Disappointment
The market was buzzing with activities. It felt like a breath of fresh air, or maybe more like a breath of freedom! I could see the gates of the innerkeep from where I was standing. The guards, atop the paved way were not letting anyone enter Thranduil's palace without being invited or expected. They would never see me; I was so far away. Hands clasp behind my back, I managed my way through the crowd of Ellon and Ellyth doing their business. A little skip in my feet, my mind and my heart were light for the day to come.
Looking up at the sky, I noticed it was not yet midday and therefore I had some time to spare before joining with Nathaniel. I stopped at a few shopping carts, bought a pastry made of raspberry dough that I devoured instantly. I have very good food in the palace, but tasting it here in the market, there is a little of adventure to it. I was not disappointed; it was just as good at what I was used to.
Sometimes I wished my life could be just as simple as all those Ellyth and Ellon wasting away the day without a care in the world. My life was far from that, even though It was considered an easy one by some, no chores, nothing to worry about, being waited on day and night, fed with overwhelmingly good food, drinking the best of wine, spending your day reading or playing music. But this life, I did not choose it, and I hardly adapted. I had to spend my time making sure I looked proper, I bowed only when necessary to the right people, I raised my daughters without making them spoiled, even though the handmaidens were doing the complete opposite when I was not looking, making sure to be prompt when the King called for me, feeling my heartbeat quicken every time, always expecting a displeased version of him. Having someone always looking at me, either a guard or a handmaiden. Never having a moment of peace in my own little world. It was so exhausting. I was used to live a life of freedom, of riding from dusk until dawn, from an endless horizon made of a sea of grass, befriending anyone I chose to, raising the animals, practicing shooting with my brothers and sisters, rolling in the grass and in the mud, getting into any sort of mischief. Here, my life was slowly fading away before my own eyes.
But today, in this market, in this moment, it was completely different. It felt a little like my life before all of this. Before I had to dress like a princess and worry more about my posture than my tangled hair and dirty boots from a day well spent in the field. Before I had to learn all the different languages of the elves, from Quelcha to Sindarian and worry about my tone in my speech to not offend anyone. Avarin is a simpler language, where you say what you must and depending on the wording used, you were not keen on insulting anyone. Tone was not important.
The air of summer was warm on my cheek and the sun shining through the forest was a nice welcome. Butterflies graced the ending stalls of the market, closer to the woods. I lingered there a little, looking at artifacts. Nathaniel found me soon enough.
"Elena!" I could see him waving at me through the crowd. My smile broadened from ear to ear. Oh, how he was handsome dressed more simply. I was so used to see him clad in his uniform as our little meetings were often at the end of one of his guard shifts. It always served to remind me a little of he guards in the palace. Today though, we had a full day ahead of us together, and nothing to serve as a reminder of my cage awaiting me. His dark brown hair, shoulder length, were flowing loosely around his face, no tight bun to keep them in check.
He was hiding something; I noticed his steps were hindered by his left hand that remained behind his back. As he came to be face to face with me, I could not help but try to look behind him and catch a glimpse of his secret. Harboring a wicked smile, he always angled his body to shield my view.
"Guess mylady!" Oh, the little devil.
"I can hardly guess based on nothing; you could have a singing frog for all I know." His laughter lifted my spirit. I missed our little banter.
"Well, it is eatable, or drinkable I should say." I caught a glimpse of the bottle.
"Mmmm…wine? Apple juice from your orchards? Cider? Oh please spare me! Let me see already." He dodged my numerous attempts to grab the bottle, most likely enjoying our proximity. I could not disagree; he was a rather handsome Ellon.
"Close your eyes then." I did as I was told, a little excited with nothing. Surely Thranduil drank better wine. "Give me your hands" Which I did. "Open your mouth." That I did too, but to protest; only to find the bottle in my hand, Nathaniels' hand guiding the neck to my lips. I lifted my arms ever so slightly, but no liquid came. I opened my eyes, only to find the Ellon smirking at me.
"Oh little naïve Elena, how trusting of you!" Rolling with laughter myself, I slapped his chest with all my might and shoved the empty bottle in his hands.
"An empty bottle! Oh, dearest knight, you shouldn't have!" His arm came around my shoulder to pull me flush against his side. He brought forth the bottle for me to gaze at it and he lifted and eyebrow as if he still expected me to guess.
"Well…Elena…what WAS inside the bottle?" Curiosity killed the cat and I took it from his hands again, only this time I brought the neck to my nose instead of my lips.
"It smells sweet." He nodded eagerly.
"Yes, Go on…"
"Ale would be my guess, I'm unsure, but a sweet kind of ale. Almost like honey."
"And the Ellyth has some sense of smell after all! And here I feared you might be hopeless. It is mead."
"Was!" I thought it best to remind him of his failed attempt at a present.
"Yeah, well it was mead. But that just means we must head to Cassidy to replenish my bottles and indulge ourselves in the magical brews she makes!" So that was where this littles escapade was going. He offered me his arm to take, which I did eagerly, and he brought us through the Outergate toward Cassidy's meadow, my little peace haven.
XXXXXXX
I did not come back at midday. I did not come back in time for dinner. I swore not to make that mistake again, but I could not help myself and linger with Cassidy and Nathaniel. I tried to be as quiet as a mouse. The inner keep was silent, and few were going about at this time of the evening. The handmaidens had retired for the evening and only the kitchenhand remained still with the King. Judging by the movement of the guards, my husband was most likely still dining with his son and the girls were probably already off to bed. I made my way to my chamber, still feeling lightheaded from the mead Cassidy so nicely brews. I must say I have drunk more than my fair share. Even if I wanted to be quick about it or steady in my footing, I stumbled more than once, cursing the woodland elves for making the corridors so sinuous. Finally at my door, I pushed it open and engulfed myself in the room. The warm night air was most welcomed. A smile plastered on my face I leaned my back against the wooden door and sled to the floor. I still smelled vaguely of horses, moss, rain but mostly I smelled of honey. What a refreshing and lovely day it had been. It made me forget all my troubles for a while. I closed my eyes and pictured my afternoon in Cassidy's garden.
I heard a rustling. My breath caught in my throat; my eyes flew open and my heartbeat picked up as if an army of orcs were chasing me in the plains. I pushed myself off the ground as if the tiles would burn me. The dizziness not fading, I had to grab the handle of the door to steady myself. I thought about pushing the door open and running down the corridor, but that would be the most childish thing to do.
On the balcony, in all his regal appearance, stood my husband. His head was held high, looking down at me menacingly. I could see only half of him as the rest of his body was hidden behind the drapes of the bay windows. He was still dressed in his Royal glistering robes, the crown well resting upon his head. His hair was bathed silver by the moonlight. He looked terrifying.
"Had a nice day, did you?" I did not answer. I would have babbled something incoherent I was sure of it.
"What have I done to end up with such as disobedient Ellyth for a wife? Tell me dear Eveena. I indulged too many of your whining's and expectations. I treated you fairly. You have wanted for nothing. My rules were always simple and just. Obey me and all would be well. I gave you two specifics order. Be at dinner dressed appropriately and do not stroll your gardens instead of doing your Queen's duty. That is simple enough, I think." He was advancing in the room. I stopped breathing. My hands were fidgeting on the handle, my back was pressed against the door.
"Yet, in the spawn of only a day, you happen to defy both of my commands. Legolas was most disappointed to not see you at dinner and to share your adventures with me. The girls questioned if you were alright. My dissatisfaction in you is even more, as I demanded you be back at midday; I had business with you. And yet you come back, well into the night, smelling of mead."
"Where WERE you!?"
I grabbed the handle, turned around and tried to pull the door open. His left hand slammed on the door just beside my head, successfully closing it shut. His form was towering over me. His other hand grabbed my shoulder and spun me around to face him. His clutch made me wince.
"Do not think that you will leave this easily. I am not done with you."
"You are hurting me."
"DO NOT make me ask again." I could not look him in the eyes. My hand came in front of me to push him away. He did not budge. Instead, he came one step closer. The hand on the door slid down, almost as if he were about to caress the side of my face, only to have it rest beside my neck, successfully caging me in, the shadow of his fingers around my throat. I pushed against him with all my strength. He grabbed both of my wrist and pinned them on the door, on the side of my head. He waited patiently, for what felt like and eternity to me. I managed to murmur.
"I was with my friend Cassidy." I dared not mention Nathaniel.
"Who is this Cassidy?" How could I tell him, what if he hurts her? What if he has her exiled?
"Please, you are hurting me." Recognition seems to settle in. He let go of me and backs away one step as if stung by a bee. I stay in the same spot, bringing my wrists in front of me, rubbing them furiously to get the sting to go away. I could not do this anymore. I felt like I was drowning.
"Who is Cassidy."
"She is the beekeeper." My head was held low and tears kept pouring down my cheek. "She lives in the meadow outside of the outerkeep. She brews the best mead and makes the best honey of the realm." He pondered on my reply for a while.
"Does she know who you are. Does she know you are the Queen?"
"No." I murmured. Silence lingers.
"Sariel and Amara will be sent to Lorien to study with Lady Galadriel and Lord Celeborn at the end of summer." I lift my head to look at him. Eyes wide as saucers.
"Why? You cannot do this." I was desperate. He looked at me expectantly with a raised eyebrow.
"Please do not." I was begging him now. I threw myself forward and grabbed the front of his robe with both my hands. "Your highness I beg of you, do not do this. They are still too young."
"Hardly. It is done. Your behavior is inappropriate. It has been for quite some time actually." With finality, he grabbed my hands to detangle them from his robes and lowered them on the side of my own body.
"You are not sobber and you are in no shape to withhold a conversation with me. I have other business to discuss with you, be sure to be up at dawn, the guards will bring you in the Throne room." With that said, he turned and left. I heard my door being locked form the outside. The events of the day replaying in my head. What have I done.
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