The lunar potion

One month later, the Great Hall was being decorated for Christmas and the students were flustered with the prospect of the holidays. Snape and I were still not talking to each other unless utterly necessary. But, deep in my heart, I missed him fervently. I decided to pay him a visit on the last day of the term.

He opened the door and, after a brief moment of astonishment, he seemed genuinely happy to see me.

'I haven't been in this office for over ten years and it still looks the same' I laughed, looking around.

'I heard you're going to spend your holidays with you father's family'.

'You heard right. I'll be leaving for Cork tomorrow' I took a seat at one of the armchairs in front of the empty fireplace. He swiftly lighted it with crackling flames, and handed me a hot cup of tea. 'Why does it smell like lemongrass in here? Are you preparing more of that unguent?'

He stared bewildered at me for a moment and then a snigger appeared in his face.

'My lesson for the sixth years today was Amortentia' he pointed at one of the corners of the room, where a small cauldron was boiling 'I prepared one to show them'.

I felt my face reddening. I knew the love potion smelled differently to every person, depending on what they felt attracted to. My stupid brain had associated the unguent scent to the nights I spent with him chatting and laughing during the healing sessions.

'Oh, right' I buried my face behind my mug.

Two cups of tea later, it felt as if our rows were in the past. He took me to the door and I wished him a merry Christmas. I craved to hug him, to touch him. But I knew it would only scare him away. So I shook his hand, my heart heavy in my chest, and went to pack my trunk.

...

I came back one day before classes started again. I knew it was Snape's birthday and that, despite of his complaints, the other teachers made sure to arrange him a tea party. The jabbering in the staff room was louder than ever that day, and soon I understood it was due to a particularly large stock of firewhisky that was brought from Hogsmead to scare away the cold weather. I didn't have any opportunity to talk to him alone, and I told myself that was a good reason why I could drop by his office later.

When he opened the door, my heart skipped a beat. First, because I missed him madly. Second, because he was wearing his tight white dress shirt, which had this weird power of making me start acting like a fool straight away. He invited me in and I handed him a wrapped parcel.

'I figured I had the right to give you a birthday gift since you gave me one' I pointed at my ears, adorned by the pair of pearly earrings 'I hope you like it, it was newly launched in Cork, so it is probably about two years old or something' I grinned.

He unwrapped it and found the leather-bound book I had bought him during the holidays.

'I actually don't have this one yet, thank you. I reckon Cork libraries are really catching up'.

'So, thirty-eight. That's still young' I sneered, imitating the words he had said to me three months before. He rolled his eyes at me, snorting.

He offered me a glass of wine, which I took, aware that I shouldn't be swigging any more alcohol after that firewhisky. The office wasn't lit but for the fire in the grate, and he showed me to the seat beside him in the small sofa. My heart was pumping and I was having a hard time concentrating in our conversation without losing myself in his eyes, his lips, his chest… the air in the room was heavy with desire, and my skin felt feverish. I knew none of this was going unnoticed by him, since he had already mocked my inability to hide my feelings.

Would he back away today if I tried to kiss him again?

No. I'm not doing this. I'm done pushing it. It's his move.

Thus, just as he offered to refill my glass, I stood up and told him I should sleep early to be ready for the following morning classes, and left the office trying not to feel too pleased by the look of disappointment on his face.

...

But he didn't make any move. So, for the next four months, nothing happened between us but friendship. Hiding my lust for him had an undeniable bright side: I got to see him often. We had tea every other week, and each time I knew more about him. Once again, I tried convincing myself that was for the best.

Every once in a while, however, I would catch him looking at me with hungry eyes. And the little monster inside me would beg me to try to seduce him, to tease him with all my might, in a way that he wouldn't've know what hit him. But I shut that little bastard up, afraid that such approach would make Snape flee away.

On the last day before the Easter holidays, I woke up feeling terribly ashamed and aroused. What a dream. I still had the sensation of the heat of his skin on mine. But I didn't had much time to relive it or I would be late for class. That morning I averted my eyes from his during breakfast, embarrassed, and kept avoiding him all day for I didn't think I could hide on my face how the dream, still vivid on my mind, made me feel.

...

Midafternoon, after I dismissed the last class of the day, I went to my chambers, took a bath and decided to concoct some Half Moon Elixir to calm my nerves. I did it every other month, for it was an easy solution to a variety of woman's cycle symptoms, including cramps, headaches, mood swings… and hormonal peaks that make you wake up sweaty from erotic dreams, I thought as I mixed the ingredients.

When the potion started simmering, I heard that well-known knock. I walked to the door and opened it just enough to poke my head outside.

'Hi, Jane' Snape smiled broadly 'I'll be traveling for the holiday week and I thought we could have tea before I leave'.

'Hi! I'd love that, really, but' I stepped out of the room and closed the door behind me 'I'm sorry but I can't have you in right now, I'm preparing my lunar potion and it won't be done for another half an hour' while steaming, as I was sure he was aware, the Elixir emitted an enticing vapor that had luring effects over males 'could we meet later?'

'Don't be silly, I've prepared that many times myself for Poppy so she could treat students with cramps and other symptoms, and I was never affected by it.'

'Well, have you prepared it alone in a small room with a pheromone-boosting fertile female?' I raised an eyebrow.

'Very funny' he rolled his eyes, but his voice sounded slightly apprehensive when he continued 'not in particular… but I'm not a teenager, Jane, I'll be fine' he added, resolutely.

I opened my mouth to argue but decided not to. I thought about it. Honestly, he was an adult and a potion master, I figured he could choose for himself.

The room was stuffy since, despite the nice weather, I had the fire crackling with the bubbling cauldron above it, its fumes drifting to the ceiling. He walked in and hanged his cloak, reveling a dark grey dress shirt that made his pale skin look like porcelain in contrast. My cheeks were suddenly very hot from that sight, and I wrenched open the windows to let a fresh breeze blow in before I ignored the tea kettle and poured us two mugs of butterbeer.

'Cheers' I handed him his mug 'so tell me, where are you going for the week?'

He told me about this negotiation he would be carrying under Dumbledore's request. It didn't sound dangerous, but still I got a little bit worried.

'Are you going all by yourself? Shouldn't you have a partner or something like that?'.

'No, it's better that I do it alone. I'm long acquainted with that lot, but they don't trust new outcomers very easily'.

The clouds of vapor were getting thicker around us.

'Are you ok?' he asked 'I thought you were a little odd today'.

'I'm alright' I flushed, remembering my dream 'I just have been anxious with the end of the term drawing nearer, I have a lot to recap with the fifth and seventh years' I raised my eyes to look at him 'are you ok? You seem restless and…' and then it hit me, and I started shaking with laughter 'oh, and you said you weren't affected by it!'

He was clearly tense and his skin was damp.

'I'm not, it's just… hot in here, that's all'.

'Ah, yes, it is, sorry about that' I stood up and took off my dressing gown, hanging it by the door. It wasn't on purpose, mind you, the room was in fact sultry, and it's not as if he hadn't see me in the pearl silk night dress I was wearing underneath it yet. But when I pulled the gown off I heard him groaning softly. I acted as if I had heard nothing. Well, he was the one who chose to go through that.

As I walked back to the sofa I reckon he just gave up on his effort to avert his gaze, following my hips with his eyes, his jaw clenched. I took my seat beside him.

'Don't look at me like that' I sighed 'maybe you should go, you're clearly not on your senses and I don't think...' before I could finish it, he had seized my hand and pulled me over him, making me press my inner knees against each side of his hips.

'What the… Severus! Listen, I don't want to do anything if it's just about this bloody vapor…'

'No, you listen' his face was two palms from mine and his voice was firm 'you can't honestly think this is just about the potion. Jane, I…' his voice softened 'I can't stand this anymore, I…'

I tried to move back to my seat but he held my waist.

'Just hear me out, please' he pleaded.

I stopped struggling and stared fixedly at him, frowning, my arms crossed.

'What?'

And after a brief pause, he spoke, slowly.

'Jane, every time I close my eyes, I see yours. I love the sound of your voice, and mostly, the way you talk to me. I'm amazed what a bright and skilled witch you are, but even more impressed by your kindness, your generosity, your patience. At night, I have trouble sleeping thinking about your lips and the way you laugh. I'm completely, helplessly in love with you, and I give up trying to avoid this anymore, I give up'.

For a second, I just looked at him, my face dumbstruck, my arms loosened.

Then I kissed him, surrendering.

The warmth of his lips set my body on fire. He run his fingers through my hair and clenched then in a firm grip, making me moan loudly in his mouth. His arms pressed me against him, kissing me desperately, his trousers tightening as he grew hard inside them. He gripped my thighs with all his might, grinding me on his erection, making me moan even louder. I started unbuttoning his shirt and halfway through it…

He stopped.

'What happened?' I gasped.

'Jane' he panted, glancing at his left arm 'remember when I told you I've done mistakes in my past?'

I wanted to scream can't we talk about this later? But I saw torment in his eyes, and just nodded, waiting for him to carry on.

But he didn't say anything else. Instead, he slowly unbuttoned the rest of his shirt, took it off his right arm and when he freed the left one, I understood what that was about.

There, drawn on his inner forearm like an old scar, was a skull and a serpent. The Dark Mark.

It's not that I hadn't expect something grave after he told me he had decided to commit his life against evil magical forces due to his past faults. But a Death Eater?

I looked back at him and saw his face in agony, dreading my reaction, and all of a sudden the only thing I could feel was a wave of forgiveness and admiration.

I pressed my forehead against his.

'This just shows me how brave you are, for having the courage to change your path'. I decided it wasn't very appropriate to add that it was also so hot to be straddling a tattooed ex-villain.

I reached for his lips once more and, in a few seconds, we were ignited again, his groans in my ears as I unzipped his trousers, pulled up my dress, and, dripping wet between my thighs, rode him until he had to cover my mouth with his hand to prevent passersby from overhearing us in the corridor.