so sorry for not posting sooner, this is going to be a short chapter. I have been at work from 5 am to 2pm so I get to tried to write. I'm off all week for vacation so I'll try to update as fast as I can.
"I love you" his words pound into her skull every waking moment of every day. How could this be real, all of this. She's in a state of confusion. Shes said goodbye to almost everyone that has once walked into her life. When eliot left it felt like a part of her soul had left with him.
She can see that he's hurting, did he mean it. Nobody or no man in her life had ever told her that they loved her. It's all new Territory for her, she's not even sure that he meant it. His eyes bore holes into her own when those there little words escaped for his lips.
Grabbing ahold of her purse she moved on her feet. "Olivia maybe we can still help him."Kathleen pleading voice pierced her ears. Snapping away from her thoughts.
"Uh I have to go Kathleen, I can't help him in any way. He needs professional help, nothing I can provide." Her eyes water as they held unto kathleens. Hurt is a great word to describe her emotions.
She's hurting, everyday for 12 years this man was her sun, her everything. He was the only person that ever looked after her. That brought her coffee in the mornings. That made sure she made it home safely. Whenever she was sad he uplifted her with his smile.
"Olivia you know that's not true." Kathleen pointed out while she took a step closer to her. It was all to much. Sensory overload, she felt like crying.
"I have to go." She voiced out once more. Walking over towards her she placed a tender kiss atop her forehead. Doing the same to the other stabler children, saying her goodbyes.
Her dainty fingers grip the sterling wheel with such sheer force. She's a mess, a pure and utter mess. He came back into her life without so much as a explanation. Everyone either left her, hurt her or died. Eliot stabler was a new one, something far off from her usual, he loves her. Maybe he hadn't meant to say it then and there but deep within her heart she knows.
Rain cascades down the car window, she just needs a moment to breath. To collect herself before seeing her beautiful boy. Minutes fly by as they turn into hours. The street lights illuminate her skin as the sky turned black. Her thoughts continue to consume her.
Her heart needs to rest, it's all simply to much. Another hour passed as she walked into her front door. Placing her heels by the door and hanging her coat she walked into the living room. Lucy's sleeping form came Into view. She's exhausted.
Grabbing a blanket from the closet she placed it over her body. Placing a kiss a top her forehead head. She's so grateful for Lucy, constantly consistent and there for her when needed. She's like a daughter to her.
Making sure the doors and windows are locked she shut off all her lights. Finally she enters her bedroom, shedding off her clothes. She needs a shower, a hot shower. Her muscles beneath her shoulders tense under his name. The hot water beat upon her face, for the first time all day she felt peace.
He's only just a memory, a memory of what she used to be. For a feeling moment in her life she felt happy, at home in his presence. When he left her it was like he took her air. She was drowning in a sea of pain. It only went down from there. Noah is her only saving grace, even through her trials she built herself a family. Godmother to bille and Jessie. A sister to Amanda, a mentor to Kat, a sister to fin and a friend to carisi.
They helped her heal and grow. Nick was someone she looked up to and cared for. Someone who didn't judge her or question her ability's. He was someone who helped her grow through the fog of pain. Someone she could trust, someone she could truly call family.
"Hey baby you awake." She said as her fingers stroked through his curly hair.
"Hi mama," Noah said as he rolled over to look at her. He's always so precious when he's sleepy.
"Go back to sleep, baby." She softly whispered into his curls. She watched as his eyes drifted closed.
She has fought every feeling in her body towards stabler. Built every wall, set in stone. Somehow 3 little words bring them down, crashing without her consent.
She held him close to herself a little over a week ago. Held him in her arms while he was broken. It brought every feeling of vulnerability to her, she left without a word. He never asked and never pushed her about that night. An unspoken agreement between the two, never brought up again.
He left her without so much as a goodbye, nothing no excuse could make her forget that. Not even a text, he wouldn't have heard her voice then.
Grasping her son closer to her body, silent tears fell from her brown eyes. The one person she trust, grew her roots on completely abandoned her.
Hours pass before she left her sons bed only to slip into her own. Darkness falls upon the room as she stared at the ceiling, endless thoughts run through her mind. Unable to sleep at this ungodly hour.
Her phone rings again for the fifth time this night, she refuses to answer it. If she hears his voice she'll snap. She needed time to collect herself. To shut away herself from him once more. She knows it's him calling, she can feel it.
Throwing her arm on her forehead she breathes, simply took a breath. Something she needs, desperately needs. Finally able to hear his voicemails, she quickly swipes on his contact.
"Liv I'm so sorry, you have to know that I didn't mean it that way but I'm not calling to talk about that. Kathy's killer is Sasha linsky. He watched her get into that car before he killed her. Who-why would anyone want to kill Kathy." The voicemail ends.
He didn't mean it, that confirmed it for her. Chocking back a hurtful sob. He had done it again, he broke her. Tore down all her walls only to make her rebuild new ones. She's spent years agonizing over him, sudden sorrow fills her body as it shut down with uncontrollable sobs.
"Fuck you stabler"
I know this is a short chapter but it gives you a glimpse into liv's life and her emotions. I'll come out with more later. Thank you for reading.
