Aight, losers, back to the story. Sorry for the wait, but, like, not really.


Fuuuuuuuuuuuuck...

We were about a hundred feet from the big bridge thing on the cliff, and so we made a break for it.

But, to our complete and utter dismay, Sammy the SNEK does NOT fuck around. We'd made it maybe halfway before the bastard swung his tail around like a gigantic hook and swept all four of us off our feet, sending us flying back towards the tree line. Jac, Woodie, and I hit the ground and rolled, while Cas landed on a Rhomboid and prepared to throw hands (well, Rhomboids) with the giant Grimm.

He got as far as reflexively throwing up a Rhomboid shield before the monster smashed right through it and snapped him up in one bite.

...

...

...

HOLY SHIIIIIIIIIT -

"HOLY SHIT!" Jac screamed, then blasted off towards the SNEK's head, swinging Malacandra for all it was worth. He flew for two seconds before the Grimm just straight up whipped him with its tail, hard enough that the tree he was knocked into splintered in two.

Woodie and I just looked at each other with actual, real terror and indecision. Holy shit - Cas was fucking GONE! There was no way of saving him, not with what we had. Jac maybe could've done something, but after that hit, he'd be lucky to have any Aura at all.

Damnit...we'd just have to cut our losses at this point. Jac was still alive, so we'd have to help get him outta here, and then...shit, I don't know, maybe Goodwitch or Ozpin could save Cas, if there was anything left of him by then...

All this took about a half-second for the two of us to process between us. Woodie had a ranged weapon, so he tried to distract the Grimm while I ran back to find Jac. I found him just sorta lying on his back, looking dazed and muttering something to himself.

"Jac! C'mon, get up, we gotta run!"

"Th'fuck...th'fuck jus' happ'n'd..."

"Yeah, Cas got murked, I know! So get off your ass and run, or you'll be, too!" And I yanked him off his ass and pushed him further into the woods, then called out to Woodie to join us as we started running.

He came after us, but probably not the way he intended; the SNEK had sent him flying, and he landed in front of us and ate dirt again. We didn't even stop running as we dragged him up to his feet, and he immediately kept pace with us.

"Should we...split up?" Woodie panted, his voice strained.

"I...I dunno!" I said. "We - "

A wall of black scales suddenly materialized in front of us, and the serpent's head towered just under the tree tops. Shit - we nearly fell over turning around, running at a roughly ninety-degree angle towards God-knows-where at this point -

- and we were sent sprawling by its tail, it having used that same hook maneuver as before. Jac's Aura broke as he hit the ground, and he became noticeably slower getting up in his armor and boots without the general strength boost it gave him. Woodie and I kept him in between us and the creature, but we realized with dawning horror that it had encircled us entirely with it's massive body.

"Oh, God," Jac whispered. "Oh, God...this is it, guys."

Woodie and I looked back and forth, trying to figure out a way that all of us got out of this. Nope - no way. Even one of us getting out was a slim prospect, and we sure as hell weren't leaving Jac behind.

So, we just...braced for the inevitable.

The monster reared it's gigantic head once more, mouth gaping open to strike at us...

...but it didn't.

Instead, a pea-soup-thick cloud of black smoke poured out of its mouth and nostrils. I held my breath and closed my eyes as it washed over us, sealing our fates...

...

...

...

"Yo, E...open your eyes."

"Wha? Huh?" I opened my eyes. "...Dafuq?"

Wherever the hell we were, it wasn't the woods. It was this...shadow dimension kinda thing, or something...? Shit, I dunno, but the SNEK was still there.

We got ready to die - again - but nothing happened. The creature just kinda...stared at us.

"Wha..." Woodie muttered under his breath.

The SNEK blinked (which was weird, since snakes aren't supposed to have eyelids) and sorta cocked its head.

Then it opened its mouth and let Cas slide off of its tongue. He fell on the floor with a grunt and a wet SPLAT, a puddle of drool slowly expanding around him.

Before we could say or do anything, Cas grunted again and lifted both of his hands to give Sammy the SNEK a double middle finger.

And you know what, it turned out the big fucker HAD been smiling back in the woods, because he did it again! Pulled his lips back in this huge, fat, toothy leer, he did.

"Bruh, this some bullshit," I said, as Jac and Woodie ran and got Cas on his feet.

"I'll say," said Cas, flinging SNEK spit off his arms. He peeled his soaked hair off of his face; somehow, his glasses had escaped intact.

We all generally just stood there like morons, because as a general rule, we generally are.

"So, uh...now what?" said Jac.

"Now, you listen to me."

HOLYSHIT -

We all did a double take, except for me. That's because I double took the first time in the wrong direction, so I had to do another one. I got that one wrong, too, so Jac just picked me up and pointed me in the right direction.

It was, like, the Grimm Reaper! Not like the famous Huntress who definitely died fifty years ago, but like, the guy who comes and gets dead people. I mean, he didn't have his scythe, but you know...

"Oh God, we are dead," I said stupidly.

"No, you're not," said the black robed figure, it's face (if it had one) hidden behind its hood. "And I am no spirit of death, that I promise." It's voice sounded...I dunno, raspy and gargley at the same time? Sorta like how Princess Leia did when she was disguised as a bounty hunter in Jabba's Palace.

"Oh," I said. "So, uh, what spirit are you then? Christmas Future, or something?"

"Stop being retarded, Elias," said Woodie.

There was a seconds-long silence before the Nazgul thing spoke again:

"I always loved A Christmas Carol. Such a wonderful story of salvation...but, no, I am not that, either. My true nature is not relevant at this moment, and hardly what I came to discuss with you."

"Well," said Cas dryly, "I, for one, would like to discuss why I was in that thing's mouth for two and a half minutes."

"Yeah!" I added. "You sicced Sammy the SNEK on us, didn't you?!"

"You..." I could sense Woodie's brain cells dying. "You named it? And of all the - Sammy?!"

"What? Sammy the SNEK, man! It's short, smecksy, rolls off the tongue."

"I mean, I kinda dig it," said Jac, to Woodie's visible chagrin.

The robed person/thing/whatever chuckled.

"I apologize if Meerungeheuer got a little carried away back there. He's a wonderfully quick learner, though, wouldn't you say? But, you may rest assured that from the moment you destroyed his shadow clone, your lives were in no danger whatsoever."

"So that's how he came back," said Woodie. "But, wait - Grimm...can they do that? Make shadow clones, and all that?"

"No, and Meerungeheuer is no Grimm. In fact, he is more ancient than any - "

"Waitwaitwait - hol' up..." said Jac. "...Mahooga-what-now?"

"mere-OONG-guh-high-er," I corrected him with legitimately flawless diction. I'm actually really good with that kind of thing, which is why Woodie hates it so much when I say things wrong on purpose. It messes with his perception of the world, and I find it hilarious.

"Indeed," the stranger said. "And as you passed his test, he has thus brought you all to me."

"His...test?" Jac didn't seem to like the idea. "For what?"

"...I cannot explain everything. Much of it is extremely sensitive, and I do not yet know if I can trust you with it."

"Feeling's mutual," said Cas. "So, what can you explain, then?"

"Could you at least tell us what we were being tested for?" I asked.

"Oh, I just needed to be sure that the four of you were capable enough for the task I am about to offer you. You were."

"Great, thanks," said Woodie. "So, what exactly is this, ah, task? Keep in mind that we just might have other plans."

"Like, you know..." Cas added. "...attending Beacon Academy?"

"Actually, your presence at Beacon is what allows you to carry out this task in the first place." He/she (whatever) paused for a moment. "There is a girl in your class - one Ruby Rose, with whom I believe you have already been acquainted. What I ask is that you guard her life - with your own, if need be."

Well, that didn't sound too bad; we probably would've done that anyway. Except...

"...And why do you need us to do that?" I asked, very slowly and suspiciously.

"Yeah, what the hell's going on here?" said Jac. "If somebody's out to get her - "

"Won't Ozpin and Co. be doing that already?" said Woodie. "I mean, it is their job."

"And if they can't handle whatever it is," said Cas, "then, what makes you think that we'll be of any help?"

"...Again," said the stranger, raising their hands to quell the questions, "I can disclose very little as of right now. What I can tell you is this: we are all in a game - one that will decide the fate of humanity - and as either players or pawns. Ozpin is one of the players, with a great many pawns...and I'm afraid that he cannot be entirely trusted. He means well, to be sure, but his aims..." The stranger shook their head. "...well, you may not like it if he ever achieves them. As for you four: you are, put bluntly, pawns. I need good, capable people whom I can trust to do the right thing, and you have presented yourselves as exactly that."

"Okay, okay, okay," Woodie interjected. "This is starting to get a little crazy, here. What's Ruby got to do with this 'game'? And who the hell else is playing?!"

"Why did you pick us?" Cas added. "I really doubt we're the only ones at Beacon who can protect Ruby, so why - "

"Questions, questions, questions!" the stranger laughed. "Ruby's role will not be revealed just yet, but it is nothing short of critical - that I guarantee you. As for the other players...honestly, you don't want to know. Not yet."

"Uh...yes, we do," said Woodie.

"No, you don't," said the stranger.

"Yes, we do," said Woodie.

"No, you don't," said the stranger.

"YES, WE DO!" we all said at once.

"Well, I'm not telling you!" the stranger snapped. "Anyway...you, the one that Meerungerheuer ate. To answer your question: I have kept an eye on the prospective students of Beacon, and I know they are all very capable...well, most of them, anyway. But besides already knowing Ruby, you four present a critical advantage: you are essentially entering Beacon as a fully fledged team. You are already well-versed in the skills that the others will be forced to learn in a rather short space of time - which means that, as a unit, you can focus that much more on the task at hand."

"If we accept this task," Woodie said, holding up his hand. "Because I'm not yet sure that this is a smart - "

"We accept!" Jac held out his hand for the stranger to shake. Woodie looked at him in disbelief.

"Wha...dude, what - "

"I second that," I said, raising my hand. Jac hi-fived me, which wasn't my intention, but I wasn't complaining.

"Guys - seriously?! You're just gonna...Cas, back me up here!"

Cas stood there looking thoughtful before delivering his beautiful oration.

"Eh, why not," he shrugged.

I could hear Woodie's brain frying over the noises he was making.

"You - you're just gonna trust him?!" he finally managed to splutter out. "Really, you're - you're just gonna assume that he isn't up to no good?! And after he literally refuses to tell us ANYTHING important whatsoever?! How in - how is that - how can you possibly be so STUPID?!"

"First of all," said Jac in the most self-righteous voice he could muster, "It's not nice to assume people's gender. Especially if they're dressed as ambiguously as that!" He motioned to the very ambiguously-dressed stranger. "You should always ask first - like this! Ahem...yo, what's your gender?"

"At the moment, I elect not to disclose that information."

"Understandable, have a great day."

"Since when in the hell did you give a shit about any of that?!" Woodie hollered.

"Uh..."

"Since when is it so controversial to protect our friend's nice little sister?" Cas droned. "Give me a reason - any reason - why that might be a bad idea. Not a redundant idea, which I think it is, but an actively bad one - as in, shit hits the fan as a direct result of Ruby not dying."

Woodie started to say something, then cut himself off. He did this, like, three more times before coming up with this gem:

"She - she could be a spy, or something, uh...I dunno..." He grabbed the bridge of his nose in frustration.

"Okay," I said, sauntering up to him. "I think I know what's really going on here." I clapped him on the shoulder. "You just don't like the idea of being a pawn, 'cause you're edgy and don't trust authority. Hey - am I right, or am I right?"

Jac and Cas applauded my brilliant insight. Woodie grumbled something under his breath, then sighed grumpily.

"...Okay, genius, you got me. But I have good reason not to trust...whoever that is."

"You may refer to me as Stranger for now," said Stranger (huh, guess that's official now).

"Cool. So - yeah, I got no issue with helping Ruby. But what if Stranger here wants us to do something else, like - I dunno, steal some hidden artifact or something from Ozpin's office? What do we do then, when we don't know what the hell we're even getting into?!"

"Well, duh - get somebody else to steal it for us. We all suck ass at stealth."

"No, Elias, I meant...wait. You'd seriously trust Stranger, that much. Is that what I'm hearing?"

"Pretty much."

"You'd really just sell yourself out like that - live the life of a pawn, never questioning whether what you've been told to do is right or wrong?"

"I mean, it sure makes life a lot easier."

"Wha...you - "

"Woodie, think about this for a second: have I ever, even once, struck you as someone who knows what the fuck he's doing with his life?"

I put on the seriousest face I could, which wasn't really at all, but Woodie seemed to really be thinking about what I'd just said. I waited until his cerebrum was on the very cusp of catastrophic implosion before going:

"Nah, I'm kidding. Hell, I don't trust Stranger any more than you do."

"Omigod, Elias, you son of a bitch..."

Woodie flopped down on his ass from sheer mental strain.

"Alright, fine - I'm in..." he muttered.

"Neat," said Jac, turning to Stranger. "Okay, look here: we don't trust you, you and your mooga-hooga...whatever, the snake thing. Now, we're gonna take you up on this, because we like Ruby and we don't want her to die - but you gotta promise to let us know at some point what in the hell's going on here, and what we're getting into. Capisce?"

"We have an agreement," said Stranger. "Well, now that that's settled, I think now would be a good time to send you back to initiation."

Oh, yeah, I forgot about that...

"Yes, ah..." said Jac. "That would probably be best."

"Then I bid you all farewell. I will come and visit you personally at a later date, but for now...Meerungeheuer!"

And with that, we were once again smothered in that thicc, black, pea soup.