So, yeah. We woke up. Well, actually, I woke up. Having gone to sleep early, as I do, I found that I could not remain in my crappy sleeping bag any longer. Also, I was thirsty. I crawled out of my scratchy cocoon of discomfort like a mentally retarded butterfly and reached for my water bottle - oh, yeah, I should probably mention that I carry my water bottle with me pretty much everywhere. Because hydration. I need it. Anyway, I reached for my water bottle, only to find that it was not where I had last put it. That wouldn't have been a problem, except that it was four in the morning and pitch-ass black. So I sat up and reached elsewhere, but it was nowhere to be found. Dammit.

I got out my scroll and very briefly turned on the flashlight for a quick scan around the room. I heard a few noises from the other students; I'm pretty sure someone said something like "pancakes" or something. I felt a little bad for the disturbance, but then I didn't, because bitch, I'm thirsty!

I caught a glimmer of silver about fifteen feet away. Shit...it had rolled away. I didn't want to turn on my scroll again, so I just started creeping my way over to it on all fours, carefully stepping over other students as I went. Eventually, I got to where I last remembered seeing the bottle, and reached for it. Unfortunately, what I thought was my water bottle was somebody's leg. I quickly retracted my hand, coming to the reluctant conclusion that I would indeed need my scroll again. A brief flash of light showed me that I had arrived a few feet short of grabbing distance, so I inched my way over and managed to grab it without disturbing anybody. I silently thanked the Lord for His extra dolloping of common grace upon my very much undeserving self as I stealthily began my retreat back towards my sleeping bag -

- and too late, I saw the monstrous, dark figure rise up in front of me. I collided face first into what took me a second to register as boobs.

"Hurp!" I went, and I fell on my butt.

"Sorry!" I heard a hushed whisper, and the figure shrunk back, undoubtedly as mortified as I was.

"Sorry..." I whispered back as I slunk away with my water bottle, hoping that whoever I almost motorboated wouldn't recognize me when daylight came.

I chugged all the water that was left in there, and then pretended to be asleep until everybody else woke up.


The Boiz were chilling in the locker room. We didn't talk about the Plan, because we already knew it and because we didn't want anyone to know that we were cheating.

Oh yeah - now would probably be a good time to elaborate on just what the Plan was.

See, Beacon's initiation process is kept pretty well under wraps, but it's a well-known fact that teams aren't decided beforehand. Apparently, Professor Ozpin has this crazy idea that forcing people who probably don't know each other to be on a team for the next four years is absolutely genius. The problem with this is that we are the Boiz. We're pretty much a team already: we've fought together, hung out together, formulated strategies and honed debate skills together - all that kind of stuff. We don't want to break up the Boiz, because that would suck balls. We needed a way to make sure that we all got on the same team.

Enter Bristle Whitemoonshine. Bristle is the leader of Team Badge; they're a year ahead of of us, and they were kind of like our big brother team back at Signal. Now, if there's one thing Bristle's good at (well, there's a lot of things he's good at), it's sticking his nose where he's not supposed to and getting away with it. Somehow, he was able to find out what Beacon's initiation process was going to be this year, and spilled the secret to us. We had thus made plans accordingly...which I will reveal to you later, because I'm an asshole. Also I want to show off all our cool weapons now.

We were all talking about what velociraptors probably would've sounded like when we saw Ruby walk past.

"'Sup," said Jac with a cool nod.

"Oh! Hey, uh..." Her eyes darted from side to side, clearly trying to remember his name.

"Jac."

"Jac! Right, got it, heh...so, um...have you guys seen Yang?"

"Uhhh..." We hadn't.

"It's okay, I'll probably find her on my own..."

Jac gave her the thumbs up as she started to leave, then mecha-shifted his weapon into its compact carrying form.

Ruby froze at the sound. She turned around, a new glint in her eyes. "What's that?"

Jac saw what she was looking down at, and then remembered what she was really into. He grinned and brandished his mighty sword, extending it to display its full size.

"Whoa..." Ruby could not help but stare in awe at the impressive display; I'm pretty sure I saw a line of drool forming at the corner of her mouth. "That - that's actually really good craftsmanship!" And then it was all over. Ruby just spouted off one question after another about the admittedly very impressively-built Malacandra, Jac's single-edged broadsword/fully-automatic gauss rifle.

It was a notably different discourse then when last weapons had been discussed between us, about five or so months prior. Then, Ruby had just gone off on this wandering, long-winded rant about the history of something (complete with charts and diagrams) that I subsequently forgot about, before finally getting around to asking us about our own weapons and fighting styles. By that point, we were kind of asleep, and so our descriptions went something like, "Uh...a gun-sword," or, "Swords," or, "A sword."

This time, though, Ruby was getting us to talk, a marked improvement from when we last discoursed. Well, I say "us", but it was mostly Jac, since he had the biggest sword. Bigger might not always be better, but when it comes to impressing one's female counterparts...

Speaking of females, I noticed that something was tickling my face. I briefly did a double-take and frantically pawed my face, terrified that I was being attacked by a cobweb. Yes, it's true: I am scared of cobwebs. Why, I cannot say, any more than why the moon is broken. Turns out it wasn't a cobweb, thank goodness, but rather a very long strand of red hair. I remembered my early morning escapade, and made a mental note to watch out for a chick with long, red hair (and not to mention a substantial bust).

"Hey, uh, uh - short guy with the ponytail!"

Oh shit - that was me. "Quack," I responded.

"You're name's 'Quack'?" Ruby questioned.

"Yes," said Jac. "His name is 'Quack'."

I should've know he'd do that. Friggin' Jac. "Nah, it's Elias. You can call me E, tho."

"Got it! Elias, Elias..." She repeated the name for good measure. "So, what kinda weapon do you have?"

Always more than happy to show off my own sword(s), I whipped mine out, letting them accentuate my hardened, toned muscles. "Right here," I said as I twirled the two short swords, "are my fellow warriors, Locust and Mud Wasp." I showed off their Dust compartments, and how they could mecha-shift into sabres.

"It...doesn't have a gun?"

"Nah, I suck at guns. Besides, it'd ruin the balance. But! It can do this."

And I clicked the two pommels together, the handles mecha-shifting to elongate the combined weapon into a double-bladed sword staff. "Meet: Scherzo!"

"Wait," said Ruby. "You have different names...for the same weapon?"

"Yeh. I mean, why not?"

Woodie, who had appeared to be brooding up until that point but had apparently been listening in the whole time, turned to us and shook his head with a disappointed sigh. "It's wrong, I know," he addressed Ruby's uncertain look. "I keep telling him that it's against the Rules, but he just doesn't listen."

"It's a free country, bruh!" I brilliantly counter-argued. Then Woodie started showing off his giant-ass gauntlets. Honestly, those things are more like armored battering rams attached to his arms than gauntlets. He showed Ruby the Dust-cannon in the left gauntlet, and the heavy-duty grappling wire coiled up in the right. It was right then that Yang showed up.

"Oh! Yang! There you are," Ruby piped up. "Sorry, I - their weapons are just so cool!"

Yang sent an approving smile our way. "Hey, sis, let's talk for a sec, huh?"

They were about to go when Ruby whirled around. "Wait!" She looked at Cas, who was just sitting there boringly. "Hey, uh - aren't you the one that Professor Goodwitch taught?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah," Cas said, like it was no biggie.

"Wow...so, you're supposed to be, like, really good, right?"

"I'm pretty good, I guess," he shrugged, but there was a smug glint in his eyes. We all forced back grins; he knew damn well just how good he was, and it was hilarious watching him thrash his opponents. Ruby, being Ruby, didn't notice any of this.

"So - what's your weapon? Can I see it?"

"Sure." Cas took out his sabre. It was a sabre.

"Ooohh...neato! It's real pretty."

"Eh, yeah. It's not much, but it's all I need, really." He wasn't wrong. Greenflame did have a Dust compartment, as well as a flare gun in the handle, but that was about it.

"So," said Yang, "You boys about done showing off your big swords to my baby sister?"

Jac, Cas, and I grinned dumbly.

"Oh, yeah," Jac said. "Yup, definitely."

"Well," I added, "Woody showed off his hands - uh, gauntlets, but yeh."

"She liked Jac's the best, though," said Cas, pointing his finger intellectually.

"Yeah," said Yang, "That's understandable - it is the biggest, after all."

Ruby finally seemed to realize that there was some sort of joke that she was at the butt of, but couldn't quite piece things together.

"Well, I'll see y'all losers at Initiation!" Yang said as she turned and left. Ruby stood for a moment longer before it finally clicked for her.

"Yaaaaaang!" she yelled angrily as she chased after her sister. Hi-fives all around.

We just sat there some more, talking about dumb stuff. Then we got bored and decided to go somewhere else, as we were already suited up for combat. We stepped into the hallway. There were three girls in the hallway walking ahead of us, and I immediately recognized two of them as Lilly and the mean girl from yesterday. I also recognized the third as Pyrrha Nikos, as I had seen some of her combat videos.

"Is that...Weiss Schnee?" I heard Woodie mutter. I knew there was only one person of the three that he could've been referring to.

"Wait - Schnee?" I asked subduedly. "As in, the SDC?"

"Uh, yeah?"

"Oh, lordy. So, wait - is she like, related to the CEO or something?"

Woodie looked absolutely dumbfounded. "Dude, she's the Heiress to the whole company!"

"Oh." See, I don't really keep up with the family relations of famous people; I'm more of an "actual news" type of guy when it comes to staying informed. Like, I know the name Jacques Schnee, but I don't pay much attention to his wife or kids. Ah, well. "Guess that explains how she got into Beacon."

The Heiress, who was maybe twenty feet away, stopped right where she was and whirled around. Once again, I had forgotten that when you sound like a bass clarinet on crack, your voice carries. She marched up to us, her head doing this little bobbing-to-each-side kind of thing as she did. It reminded me of middle school girls who thought they were important. It was funny. Lilly and Pyrrha followed too, though markedly less aggressive in demeanor.

"Would you care to explain your comment?" she said icily, looking us all over. I realized that she didn't know which one of us had made said comment, so I decided to have some fun.

"What, that you're the Heiress to the SDC? I don't think that really needs explaining." I let a toothy grin crack through. My friends behind me prepared for the inevitable showdown. The Schnee's face briefly contorted, but then settled into her own grin - dangerously so, I might add.

"Ah, so it was you, then." Aw, hell - she'd obviously be able to pick out my smecksy voice. Somehow I didn't think of that. "I will ask once again: would you care to explain your comment? And do not think I will be fooled by your commoner's wordplay so easily."

Bitch, I am bourgeoisie to the core. I listen to Brahms!

"Aight, then. What I meant was that you probably got into Beacon because your daddy's rich, while the rest of us had to work our asses off to get here."

"Hooooooooof!" Jac exclaimed as he dabbed epically. Woodie smiled - which seldom happens, he's not the edgelord for nothing - and crossed his arms. The only person who didn't seem to have my back was Cas, because he's smart and realizes that picking fights with people you don't know is a bad idea. He just kinda stood to the side and waited for the shitshow to blow over.

I saw that Weiss Schnee did not seem to like my explanation. Aw, come on, that's not fair - I did exactly what she asked me to! Lilly didn't seem happy either, but she doesn't like me anyway, so I didn't care. Pyrrha Nikos just seemed uncomfortable.

"You - how dare - " But then Weiss Schnee stopped, and her eyes got this really hard look in them. She came up a little closer to me and pointed her finger, like, two inches from my face. I just kept smiling; she really was not very intimidating. Ever since my days at Yeets, I had learned to steel myself against this kind of psychic warfare. All I had to do was look confident and remember that I could probably snap this girl's neck with my bare hands.

If it came to it, that is. I'm not a psycho or anything.

"You know nothing about me," she hissed. "And you have no idea what I have gone through to get where I am today." Oh, wow - was this getting personal? Well, I wasn't gonna back down; I'd been doing that all my life.

"I know that you go after nice people and scream at them for no reason. Remember yesterday? Oh, yeah...we were there."

Weiss seemed shocked, but again quickly reclaimed her footing.

"That dolt doesn't even belong here! She deserved every - "

"She wanted to be left alone, and you went after her anyway." Jac wasn't laughing anymore; he knew what I was talking about. "I've dealt with people like that for years, and I don't like seeing them walk all over others like they did to me. I may not know what your sob story is, but I think I've seen enough of you to make my call."

"She's a Schnee," Woodie snorted. "What did you expect?"

In case you couldn't tell, Woodie does not like Schnees.

"Knock it off, Elias!" Lilly jumped to Weiss's defense. "She - "

"Oh-ho, Lilly! We meet again," I guffawed, pretending to have just noticed her. "To think I had eyes for you once. I might have known that you'd be lackey to this alabaster fiend." The words just rolled off my tongue; I was as surprised as everyone else, especially as I'd never before been so bold as to speak to Lilly that way before. I'd just avoided her until then. Not gonna lie, tho - I was still kinda salty at how Lilly treated me in the past, and just because someone else decided to be friends with me.

Anyway, we were all even more surprised when Pyrrha actually stepped in between us. Dang it...and the Heiress was about to explode on us all over again, too.

"Now, then," she said, clearly hoping to avoid said explosion. "I am certain there is more to each side than any of us can see at the moment. Perhaps this can be discussed in more civil terms - "

"All first year students are to report to Beacon Cliff," Friggin' Glynda Goodwitch interrupted. "Again, all first year students are to report to Beacon Cliff."

" - and at a later time. Especially considering that some of us may end up on the same team today."

The Boiz just looked at each other with dumb smiles. We knew what was coming.

Weiss looked mad. Lilly looked extra-mad. I probably looked really stupid with that giant grin on my face, but it was worth it watching them leave in a huff. Lilly was telling Weiss something about all of us being jerks or something. Eh. Pyrrha was pretty unreadable as she turned and left, her long, red hair swishing behind her. Well, I say unreadable, but I've never really been all that great at -

Pyrrha had long, red hair.

Oh, shit.

"Uh, E?" said Jac. "You alright there?"

"Uh. Yeah. No. Uh, yeah, I'm good."

"OK. Let's go, guys."

I had almost motorboated a champion fighter.

FML.


Anyway, we went to the cliff. It was nice outside. There were trees and stuff. And, uh...you know.

We got on the big springboard things. Professor Ozpin was talking about what we were gonna have to do, how we would be forming teams today, the first person you made eye contact with was your partner, blah blah blah...

We already knew all of this, but we didn't want Professor Ozpin to know that, so we pretended to pay very close attention like everyone else was.

I heard Ruby yelp out, "What?!" at the partner thing. Poor kid. I wish we could've at least let her and Yang in on the secret, but we couldn't afford to risk anyone else finding out. Sorry, Ruby...bros before hoes.

What was more troubling was some other girl claimed to have known of this beforehand. I really hoped she was just BS-ing, because if she had heard it from us -

"Are there any questions?" Ozpin finally asked.

Woodie enacted the keeping-up-appearances part of our completely foolproof plan:

"Question, Sir!" he yelled out like a military cadet, but then Ozpin went:

"Good! Now, take your positions."

Woodie looked confused for a second, then shrugged. His planned question - what happens if the first person they make eye contact with already has a partner - wouldn't have really gone amiss, as it was very likely something like that could happen. It wasn't really all that relevant in our case, though.

We had planned for this.

We were all the way down at the end, so we went first.

"HEEEE-YAAAWWWWW!" I screamed as I went flying into the air. I heard the telltale noise of Jac's rocket boots as I flew, and I saw Cas -

Oh yeah, I forgot. Jac has rocket boots.

You know what, I forgot to tell you a lot of things in the first chapter, so I'll just do that now while I'm flying through the air.

First thing's first: our combat outfits. Jac's got on a full suit of mecha-shift armor; it kinda looks like Master Chief's except lighter and without the helmet. The armor comes in three parts: breastplate, belt, and boots. They compact into a smaller form when he's not wearing them so that they're easier to store. When he puts them on, he first puts on the breastplate, then the boots, then the belt. The belt activates this magnetic mechanism thing or something, and that makes the armor shift to cover his torso and most of his arms and legs. Honestly, it never gets old watching him put that on. For his rocket boots, which I mentioned a paragraph ago, he uses this mixture of fire, wind, and gravity Dust that serves as a really effective propellant. Not only that, but it's actually really effective in a fight, as he can just blast people in the face with a rocket boot kick.

My outfit consists of -

OK, this chapter's getting too damn long. Screw outfits, I'm just gonna wrap this shit up real quick. We'll save it for next chapter or something, I don't know.

Anyway, as I descended, I activated the wind Dust the chambers of Locust and Mud Wasp, right where the handles meet the hilts. The Dust made this big gust of wind that slowed my descent considerably, and also put me on a path towards a nice, thicc branch. I switched my swords to sabre form and faced the blunt ends forwards. They caught on the branch, and I swung forwards in a triple twisting backflip to land on another branch. Then I just hopped my way down and touched down on the ground.

Before I did anything else, I took out my secret weapon: a blindfold. I put it on. I could still kinda see through it so that I saw where I was going, but I technically could not make eye contact with anyone. First part of the Plan: completed! Hehe.

So then I started walking while bellowing my friends' names at the top of my lungs, and listening for any sounds of approach, hostile or otherwise. Sure enough, I heard something coming - someone, by the sound of it. Kinda light on their feet, though...I kept my guard up.

I heard them come out of the bush. I whipped around, but not completely, so that I wasn't facing them.

"Who goes there?" I roared. "State thy name!"

"Uh..." A girl's voice spoke up shyly. "M-my names Honey - "

"NO!" I screamed. I then let out a loud screech and Naruto-ran into the forest.


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Another thing I forgot to put in the first chapter: the terms of agreement I have established with TheGoose2012 concerning my usage of his characters. They are as follows:

- I am not allowed to kill off his characters.

- I will not have them use any profanity of any sort.

- I must give credit to his fic, but I already did that, so uh, yeh.

That's pretty much it.

So uh, anyway.

I, BiiiiiiiiigBellyTheDragon, swear by all that is weed and chicken to abide by the terms of this agreement.

k bye.