Echo stares out into the stars. The ship is quiet. Everyone on The Havoc Marauder is fast asleep. He sighs and takes in the silence. He lazily looks over the controls and monitors, double checking that all is well. All is well, for now anyways.
He chuckles to himself. 'All is well.' He thinks. 'Nothing has been okay for a long time."
His eyes linger on his cybernetic arm and for a moment, he can't believe that's what's left of his hand. He pauses for a moment as the thought swirls through his head. It's not just the arm that's been replaced. It's his legs, his mind, everything. He's more machine than man now. And it's not just his body that's different. He's nowhere near the man he thought he was going to be.
'Not the machine I was going to be.' He corrects himself, and smiles a very wry smile. 'If Fives could see me now.' Suddenly there's a lump in his throat and a knot in his stomach. He was not someone Fives would recognize. Sure, he had been the hero at the Battle of Anaxes and had been invited to become part of the elite Clone Force 99, but he was now a deserter. A fugitive. What would Fives say? Would Fives forgive him for abandoning his duty? Would Fives forgive him for shooting brothers? He's lost count of how many he's killed since Order 66.
He repeats it in his mind over and over again. He's killed brothers. He's killed them with his own free will. It's barely enough to tell himself that he killed against his will when he was hooked up to those machines on Skako Minor, his mind betraying tactics and battle plans, leading to the deaths of brothers. But this, being a deserter and shooting brothers, killing them with his own hands-
Echo stares into the stars again with intensity. He knows there are thoughts he must keep at bay. The nightmares will surely return with a vengeance. To think he was beginning to feel like he had a sense of normalcy once now the war was over and it seemed nothing would ever return to any semblance of normal.
His mind flickers back to his days on the Rishi Moon with Domino Squad, pouring through the regulation manuals. A smile forms at the memories of how Hevy would complain about the quiet and mundane schedule. And Cutup and Droidbait and Fives, he misses his brothers so much. He wonders if they weren't the lucky ones. They died as heroes of the Republic. Echo will be lucky if he fades away quietly before the new Empire kills him as a traitor.
Echo swallows hard and tries to think about something else, but it's difficult. He feels sick to his stomach with the realization he is a completely different man than he wanted to be. He stares hard out into the vast expanse of stars and space, looking for anything to take the pain away. The pain, the guilt, the shame, the fear.
He nearly jumps out of his skin when Hunter sits down next to him. "Still awake Echo?" Hunter asks.
"What are you doing up?" Echo tries to hide his anxiety.
"I just had a feeling you might need some company."
Echo sighs. He knows it's impossible to hide his emotions from the incredibly perceptive Hunter. "I've just been thinking- I'm a different man from before Lola Sayu and Skako Minor." Echo looked back out at the stars. "I don't recognize myself."
"Well, I don't think who you were matters much. We didn't know you until you joined us. You can choose who you are now, and you chose to be one of us."
"That's the thing." Echo forced a smile. "I used to be so by the book and so tightly wound that hardly any of my brothers could stand me. Cutup cracked a joked about there being an echo in the room whenever I would recite the manuals. Fives made the name stick."
"Fives?" Hunter's ears pricked up.
There was a pang in Echo's heart. "Yeah, he was the other ARC trooper with me on Lola Sayu. You may not think much of us regs, but Fives was one of the best."
"You're not exactly a reg anymore." Hunter reminded him.
Echo looked down at his cybernetic arm. "We're deserters Hunter." He whispers softly.
Hunter's eyes bore into Echo."We're survivors. I don't know what's going to happen to us, but I know that we'll survive it." He stood up and placed a hand on Echo. "Make sure you get some sleep soon."
Echo watched as Hunter returned to his bunk and then looked back out at the stars. He knew Hunter was right. But he couldn't recognize himself anymore.
