Chapter 4
Dear Ms. Taylor,
I have tried writing you many times since receiving your letter and yet each time the letter was discarded. I have not been able to sort my thoughts and put them in words that will adequately express the shock and sorrow I am feeling. First and foremost, I want to inquire about you and how you are dealing with the shock? If I am feeling such grief at this news, I can only imagine the level of heartbreak and devastation you must be experiencing. I remember being so excited when I had first heard of your engagement and that my two dearest friends would be joining together. There could have been no news that would have brought me as much happiness as I had experienced. This past year had been one filled with joy and laughter as we had done so many fun activities due to your betrothal.
I cannot understand Mr. Knightley's actions in ending the engagement. I can think of no reason, no fight, no altercation that occurred prior to this decision. I have known Mr. Knightley even longer than I have known you and would have confidently said his honor would never allow him to abandon a lady in this way regardless of the provocation. I have surely been proven wrong and oh how it hurts to realize your close friend is not the man you had previously thought and is in fact capable of doing things to break your trust.
I want you to know I have made my position clear to Mr. Knightley and that I cannot forgive him for this. He only offered a simple 'there are things you do not understand' but without any further enlightenment, I can only go off what I know and have chosen my side. I must warn you that your letter to Ms. Bates was not kept in confidence and the news of your engagement ending has spread through Highbury. It is as you had feared and there is much talk and speculation regarding the reason. I strongly suspect that Mr. Knightley will not be held accountable to the same level that you would.
It is my deepest wish that you can come back to Highbury. I know it is not possible now, but I am hopeful you make a successful match and can come back in triumph to show everyone in Highbury.
Will you look for another governess position? I know you had only come to Highbury for the employment opportunity and I hope I am not being too presumptuous in asking your plans regarding that. I have enclosed a letter of recommendation from my father stating what a wonderful addition to the family you had been.
Our home is always open to you and I shall never stop missing you.
Your friend,
Emma Woodhouse
Anne Taylor could not help the deep sobs that shook her body after reading the letter from Emma. Her legs gave way under her shaking form as she slowly slid down to the floor and continued to weep for her past mistakes and foolish decisions which had led her to this moment. She was lucky that her parents were alive and although they strongly disapproved of their daughter who had returned in shame, they had not turned her away. However, they had told her in uncertain terms that she was not welcome here more than a few weeks. The small cottage was not a big space, but it still provided her shelter and a space to hide from the prying eyes. Her living situation was uncertain and should have been her primary worry, instead her mind was occupied by the lies and hurt she had caused.
Anne re-read the words of the letter through her tears, just realizing that her careless letter had further complicated an already complicated situation. Her childhood home had not been a happy one, with both parents extreme in their views and strict in their child rearing. She had been working as a seamstress or baker since she was ten in her small town. It had not been until she was nearly nineteen that she had sent a letter to an agency in London offering her services as a governess and had been contacted by them, that she had realized maybe she could have a life larger and different than what it had been to date. I moved away to establish a life for myself only to end up right back where I started.
Her time with the Woodhouse family had been filled with so much joy that she had never felt like an employee but a respected family member. Emma had ensured the entire town of Highbury had accepted her and although she was not their social equal, she still felt like she truly belonged. Emma had become more than just her charge but was like a little sister and friend. The complete loyalty she had displayed had been such a pleasant departure from her life thus far. Add to that the level of trust Mr. Woodhouse exhibited in her and her eventual friendship with their friend Mr. Knightley, Anne had been content.
When writing the letter to inform Emma about the end of engagement, she had also sent a letter to Ms. Bates so she could circumvent whatever Mr. Knightley might say on the subject. It had been petty, and she had regretted it since, but at the time had wanted to cast doubt on Jake's reputation along with her own. Not for a moment had she thought that Emma would choose to be angry at Mr. Knightley on her behalf. She had been sure their bond was so strong, born of a lifetime of friendship and shared history that her letter would not be able to come between that.
It was ironic that she had never harbored any visions of marriage and children for herself but instead was content being governess to Emma and maybe eventually Emma's children. All of that had changed a year or so ago when she had met someone on one of her walks. Suddenly she had started to dream about her own future and if it might include something more than being a governess. Maybe she was meant to be someone's wife after all, and things had seemed so bright and hopeful during that time. Everything had seemed possible and within her reach and although she never shared her feelings or thoughts with anyone, suddenly things seemed to be falling into place.
We all know how that turned out, Anne thought with a snort as she looked down at her rounding stomach under her gown.
The next morning Emma was making her way downstairs to visit with her father when she heard voices in the sitting room. Emma felt her heartbeat increase at the sight of Frank Churchill keeping his promise to call on her so soon after the ball. She finally had something to look forward to after a night of tossing and turning following her conversation with Jake. She did not fully know how to process the hurt she was feeling from Jake's refusal to confide in her.
"Good morning Father; Mr. Churchill," Emma said cheerfully while giving a smooth curtsey to the men.
"A good morning to you Miss. Woodhouse," Frank replied as both men stood up upon her entrance.
"Emma dear, as much as I have been enjoying Mr. Churchill's company, I fear he has been hoping for conversation with someone far younger and prettier than myself," Henry noted in his usual jolly tone.
"Mr. Woodhouse, that was the furthest thing from my mind," Frank replied with a charming smile. "However, I would not mind stretching my legs if Miss. Woodhouse would like to accompany me for a walk?"
"That would be wonderful. Let me grab my pelisse and see if Lucy is available to join us," Emma said, referring to her maid. "I could show you around our estate. There is a pathway through the woods and a stream nearby which is just a short walk."
A few moments later they were on their way with Emma's hands in the crook of Frank's elbow, and Lucy trailing behind them to ensure propriety. Emma loved walking around the Hartfield estate, and the country house had extensive grounds with well tended paths to allow for a perfect casual stroll. She generally went on her walks in the wild woods between the Hartfield and Donwell properties, but she knew better than to take a gentleman to such secluded areas.
The conversation was easy between the two filled with silly observations about their surroundings and light-hearted banter about a myriad of topics.
"Well Mr. Churchill, you have been in Highbury almost a year now," Emma stated casually, "truth be told, I am surprised a single gentleman as yourself has stayed in the quiet country for so long. Most people from London only like the country life in small doses."
The comment was meant to be teasing but the answering silence caused Emma to turn back and look at her companion in question.
Frank eventually gave a rueful smile before replying, "my intent had been to only visit my father a year back. I was planning on surprising him when he returned from his latest tour with the army. However, we got word that he… he had been a casualty of war and would never be returning."
Emma stopped walking and looked at Frank in sympathy. Everyone knew the story about Lieutenant Weston's supposed passing only to find out later the man was alive. The thing she vividly remembered from that time was how upset and depressed Ms. Taylor had been upon hearing of the death. It had seemed odd to Emma since she did not realize they had been close, but she had still spent countless hours trying to cheer her. Emma had also sent flowers, but she felt guilty for not sparing more of a thought to how the news would have impacted his family.
Frank also stopped walking and turned towards her, so they were facing each other under a large tree.
"Of course, the news of his death had been false and although he was badly injured, he did survive," Frank continued. "My father needed help in those early days and then later when he got stronger, I found other reasons to stay around."
"I think I like it here Miss. Woodhouse," Frank declared. "The scenery has much to recommend the area." This last part was added with a mischievous smile and wink causing Emma to blush and look away.
"I am so sorry, Mr. Churchill," Emma stated earnestly, "that must have been a very difficult time for your family."
Frank just shrugged, "we were lucky he survived and has regained full abilities. Not everyone was that lucky."
Emma nodded, "and where is your father now? I have not seen him at any of the social events lately."
Frank looked away. He finally just shrugged his shoulders and replied, "my father is doing some personal traveling. He has been away from the area but truthfully I do not really know where he is."
"And what of you Miss. Woodhouse?" Frank asked, quickly changing the subject, "Do you wish to travel and explore other areas? It seems a number of our acquaintances have been on lengthy journeys recently."
"No," Emma declared, as she slowly started her walk again. "I have no wish for being anywhere then exactly where I am. I cannot imagine a better place then having this home and land for my daily walks and horse rides."
"And what of when you marry?" Frank asked softly.
Emma did not reply right away. In truth, she had not spent much time thinking about being married. She was twenty-one and had received several proposals but not any she had considered accepting. As much as Emma loved her nieces and nephews, she was in no hurry to settle down and had been adamant that she would only marry for love. Regardless of how much her sister despaired at this thinking, her father had allowed it and had never pressured her to join the marriage institution.
I had always pictured my life beside Jake and Ms. Taylor with our days filled with the gentle teasing and comfortable companionship. Emma shook her head at her own naïve thoughts. If they had gotten married, they would have been busy with their life and eventual children and Emma would probably be relegated to an eccentric aunt who occasionally visited. That thought was more depressing than the thought of never marrying.
"Who said I wish to marry, Mr. Churchill?" Emma finally said while trying to make light of the question.
"I wish to marry," Frank stated wistfully.
Emma looked over to see him staring off into the distance. She was not sure what to say to his declaration so just decided to keep the light and teasing tone instead.
"Oh, and is there a particular lady you wish to marry or just anyone will do?" Emma asked trying to tease him back to his usual cheerful self.
Frank just laughed and looked at Emma, "that is the issue here. I need to convince some lady to give me a chance."
Emma rolled her eyes with a laugh as they continued their walk. It was as though they were old friends and could easily joke and tease even about such serious topics as marriage. The rest of the walk was spent with further laughter and it felt like no time had passed before it was time to head back towards the house.
Jake was riding towards the Hartfield residence to visit with Mr. Woodhouse when he spied a couple walking together and laughing with their heads close together. He recognized Emma's blonde hair and felt his body stiffen at the familiar way she was clutching the arm of a taller gentleman. It took him a few moments of staring to realize her companion was Mr. Frank Churchill.
Jake could feel his hands clenching in angry fists, causing his horse to rear back, and alerting the walking couple of his presence in the distance. He took a deep breath to calm his racing heart and stop his first impulse of rushing forward and snatching Emma's hands away from the younger man. He wanted to shake Emma and ask her what the nature of her relationship with Frank was. He could not forget the easy way he had stepped in to dance with Emma when she had clearly been lying about having a partner. The ensuing dance had been one of laughter and filled with intimate conversation that had been difficult to watch and had been the primary reason he had left the ball. Could things really have changed that much in the two months he had been away?
Now Frank was here walking with Emma in the secluded pathways around her house. He recognized Emma's maid a few feet back but there was no real protection for Emma if Frank wanted to take advantage. He had already lost too much at the hands of this family and could not bear the thought of Emma being interested in him. He would have to talk to Mr. Woodhouse to keep a better eye on Emma.
It was only a few moments later that Jake had caught up with the couple, and he could not fail to notice the look of studied detachment on Emma's face and amusement on Frank's.
"Mr. Churchill, Miss. Woodhouse. I hope you had a pleasant stroll." Jake had tried for a casual note but knew he was not successful at hiding his anger by the way Frank's eyebrow went up and Emma's shoulders stiffened.
"What are you doing here Mr. Knightley?" Emma asked. The warning to not interfere was clear in her tone.
"I had business with Mr. Woodhouse," Jake replied.
"Oh of course. I understand you are a close friend of Emma's father," Frank supplied with a smirk. It was clear the jibe was meant to emphasize Jake was old enough to be her father's friend and not bother with the younger Woodhouse.
Jake took a deep breath to avoid his initial reaction to that smirk. "And how is your father, Mr. Churchill? I hear he is travelling," Jake asked dangerously.
Frank eyes flashed his own anger at the question, but he just gave a slight sarcastic smile before replying, "he is well. I believe you were also recently travelling. I wonder if your paths crossed on your travels?"
Jake looked away from the asinine smile. "I would not know. I have no reason to seek out your father," he replied stiffly.
"And yet, I understand that you have so much in common," Frank replied softly in a jeering tone. The taunt was clear in his words and Emma was looking at both men trying to understand the undercurrents of the conversation.
"Not as much as you would think, Mr. Churchill." And with that Jake tipped his hat towards Emma and headed towards the house.
"I did not realize Mr. Knightley was well acquainted with Lieutenant Weston," Emma ventured softly.
Frank closed his eyes and took a deep breath before turning to her with a strained smile, "I would not know. However, we are almost at your door. Please forgive me if I do not walk you inside as I just remembered an appointment. I will call upon you soon Miss. Woodhouse, but for now I shall take my leave."
"Yes, of course," Emma replied. She was unsure what had just transpired but she was confident the sudden need to leave had less to do with an appointment but more to do with the strained conversation with Jake.
