who knew how to have hair on her head better than balding men.
Hagrid was very inspired by Hermione's bravery. He sat up and inquired what her motives were for courage.
"I am not speaking to you ever again," Hermione said angrily to the large bearded man. With a snap of all her thumbs and forefingers, a grand piano came flying through the window and devoured Hagrid with a jolly tune playing most extravagantly.
Harry and Ron clapped for the wonderful music and then resumed paying attention to their lady friend.
Hermione placed her hands on her hips and her feet on the ground. She was not able to float ever since an accident occurred over 50 years ago. Ron cried brutally every time said accident was mentioned, so no one was allowed to ever speak of it.
"What has befallen that you request our help, our friend, Hermione Granger?" asked Harry whisking his hand around Ron's hair in order to stir up beefy glee.
Hermione's lips parted and she spoke very well. Harry and Ron used their ears very correctly in order to listen to her precious words.
"Dumbledore has requested that we all attend a very important meeting in the hall," said Hermione with proper pronunciation of every word in her sentence.
Everyone high-fived because they were really cool with Dumbledore's smart wisdom. They could not wait to meet him face-to-face again and talk about important matters.
The three got onto their broomstick and revved the engine up to the fastest speed available. They rushed down the stairs to get to the hall in question. They landed with no resounding thud audible because their wizard cloaks had magical sound properties.
Ron got off the broomstick first and eyed the paintings on the walls that spoke in angry words about the condominium rates of the early 90s. "I've always hated art, but this really seals the deal."
Harry sealed his deal and quickly pushed his glasses into place before they could fall to the ground and shatter. This would have been unfortunate for many reasons.
Hermione exited the broomstick last after Harry and opened up a book of spells. She shot her wand out of a pistol and knocked over a statue. The statue screamed in agony and opened the door in order to get to the nurse's office.
Ron remembered how he used to have a crush on the school nurse back in the day. She was named Mrs. Puff and she was a real good friend of his on Facebook now. She would never know his true feelings and it still ravaged his soul to this very day.
Harry placed a foot into the room behind the door and looked around cautiously. He could not see much because the cobwebs on the walls were very proficient in obscuring vision, especially from those with glasses.
"Blimey, my glasses are not working and I feel so unattractive!" shouted Harry angrily. He tore off the sight devices attached to his head and threw them at the wall. The glasses broke into dust instantly. Harry seethed and itched at his beard and mustache wildly.
Hermione used a razor on Harry's face and the mustache and beard fell off. He no longer looked like Hagrid and that was really best for Harry and mankind in general.
"Who is at the beginning of this room?" asked an old voice.
"It is us three!" shouted Ron as he counted to himself in pure silence.
"I can see you now!" said the owner of the voice as he approached with an olden hobble. He wore a white beard and his clothes looked like wizards.
"Professor!" cried Hermione.
"We finally found him!" said Harry. He put on some new glasses as he felt his ear arteries start to ache. It must have been some impending heartburn.
Dumbledore handed Harry a jar filled to the brim with Pepto Bismol. "I feel very sorry for your troubles getting here so I need to speak to you quickly before the darkness settles in."
Ron watched the darkness outside from the window, perching like a gargoyle because his back still hurt from carrying so much taco meat atop his head. "Oh, Professor!" he cried with tears walking down his face. "What do we do?"
Dumbledore handed the trio a scroll. "You must take this scroll to a library and kill Voldemort once and for all!"
Harry's head expanded with rage and his face turned purple and blue. "I cannot believe that vile being is here! Why has nobody destroyed him yet? Answer me!" He grabbed Dumbledore by the collar and shook him very fast until candy spilt from his robe pockets. "Speak words!" He continued to snarl ungracefully until Hermione finally pulled him away.
"Do not fight because we gotta kill Voldemort!" said Hermione.
Dumbledore adjusted his coat and tie. He slipped on his leather jacket and crawled out the door, shouting at the sun to not set until he got home to his favourite rocking chair.
Harry cursed the picture of Dumbledore he carried around in his wallet. He then tore his wallet in two along with all of his money. "It is that old man's fault that I am poor!"
All of a sudden, a bolt of lightning landed right between Harry and a discarded can of jellybeans. It was Draco Malfoy!
"I heard someone was poor and now I am here to mock them," said the young millionaire. He laughed at Harry's face.
Harry was so ashamed, so he clenched the scroll slightly tightly.
Hermione shot another wand at Draco and Draco's head fell off. Ron picked the head up with his teeth and placed it back on Draco's shoulders. Harry used some of Dumbledore's magic glue to sew the head back on properly.
"Great job, guys!" said Hermione. She handshook Harry and Ron until their arms were sore.
Ron's arm fell off.
Draco growled at Harry's newfound confidence. It greatly disturbed him. "I want Harry Butthead to be miserable!"
Harry flicked a jellybean out of the discarded can and into Ron's mouth. Ron was very grateful as his arm grew back. He was so grateful that he ran out and bought Harry a new pair of sunglasses.
Harry placed the sunglasses onto his nose and pinched them with a clothespin for more gentle adhesion. "Draco, belay your tongue!"
Draco's tongue became more belayed than an Everest expedition.
Harry opened Dumbledore's mystic scroll and read the last words on page 83. "Avada Kedavra!" he shouted, pointing his leftmost toe at the door to the library. The library died instantly and its children were mostly tearful.
Draco shrugged because Harry's newfound badboy attitude was kinda neat, he supposed.
Hermione scolded Harry for the dark abilities of magic he had just displayed.
"Chill, babe," Harry said with darkness in his eyes as he popped his collar and shimmied down the stairway on his skateboard.
Ron was very inspired by his friend's eager guidance so he got out his own skateboard and said a mean thing about Draco's hair.
Draco wept for the evil saying and got his own skateboard. Hermione didn't care, but got a skateboard too because it was beginning to get hot on the stairway and she only liked lukewarm climates.
At the bottom of the very long stairs, Harry and his companions met the madman: Voldemort. Voldemort was now nosed and shining brightly with power. He shot a gun that shot magic into Ron's heart. Ron became a powerless butterfly and flew away.
"I hate this man..." Harry grumbled, chewing wrathfully on a lemon wedge. He crunched a little harder and a squirt of juice sprayed out and landed in Voldemort's eyes. Heavily blinded, the dark wizard stumbled and fell down a deep hole. There, he was consumed by thousands of frogs and scorpions.
Dumbledore flew back into the room atop his hat and congratulated the young geniuses of wizardry.
Harry sighed. "But I did a bad thing to a door. I killed it..."
Dumbledore patted the lad on his shoulder. "But life is so precious..."
Harry winked at Dumbledore and the professor winked back. The two each grabbed a Diet Pepsi from the cooler and ran down to the Quidditch field and sang songs into the peaceful moonlight.
Ron, Hermione, and Draco watched from the shelter of their portable salad bar. "I think Harry is going to be a stellar wizard someday," said Ron, fluttering elegantly.
Hermione smiled and turned to Draco. "What will we do about your disrespect?"
Draco hurt his leg.
THE END
