Finding Hope

If I was the worst man in the world
Would you still be my girl?
The scariest monster you ever seen
Would you still love me? - Killer by Plain White Ts

Katsuki stalked away from the shelter, and I cursed myself. Stupid, weak, coward! Had I been one millimeter less angry I would have cried. I am stupid! I tossed a few more branches on the fire and scraped the eggs out of the hole I'd made for them. I set them aside with our other provisions to cool and then went out to confront Katsuki.

As soon as the blanket twitched open he shifted to watch me. He turned away, "Go back in."

"Katsuki." I didn't quite know what to say. I was sorry, but after even knowing him for a few days, I knew Katsuki would not want my apology. If Dabi had actually been here and been rebuffed, he would have been the same. I felt the shame of my actions roll over me, leaving me feeling tired and raw. I settled next to where he had found a log to perch on.

I glanced at him, "If you want to leave, I understand."

He spoke, though he didn't face me, "I made a promise. A promise to keep you safe."

I nodded, "I remember."

"I thought about that. Walking away." He peered into the dark, "Why?"

I studied the trees I could barely make out in the night; there was only one thing he could mean. I wrapped my hands around my knees and sorted through my thoughts, "Do you not know how amazing you are?" I could feel my nails dig into the flesh of my hands, "You're strong, and you have the courage of a lion!" I looked up to see him regard me with frank disbelief written across his features. "The more time I spent with you, the more I realized that under all the hard is kindness. You're a good man, Katsuki." I shook my head, "You were right, I do need what you are…" I shrugged, "was offering. You make me feel safe."

"I won't try again unless I'm sure it'll work."

I snorted, he had no idea, but I already had a lover that was just like him. Maybe that was why I felt an undeniable attraction. Katsuki was good, deep down where it counted. And beautiful, especially under the moon, with it's gentle light silvering his hair and limning his body. He was all I had said and more.

"Will you come back in? Your fever may have broken, but I need you to stay warm and eat."

He left his perch, coming around to offer me a hand up, "Partner."

"Captain."

Dabi

Shinso and I jumped into the back of a wagon that had stopped for us after we'd been walking for a couple of hours on the road. I was glad to be right about this. I had not wanted to have to walk or steal a jump. I hadn't even seen one, so I suppose it wouldn't have come to that. But the wagon got me closer to Ochaco, and that was the important thing.

We rumbled down the A10 all the rest of the day, the driver explaining that he had promised the wagon to a friend near Poiters. Not one to look at a gift too closely, I'd decided that it was better than walking. We stayed with him for a long time, bouncing over the highway for hours. The travel was grueling, even with the horses doing all the actual work.

It rained, big, sloshy drops that soaked everything in moments. Add in the stinging, ice-cold rain that almost qualified as sleet that froze you, while only making you wetter, and you would have us: two miserable travelers. Shinso and I huddled like the lovers we'd pretended to be in a corner of the wagon bed during the worst of it. That night, we slept under the wagon, all three of us on a tarp laid on the cold, hard ground. The horses had been hobbled to a tree and covered in thick blankets. How I envied them.

The only bright spot was that I had plenty of time to make good on the promises I had made to Hitoshi during the pauses between storms. I taught him how to care for and handle a gun. We tried our hand at hitting targets while we jounced around until the driver said we were spooking the horses. Guns aren't great in the wet, anyway. So we switched to learning how to fight. We went over the basics, and it reminded me of when Ocacho had asked to learn how to fight with her fists. I had always thought her earnestness was just a way to stay close, but she soaked our lessons in. Hitoshi was just as eager, and every time we stopped to water or rest the horses, he would practice punching and blocking. I envied him too, wishing I could stop worrying about Ochaco long enough to enjoy myself. I was proud of Shinso. He was becoming an invaluable partner.

Had Ochaco been here with me - or even if I knew she was safe - I would have called this a vacation. As we neared the heartland, France became more beautiful. Nature had reclaimed so many cities and other signs of technology that you might be forgiven if you felt transported to another time. Shinso became more talkative and cheerful under her healing spell.

Parting ways with the wagon driver under a patch of trees a few scant hours before he would roll into our destination was a difficult decision. Shinso had mentioned that Ochaco could literally be anywhere, and all I could think about was starting with the outlying villages and working my way in. The waggoneer had been kind in a time when kindness seemed only to bring hostility, so I parted with a pack of cigarettes and Shinso gifted him a fifth of scotch for the ride.

After the rumble of the wagon faded we searched around. It took us no time finding wagon ruts heading away from the roadway in several directions. Picking one at random we resumed our trek. It wasn't long before I began to feel uneasy.

It started small. A premonition, possibly, since there were no noises outside what I would not semi-expect in a deserted countryside trail in winter. Small animals and birds living their lives. Hitoshi poking into bushes with a long stick he'd found. A far off boom of people doing detonation work somewhere.

Actually, why would that happen now? The rain had blown past hours ago, but the environment was still saturated. I began to listen closer. I threatened Hitoshi with breaking his stick, and then stopped dead. We were near the crumbling A10, and the trees hadn't propagated enough to totally wreck my view, so I turned in a full circle listening for the explosion again.

Nothing. If it had been miners, I would expect more noise. If it were just villagers who'd decided to blow up a stump or something with dynamite, we should be able to see either them or signs of a homestead. There were neither.

"Keep your eyes open." I cautioned Shinso in a low voice, "I don't like this."

Shinso blinked, "There isn't anything for kilometers! What is there not to like?"

I gave him the withering glance that comment deserved. He knew nothing. "Don't be afraid to use your quirk if we find anyone. Better to ask forgiveness than wait to be robbed or worse."

He nodded slowly, still obviously unsure that I hadn't gone insane. I wondered that myself as the quiet reigned supreme. I set off again, my eyes constantly moving over the landscape. It had to have been close to a half hour before I heard the explosions again. Much closer this time. It was coming from just ahead!

I dashed forward, this time scanning the sky - where impossibly - I could have sworn the booms were coming from. It was Shinso's open mouthed stare that stopped me in my tracks.

He pointed, "What the hell is that?!"

I had no answer for him. Descending from a pall of smoke came a large shape that quickly resolved into people. Falling from the sky. That must have been the source of the explosions, but I was confused and what happened next didn't help. There were two of them, that was clear. One, taller than their companion, patted the other before they flopped into the winter-dead, rain soaked grass. That one, a woman I decided from her visible anatomy, jumped up, brushing her butt furiously, and I imagined she was scolding the other. He, I guessed, gestured at her, and she crossed her arms. Then my stare became open mouthed.

That was Ochaco. I knew that like I knew I was wearing boots. No one could muster that level of pure outrage in one set of crossed arms. I could almost feel it radiating from her.

"It can't be…" Shinso had crept closer to me, "Tell me I'm wrong."

I looked at him, and apparently Shinso knew that pose, too. "I don't think you are."

"Stay right there!" They'd finally spotted us. The yell was loud and commanding, and in passable English. The man swept Ochaco behind him, "If you want a fight, I'll kill you!" I almost chuckled. Ochaco obviously said something, "I have valuables if you have food."

I exchanged a look with Shinso who shrugged. We didn't have food to share, but with Shinso's quirk, I could hog tie the man and save Ochaco without killing anyone. What he didn't know couldn't hurt him.

"Walk toward me," I started in my deck voice…

Ochaco pushed the man out of her way and ran full-tilt at me. I held out my arms, and caught her under her own and swung her around, kissing her, feeling her tears and happy giggles rain on me. I was complete! How I hate to cry, but I could feel emotion swelling in my chest.

"Are you hurt?" I squeezed her, "Oh, god, I missed you. I missed you!"

"Dabi!" She kissed me in pecks that burned my skin. "I missed you too."

Shinso stood to the side, watching us with a grin fit to split his face. The other man was rushing at us, and I looked up, and almost dropped Ochaco as he neared me. I knew this boy who had tried to taunt me. This was Bakugo.

This time, I swept Ochaco behind me, "Now!"

"Hey!" Shinso shouted, drawing the other man's attention long enough to ensnare him in his quirk, stopping Bakugo in a befuddled slouch. He wobbled on his feet and Shinso gritted his teeth, "His will is strong. If you're going to tie him up, hurry!"

I pulled my bag off my shoulder, quickly rifling through it for the twine that was more handy than you can imagine. I snorted, remembering Barult, but consulted Ochaco, "How do I tie him so that we can leave him here and he won't cause us any trouble?"

"Please," She looked at Bakugo, who was trembling, "We have to take him with us. He saved me, he's a good person. You can trust him."

"I am not going to trust him." I directed a hard look at Ochaco, "He cannot be allowed to hurt anyone, so tell me how to disable him before he wakes up."

"His hands," She turned away, her voice heavy with what I hoped wasn't sadness. "Bind his hands together and tie his wrists. He's still strong, and will fight you, but he shouldn't be able to use his quirk."

I did as instructed, yanking Bakugo's arms behind him as I threaded the twine around his fingers and the back of his hands before winding his wrists with just enough to tie a heavy knot. Just in time. Bakugo struggled, incoherently snarling and thrashing his bound hands. "Fight me like a fucking man, pirate!"

"Couldn't hold him," Shinso massaged his forehead. "Shit, that hurts."

Bakugo charged Hitoshi, but I snagged his shoulder, using his inertia to give him a shove that sent him to the ground, "Just calm down." I put all the command I could find in my voice, "Ochaco doesn't want me to hurt you but I will."

"Dabi!" Bakugo spat like a curse, "Fuck, you're just as shit-ugly as I'd heard."

My fists hardened as I felt my quirk prickle my skin. This little shit-lord was going to beg me to forgive him.

"Bitch," he seethed, "This is who I was saving you for? This?"

Never mind that; I felt my flames crawl up my arms and curl over my coat. He wasn't going to live long enough to need forgiving. I had made a promise, I would save her from a dirty world.

Ochaco's wail hurt me as I turned to see her, her hands covering her mouth as she openly sobbed, "Don't do this. Please!"

We both stared at her, and I felt jealousy, clear and hard. Bakugo had one thing I did not. He had perfect skin. I wanted to kill him. To pull my sidearm and put a bullet in his brain then burn him to dust. I snarled, and felt the fire flow around my neck and out the back of my coat. Bakugo's gaze grew hard as I stared him down.

"Dabi, please." Ochaco reached for me, knowing that she was the only thing that would make me extinguish my flames. Damn her. I powered down, heat and anger draining out of me in a rush that was almost physically painful.

"Do you love him?" Everyone stared at me like I'd lost my damned mind. Even Bakugo's eyes widened almost comically. "Well?"

"No. Please stop this! Both of you!"

"He is a pirate," Bakugo countered, "you think he hasn't committed any crimes? You're fooling yourself! You think you know anything about him?"

Shinso sucked air through his teeth, "I can try and shut him up, but Dabi, I can't hold him." He shook his head, "Maybe not even a full minute."

I was too shocked to even respond. I watched his lips curl into a victorious smile.

Ochaco spoke through it all, "I do! He's good! He saved me, and that's all that matters!"

"Dabi is not even his name." Bakugo started. "You told me that he was forgotten, just like you. I'm afraid all he's ever done is lie to you, angel face. Yes, please take me to your ship. I'm sure sweet Ochaco would like to hear everything I have to say."

"Get him up." The words rasped, "Call the Magdalene." I directed another look at the now openly chuckling Bakugo, "Shut the fuck up."

Ochaco had hugged herself, her sobbing quiet, yet shaking her like a leaf.

"I had to." I took a step, and she looked up, stumbling back. I ducked my head, "I'll tell you everything. I'm sorry. I never thought that this would hurt you."

I felt the scars under my eyes swell. Tears, or what passes for tears for me. I tried to hold it back, not to let Ochaco or the others see my weakness, but in the end I couldn't. From around the stitches under my right eye I felt the sluggish trail of blood and saline make their way down to stain my shirt. The truth came just slightly harder.

The breath that I took seemed to dig in with hot coals, "My name is Todoroki Toya."


AN/ About Dabi… There's one panel in the manga that gives me just the feels. Dabi is musing about how much he hates his father when blood seeps from his eye. Oh god. Thank you, Mosevic, for helping me with… everything! Wagons go about 9.6kph. Didn't wanna forget that. I figured out that his trip might have taken about 30 hours of continuous travel. This is bad. Don't do this. I just did this in a car. It is torture.