Have you forgotten
all of the years before now,
the way Father treated you like a son,
the way I loved you?
Did you forget your promise,
the one where you looked at me
and said that you'll be my mom now,
because she couldn't anymore?
Did you forget how we, you, Hak, and I,
used to play together,
the way Hak made snow angels,
the way we fought that day in the cold and the snow,
until we all came down with a cold?
Did you forget the way everyone came to visit?
The way even your father came,
the way it felt natural,
like breathing to lay beside the two of you,
my best friends?
Did you forget the way we used to be?
What did I mean to you
when I climbed up on the horse with you,
Hak holding me up like always,
just to get me up in front of you,
the way your arms encircled me,
how close we were?
Were we not close?
Was it an illusion
to feel warm breath and to hear your heartbeat
right behind my ear?
Were you an illusion all this time,
memories dotted with imaginary feelings,
pretend friendship,
a blood bond not even real?
Was I scarecrow in your eyes,
something to stand out in the field,
too dumb to actually see what was happening,
a scarecrow with red hair, like the dawn, behind me?
You are a magician,
one I wish I didn't know,
one I wish I never loved,
written into my heart as easily as if,
as if, you always belonged there.
Please get out!
Leave me alone!
Let me be at peace with others
who are actually here with me.
