Set during season 8 episode 7 affinity where Sam and Jack are talking in her lab. Pete has proposed, Sam hasn't given him an answer yet. This fills in some of the gaps of that conversation between Sam and Jack and proposes an alternative outcome.
Sam sat in her lab trying to read a scientific report on alien technologies SG-10 had recently recovered from the planet Lurashe. Her blue eyes were fixed on the screen but they were not reading the words, her levels of distraction had reached new heights since Pete had handed her the small velvet ring box just 2 weeks ago. She had a decision to make on her future.
This is what i want, Pete is who i want, he is my future... right?
The same sentence had been repeating in her mind for weeks, but probably months if she was to be honest with herself. She couldn't shake the underlying feelings of doubt in her mind. Pete was a wonderful man, she could be happy with him but... and there was always a but.
She felt his presence before she looked up from her desk, already knowing it was him. The years they had spent in each-others company on missions, off-world and on, had made Sam's senses attuned to him. In battle it was a blessing, in times of calm it was a reminder of her deeply rooted feelings for him.
From the corner of her eye she saw movement at the entrance to her lab.
General O'Neill, the slight hesitation, the tell tale rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet and silent exaggerated hand gestures, she smiled inwardly , waiting for him to say her name.
'Carter'
Sam looked up at him.
'Sir' she replied
'I never thought i'd hear myself utter these words...'
Silently she raised her eyebrows as he stretched out his sentence
'...but i need that report'
Report! Sam exclaimed internally!
'Right, erm... i just need to... erm' Sam scrambled to find the words to explain her delay, shuffling through the piles of paperwork 'i just need to write up my notes'
Jack smiled but concern clouded his face.
Sam looked up at him, her blue eyes meeting his brown, flustered. She was never flustered.. but yet, here she was off balance and unfocused, she took a breath.
'I'll have it for you first thing tomorrow, Sir'
Jack stepped forward into her lab and looked down at the watch on his wrist, 'er Carter, it is tomorrow'
Sam mirrored his action, looking down at her watch, pausing to take in the time that was flashing back at her.. 00:30hrs, 'Oh!'
'I'm joking' Jack said 'i don't need a report'
'Well then why...' Sam started
'Because something's going on with you' he cut her off, Sam lowered her eyes. 'You haven't tried to confuse me with any scientific babble for the past few weeks, and that's a red flag to me' he gestured towards her.
Sam hesitated, biting her lip, internally her heart was beating hard, her stomach felt like it had dropped through the floor from the nerves of a pending revelation.
She sighed, closing her eyes then drawing her hands up to the drawer in her desk, pulling out the little black velvet box and holding it up for Jack to examine.
'Pete gave me this'
Jack's eyes betrayed nothing of the feelings that he truly felt in that moment, he knew before he locked his eyes on the box, what it was and what it meant... he was loosing her.
But how could he ever truly think that, she was never really his, as much as he wanted her. He had known he loved her for many years now, felt the burning ache for her and the intrusive fear every time something pulled her into danger. It was irrational, she was a seasoned soldier and exemplary officer, but still his fear for her life every-time she stepped through the gate was a reality for him.
He looked down at the box, then at Sam, taking it from her outstretched hand and feeling the softness of her skin as his calloused fingers grazed hers. He took a small breath inwards before opening the lid and revealing the engagement ring inside.
It wasn't the ring he would have chosen for Sam, it was nice but it wasn't perfect, it wasn't right and it wasn't from him... that was the real problem.
His expression remained passive, he knew then that he couldn't give anything of the inner turmoil he felt in that moment away, he couldn't be the one to influence Sam here. He had no right to dictate her life, even if it meant loosing out to another man... but god did he want to just throw the offending item aside and lay all his cards on the table for her to see.
'People normally wear these on their fingers' he said, attempting humour without it translating to the expression on his face.
That wasn't lost on Sam, her eyes locked onto his as he spoke to her.
'I haven't said yes' she replied, searching his eyes.
Jack paused, looking down again at the open ring-box in his hand. 'And yet, you haven't said no' he snapped closed the box.
Sam closed her eyes, pausing. 'I told him i needed to think about it'
She opened her eyes again and watched as Jack placed the ring box down on her desk with a gentle thud.
'And?...' he asked, barely daring himself to hear her answer.
'That was two weeks ago' she said quietly
'Ah..' Jack was lost for words, unsure how to respond or even what to say next. There was so much that remained unspoken between them. He felt that he had already missed his opportunity to try and acknowledge what they had left in the room all those years ago.
She was young, beautiful, infinitely intelligent, brave and brilliant yet he was a beaten up old soldier who's luck on the battlefield had almost run out so many times before, had it not been for her... what could he offer that the Cop could not?
His eyes trailed down to her lips, she looked more beautiful now than the day they'd met, his unspoken desire for her rattled around his mind, as it had done for many years now.
'You know, all these years i've just been concentrating on work, i just assumed that one day i would ...'
'What, have a life?' Jack finished
'Yeah' Sam breathed with a smile
Jack nodded.. he clearly had the same intention.
'But now it comes down to it, i don't know' Sam continued
Jack didn't move or speak, he didn't want her to clam up, he just looked at Sam waiting for her to continue.
'I mean every time we go through the Stargate, we risk not coming back. Is it fair to put somebody else through that?' Sam said looking at Jack for the answer
'Pete is a cop, i think he could handle it' Jack replied. Sam shook her head with uncertainty.
'And what about kids?' She sighed
Jack's heart pounded in his chest, kids!... a memory of Charlie playing in the garden flitted through his mind punctuated by an immediate stab of grief.
'What about them?' He replied flatly
Her face showed so many conflictions in that moment, hope, yearning, fear, need but most of all uncertainty.
'Do i take maternity leave then come back? What, do i drop the baby off at day care before going off to some unexplored planet on the edge of the galaxy?' Her eyes showed her anguish.
Jack looked down at her, imagining for a moment that Sam was dropping their baby off at day care... a warmth rose through his body as his mind wandered to a vision of Sam during those early days of motherhood. A newborn baby cradled in her arms against her skin, with her azure blue eyes and blond hair but with traces of his features...
'Carter, there are people on this base that have families!' He said
Sam nodded, looking down at her hands. Jack could sense her mind scanning through all the possibilities.
He had always known that she wanted children, her maternal reaction to Cassie in their early days had made that clear. Daniel had spoken in Sam's defence at her defying direct orders to return to Cassie in that abandoned nuclear facility 'Jack you can't punish Sam for this' he had said 'what would you have done in her position?, Sam did the right thing and you know it' Jack had spun around glaring at Daniel 'she disobeyed a direct order, Daniel' he was masking his relief by directing his anger at Daniel, he knew she had done the right thing and hell, he absolutely would have done the same.
Sam glanced up, pulling Jack from his memories.
'And what about you, if things had been different' She asked quietly her hands moving slowly gesturing between them.
The sentence immediately derailed him. Her words had the ability to make or break his world in moments. What he really wanted to say was that he loved her, wanted a life with her outside of the Stargate Program, needed to give her everything she dreamed of, children and more...
He looked at her, for the first time in a long time allowing him to see the woman in-front of him for what she truly was... more. More to him than anyone before, more than he had ever admitted to himself, more than he could bear to loose.
They had done this dance for years, never breaking through that invisible line that kept them at arms length from each-other, only allowing for small moments of comfort in the arms of the other after hard won battles, loss and anguish.
He had decided when he first found out about Pete that he would close the lid on the box that was 'Sam' - 'she deserves more than Jack O'Neill' but it hurt, knowing that another man would be comforting her, loving her and building a life with her.
Her bright azure blue eyes fixed onto his, her mouth settling in a sombre line, a flicker of sadness betraying her emotions to him.
Fuck it. Jack thought.
'I wouldn't be here' he finally answered 'I'd retire' he said slowly.
Sam gazed up at him, her surprise evident 'Sir?' She tilted her head ever-so slightly, pressing him for more. She needed to hear what he had to say.
