It was not a new feeling that she had, but it was a nonetheless strange one – touch starved was the only way to describe it. That word was not necessarily the right one but fitting. That was enough. It has been a good while since the last time someone besides themselves got to touch. The thought of getting touched by another person felt arousing. Not in a sexual way, but comforting arousal. If by any means, there was such way. Elise took a deep breath, which almost got out as a sigh, and turned her face towards Emily. She heard her explaining something about the M.O. to Hotch: "It seems like he was a fan of classical music."

Fuck, Elise tried not to mumble anything out loud as she truly hated the idea of some ruining her favorite pieces. She was fond of it as well, ever since her first piano lessons as a child classical music as one of the only methods of coping she has that there fine. She knew how to play, not as good as a concert pianist would, but at least she was kind of a similar skill level. Someone would say that they enjoyed her playing. Her thought was quickly diminished by Hotch calling out your last name: "Freud? Are you okay? You seem like something is up."
"Oh... It's nothing. Just was lost in thoughts." That was not a total lie, but she did not feel ready to share yet. Her past was not necessarily the easiest one and only Hotch knew that.
"Well, that's good to hear." He turned his face back to the files on the table and then continued saying something more about the M.O, while she dived headfirst back into her childhood memories. They were not the good ones either, she remembered how her pastor used to tell her that only good girls go to Heaven while touching her eleven-year-old body. She felt shivers going down her back and those were not the good kind either.

A barely noticeable buzz from her phone dragged Elise back to this world. She glanced at the phone just to see a message from Spencer. Her petite lips turned into a smile as she reads the message. She was glad to have someone like him as a dom and as a life partner. At this point, their relationship was a year old. He made her feel loved again.

Spencer – How are you maus?
She took a moment before answering him. She turned her glance back to the phone from the files. Elise decided to not be her usual bratty self.
Elise – I'm fine
Spencer – Are you sure? It doesn't seem like that, princess.
Elise – It's nothing... Just the fact that classical music has so strong part of this, brings up some memories I would like to forget.
Spencer – I see. Do you want to talk about it?
Elise – Yeah actually.
Spencer Good girl. 3 Come to the empty file room down the hall in 5.
Elise – Yes, sir.

It was not like she did not want to necessarily talk to him, but this was a conversation that needed to happen sooner or later. So why not do it now.

Those five minutes rolled over slow. She saw Spencer leaving just a minute or two before deciding to follow him. It is not that she needed an explanation to leave for a few minutes, she decides not to even give one. Elise straightened her blue blouse slightly as she made her way to the agreed meeting place. She was nervous. Soon would come the moment when she tells Spencer about some of her childhood traumas. It is not like she agreed to tell all at least.

She opened the door and it let out a creek. Not a loud one, but still audible. Spencer was sitting on the leather couch in the room, waiting for her.
"Hey princess." His voice was soft. Elise answered his greeting verbally and then she smiled lightly. She felt his hand on her own as she closed and locked the door behind her. He stood up and took her hand, guiding the woman to sit down. Her eyes were as beautifully blue as always. Spencer took his time to admire her outfit, of course, he had chosen it for her, but still, the blouse matched her eye color perfectly and the darker blue jeans complemented everything. As she sat down next to him, Spencer smiled back to her and tugged a strain of hair behind his ear.
"Sit down," his voice was dominating and demanding but still soft. Elise obeyed without hesitation. She trusted Spencer with her life, so she gladly sat down and shifted her eyes back to Spencer.

"Now, do you want to talk first?" he placed his hand on her shoulder and guided her to lean on him. Elise lifted her legs to cross them and let out a deep sigh.
"Do you remember how I told you about my childhood earlier?" Spencer nodded and rubbed her shoulder a bit. "So that's not all that happened. You know how my parents were big churchgoers among them hitting and sexually abusing me. Yeah… The church was not a good place either. The pastor." She took a small pause before confessing the things people did to her. She fidgeted with strains of her hair while talking. "He also molested me… Like a lot," with those words, Elise began to cry. Not a lot at first but after the memories started flowing again, the crying intensified. Spencer looked disappointed, not at Elise of course but towards life in general. Not one should not have to go through something as she did in her childhood.

He wiped a tear off his cheek and placed his hand on Elise's cheek. Nobody should have to go through all that. But at least he thought Elise would be the one surviving while going through it. He sighed and kept on comforting her for a hot minute. "I had no idea, sweetie..." his lips turned into a frown. His hand felted comforting on her skin. This was all she needed right now. Just one person who she could trust and love. That one was Spencer and she finally realized it and it took her only a hell of amount of childhood traumas to explain. Spencer's brain was full of thoughts as always. Without saying a word, he pulled her into a hug, and just held her for a while.

"Oh maus, just let your emotions go." Elise sobbed for a few more minutes before opening her mouth: "Thanks. I… I needed that a lot."
"Anything for you pumpkin… Do you think you can manage the rest of the day?" his eyes were nailed to hers but filled with comfort at the same time. Elise wiped away a few tears on her cheeks before answering: "With enough coffee, I can manage through pretty much everything."
Spencer chuckled. "I might be able to get you something for that." He placed a kiss on her forehead and then got back up. The doctor waited a good few minutes before giving Elise a hug.
"I love you maus, you know that right?" He assured her, just wanting to keep her close and not let go at all.
"I love you too muffin." Her voice sounded still a bit brittle, but not so much that it would be bad for her. Spencer's mouth turned into a smile, and he opened it once more: "Now let's go get you some coffee. And not from the station, you, my maus deserve a lot better!" Elise didn't have any other choice than to chuckle at her caring dom.

Before they both got out to a nearby café. Hotch stopped them: "How are you really Freud?" His facial expression seemed like he cared, and she trusted her instincts before answering.
"To be honest, I've been a lot better. This case just brought up some memories that I thought to be forgotten already." The unit chief nodded as a sign of sympathy to her. She didn't let him ask a follow-up question but already answered one: "But I think I can manage. If not, I'll find either of you. Plus, Spencer promised me some coffee. So, I'll be just fine." She really wasn't. It wasn't that she was scared to talk, but she just usually bottled her feelings inside. Maybe it was her German hereditary, or just the fact that they don't talk about their feelings in the family.
"Well... That's good to hear." Someone with a good eye might have caught the smallest smile that Hotch had on his lips. "Just don't take too long. And maybe bring something to everyone else too." They both nodded at him and then headed out.

"Are you really okay, maus?" Spencer looked at Elise, who was clearly deep in her thoughts while the pair was walking to the café.
"Huh?" A sound left from her mouth when she realized that Spencer was talking to her. Her eyes turned quickly back to him.
"What's going on in that beautiful mind of yours?" He tried to enquire but got only a smile back from her. After a brief silent moment, Elise opened her mouth: "All I can think for now is that fucking piano piece the unsub played. Maybe it holds something bigger to him than we thought." Elise didn't usually curse at all. So Spencer looked at her with a questionable look.
"Elaborate." His voice was demanding, so she kept going. "Maybe he used to be Mrs. Addington's old student, she was a piano teacher after all." She saw that some kind of gears started turning in the genius head. He definitely grasped the idea that she fed to him.
"You might be right actually. Let me call Garcia while you get in and order something good for you." He declared and dig something from the front pocket of his jeans. It was a credit card that he gave her.

After the third day on the case, they managed to identify the unsub as Melvin Clifford and get his address from Garcia. Elise was able to avoid any other panic attacks and she really thought she was fine. The ride there was quiet, the only one that talked was Hotch telling them directions: "I want JJ, Morgan, and Rossi to go through the back, so I, Prentiss, Reid, and Fred can go through the front." They all nodded or gave another form of affirmative. The house that they arrived at was worn down, it looked like no one hadn't lived there for years. Apparently, Clifford had a bad childhood and so did Elise, although one became murder and one FBI agent.

They all exited from the SUVs and got in their assigned positions. Hotch gave them permission to go in. After that things went south.
"FBI! Drop your weapon!" Elise shouted at Clifford. They had profiled him to be non-aggressive towards law enforcement. But people make mistakes. And sometimes the mistakes might prove to be fatal. The next few minutes went by in a blurry. She saw that Clifford had a gun and it was pointed at his mother's head. It was a rapid decision that she even started talking to Melvin. She started with the usuals: like it wasn't his fault that he was molested and how killing would not help to ease the pain. The words came straight from her heart and it looked like she was on the verge of tears.

And then the unexpected happened. Melvin turned his gun at her and opened his mouth: "Let me help you ease the pain." With that, a loud bang was heard and she collapsed on her knees. Another gunshot echoed in the room and Spencer ran to his partner. "We need medics! We have an agent down!" He yelled to his coms. Nothing really went through his mind as he started applying pressure on the wound. JJ and Prentiss went to check Clifford's mother, who seemed to be just fine. Elise on the other hand was on the verge of unconsciousness.
"C'moon baby. Please keep your eyes open." Spencer begged, but it went to deaf ears. After few seconds, she passed out as the medics came running to the room. Spencer was crying and worried. He hoped that he had done enough. Hotch placed his hand on his shoulder. "Go with her. We'll meet you at the hospital."