Chapter 20: Lexa
I can't sleep, not after everything that happened in the last hour. I am worried about this mission because Omar has something to do with it. I just don't have a good feeling about it. Then there is the whole thing with Ash. I don't have any experience in relationships or anyone to talk to about it other than Ash, and I can't tell her that I'm scared. Maybe I can talk to Blake. He's a guy, so he should understand girls, right? So that's it. I will speak to him tomorrow and see what he says.
I finally give up on sleep and decide to take a shower. I just stood under the hot water for about 15 minutes, letting it relax me while I thought about what to ask Blake. I had been in there for a good 25 minutes when I heard a knock at the door.
I yelled from the shower, "Yeah, I'll be out in a minute."
Ash replied, "Babe, are you okay?"
"Yes, I just have a lot on my mind. We can talk on the ride into town." I finished up in the shower and quickly got dressed. When I entered the room, I found Ash, deep in thought, sitting on the couch. She looked terrific just sitting there in a t-shirt. After a moment, I cleared my throat and said, "showers, all yours. Sorry if there isn't much hot water left."
She laughed and said, "It's fine. I just have time to take a quick on anyway. By the way, you look good in those clothes."
"Thanks, someone special bought them for me." I had put on a pair of my cargo shorts, sleeveless t-shirt, and my dress shirt over it unbuttoned with the sleeves rolled up. While she took a quick shower, I put on my socks and shoes and then went to grab us a quick breakfast.
Once she was showered and dressed, we ate the fruit I had picked up for breakfast on the way to the jeep. When we got to the garage, she threw me the keys and said it was my turn to drive. I was surprised because I can't drive. I looked at her confused, and she just told me to get in. It was about time I learned to drive something other than the dirt bike. I argued that I could barely drive it, so maybe she should just drive, but she said there was no time like the present to learn.
So, I did as she told me and got in. She walked me through everything and then told me to put it in gear and let's go. It was actually a lot easier than the bike because you didn't have to change gears. It didn't take long for me to get the hang of it. We had been on the road for a bit when she asked, "So, what's on your mind."
Instead of telling her everything, I stuck to my concerns with the upcoming mission. I say, "I don't have a good feeling about this mission. I think we are being set up by Omar."
She says, "I have had the same thought and that she had a plan."
"By all means, please share this plan."
She said that she would ask Blake if they could have a team close by if we needed backup. Still, we would only be able to use it if absolutely necessary because our cover was blown if we did. But at least this way, if it were a trap, we would have help if we needed it.
I pull up in front of the clinic and park, just as Abby and Blake arrived. We get out, and Blake says, "Wow, nice ride." He walks over and examines the jeep. "Where did you get it? It looks amazing."
Ash speaks up, "It was an old jeep Ahmed gave me as a part of my new contract with him. We fixed it up, painted it, and then modified it some. Glad you like it."
He continues walking around it, "I can't believe you two did all of this. How do you know how to fix cars?"
Ash tells him about her dad and brothers as we walk into the clinic. Once inside, we go back into Abby's office to talk. Ash explains the mission we have been tasked with and our concerns about it. She asks Blake if he thinks he can provide remote backup if it is a trap set by Omar. He said he would call Commander Jared and see if they could work something out, but it was short notice.
Ash pulls out this map of the area. On it, she has marked the locations of towns, military bases, Ahmed's bases, and what we know of his safe houses and tunnels. Ash points out the key sites involved in our mission. She says that the purple drawing near the valley is the compound we will be hitting. She tells him that her plan is to leave tomorrow morning, head for the town closest to the valley, and spend the night. The next day we will get up and travel south and cross the river. We will then continue east and approach the compound from the south. We will run surveillance on the compound until nightfall and then go in with the cover of night.
She continues by pointing out to Blake that he could have a team in the mountains north of the compound ready to attack if we needed to be extracted. He could use a high-altitude drone to watch the mission unfold, and if we need him, we will send up a purple flare. Blake took a picture of the map on his phone and told us that he would head back to base and talk to Jared. He said for us to meet him back here after lunch. By then, he should have more info. Ash made him promise Jared wouldn't act on any of the information on the map until she gave the okay. She said she would have him court marshalled for interfering in her deep cover opp if he did. He said he would pass the info along.
As Blake got up to leave, I said, "Hey Blake, can I talk to you for a second?"
He answers, "Sure, what's up?"
I looked around; this wasn't what I had in mind. I need to talk to him alone, not in front of Ash. "Can I walk you out? I need to ask you something?" Ash is looking at me confused, but Abby seems to catch on and says, "Ash, that reminds me I have something I need you to look at. Lexa, why don't you meet Ash at the jeep in, say, 15 minutes."
I think to myself, thank you, Abby. "Sure, see you in a bit Ash." I turn to Blake and point to the door. When we get outside her office, he looks at me with a confused look. I say, "I need to ask you some things, and I don't want Ash to hear them, and I don't want you to tell her what I say. Is that okay with you?"
Now he looks scared, but he says, "Sure, but just know that I don't hold up well under torture."
I laugh at him and say, "Well, let's hope it doesn't come to that. But, look, I need some advice, and well other than Ash, you are my closest friend and a guy which I hope is going to help."
"Okay, now I'm perplexed. What is it I'm getting myself into here," he asks?
"I need advice on romantic relationships. I have never had anything other than a few one-time deals for obvious reasons. Well… there is someone that I want to have one with, but they are giving me mixed signals, and I was hoping you could help me."
"Isn't this something that you should ask Ash about? I mean, she is a girl, and she can probably tell you more of what you need to know than I can."
"No, I can't ask her because she's the person. But, look, you are a guy, and I'm sure you have had at least one relationship before, so you should understand girls and what they want, right?"
"Well, I have been in a few relationships, but I wouldn't say that I understand girls. I don't think anyone utterly understands the opposite sex, but I will try to help. So what's the problem?"
"Okay, here goes, so we got close pretty fast after what happened in the valley. Ash kissed me a few times and started calling me babe and sweetie. Then we discuss what went down in the valley and how she wants to take things slow and blah, blah, blah. You get the picture?"
"I think." He says with a laugh.
"So last night, Ahmed sends for her, and she is gone forever. I mean almost all night."
He interrupts me, "How do you know she is gone all night?"
"Because we share a room and sleep in the same bed. Anyway…"
Blake interrupts again, "Wait, you share a room and bed? Sounds like you don't need advice from me if you are sharing a bed."
"If you would let me finish, you will understand. So, I am worried sick that something has happened to her when she walks in the door. I am so relieved that I scoop her up in a bear hug and kiss her. Before I know it, I have her on the bed, straddling her. When I look at her, she smiles, so I take that as a good sign and continue. Things get heated pretty quickly, and then suddenly, she pulls away and tells me to stop. I don't know what to do, and I'm embarrassed, so I jump up, go to the couch, and say I'm sorry. I'm not, though. I really like her, and I thought she liked me, but she tells me that 'it's not me, it's her, and we need to focus on getting out of here and taking things slow….' Blake, I don't understand. She runs so hot and cold. Now I'm afraid that she only likes me because I saved her life and the reason she wants to go slow is that she only sees me as broken."
"Whoa, slow down. I don't think that…."
This time I interrupted him and told him about our trip to town a couple of weeks ago. How embarrassed I was because I hadn't had the opportunity to do the things she takes for granted, like going shopping or out to eat at a restaurant. I told him how much enjoyment she seemed to get from seeing me experience things for the first time. Then I told him what I was terrified of, "Blake, I'm afraid when all the first times are over, she will be tired of me, or she just sees me as a poor orphan and is taking pity on me. I'm afraid she sees me as a kid, she is helping by giving me experiences that I haven't had, but I'm not just a kid or an orphan. I'm a person, and I have feelings for her, and my biggest fear is that once we catch Ahmed, she will forget about me! I thought I had managed to keep my switch flipped off but somehow, when it comes to Ash, some of my feelings can't be turned off."
"Ok, you confused me some with the talk of flipping your switch, but…Lexa, I can't speak for Fletch. I can only tell you what I know about her and how I have seen her act since you came into her life. I know she seems like a badass soldier who has never been hurt, but she has. Now it's not my place to tell her story, but I will tell you this, she cares for you. I know that for sure. But, if you tell her what I'm about to tell you, I will never speak to you again. Do you understand?" I nod, and he continues, "When I got to the hospital after hearing about what happened in the valley, I was surprised to see Fletch there. I thought she was still stateside. She doesn't trust anyone or go out of her way for anyone, especially someone she just met, no matter if you saved her life or not. So, the fact that she brought you to Abby and stayed with you says a lot, but the fact that she had a total meltdown on me while you were in surgery says even more. Fletch is tough, but she also has a big heart, a heart she has spent the last five years building a wall around. Give her time. She is worth the wait."
"Thanks, Blake. I know she is worth the wait, but what if I'm not enough for her?"
"All I can say is give her time. Hopefully, she will open up to you soon. Then you will understand her better. Like I said, she is tough and is used to keeping people out, so it will take time, but I know she cares for you." He gives me a hug, and as he does, Ash walks out of the clinic and says, "Everything alright?"
Blake backs away with his hands up and laughs, "All good, Fletch. Just guy talk, nothing to worry about. I got to go. See you in a couple of hours."
As he drives away, Ash looks at me and says, "What was that about?"
"Nothing, I was just asking his advice on something. What did Abby have to show you?"
She said, "Nothing really. I kind of got the idea she was keeping me away from whatever that was between the two of you. Although she did say she would put together a medkit for us to have if we needed it. But, look, I want you to know that you can talk to me about anything, you know that, right?"
"Yeah, I know. I just needed a guy's perspective on something, that's all. But, you know you can also tell me anything, right. I know I'm not that experienced in anything other than fighting, but I am a person who apparently can't keep my switch flipped when it comes to you. These feelings are new, and I want us to be open and honest with each other about everything."
"Babe, I want that too, but…."
"I know everyone has a past. Just know that when you decide to share yours, I'm here. I can wait because you are worth waiting for. Now let's just leave the mushy stuff alone for now and focus on the mission ahead of us, okay."
She walks over to me and wraps me in her arms, and whispers, "You are an amazing person, and I promise that I trust you completely, but….."
I pull back and look her in the eyes and kiss her before she can say anything else. I meant what I said too. I will wait for her. She breaks the kiss and says, "How about let's go get us a steak and go shopping?"
I shake my head, "I'm all for a steak, but I'll pass on the shopping."
"What if I said we could go shopping for weapons, would that help."
"Next time, lead with that."
