Chapter 14

Emma's wedding day had finally arrived, and she could not help getting caught up in the buzz of excitement in the house. Everyone from her father to the housekeeper and butler could not stop gushing about how happy they were for Emma. It was clear that everyone was convinced this was the best possible match for Emma and truly believed theirs was the ultimate love story. It took awhile but Emma finally acknowledged the feeling of anticipation she was feeling was one of hope for her nuptials and her husband.

She let out a giggle at the thought of Jake being her husband. It was such a foreign thought and yet, there was no one else she could picture in that role except for Jake. Even before Emma realized she was in love with him, she had always known their lives would always be intertwined.

Undoubtedly, the last meeting had been a disaster in terms of Emma revealing her feelings. However, the kiss had not been a figment of her imagination. Even if it had meant to be a kiss of possession, the heat and intensity behind it meant that he was not indifferent to her. It was obvious she needed to refrain from bringing up her feelings again, but Emma was hopeful things would work out.

"Oh Emma, you look wonderful," Isabella murmured while admiring her little sister in her wedding attire, "I cannot believe you are to be married, and we will be double sisters."

Emma rolled her eyes at her sister. Isabella had been giddy with excitement at the thought that the Woodhouse sisters would now become the Knightley sisters and could continue to be such a large part of each others lives.

The wedding dress was a heavy silk in the lightest green with silver thread running through it. Although Emma had not paid much attention when the fabric and design was being picked, she had to admit how perfectly suited the dress was for her. The green in the dress made her eyes look so deep and vibrant while the silver threading made it seem as thought she shimmered, providing an otherworldly ethereal quality. The loose knot on her head made her look soft and romantic, the epitome of the perfect bride.

"You look beautiful. I just know Jake will be thanking his lucky stars that you are his bride."

Emma gave a small smile at her sister's enthusiastic words, "I just hope we find half the happiness you have found within your marriage to John."

Isabella reached over and put her arm around her little sister, "marriage is not always easy but if you have love and respect for each other, you can overcome anything. Trust Jake, he will protect you and will not hurt you."

"I just wish he could love me, Izzy."

"I think he already does Emma."

"If only that were true, but I know he loves Jane."

Isabella shook her head, "I think we were mistaken in that. It seems obvious to me that he is already in love with you."

The words which were meant to provide reassurance had the opposite effect on Emma and suddenly the feeling of excitement and hope from earlier evaporated as a tsunami of doubt crashed into her.


Emma knew it would be unforgiveable to sneak away from her own wedding lunch, but she could feel her smile slipping as the events of the day started to weigh on her. In the span of a few hours, she had gone from being Ms. Woodhouse to Mrs. Knightley and was now married to the silent stranger standing beside her. If she had been hoping for reassuring smiles and secretive glances, she had been sorely mistaken. The entire ceremony had felt so clinical with both parties repeating the vows and actions expected of them but devoid of any comfortable conversation or laughter.

However, while Jake's demeanor had been cold and detached, his eyes told a different story. She could feel them constantly following her every move. The heated glances were unnerving since she could not decipher what they were saying or trying to convey, yet they still made her tingle all over.

If someone had asked her to describe Jake in the past, she would have used the words calm, wise, and perhaps even a little stuffy. However, in the last few months, she had seen him be angry, moody, jealous, and a myriad of other emotions in between. It made her wonder how she could have missed the passionate man underneath the surface. She had thought herself to be so worldly and clever but was just realizing she had been a naïve and foolish girl who was too engrossed in her own self to notice everyone else who inhabited the world around her.

It was deep thinking for someone who should have been celebrating and enjoying the myriad of treats and guests at the Hartfield manor. Her family and servants had done a wonderful job of transforming their home for the festive occasion. Every surface was decorated with ribbons and fresh flowers from both the Hartfield and Donwell estates. The chefs at both houses had been cooking for the last week to create an unparalleled menu, filled with many savory dishes and sweet treats. Likewise, the entire Highbury county had been invited and each of the guests were decked out in their finest clothes. However, it was hard to enjoy the surrounding when her mind was occupied with thoughts of her new husband who had barely said two words to her after the vows he was obligated to repeat.

"Ms. Woodhouse… Oh I mean, Mrs. Knightley, you look just lovely."

Emma looked up to see Ms. Bates giving her a sweet smile as she came to the couples table.

"Oh, thank you Ms. Bates, it was wonderful of you to attend," Emma replied past the lump forming in her throat. Although her smile did not waver, Emma was reminded of Ms. Bates hope of Jake marrying her niece. Not only would Jake have been happier, but it would also have been the answer to Ms. Bates financial hardships.

"I was not even a little surprised to hear of your engagement, you two make a wonderful couple. In fact, I even told your sister, mark my words, Emma will be getting married very soon and within just a few weeks of my saying that, you were engaged. Of course, Agatha said something about you two being forced to marry but I do not think anyone believed that. Everyone knew that there was already an understanding between your families. And then Agatha was the one saying she was involved in getting you engaged so obviously you were not forced to marry."

"I think it was more shocking when Mr. Knightley had announced his engagement to Ms. Taylor," Ms. Bates suddenly stopped as if realizing who she was talking to, "oh but pardon me, I should not discuss that sorry affair at your wedding."

Emma gave a weak smile as Ms. Bates continued her assessment of her marriage. Just a month or so back she had been convinced of Jake's interest in her niece and now she was prattling on about herself with Jake.

"The green dress was such a lovely choice for this time of year. I do believe we shall get a similar color when Jane gets married."

Emma jerked at the mention of Jane Fairfax, "oh, umm… is there a plan for Jane to marry soon?"

"Well, nothing confirmed," Ms. Bates replied with an excited smile, "but I do believe she has a secret admirer. Someone gifted her a pianoforte and if that is not a declaration of interest then I do not know what is. It will just be a matter of time."

Emma looked over to see Jake's reaction at the mention of the pianoforte he had gifted but he seemed to be engrossed in the plate of food in front of him. It was hard not to feel melancholy at a reminder of Jake's feelings for Jane. Likewise, it was not until this moment that Emma realized that Jane and her family would be waiting for a secret admirer to come forward and ask for her hand. However, Jake was no longer able to say anything, meaning the sender of the pianoforte would remain a secret and the wait would be in vain.

It was another little while before Emma was able to escape from the well wishers and go hide in her room under the guise of getting ready before leaving for her new home.

"Emma dear, why are you hiding up here? Jake is wanting to leave for Donwell," her father called out from the doorway.

Emma tried for a smile, "I was just tired and wanted a few moments to rest."

She looked up to see her father watching her with a nostalgic smile, "I really wish your mother could see how lovely you look today." He paused for a few moments before continuing in a more serious tone, "I know something is troubling you and if she had been here, she would have known exactly what to say. Emma, I just want you to be happy and I strongly believe Jake will keep you happy."

It was not a huge surprise when Emma's eyes filled with tears at the mention of her mother. She truly believed her mother would have been able to guide her and provide some of the answers she so desperately sought. Emma took a few moments to collect her thoughts before replying, "I am beginning to realize that there is so much I do not understand about Jake. I wish I could believe you when you say we will be happy together, but everything happened so fast. Jake had just gotten out of one engagement and was forced to marry me for the sake of my reputation. I do not want to be a burden."

Her father sat on the bed beside her and pulled her into a hug, "give your relationship time and patience. This is a large change for both of you and it is normal to have doubts. You two are so much further along then most couples on their wedding day, you have a lifelong friendship as a base of your relationship. Always remember that friendship, lean into that and everything else will follow."


Jake once again glanced at Emma sitting beside him in the open carriage. They were finally on their way to Donwell Abbey and Jake could not remember feeling so nervous and at a loss of words around someone. It was especially surprising considering this was Emma, someone he had known most of his life. He remembered when she would be running wild with mud splattered all over her dress and hair hanging loose in knots around her. He remembered when she had been trying to climb the giant oak tree by his house and had fallen off and ended with a skinned elbow and torn stocking. He had seen her through various life events, from the mundane to the significant. Likewise, it was not the first time she had been this dressed up, however, for the life of him he could not remember her looking as regal and magnificent as she did in this moment. She was beautiful and she was his.

The silence was a thick and heavy cloak around them. If it were not for the open carriage, it would have been difficult to breathe. Jake was not sure how to surpass this awkwardness, but he was having a hard time getting past his own thoughts. After the debacle of his engagement with Anne, he had vowed to not enter a loveless marriage. This situation was worse because he was in love with Emma but knew she did not love him.

Jake finally cleared his throat and ventured, "did you enjoy the ceremony? I thought they did a great job with the wedding lunch."

"Yes. It was great," Emma readily agreed.

Jake sighed. His brother was right that even if Emma did not love him yet, given some time and attention, there was no reason to think she could not. But the mess he was making at putting her at ease was not going to help either of them. Every girl dreamt of an attentive and romantic husband, especially on their wedding day, but currently he could not have been any further from that goal.

Jake pulled on the reins to cause the horses to stop. "Emma, I did not really get a chance to tell you how beautiful you look today. You were perfection and I feel so much pride and happiness thinking that you are mine. I know I have not been very talkative today but please know it is not because I am displeased but quiet the opposite."

He reached over and took Emma's gloved hands in his own. The simple contact caused a charming blush to bloom on her cheeks, "I also need to apologize. I have been feeling so ashamed of the way I attacked you the other day. A first kiss should be soft and allow time to adjust; an introduction perhaps but not borne of anger. I am hoping we can have a second attempt at our first kiss."

Emma looked away shyly at the mention of their kiss, "I did not mind."

Jake let out a chuckle as he slowly put his arms around Emma to pull her close.

"Wait, Jake," Emma softly spoke as she put her arms up to his chest, "I want to apologize as well. I have not treated you very well regarding everything that happened. I unfairly blamed you without even knowing the full story. I am sorry for everything you went through, and I promise to be better. You have always been such a good friend and even though you are now my husband, I want that we always remain friends and do not do anything to change that."

Jake pulled back and looked at Emma, "you want to remain friends?"

"Yes, more than anything else in the world, Jake."

A feeling of helplessness crashed into him. Every time he felt like they were making some progress, something came up that pulled them further back again. He was hoping she was starting to see him in a romantic light, and she wanted friendship from their relationship, from their marriage. Truthfully, he just felt tired. Tired of always being perfect and doing what was expected of him. If he had known his life would end up in such shambles he would have let loose more often while he was young. He was just tired of the mix of emotions and conflicting feelings.

He picked up the reins of the horse and slowly got the team moving again. Without looking at Emma he finally replied, "no, I do not think I can give you what you want. I do not wish to remain as friends. We are married now, and I expect you to fulfill those vows."

Jake could feel the frustration rising inside him and it was reflected in his voice, "I want a partner, I want kids, I want all of it Emma. You are my wife and I expect you to be one in every way, I will not allow you to remain as a friend."

"Oh… I did not mean… I mean… I guess I want kids as well."

"Good, that's settled," Jake ground out before falling back into the brooding silence he had adopted throughout the day.