I just needed something to do before school, so here you go. (This could be pretty short)
Orbs
Why. Just why.
I always see this word in THE MOST unnecessary places. Usually in Pertemis fics, which I try to avoid but sometimes the sneak up on me. I'm serious! Next time you read one, I bet that you'll see this word at least once.
It's just so weird! It makes the internal dialogue sound all clunky, and for me it throws the whole story off. How can one little word do that, you ask. Allow me to show you.
Examples:
1. As he stared into her swirling silver orbs, his heart started beating uncomfortably fast, and his palms started to sweat.
2. I watched intently as his beautiful sea-green orbs drifted up towards my face, and his lips curved into a smile. "Hey," he said sleepily, and yawned.
Ugh. Just writing that made me slightly sick to the stomach. But does someone, anyone, see what I mean? 'Orbs' could very easily be replaced with EYES, and I would probably still dislike the story, but at least I wouldn't actively be cringing.
Like I said, short. I just needed something to do before school. Does anyone see what I mean about this though? Seriously. If you do, or don't, I don't care, leave a review! (Also, don't forget to check out my other stories, The Gift of Gods and Two Sides Of The Same Coin.)
Peace out,
LadyHW
