As weeks and months rolled by, she had come to understand and appreciate the fine art that was foreplay, and no longer had use for the lubrication charm or the lotion in Malfoy's beside drawers.
They were now down to 5 days of normality that could stretch out to 6 or 7 days before they had to renew their strength.
With exams looming they had agreed not to allow themselves to get too unwell. If she were honest, sometimes she'd look forward to their meetings so much that she'd think about nothing else all day. Then, on the days she felt great she knew it was because of the sex and that spurred in her thoughts too. It was like she was harbouring a dirty little secret, like she was someone besides the Golden Girl bookworm everyone thought they knew.
They would meet mostly in one of their rooms, but they occasionally had reason to meet in an abandoned classroom, or for one very awkward encounter, they used the room of requirement, not speaking, not eluding to the fact that the last time they were there, one of his best friend's died and he tried to kill her.
They would always make eye contact across a room, each knowing how the other was feeling based on their current state of being. Usually they'd leave class and meet, satisfy their needs and get back to their lives without really speaking.
Every time, he'd make her cum, he'd seek his own release, they'd catch their breath, dress, with the occasional smile or glance toward each other, before going their separate ways
As good as it was, she knew there was something very off about what they were doing. They had never kissed each other, which was some thing she had journaled about a bit recently. She was satisfied to no end, sexually, but emotionally and mentally, she was lacking the intimacy she didn't realise she had craved.
"So what's stopping you from having it?" Jenny asked her during a session.
"It's Malfoy. We've been over this. He isn't with me for me... Merlin, he isn't with me at all, honestly he could have a girlfriend for all I know, hence the lack of intimacy" she said, rubbing her temple. Exams were a few days away and she thought she had timed everything so they'd feel better, however, she was thinking they'd need another one or two meetings before the first exam so they could focus.
"But you've said yourself, right, you were shocked to find that he was eager to please you, eager to touch you. What makes kissing any different?" Jenny asked.
"Nothing? Everything. Kissing is more than physical. Well, for me anyway" she said.
"Do you have more than physical feeling for Draco? Jenny asked.
"Of course not" she answered without having to think about it. Feelings? All her thoughts were associated with how he made her feel physically. She hadn't ever thought or considered thinking about actual feelings.
"Why? He's a fit young lad, you've said so yourself he's smart like you, he's a gentleman and he can be kind when he wants to be" Jenny said.
"He spent 6 years tormenting me and my friends and fought on the opposite side of a war that I basically orchestrated. His family are pure blood supremacists and I'm a muggle born... I can't think of any clearer reasons" she said, out of breath.
"Tell me this then Hermione... Have you forgiven him? For everything he's done. For the bullying he did as a child, for the part he played in the war, as a child. For being born into the family that he was... Have you even considered forgiving him?" Jenny asked.
"We're enemies. The whole point of this curse is to torment and torture us. If I forgive him, if he's really outgrown all those things like you're suggesting, then what's the point of the curse? Hermione asked.
"Exactly." She said.
"So you're saying that if I forgive him, if I instigate intimacy and embrace the bond rather than deny the curse, the curse will be broken?" Hermione asked.
"What I'm saying, is that the curse breakers have come to a standstill. They can not reverse it Hermione. At least not in this decade. Not without far more research and not without you trying other things" Jenny said.
"Other things?" she asked.
"Yes, like, what if, for some strange change of circumstances, you actually talk to one another. Actually go out, have a meal together, do something that isn't essential to your survival? " she asked
"Go on a date? With Malfoy?" she asked.
"I don't see why not. He thinks rather highly of you, you consider him to have positive attributes, both physically and mentally. Honestly, I'd be inclined to wonder if the enemy curse even exists. If perhaps, underneath this all is just two people who were supposed to come together" Jenny said.
Hermione laughed at the idea of it all. At the thought that she and Malfoy could be anything other than civil. That she could go on a date with him and have actual conversation. The most they had talked was about the weather, about how much of a sexual deviate she truly was beneath her good girl outer layer and the times of their next rendezvous.
"Wait..." she said, as her mind pondered what Jenny had said. "You said that he thinks highly of me?" she asked.
"I did"
"How do you know this?" she asked.
"Hermione I meet with him as often as I meet with you. More, even. He is very open with how he thinks and feels" she said.
"And you just... Tell us what the other has said" she asked, wondering what she's told him about her.
"Of course not. He divulged to me that he thinks highly of you and I asked if he would consent to me telling you. I can assure you Hermione, I wouldn't tell you anything unless he has explicitly permitted me to tell and vice versa" she said.
"so... He just... Said... That he thinks highly of me?" she asked.
Yes. Among other things. Look, I think after exams, you two need to take some time to talk to each other. You don't have much time left in the bubble of Hogwaets" she said.
"Well, I mean, technically we can stay till the end of June. I know our exams have been moved forward and most 8th years will be leaving, but school is still open right?" she asked, having counted on McGonagall to let them stay. She hadn't contemplated her future outside of these walls.
"I suppose you could ask, but have you spoken to him about it? Have you even discussed the future with him?" Jenny asked.
"Merlin, here you go again so many questions, so much probing" Hermione said.
"Hermione, I'm just here to be your sounding board, to throw out questions where I see gaps in your thinking, that's all. And right now, I see a major gap. And it's concerning. You and the 8th years have exams beginning in just a few days. Then the rest of the 8th years will leave to have a well earned break or to begin external training. So far, your plan is to try and stay at school? That's not a plan Hermione. You're smart and logical but it seems to me like you have no idea what you're doing" she said.
Hermione sat there with her mouth agape. Jenny was right. Completely. She had not wanted to consider life beyond the safety of the castle, beyond exams, beyond preparation for the anniversary of the end of the war. She hadn't wanted to even try to see Malfoy as anything other than the same boy she had known him as since they were 11. But now? Now she had no choice. They weren't kids anymore, they were adults, about to head off and lead adult lives.
"You're right. I need to decide what I'm going to do. I need to stop being so afraid and make some plans for my life" she said... "Plans that include him" she added, having known for some time that he'd be a huge part of her life.
"Well, I wish you luck for your exams. Remember I'm here if you need me, but I think, academically, you'll do great. You're very bright Hermione. Sometimes though, that can be the problem.
Hermione stood and left and as usual, ran into Malfoy outside the door.
"Always punctual Malfoy" she said.
"it's polite" he said with a shrug of his shoulders.
It got her to thinking, the months that she had been forced to share space with him, share her bed and her body, he had been nothing but polite. Despite the odd snarly remarks, he hadn't been intentionally mean to her at all since they returned to school.
That afternoon, in her journal Hermione rethought everything she thought she knew about Draco Malfoy she once knew, instead, noting down every thing she did know about him now.
Polite, considerate, well mannered, intelligent, good to his friends, self sacrificing, helped Harry – in the end.
Those were all great qualities, she just had to find a way to reconcile them with the bully, the death eater and the tormentor she had grown up knowing.
That night after the evening meal, Hermione lingered at the library in hopes of having a few extra hours of study before exams. She had been feeling lousy all day so she knew that Malfoy would be too, however, she couldn't bring herself to go back to the doom.
At 9pm almost exactly, she looked up and saw Malfoy standing nearby, watching her.
"Merlin, you scared me... How long have you been there?" she asked, packing away her things when she noticed the time.
"Not long" he said, strolling over to where she sat.
"You look pretty good" she said, cringing internally. "I mean, I've been feeling rotten all day, I figured you'd be the same" she said.
He just smiled at her, as he looked around, and she noticed that they were alone. Madam Pince must have left long ago because the candles on her desk weren't even smoking.
She got up to leave, but felt a dizzy spell hit her. It wasn't unusual but it was annoying and made her sit back down.
"Come on" he said, pulling her to her feel by her arm and leading her through an aisle once she was steady.
"Honestly I've been studying for hours, I can't possibly..." she began, but stopped when he halted mid way through the aisle and pushed her back against a shelf.
"I already cast a notice me not and a silencing spell" he said, as his hands travelled under her school skirt reaching for the top of her stockings.
"Malfoy, we're in the library" she chastised, hut she wasn't sure she was fully convinced that it was a bad idea
"I've always wanted to do it in here, haven't you" he asked, divesting her of everything underneath her skirt.
"I hadn't really thought about it" she said, listening to the chink of his belt as he undid it.
Every sound was like an echo and every second made her heart beat frantically in her ears. She had now been with Malfoy a dozen times or more, but this time felt different, it was public and sporadic.
"You wouldn't make it back to the dorm with the state you're in" he said.
The thud of his pants on the floor coincided with him grabbing her thighs and lifting her up, pressing her hard against the shelves.
He leant into her and thumbed her clit and she felt his smile at her readiness.
"Always ready to go" he said.
"Seems that way" she said, no good at sex talk.
He raised her up a little more and let her back down, impaling her with his hard length as she gripped his shoulders for balance.
Hus movements were hard and fast as he pumped into her against the shelves. Books were falling and the shelves were groaning against the intrusion but Hermione could only think of him. Malfoy, how he felt how he smelt, how he didn't hesitate to rectify the situation when he saw her almost collapse.
Her hands threaded through his hair as she felt his pace quicken. She angled herself so there was more friction against her clit and was rewarded instantly with a surge of pleasure. She cried out as an orgasm took hold and Malfoy groaned into her shoulder with his own.
It had been fast but it worked. She feely 100 per cent better immediately.
He let her down gently and picked up her discarded stockings with her underwear tangled in them. She looked to him with a frown as she took them, untangled them and dressed herself appropriately before he buckled up his belt.
He waved his wand and she heard the sounds of the castle return to them as she collected her bag from the desk she had been sitting at.
For some reason he didn't leave immediately, but lingered, waiting for her. They didn't speak the whole way back to the dorm, yet, walked side by side as though they were something more than enemies.
They entered the dorm together, going separate ways to interact with their separate social groups. She was gently teased by her friends for her ability to cram more study in during the final countdown , while the rest of them were having early celebrations.
She joined them in a drink before heading to bed to contemplate her future.
Exam day dawned bright and sunny and she felt as though she had prepared as much as she could. She spent the morning outside in the sunshine gathering vitamin D to keep her going throughout the day and headed to her first exam early.
The hall was being prepared when she arrived, so she waited noticing the Malfoy had also arrived early.
"This is it, hey?" she said trying to fill the awkward silence.
"I suppose it is" he answered.
"Do you have plans...? For after?" she asked, wondering why she thought now would be a good time to have this particular discussion.
"I thought about travelling, or perhaps spending the summer at home. I haven't thought that far ahead" he answered.
"Me neither" she said, chewing her fingernails. "I suppose we will have to come up with some kind of arrangement" she said, as Neville and Dean entered the entrance hall.
Malfoy just nodded as the other two approached.
"You ready Hermione?" Neville asked.
"Don't think I could have studied harder if I tried" she said truthfully.
"You'll be fine" she heard Malfoy say quietly.
"What's that, Malfoy?" Dean asked. She held her breath for a confrontation.
"I was just saying, Granger is a shoe in to take out the most NEWTS. Always has been. She'll be fine" he said, earning a small smile from Hermione.
"Yes... Well... You're right" Neville said, looking shocked at Malfoy's offhand compliment.
"Don't discount yourself Malfoy, you've always been second best to me. I'd say I have some healthy competition" she said.
He pushed off the wall he had been leaning against and stepped towards her, making her grow concerned.
He extended his hand, looking from his hand to her face and said "may the best man win".
She looked into his eyes and saw something there. A warmth perhaps. She quickly took his hand, "or woman" she said with a smile.
By this time, almost all the 8th years had noticed their little interaction.
"Isn't this great, a little healthy competition" pansy said, throwing her arm around Malfoy. It irritated Hermione but she didn't let it show.
She hadn't really observed much interaction between the two of them, but this... She didn't like. The magic inside of her spurred to life and ignited inside of her, urging her to move, to attack. She wanted Pansy dead. Beyond dead. A deep dark place in Hermione's mi D wanted Pansy Parkinson vanished. Logic is what kept her feet rooted to the spot as Malfoy turned and retreated back to his place against the wall.
"Competition? Come off it Pans, Granger has us all pegged" said Theo Nott with a wink her way.
"Says you Theo... I've been studying" pansy said, kissing Malfoy on the cheek.
Hermione almost burst at the seems before turning and leaving.
"Where are you going? Were going in soon!" called Seamus.
"Bathroom, I'll be right back" she said, not turning around.
She hurried to the bathroom, tears blurring her vision. How dare she be jealous? Malfoy and Pansy shared loads of history. It was only normal for her to be like that with him. Then again, Malfoy was hers.
She shook her head, trying to reconcile the logic with the biology, he was definitely not hers. He was free to be with whoever he chose and if he chose Pansy 6 nights a week, Hermione would settle for one. The idea made her skin crawl and her stomach heave.
She leant over the toilet and threw up her breakfast, feeling a wave of heat and lethargy flood through her veins.
When she had nothing left to throw up, she washed her face, hoping that the cool water would ease what she was feeling, but it did very little. She hurried back to the great hall and entered just after her classmates. It was all theory, so she could sit and work without distraction and hopefully the images of Pansy Parkinson with her claws all over Malfoy would leave her mind soon.
The exam began and she found herself having vast great answers to the questions. She flew through an essay and answered short questions with ease. Her mind had cleared itself and she worked efficiently through the exam. As the clock began to wind down to the final half hour, her classmates began leaving, having finished early. Hermione had always known that it was best to stay and read over her work, making corrections here and there.
She looked up briefly and stretched her neck side to side, happening to glance in Malfoy's direction as Pansy stood from her desk.
She watched the witch walk deliberately past him, walking her fingers over his shoulder as she did. It set Hermione's magic on fire. She was burning with rage that she had never experienced before and she felt like if she didn't contain it, it would come out of her in waves. She looked back down at her work, but the words she had written were all blurry. She figured she had probably done her best anyway, so she packed her quill and ink up and stood to leave with 15 minutes on the clock.
She followed Pansy out the doors, through the entrance hall and down a corridor. She didn't know what her intent was, but she had to hurt her, had to show her. Had to let her know that she wasn't to be messed with.
As she was about to reach for her wand, she heard fast heavy footsteps behind her. She turned to see Malfoy running towards her, holding his finger to his lips.
He took her by the arm and led her into an unused classroom where he waved his wand at the door and quickly removed his jacket.
Hermione's rage was still seething, she wanted an explanation, but all she got was him. He sprung on her like a lion on a gazelle. He tore at her clothes as she pulled at his. He pushed her against a nearby table and turned her around, bending her over so she was bared to him.
His entry was hard and fast, he held her hips tight and he pounded her into the table. She could do nothing, say nothing. Her mouth made strange sounds with every thrust and she didn't care.
This is what she needed, to forget about the last two hours. This is what she needed to satisfy that nagging part of her brain that said he was hers.
He reached around and toyed with her clit making her cry out as an intense orgasm ripped through her. It happened so fast, faster than ever before. She wondered if the anger had brought it on. If it had all been some form of foreplay.
Before she could catch her breath, he spun her around and she climbed backwards onto the table, followed by him. She clung to him as he took her again, holding him close to her, needing to feel him, needing his warmth to know he was there.
"Tell me..." she said, without realising it.
"Tell you what" he panted.
"Tell me you're mine. That this is just for us" she begged, not entirely knowing why.
"I am yours Granger. I am all yours. Whatever you want" he said, moments before groaning out his own orgasm.
The room was silent as they each caught their breath. She wasn't sure why she needed him to say that, but his response wasn't what she thought she would hear.
She repaired her clothes with her wand, her magic now back to its fullest capacity and then dressed. Her mind was running at a thousand miles an hour, trying to comprehend what he had said.
"Till next time" he said suddenly, before turning and leaving the room.
She stood there on her own, quickly casting a cleansing spell over her skin. She had wanted him to be hers but in what way? She didn't know, but his response had sent her into a tail spin.
'Whatever you want'... His words played in her head over and over and she drank them in, dissecting them, analysing them, mulling them over till she couldn't think any more.
She attended her next two days exams without issue, feeling confident that she aced them all. The night of the final exam, the students organised a party to celebrate, with Hermione knowing it was a ridiculous idea. Mixing alcohol with party games and this particular group of individuals was sure to be a disaster.
She was still so far from deciding what to do when she left in 2 days time. There would be a ball the following month to mark the anniversary of the battle and the downfall of Voldemort, and she at least wanted to have something figured out by then.
She sat in a large cushy armchair nursing a diluted fire whisky while she thought about her options
She would certainly go home, to her parents house. Maybe redecorate, take the master bedroom for her own, now that it was clear they weren't going to return. The thought made her sad, but she knew this was a possibility when she removed herself from their memories almost 2 years ago. At least they were alive. At least she was alive. At the time, she didn't think any of them would make it.
She thought about carer options, about travel, about studying in the muggle world. None of it really felt like a possibility while she had no idea what her future with Malfoy entailed.
She thought about all the things Jenny had said, how, every time Hermione had followed her advice, she had been right. She had told Hermione to chase the intimacy she craved, but it was easier said than done. She had a routine with Malfoy. Structure. They knew where they stood with each other. If she were to mess with that, it would throw her whole world into the unknown. And especially now that they were about to leave, it made it all the more complicated. There would be no more adjoining room, no more abandoned classroom. No more anything. Their encounters would need to be planned, scheduled, monitored, to ensure they were fit to travel and able to actually do it.
As she stared into the fire, she felt more than saw his presence in the chair beside her.
"Sickle for your thoughts, Granger" he said.
She sighed out a half hearted attempt at a chuckle before looking around the room and turning to him
"Things are going to be difficult for us" she said.
"I don't think so. As long as we meet every 2 or 3 days we'll be ok" he said, eyeing her cautiously.
"Sure, of course" she said, sipping her drink.
She didn't know why she felt so sad. She was almost done with school, almost free to be who she was destined to be. The problem was, destiny hadn't factored in the curse.
Or had it?
Had destiny decided that they should be cursed? She had always been sceptical about prophecies and divination, but she couldn't help but wonder if his place in her life had changed her into who she was always supposed to be?
Eventually, Malfoy got up and walked back to his friends and she stayed where she was, sipping her diluted drink, staying lost in her thoughts.
