John Phoenix was in the passenger seat of the British car belonging to Herlock Sholmes. Sholmes was sitting to his right in the driver's seat, and behind him were Ryunosuke Naruhodo, Susato Mikotoba and Iris Wilson. They were out in the countryside of the United Kingdom of John Phoenix's era, looking for new adventures... hopefully not involving any French thieves.
Time passed, and a sign appeared over the horizon. Before it neared, John Phoenix used his enhanced vision to read it.
"Welcome to Tudors!" said the sign. And so, as they reached the sign, Sholmes hit the brakes and stopped the car.
"Why have you stopped?" said John Phoenix. "We are not in Tudors yet."
"Quite right, my good fellow!" said Sholmes. He corrected his mistake by driving past the sign and their dance of deduction was complete!
Everyone got out of the car.
"Let's explore this mysterious town!" said John Phoenix.
"Um, John Phoenix..." said Susato. "I'm very sorry to hold you back but I think we're forgetting someone..."
John Phoenix groaned. He turned around, walked to the back of the car and opened the trunk. "Get out, uncle."
Phoenix Wright, who was curled up in a ball inside the trunk, grabbed his nephew's arm and crawled outside.
"Where are we?" asked Phoenix.
"A new place that will have new challenges for me, that's where!"
"I don't like challenges... I like to take life easy."
"Then wait in the car," John Phoenix shrugged and he went into town with the Baker Street people.
They went into the market, which was fortunately not very crowded as it was late in the day so nobody was shopping.
"Ooh look, peppers!" said Iris.
"I don't really like peppers they make me feel sick," said Ryunosuke.
John Phoenix scoffed at the vegetables and went looking for the meat stall. But just as they moved on, there was a catastrophe behind them!
There was a loud CRASH at the vegetable stall and when John Phoenix turned to look he saw a barrel had fallen over away from the street and in front of it there was a corpse! The man running the stall was arrested.
"Now then," said Sholmes. "Let us engage in the art of deduction!"
John Phoenix yawned. He did not like vegetables so he didn't particularly care what happened to the person that got arrested. However, his gut instinct told him it might be fun to solve this mystery so he joined his friends in their investigation.
He looked at the market stall. The barrel that had fallen over contained peppers, and they had fallen behind the market stall where the market man had been standing at the time.
"So what have you deduced?" said Ryunosuke.
"Nothing!" said Sholmes.
"Saying that with an exclamation mark doesn't make it any less unimpressive," said Susato.
"This is hopeless," said Ryunosuke. "Let's go to the circus instead."
"Yayyyyyy!" said Iris.
So John Phoenix and friends went to the circus but they were early, the show hadn't started yet.
"Ah, hello there," said the ringmaster. "Nothing unusual happened here today!"
"I don't believe you're being entirely honest with us my good fellow," said Sholmes. Then he adjusted his position ever so slightly so that he could spot the big gaping hole in the circus tent behind the lion cage.
"Ah, shite! Ya caught me out," said the ringmaster. "We accidentally fired the cannon and it blew a hole in the feckin' wall."
Deduction complete!
The next day, John Phoenix, Ryunosuke and Susato went to court as the defense team representing the market man. Sholmes and Iris were watching from the gallery.
"The court is in session for the market man's trial," said the Duke of Buckingham, also known as the judge.
"Okay," said Prosecutor Anne Boleyn. "The market man killed Thomas Culpepper and hid him in a barrel of peppers to hide him, since he looked like a pepper so nobody noticed he was actually Thomas Culpepper and not an actual pepper. There is evidence supporting this theory."
Boleyn presented the market man's footprint that was on the barrel when he kicked it over to reveal the body was hidden there.
"OBJECTION!" shouted John Phoenix. "The veggie guy was behind the market stall, so if he kicked it, then why did it fall BACKWARDS? Logically, it should have fallen onto the street!
"OBJECTION" said Boleyn. "The body was found on the street so he must have fallen out of it that way. Then the barrel spun around to face the other direction."
"That's impossible," said John Phoenix. "The barrel was also full of peppers, but they fell behind the stall. If Thomas Culpepper fell out onto the street, then the peppers should have too!"
"OH SHIT!" screamed Boleyn.
"This means..." said John Phoenix. "...THAT THOMAS CULPEPPER WASN'T IN THE BARREL, AND SOMEONE ELSE KNOCKED IT OVER!"
"But who?" said Ryunosuke.
"Nobody else was around at the time because it was late," said Susato.
"That's right!" said John Phoenix. "That means that the only person who was there that could have knocked the barrel over... was THOMAS CULPEPPER HIMSELF!"
"WHA WHA WHA WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!" shouted the Duke of Buckingham. "But, wait, he was dead. Dead people can't kick over barrels."
"Yes they can, with help from someone else," said John Phoenix. "And that someone else was the real killer... the RINGMASTER OF THE CIRCUS!"
"What hogwash!" shouted the ringmaster "I WAS AT THE CIRCUS THE WHOLE TIME, THE LADS CAN BACK ME UP!"
"YES!" shouted John Phoenix. "But you didn't need to leave. You see, ringmaster, you loaded Thomas Culpepper into the cannon and shot him through the circus tent wall, then he flew down the hill and crashed into the barrel of peppers! That was the moment he died! Admit it, it's you!"
"WHY WOULD I DO ALLA THIS!" cried the ringmaster.
John Phoenix slammed his fist on the desk. He inherited this pose from Susato, who inherited this pose from Ryunosuke, who inherited this pose from Asogi. Phoenix didn't inherit this pose because he's unworthy.
"The motive... is me. You saw the famous John Phoenix walking around town, and you plotted to kill me. Unfortunately for you, you were out of cannonballs. You had to improvise, so you used Thomas Culpepper as a substitute. Your luck ran out, though, because just after you fired the cannon, I decided to move, and so Thomas Culpepper crashed into the barrel instead! And as for the reason you wanted me dead, there can be only one answer!"
John Phoenix leaped over the defense bench and landed on the witness. He dragged the ringmaster to the floor and ripped his face off! Except it was no face at all, and under the mask was the grizzly sight that was the face of Dylan Fitchar!
"It's been a long time, Dylan," said John Phoenix. "But a thousand years may pass and you'll never best me!"
Dylan Fitchar ran away.
John Phoenix, Ryunosuke and Susato met with Sholmes and Iris in the lobby.
"Thank you, my friends," said John Phoenix. "I never have would have solved this case if you didn't suggest we go to the circus."
"And me, I helped too!" said Phoenix.
"Okay uncle, let's get you to bed."
The End!
