Chapter 31: Lexa

The dinner went better than I expected. Ash looked great, and she was walking using a cane. We ate and danced and talked and, in the end, she said it was the best date she had ever been on. As we walked down the hallway back to the room holding hands, Ash looked at me and said, "Thank you for the best date ever. You are amazing, and I don't want to ruin the rest of the night, but I really would like to have that talk we keep putting off. I don't want to keep anything from you, and I really need to tell you about Callie."

I smiled at her and replied, "I don't think anything could ruin this night, Ash. I am curious about this Callie person, though, because you said her name when Omar had you. You said that it was okay if he touched you because you deserved it because of what you let happen to Callie. I didn't think much about it then because you were so out of it. But now that you mentioned her name…and then when I was packing up the room at Ahmed's I found a picture and some letters from Callie, so I am curious about her."

She says, "Babe, I'm sorry about that and about everything I put you through that night. I have some questions about what happened, but I really need to tell you about my past. I want you to know everything, so when we get back to the room and ready for bed, I'm going to tell you the story. All I ask is that once I start, you let me finish before you say anything."

"Sure, just know that I love you, and that won't change because of something in your past."

When we returned to the room, I helped Ash change and then get changed myself. I got Ash situated in bed and then told her I would be right back. I walked into the hallway and called Blake. He answered on the second ring, "What's up? You calling to brag?"

"What, no. I told you we were waiting on that. I need another favor; Ash wants to talk about Callie, and I feel like it will be tough on her, so I thought maybe you would have some alcohol. I've seen on TV that people tend to drink when they are going to have a difficult conversation, so…."

He laughed and said, "You have been watching way too much TV, Lexa. But lucky for you, I do have a bottle of tequila. I will be there in about five minutes."

"Thanks, I owe you." I waited a few minutes, and Blake came and handed me the bottle. He went on to tell me to take it easy on it since I had never really drunk before.

When I walk back into the room, Ash sits on the side of the bed, staring at the door. Then, finally, she asks, "Where did you run off to? I thought you weren't coming back."

"What? Why would you think I wasn't coming back? I told you, sweetie, I'm all in. You can't get rid of me that easily." I held up the bottle and said, "I just went to get this. I thought it might help. At least it's what they do in the movies when they have something difficult to discuss."

Now she is laughing, "Babe, you have been watching too much television. Although, I will take a shot of that."

"Yeah, yeah, that's what Blake said too. What else was I supposed to do for the last four months besides, it has helped me learn some social interaction."

"Sure, whatever you say, babe. Just get up here and give me the bottle."

I do as I'm told and crawl in bed beside her. She takes a big swig from the bottle and then passes it to me. I do the same, but unlike her, I make a face and cough. It doesn't taste great, but it's not bad. It does, however, burn all the way down to my stomach. She laughs at the face I make and asks if I have ever drunk before? I tell her no, and she tells me to have another swig before she takes the bottle back and guzzles it. She downed about a quarter of the bottle before setting it down beside the bed. Then, she tells me to lay down so she can snuggle up beside me. Finally, she lays her head on my chest and asks if I am ready.

I say, "Sweetie, we don't have to do this. I don't need to know everything as long as you trust me and love me. If it is too hard to talk about, I understand."

She tilts her head up and kisses me on the lips, "Babe, I want to tell you, and you need to know. So, I'm going to start and remember not to interrupt because I want to get it all out." I nod, and she takes another drink before laying back on my chest.

"Ok, here goes…

I met Callie Johnston during my freshman year of high school. It was the first day of basketball tryouts, and I was the new girl in school again. We had just started scrimmaging. It was last year's varsity starting five against five of the new players, one of which was me. I was holding my own against the starting center from last year. I mean, I am almost six feet tall, but they didn't know I was fast and could dribble.

The point guard passed it into the center, and she faked left and then went right, but I didn't go for it. When she went up for the shot, I grabbed it out of the air and headed down the court for the layup. Apparently, the girl didn't like being shown up by a freshman and fouled me as I made the layup. Unfortunately, Callie was walking behind the backboard when I was fouled, and I went crashing into her.

I was so embarrassed, I landed on top of her hard. So hard, in fact, our foreheads crashed together and busted both of our eyebrows. That was the beginning of the end for me. It took me three weeks to get up the courage to ask her out, but when I did, she said yes, and we dated all through high school. We were inseparable, I was the star basketball player, and she was the most beautiful cheerleader.

Our plan after high school was for her to go to college, and I was joining the Navy, but we were going to make it work. We did too, she was in school, and I was on my first tour overseas. We talked as much as possible on skype and wrote to each other daily. Everything was going according to our plan. I was going to stay in the Navy until she finished college, and then we were going to get married and start a family. Life was good until it wasn't.

During my second tour, which was during her senior year, I could feel things changing. She wasn't writing as much, and when we talked, she seemed distracted. When I surprised her, showing up for her graduation, I was the one who was surprised. When graduation was over, I walked up behind her in my dress uniform, wrapping my arms around her. She was talking with my best friend, Robby. That is when I realized she was bigger than I remembered, but she wasn't fat. She was pregnant. I couldn't believe it. Now everything made sense. I didn't hang around. I ran.

I could hear her calling after me, but I just couldn't face her, not right now. She caught up to me at my car and said we needed to talk. All I could say was, "you think!" I told her I would go home and visit my mom and come by when she finished whatever she had planned, but I had to be on a plane at five the following day. I was only able to get a 48-hour leave.

I was devastated! We were supposed to start a family together, not this way, whatever this is. I showed up at my mom's crying. She had no idea I was stateside and was happy to see me until she saw I was upset. When I told her what was wrong, she said I'm sorry, honey, I thought you knew. I couldn't believe it, my mom knew and never thought to tell me. I should have stayed in the middle east.

About an hour later, the doorbell rang. When I answered it, Callie was crying. She started by saying she was so sorry. She should have told me when it happened, but she said she was worried that I would lose my focus and get hurt. It made sense, but I didn't care. I just wanted to know who and why?

She explained that she had been at a party and had been drinking a lot. Robby was with her looking out for her, but she had to go to the bathroom. While she was trying to find Robby after some guy pushed her into a bedroom and raped her. She said it wasn't Robby's fault, but he blames himself. Now I felt like an ass. I thought she had cheated on me. But instead, something horrible happened to her, and she felt she couldn't tell me. I was furious with myself for not being here to protect her, with Robby for not keeping her safe, and at the guy who raped her. I would find him and kill him.

We spent the rest of the day and all night holding each other and talking after she talked me out of killing Robby and going to find her rapist. Finally, we came up with a new plan. I would finish my tour; I only had a couple of months left, and then I would come home, and we would get married and raise the baby together. Everything was going to work out.

The next morning, Callie drove me to the airport, and we said goodbye again. I felt good. I could do this. I could finish my tour and come home to raise a kid like we planned. So that's what I did. I finished my tour and went home to Callie. Instead of happiness, I once again found my heart crushed, this time for good.

When I got off the plane, I expected to be greeted by Callie and my family, only I wasn't. Instead, I was met by my mom, and I could tell it wasn't good news. I immediately asked where Callie was. She told me that Callie started having a hard time with the pregnancy after I left, and Robby was there for her when I couldn't be. Mom told me that Callie and the baby boy were fine but that she and Robby had gotten married and moved to Fresno, where Robby had found a job.

I was crushed, my best friend had not only let my girlfriend get raped, but he also took her from me while I was serving my country. After that, I started drinking a lot and getting into fights. I went to jail more than once for assault, hell at one point, I contemplated suicide. That's when I was approached by the CIA about working undercover. They were impressed with my service record. I found out later that my mom had reached out to them because she was worried about me and thought that if I could focus on something other than Callie, I would get over her.

So, I have spent the last five years working deep cover ops and building a wall around my heart. I was betrayed by the two people I trusted and loved the most, that is why I don't trust anyone but myself, and I swore off relationships.'

Ash took a deep breath and then continued, "That is until you walked into Azan's compound. I knew then that I was in trouble. I tried to keep you at a distance, but after the fight in the valley...well, that's when I knew that my walls were cracking and fast, too fast. Then when Omar took me, I thought I would never get to see you again or tell you how I felt about you. I swore to myself then that I would tell you everything if I got out of there, especially how I felt. When you showed up at Omar's, I wanted to be mad at you for coming, but I couldn't be because I would have done the same thing. Now, do you understand?"

I waited a few minutes before I spoke. I wanted to make sure she was finished. I guess I waited too long, and she looked up at me and asked if I was okay? I smiled down at her and then leaned down and kissed her before answering her question.

"No, I'm not okay. I hate that they hurt you like that, and if I ever run into either one of them, God help them...but yes, I understand now. I hope you know that I will never do anything to hurt you. I will always protect you to the best of my ability, and I will always have your six."

Ash looked back up at me and said, "I know you will never intentionally hurt me or let me get hurt. I will always have your six too, babe. Now I have a few questions for you about what happened at Omar's."

"Fine, but I'm going to need another drink before answering any questions."

She laughed and handed me the bottle. I took a big swig and said, "Ask away." First, she wanted to know how I could call in a medivac chopper without blowing our cover. I told her that was easy. I didn't leave anyone alive. That way, no one would find out we were rescued by the military. She looked at me like I was joking and said, "Seriously?"

"Yep, that way, our cover stayed intact."

She said, "I was going to ask how but I guess that isn't really important." So instead, she asked me why I cut off Omar's head. I told her what I had told Blake. "I did it to make a statement so that everyone would know not to fuck with you or me. But to be honest, his head wasn't the only thing I cut off. There is something that I need to tell you while we are laying everything on the table."

"Now, I need you to listen and not interrupt. Remember when I said that the first few months after the bombing of the school, I stayed in solitary because I wouldn't believe what they were telling me? I told myself I would never tell anyone what happened during this time, but I want to be as honest with you as you have with me, but please don't tell anyone else what I'm about to say to you. Well, during that time, I was tortured both physically and mentally. I was beaten, kept up for days at a time, waterboarded, and just about anything else you can think of. But the worst came when Omar had my shirt removed for the whip. That's when he found out that I was a woman. It was also when the actual hell started. I could take the beatings and the torture, but when I was unable to keep him from…well, that is when I felt like a helpless little girl. I had spent the last three years pretending to be a guy so that I could learn to defend myself from these sorts of things, and in the end, it didn't help.

The visits from Omar and his guys bothered me the most and threatened to break my spirit. I could take the beatings and the torture, but when he would touch me...I couldn't fight back because I was chained up. The hardest thing was to shut down my mind, but that is the only way I knew to stay sane, but the hate just continued to build. So, when he had, you chained up and said he would have his way with you, all that hate made me snap. I should have just shot him and gotten it over with, but I wanted to make him suffer for what he had done not only to me but you and who knows how many others. That's the real reason I cut off his head and his private parts, but the darkness didn't let me stop there. I also cut off his balls and shoved them down his throat, and when I captured Ahmed, well, I used Omar's parts to show Ahmed how it felt to be utterly defenseless like I had."

I could feel Ash's tears wetting my shirt. I said, "Please don't cry. I'm fine, and most importantly, I have you now. So all of that is in the past. I just want to move on to a future with you."

Ash looked up, "I'm sorry, I can't help it. I hate that you had to experience any of the things you have had to. But, I promise from now on things are going to be different for us. I do have just one more question, though before we go to bed, how were you able to bring in Ahmed and all his people?"

"I thought Blake told you this already, but it was easy. I just walked through the front gate and asked Reed and Jose to watch my back. I walked in to see Ahmed, showed him the video on your phone of Zaher's confession, then threw Omar's head at him before hitting him with a tranq gun. Then I used my swords to cut down his guards and had Reed, Jose watch the door while I, you know, Ahmed, and then we locked him up until Blake, and his guys secured the compound. I knew if I could bring in Ahmed that once you woke up, we would be free, and that's all I want."

"I have to say, I'm extremely impressed with your tactical abilities, among other things. I mean, who knew that you could dance." She said, laughing.

I smirked, "Oh, I have moves that you have yet to see. Just wait! I'm just getting started. I think watching all of those movies really helped me learn a thing or two. I just hope you aren't afraid of me now that you know about the darkness inside me. I can usually keep it balanced, but…I guess some things just trigger it, and I can't keep it down."

"Oh Lexa, I could never be afraid of you, not after everything we have been through. It would worry me more if you didn't have some form of hate inside you after everything you have been through. I just want you to know that I am here for you and will help you in any way that I can."