Amiya gripped the corner of the wall and peered over the edge. There, in the adjutant position, was Flint. Flint sat, man-spread upon a throne of flowers, and sneered down at the rest of the world. At one point, that had been her, Amiya thought. The black rabbit retreated – she had to find the doctor. They needed to talk. She had avoided this, dreaded this, hoped everyday that she would wake up and her feelings would change. But they didn't. They were like the flames of Surtr, and they would surely burn her from the inside out.
Amiya found him in his office. As she entered, she heard the low rumble of boiling water inside an electric kettle followed by a brief, plastic-y tick. Dr. Safe picked up the kettle and poured the heated water into a paper bowl of Uni-President®'s 來一客® Seafood Flavor instant noodles before trying to finagle shut the foil-lined paper lid. He tried putting a pair of disposable wooden chopsticks on top of the lid to keep it down. The lid gently popped back up and the chopsticks rolled off and onto the table.
"Doktah…" Amiya started.
"Oh, Amiya. What is it?" replied Dr. Safe
"I just wanted… I just needed to talk… about us."
Dr. Safe opened his mouth to reply, but decided it was better to wait and see which direction this conversation was going to go. He silently waited for the guard rabbit to continue. Amiya stood, eyes downcast but periodically looking up and around the room. She caught sight of a picture frame which had, for the longest time, sat empty on the doctor's desk; it now contained a stylistic graphic design with the words INSTANT NOODLES plastered front and center.
"It's just…" Amiya continued "you know, everyday, I say 'okaeri, dokutah' and I hope… I hoped that my feelings would come through..." her words become more and more quiet as she spoke.
When it became clear that Dr. Safe didn't yet have a response, Amiya pushed on.
"From day one, people made fun of me—called me a donkey… drew pictures of me snorting originite. But you, you leveled me up. You trained my skills. I thought that… I thought that you were different. You brought me to risk 33. Do you remember? Do you remember that...? It was win-"
"It was windswept highland." Dr. Safe finished for her, nodding slowly. Shit, he thought, this was not worth the meme. He stole a quick glance down at his noodles. How long had it been since he poured the water in that thing?
Trying his hardest to disengage the conversation in a non-committal fashion, Dr. Safe continued "Amiya, I think that… maybe you misunderstood the situation a bit…"
Dr. Safe trailed off as Amiya pulled the hood of her jacket over her head, hiding her face. She did not poke her ears through the holes of her hood, instead letting them crumple into acute angles and stick out from under it. She clutched the sides of her skirt with her delicate hands. Dr. Safe clutched his chopsticks.
"I knew, I think. I've always known, but still… still I hoped. I hoped that…" once again she trailed off, this time in gentle sobs. Amiya was unsure herself what she wanted to say. "I just… can I really not compete? With Maruchan®? With Cup Noodles®?"
Dr. Safe chose his words very carefully. "Sure but… did you really expect to beat Shin Cup®? Beat ニュータッチ®? Beat Cup Noodles® CHEESE CURRY!?"
Amiya didn't look up. "Perhaps not…" she barely managed to squeak out the words between her tears.
Dr. Safe hesitantly added "look, maybe the next time I need someone to bait an instant kill… it could be you?"
"Doktah… thank you…" the rabbit softly replied. Neither Dr. Safe nor Amiya truly believed that this "next time" would ever come. With eyes still glued to the floor, Amiya quietly shuffled out of the office.
Dr. Safe pulled his disposable wooden chopsticks apart and took the first bite of his instant noodles. The noodles turned into grainy mush in his mouth. The noodles were soggy.
*****YEARS LATER******
A 69-year-old Safe stood at the kitchen counter, waiting for the water to boil. In the next room over, he could hear the television which he had left on. The reporters were talking about the newest Microsoft scandal. The company, which had acquired Discord in 2022, was being accused of spying for the Chinese government. After an investigation and sting operation that costed tax payers over $93 billion dollars, with involvement from 12 different governmental intelligence agencies from 9 separate countries, it was concluded that Discord had been storing user conversations and sending user posted screenshots of Contingency Contract clears directly to Beijing. As a direct victim, Safe was already up-to-date with the story.
The water was taking forever to boil. Over in the next room, the reporters were talking about a new story.
"Human remains were found buried near an apartment complex earlier this week. The local coroners office believes that the man has been dead for over 40 years; the death has been ruled a homicide. A suspect has been apprehended. The county sheriff's office put out a statement stating that they believe that the suspect had killed the victim and had since assumed the victim's online identity, taking over the victim's social media and gacha game accounts—a gacha game is a type of mobile game, like Candy Crush, the sheriff's office clarified. One of our local reporters was able to get an exclusive interview with the victim's brother. Here's a short excerpt from that interview now:"
"I couldn't even imagine… imagine the shock a-a-a-and, and, and, the horror, you must have felt when you realized that you had been talking casually to the man that murdered your brother for 40 years without even knowing it."
"Well, Diane, it's just like how I was explaining it to my friends earlier. Like, I've basically thought that the murderer was my brother for 40 years right? And I've basically been friends with him all that time right? So that's like, longer than I had known my brother, longer than he had even been alive. So it's like, you know, the killer is more my brother than my brother was my brother, you get what I mean?"
The story had a strange familiarity that nagged in the back of Safe's mind; must have been the plot of a shitty eroge I played, he dismissed.
The water finally began to boil and Safe quickly prepared his 康师傅® Roasted Beef Noodle
and brought it with him to the dining table. As the noodles sat in the boiling water, Safe took out his Samsung Galaxy S96+++ Ultra 8G and looked through the materials he would need to farm in order to E6 his units. He cursed in his head—it was going to take 20 T9 rocks to m12 his Arene's s4.
Safe opened Arknights on his phone, which he set on the table, and began eating his instant noodles. He tried hard not to slurp, but failed. Tiny drops of broth splattered onto his phone screen. Safe took a terrible plastic-like napkin and vainly tried to wipe the screen clean. All he managed to do was push and smear beef tallow over a larger portion of the screen. He picked up his phone and hah'd onto the screen before rubbing it vigorously with the back of his shirt in circular motions.
The level 300 Dr. Safe did his free limited-headhunter roll and got a dupe of the new five-star unit. He went into his roster and increased the unit to potential eight. He just needed four more dupes to have it at the maximum potential. Before exiting, he decided to scroll over to make sure he had all the mats ready to E6 Arene.
As Safe quickly shuffled to the four-star units, he must have passed over Sniper Amiya mixed in among the 244 five-stars currently in the game. A Waldo hidden among a sea of Waldo-likes. The only difference: no one was trying to find her.
