Thanks to everyone who still reads this! I'm close to finishing and appreciate the support :)
Rachel slowly opened her eyes, trying to get a bearing on her surroundings. Her first glance was Finn. His sleeping form was crunched up into a ball so he could fit on the window seat cushions. A small blanket was thrown over him, barely covering his torso. To her right was Ella, sound asleep in the bassinet, Santa hat atop her head and wrapped in her white blanket. Rachel glanced at the clock on the wall in the dimly lit room. 6:15 am. She could hear activity out in the hallway, indicating that shifts were changing and breakfast was going to be served.
Neither of them slept much last night. Ella decided she was either going to cry or demand to be held most of the night. They've never had a newborn obviously, so they weren't sure if that was normal. The overnight nurse assured them everything was fine and even offered to take the baby to the nursery for a little while. Refusing to admit defeat and not wanting to let the baby out of her sight, Rachel declined the offer. She wanted to get up and get dressed, but also didn't want to wake anyone up. She hadn't felt this tired since the first night Zack and Lainey had arrived.
She slid out of bed slowly, trying to make the least amount of noise as possible. The noise in the hallway was growing quite loud, so she knew the baby might not last long. Last night she woke up anytime they tried to put her down, so once she was finally settled around 4 am, she and Finn both jumped at the chance to get some shut eye.
Rachel grabbed her duffel bag and made it into the bathroom without waking anyone. She decided to shower since she knew the chaos that would ensue when they went home would leave little time for that. She didn't hear any sounds coming from the room so she quickly got in hoping no one woke while she was in there. She wasn't in there for more than five minutes before she couldn't stand anymore. She was exhausted.
There was not enough concealer in the world to hide the stress and lack of sleep from the last 24 hours. Rachel tried to put on a little makeup to look more alive, but it wasn't helping. Her hair was wet and wrapped up in a towel. Silence still coming from the other side of the door. She slowly opened it to find Finn sitting up in the bed on his phone and the bassinet empty.
"Where Ella?!" she screamed, wondering why Finn was so calm.
Finn jumped at Rachel's scream. "Rachel calm down! They took her for some tests and she'll be right back. They woke me up before they took her."
"You let the baby leave? Why didn't you go with her? She's alone!" Rachel threw the towel off of her head and scrambled to find her shoes.
Finn got off the bed to stop Rachel in her tracks. "Honey relax. She just left a few minutes ago with a nurse and she's coming right back. Nothing is going to happen to her." He held up his wrist, pulling back his long sleeved shirt to reveal his hospital wristband.
"See this? This ties Ella to us. No one else can take her. Why don't you go blow dry your hair and then I'll hop in once your done. I bet she's back before you're done."
Rachel felt her body relax as she listened to Finn. She had over reacted slightly and was over protective of Ella. She's watched too many drama movies for her own good. "I'm sorry I'm just so worried about her. I'm also very very tired."
Rachel headed back to the bathroom to dry her hair and Finn yawned realizing he was also exhausted. "Oh by the way Rach, Happy Birthday."
She smiled in reply. 'I totally forgot. Thanks baby."
His back also hurt from sleeping so curled up on the window seat. No sooner did he sit in the rocking chair and hear the blowdryer go off, that the door to the room opened with their new nurse for the morning and little Ella screaming in her arms.
"I think she's hungry! I'm Rose, your nurse for the morning. The doctor is making his rounds by 9 and hopefully you'll be free to go." Rose pulled the screaming baby out of her bed and placed her into Finn's arms. Rachel came running out of the bathroom just as Rose handed Finn a bottle. "There you go daddy, I'll see you guys in a little while."
Finn placed the bottle into Ella's mouth which made her immediately quiet down. He felt her tiny body relax as she sucked in rhythm and her eyes closed again. Rachel came flying out of the bathroom and rushed to Finn's side.
"Is she okay? Do you need me to help?" Rachel crouched down next to Ella's face.
Finn laughed. "I got it. Go finish getting ready so then I can shower and go grab the car seat from the car. The nurse said we have to have it checked before we leave. My mom has texted twice saying the kids are really anxious for us to get back. I think Lainey will be fine with all of this, but Zack..."
"Zack is sensitive to change. I know. Hopefully his outbursts aren't too bad." Rachel headed back to the bathroom to finish getting ready. She had a feeling this day would be a long one.
The doctor doesn't come by 9. Both of them are now fully ready and growing impatient. They've practiced putting Ella in and out of the carseat four times, causing her to be hysterical. Rachel's heart broke every time they strapped her in knowing she would scream. She doesn't know how she'll handle the ride home. She always had seen Kurt's kids as newborns and they were always quiet and sleeping. Guess she caught them at the right time.
Rachel finally gets Ella to sleep when Mrs. Kent walks in. She wasn't smiling. Rachel's heart sank.
"Good morning," Mrs. Kent began, "how was your first night?" She set her briefcase down by the door and walked over to Rachel. "You look tired. Was she up all night?"
Rachel sighed. "Yes, but its worth it. She just couldn't settle at all. Isn't that right baby girl?" Rachel tucked the blanket around Ella a little tighter as she rocked her back and forth.
"Well, I do have a question for you. You can say no if you want, but its something to think about.". Both Finn and Rachel stood stunned, unsure of what she would say next.
"Did she change her mind?" Finn asked. "Does she want to keep the baby?" Rachel's lip started to quiver once that question left Finn's mouth.
"Oh no. Calm down. She has not changed her mind. She did request to speak to you though, if you're willing."
Rachel was visibly shaken. Finn took the baby out of her arms and placed her down in the bassinet so they could focus. "Is that a good idea? I'm not sure I'm comfortable. I don't think very highly of her and wouldn't want that to show." Finn rubbed his temples, the stress of the last 24 hours weighed heavily on his mind. "What does she want?"
Mrs. Kent shrugged her shoulders. "She wouldn't say. She's already signed all of the paperwork. Yes, the adoption won't be final for six months due to state law, but she's in no condition to keep this baby. She doesn't even have a permanent address right now and she's given no indication that she's changing her mind. I told her I'd ask, I never said you'd be willing."
"I'll do it." Rachel spoke up as she wiped the tears from her cheeks.
Finn quickly grabbed the letter and handed it to her. "Are you sure Rachel? You don't have to. We can take the baby and leave and never look back."
Rachel wanted to avoid this. Take the baby and run. She didn't owe this woman anything, but she also owed her everything at the same time. Rachel and Finn are now the parents of her three children. "But can we? We will be raising three of her children. How can we not? I'll give her 10 minutes to see what she wants and if it doesn't go well I'll walk out. Mrs. Kent, will you come with me? I'm not sure what the protocol is here."
Mrs. Kent nods in agreement.
"She didn't tell me what it was about, just that she wanted to speak with you before you left. I told her it was up to you and she was fine with it. I can definitely stay in the room with you."
"Finn, you stay with Ella, text your mom to have lunch ready, and hopefully we will be out of here soon." Before she made it out the door she remembered Zack. "Give me the letter Finn. The letter from Zack. She needs to get it."
Rachel had a sinking feeling in her stomach as she walked down the hall. The once noisy hallway seemed silent now. She followed Mrs. Kent to seven rooms away from theirs and watched as she knocked on the door.
Julie Miller was sitting on the edge of the bed. She was dressed in gray sweats and some old tennis shoes. Her hair pulled neatly into a pony tail.
Rachel timidly walked in, clutching Zack's letter in her hand. "Hello," she said softly. Maybe this wasn't the best idea. She had only seen Julie that one day in court and tried not to look at her too much to avoid staring. She was pretty, a lot like Lainey in a way.
"Hello, I'm glad you decided to come see me. I just wanted to talk to you before I left. " Julie sat back a little, wincing a bit as she readjusted herself.
"Are you okay?" Rachel asked.
"Yeah, I'm just a little sore. I'm fine."
That statement cut through Rachel. She was sore because she had just given birth to a baby. A baby she was giving up to them. Rachel caught herself being jealous of her. This woman had three kids that she wasn't able to take care of and Rachel couldn't even get pregnant with one.
Mrs. Kent stood off to the side, letting the two women continue. Rachel wished she would say something to break the tension.
Julie begins speaking before Rachel can regain focus.
"So I just wanted to talk to you. I know you must think I'm a horrible person."
"No I -" Rachel started.
"No stop." Julie cut her off. "You don't have to say you don't. If I were in your shoes I would feel the same way." Julie took a deep breath before she continued. "I tried. I really tried. I've struggled all of my life with mental illness and drugs. Sometimes times were good and other times I don't even want to talk about what I put them through." Julie looked pensive, but continued. "I know those kids didn't deserve the stress I put them under. Especially Zack."
Rachel could feel her body shaking and tried to control it. She didn't know what to do or feel. She was numb listening to her. Julie was so calm and collected, showing almost no emotion.
"The day I left them in that grocery store, I just snapped. I had forgotten my wallet, the kids had been fighting, and when I got to my car I just got in and drove away. I knew they'd be better off without me. I just kept driving and driving until I ran out of gas. "
Rachel could feel the tears flowing over the brim of her eyelids. She didn't want to cry in front of Julie. She wanted to appear strong and loving, everything she thought Julie wasn't.
"When I found out I was pregnant again, I could feel myself spiraling. I went off my meds, and I left the kids. Then once the older kids were gone, I thought I could maybe get my act together again once and for all. One of my friends told me he had seen Zack at the soccer fields, so I followed you one day. I had to see them. "
Rachel felt sick and her eyes grew wide. She had seen them. She had come to see her kids and said nothing. How long was she there for? Had she come close to the kids? Rachel didn't know if she was enraged about her coming or relieved that she didn't show herself that day.
"I had planned to come and talk to the kids and tell them I wanted to bring them home. That we could all be a family again. I wasn't thinking clearly." Julie stared Rachel straight in the eyes before she made her next statement. "Then I saw them with you and your husband. I had never seen them like that before. They were happy. Lainey was running around playing and Zack was doing so well in his game. There was a crowd of people there who loved and cared for them. I'd never seen them like that with me. Ever. I realized I had to let them go. "
Rachel wanted to agree with her. Yes, they were better off. Yes, they had never been like this before. They're thriving! She wanted to scream at her. Tell her how broken Zack was when he first came to them. Tell her how Lainey wouldn't even look at Rachel and cried when being left at school. That they've spent months in therapy and working so hard with them every minute of every day to get them to a remotely safe place emotionally. The audacity that she was going to come and talk to them and destroy all of their hard work? That would have killed the kids.
She wanted to say all of that, but she didn't. It wasn't worth it. "Well the kids are doing very well. They do miss you though. Zack sent this letter to you and wanted me to make sure you got it. He's worried about you."
Rachel handed off the letter to Julie. She didn't want to, but she had to do right by Zack. This was important to him and as a seven year old boy, this is all he could think of to get his message across to his mom.
Julie opened the letter, smiling as a few tears fell from her eyes. It's the first emotion she has shown since they'd walked in the room. Julie tucked the letter into her sweatshirt pocket and didn't say a word.
Rachel was unsure of what the point of this meeting was. Did Julie just want to make herself feel better by telling Rachel all of this?
Mrs. Kent decided to chime in to move this along. "Is there anything else Julie? The Hudson's have to go soon."
Julie looked at Rachel right in the eye. "Just know that I do love them. I had to do it for them. I know you will take good care of them for me."
Rachel was speechless but knew she had to say something. She crossed her arms across her body as a defense mechanism. She wasn't comfortable at all. "We will I promise."
Mrs. Kent muttered something but she was already out of the room. At first she jogged and then went into a full on sprint back to their hospital room. Rachel pushed open the door and startled Finn who was packing up the diaper bag with supplies. He couldn't get a word out before she was in his arms sobbing.
"Rachel what happened? Where's Mrs. Kent?" Finn hugged her tightly as she cried.
"Nothing happened. Nothing. That's the problem," Rachel said as she pulled away.
Finn was confused. "Rachel I'm not understanding? Was she mean? Does she not want to give the baby up now?"
"No, she didn't even mention Ella. Can you believe that?! I couldn't figure out if she was happy or what. I gave her Zack's letter and she didn't even say anything about it! Her own son who she'll never see again!"
Rachel paced back and forth furious. "I don't know what I thought but I wanted to see her sad maybe? Or upset? She really wasn't though. She wanted to talk to me to tell me she almost came to see the kids and saw us at soccer and-"
Finn was shocked. He hadn't really thought about what Julie would say, but was hoping it would have been more along the lines of 'I'm so sorry and thanks so much for raising my kids. Have a nice day!'.
"Rachel, we don't know her. All we know is what the kids have said or what we've read. She clearly is struggling if she's had three children and has lost custody of all of them. It doesn't matter what her reaction is. Our loyalty is to the kids. We can't fault her for her lack of a reaction or lack of emotion. You clearly have her beat in that department." Rachel managed a slight laugh at that comment.
Finn lifted her chin so he could look Rachel in the eye. "Hey, its over. Let's get ready to take her home and celebrate your birthday. I don't know if I'll ever be able to beat the gift of a baby though. This is probably your best birthday yet."
Rachel was near tears and Finn was sweating profusely by the time they turned onto their street. Ella had screamed the entire 15 minute ride home from the hospital and nothing would soothe her. She wanted out. Her little face was bright red and her tiny arms were flailing up and down.
"Finn I think I see real tears! This is killing me. Drive faster!" Rachel leaned over to whisper in Ella's ear. "It's okay baby. A few more seconds and it will be over."
Finn parked in the driveway quickly shutting off the ignition to help get the baby into the house. It was a high of 20 degrees, so taking her out of the car seat was not an option until they got inside. Rachel hopped out of the car and allowed Finn to pick up the car seat and hurry towards the front door. Rachel ran behind him with the diaper bag, leaving everything else behind.
Finn opened the door and was rushed by the four grandparents and two children.
"How is she?" Carole asked trying to get a peek. She quickly closed the door behind them to keep the heat in the house.
"Let me get her out she's been screaming the entire time". Finn fiddled with the buckle as Rachel began to get a bottle out of the diaper bag. "Dammit I can't get it!"
"Daddy you said a bad word!" Lainey said as she stood behind him. "Daddy move I can't see her!"
Zack stood back with the group of grandpas who were unsure of what to do.
"Let me try." Rachel could see Finn was flustered and could not get the buckle undone. The crying was getting louder. Ella's face was completely red. She really hated the car seat.
Rachel finally unbuckled the baby and moved the straps from around her arms to free her. "Come here baby girl. I've got you." Rachel placed the baby up on her shoulder, rubbing circles on her tiny back. Ella immediately began to quiet and within a minute her cries had ceased. "Thank God" Rachel whispered as she looked at Finn. "What is it with these kids and dramatic entrances?"
Finn lauhged thinking about the day Zack and Lainey arrived and Zack tried to run away. "I guess this means we won't be going on any long car trips any time soon huh?"
Carole rubbed Finn's arm seeing the exhaustion on both of their faces? "Rough night? Rough car ride?"
Rachel swayed back and forth to keep Ella calm. "Yes to both. We're just happy to be home." Rachel could see Zack and Lainey staring at the baby in her arms. "How are my two kiddos doing? Have you been good for everyone here?"
They both nodded yes in unison. "Do you want to meet your sister? Let me sit down so you can see her." Rachel walked into the living room and sat in the middle of the couch. Each child sat on either side of her. "Finn, get your phone out. I want pictures."
Finn stands in front of the coffee table across from the couch and takes a picture of them all smiling for the camera. Then Rachel lays Ella on her lap so the kids can take a closer look. Ella stretched out her arms above her head but remained asleep. "She looks like you a little Lainey, with Zack's darker hair." Finn saw Lainey crack a tiny smile as she reached out to grab Ella's hand. "Meet your sister, Ella Hope."
"I have a baby sister named Cinderella? Can she play dress up with me when she's older?" Lainey asked.
'Of course she can sweetheart. I'm sure she'd love it. And he name is just Ella. " Rachel noticed Zack was very quiet. "You okay Zack?
Zack let out a gentle sigh. "Yeah. I'm okay. How come Lainey got to name her? No one asked me my idea."
"What was your idea buddy?" Finn asked. He had no idea Zack even cared.
"Zelda." Zack cracked a smile. "Like the video game. I played it once at one of our foster homes." He laughed louder so everyone would know he was joking. "I'm kidding I think Ella is a pretty name."
Relief washed over the room. Zack's emotions can go either way, and everyone was pleased to see him smiling.
"Can I go upstairs now?" Zack looked to Finn for permission.
Finn and Rachel eyed each other with concern. The happiness had left his face.
"Carole why don't you take Ella while Finn and I head upstairs with Zack for a moment. Lainey go grab the diaper bag and bring it here in case you need something."
Zack ran upstairs to his room slamming the door behind him. Rachel and Finn had removed the lock so they could at least access the room when he was angry.
"Zack", Finn said softly as he knocked, "We're coming in."
Finn opened the door to see Zack sitting cross legged on his bed, his head resting on the headboard. "Buddy, what's wrong? Are you upset about your new sister?"
"I don't know." he answered as he pulled his knees up to his chest and wrapping his arms around them.
"Remember Zack," Rachel started, "we can't help you unless you talk to us. I'm glad you're calm right now. That helps."
"Did you see my mom? Did you give her the letter?"
Rachel's face fell. The morning had been so hectic she hadn't thought about it since they'd left the hospital. "I saw her Zack. I gave her the letter."
"You did?" His face lit up and he sat up straighter. "What did she say? Did she write back? Does she want to see me?"
Rachel sat next to him. "Zack-"
"No. When you sit next to me on the bed it means you're going to say something serious and that means its bad. Don't say it."
Rachel desperately wanted to take that approach. She wanted to pretend Julie Miller no longer existed. She wanted to raise these kids as her own and pray they never waned to talk about their mom again. That wasn't fair though. In all of their classes and therapy, avoidance is never the answer.
"Zack you need to listen even if you don't like what I'm going to say. I saw your mom. I gave her your letter and she smiled so big and put it in a safe place. She loves you Zack, but she can't take care of you. You know that. That's why she gave Ella to us too. So that you guys could all be together and safe. That doesn't mean you can't be sad about it. If you want to stay up here for a while and be sad, we will leave you alone. We don't want you to ever pretend you aren't sad or mad about your mom. You're allowed to be. You miss her and love her and that hurts. Just know that Finn and I love you and we are so happy you are here. Everyone downstairs is happy you are here too."
Rachel expected Zack to cry, but he didn't. He just stared back at her with his light eyes looking for answers. Ella's shrilling cry could be heard suddenly and Rachel was torn.
"You go Rachel. I'll hang with Zack if he wants me to."
Rachel bolted downstairs to see what was wrong with Ella. Finn took her place on the bed.
"You okay dude? Want to go help set up Rachel's birthday presents? I think she keeps forgetting its her birthday today." Zack chuckled realizing that he had forgotten too.
"Yeah, can we have cake after lunch instead of waiting for dinner time?" Zack slid off the bed and waited for Finn to follow.
"I think I can make that happen."
Hiram was holding a crying Ella as the entire family sang "Happy Birthday" to Rachel. Rachel looked around at the small crowd gathered around her as her pink cake was carried across the kitchen by Burt. The kids stood beside her beaming with pride as she saw the large amount of sprinkles that were poured on top. They must have decorated this themselves. She closed her eyes and for once didn't have a single thing to wish for. Last year she wished for a baby. Wished so hard with her eyes shut tight only to learn a month later that it wasn't meant to be. As she blew out her candles and opened her eyes, she realized that her wish for a baby came true, just in a completely different way.
Everyone clapped which made Ella cry even harder.
"Here let me take her." Finn walked over to Hiram and took Ella into his arms. He was already learning what she liked, and she liked to be curled up into a ball against his chest while he walked. Ella calmed down as Finn paced in the kitchen. Carole cut the cake and Lainey helped pass it out.
"I think we're going to need a bigger table!" Rachel exclaimed noticing the lack of seating in their now crowded kitchen. She looked at Finn who continued to bob his body up and down to keep Ella at peace. It was a sight she never thought she'd see. Finn with a baby. He caught her staring and winked, never breaking his rhythm.
Zack grabbed Lainey's arm and dragged her into Finn's office. They quickly returned with two packages and home made cards.
"We got these for your birthday," Zack said lowly. "Do you want to open them?"
Rachel's eyes widened. "Oh yes! I love presents!"
"Always has!" Leroy shouted.
Lainey went first. She handed over the small package and the card. Rachel didn't want to cry, but this was all so sweet. She teared up at the pictures drawn on the front and then opened the package. Inside was the pink beanie Lainey had chosen all on her own.
"It's pink! My favorite! Put it on!" Lainey jumped up and down as Rachel followed her direction.
"How do I look?" Rachel stood up and turned around to show off her new hat. "I can't wait until I can wear it outside in the snow!" Rachel left the hat on and returned to her seat where Zack was waiting patiently.
"Here Rachel, Happy Birthday." Zack passed the present over to her slowly.
"Thank you Zack." Rachel noticed the lack of decoration on the card from him, but the fact that he even made one was a big deal. She opened the small box to find a thin bracelet with a heart dangling from it. "Did you pick this out yourself?" She was taken aback with the thoughtfulness of his gift.
Zack nodded. "Yeah the day we saw Santa. I just...I thought you would like it." Zack fidgeted with the hem of his shirt, unsure of himself.
"Well I love it. Thank you. Thanks to the both of you for getting me such perfect gifts." Rachel pulled them both in for a hug. This was possibly the best birthday she's ever had.
Carole and Burt had gotten her a day at the spa plus babysitting. Leroy and Hiram gave her a gift card to her favorite restaurant plus babysitting. "I guess we have some grandparents that love to babysit! I love it thank you!"
Exhaustion sets in around 4pm. Rachel and Finn have been up for almost two days straight and its showing. Ella was asleep in Carole's arms on the couch, Rachel and Finn on the opposite couch staring at her like zombies. Hiram and Leroy had to head home soon, so they were packing up their belongings. Burt and Zack were watching a car restoration show on tv and Lainey was coloring. Everyone seemed settled at the moment.
"Do you want us to stay tonight and help?" Carole asked. "I know you can handle it, but you two look like you need some sleep. I know your dads are heading out Rachel, but we can stay and help for tonight."
Finn yawned as he stood up. He glanced down at Rachel who was glassy eyed and he didn't wait for her to answer. "That would be great mom. I'm sure the kids would love it too."
"Why don't you two go upstairs and take a nap. I'll wake you for dinner. The kids are fine and Ella is asleep. Does she need a bottle when she wakes up?" Carole readjusted Ella in her arms causing her to squirm. "Wow she's definitely a lively one. Kurt's babies slept like the dead as newborns."
Rachel didn't know anything about babies besides what she learned dealing with Kurt and Blaine's kids. Even then, they weren't her own so she didn't pay much attention to the day to day details. "Do you think somethings wrong with her?"
"Oh sweetheart no. I'm just saying she's still adjusting to the outside world and I'm not sure she likes it yet, " Carole said as she laughed softly. "She's fine. Go take a nap and we can take care of things down here."
Normally Rachel would protest, but she hadn't been this tired since she had pulled some all nighters in college. By the time she and Finn got to the bedroom, her eyes were already closing. Neither said a word before they drifted off.
Rachel struggled to open her eyes. The room was dark now, and she could hear some light noise coming from downstairs. What she didn't hear was Ella crying which was a relief. Finn was next to her snoring heavily. She wasn't sure he'd even wake up before morning if she let him. The clock read 6:30. 2.5 hours of sleep felt like a lifetime right now. She changed into some sweats, slipping on her slippers before heading back downstairs.
Ella and Zack were watching a movie they'd seen 100 times but were still enthralled. Rachel passed right by them without the two even noticing. Carole had just pulled the Lasagna out of the oven when Rachel entered the kitchen. Burt was cutting the french bread and Ella was asleep in the bouncy seat.
"That smells delicious. Thanks so much for staying to help out. I feel like a new woman after that nap." Rachel glanced over at Ella and noticed she was in a new outfit. " Uh oh, did Ella need a change?"
"We had a little spit up so I changed her. I forgot Kurt had sent a bunch of Willow's clothes for you in case it was a girl. Lainey and I can go to the store tomorrow and pick up more too. I thought that one was cute."
Rachel picked up Ella who was sound asleep. She was currently wearing a yellow sleeper with ducks on the feet. "Very cute. I just may have you guys pick up some basics for me until I can get to the store next week. I don't want to take her out in this weather. Plus its flu season. "
"Where's Finn? Dead asleep I'm guessing?" Burt laughed.
"Oh yes. I will admit though he's been really good since the kids came along. Last night he stayed up with me even though I know he was dying to close his eyes. Tonight we might have to take shifts because we have two other kids to get up for school Monday." Rachel looked back at the two older kids in the living room. Ella started to whimper a bit in her arms. but she soon got her cuddled up tight and she settled. Rachel couldn't believe this was her life.
"Honey are you okay?" Carole noticed the expression on Rachel's face change. Upon hearing that question she burst into tears.
"I'm just going to go check on the kids." Burt quickly exited the kitchen not wanting to be involved. Carole was better at handling emotions.
"Rachel, what's wrong? Everything is fine. The kids are doing fine, the baby is doing great, you're just tired." Carole rubbed Rachel's back trying to soothe her.
"I don't know why I'm so emotional. I didn't even give birth to her so I can't even blame the hormones." She laughed as she wiped the tears from her cheeks. "A year ago I prayed for a baby. We had already done so many fertility treatments and we both knew deep down that we were on our last try. Even the fostering was my idea and I know Finn went along with it at first just to make me happy. I just cant imagine these guys not being here you know? I always thought it would feel different if they weren't biologically mine, but it doesn't. I know we have a long road ahead, but I feel so lucky."
Carole was crying too by this point and neither of them heard Finn behind them.
"Why is there crying happening? What did I miss?" Finn walked further into the kitchen afraid of what the answer would be. Burt had warned him as he walked by that there was "girl stuff" happening in there but he proceeded anyway.
"It's happy crying babe. Just telling your mom how hard it was on us this time last year and look at us this year. We have three kids." Rachel started to laugh hysterically the second that statement left her mouth. "Three kids Finn!"
Finn smiled wide. She was right. Last year he had to spend the winter trying to cheer Rachel up and get her out of a depression. Her birthday last year was full of fear and anxiety knowing that they were entering their last chance to conceive. Now he is staring at his wife crying tears of joy holding a newborn baby while his older kids watched tv a few feet away.
"It's crazy right? Hand her over and you two can get dinner ready for the kids. Did your dads leave yet?" Rachel handed Ella over and she immediately started to cry. "Guess you're keeping her and I'll handle dinner." Finn leaned over and kissed Ella's head as she settled against Rachel's chest. "Be nice to your mama little one."
Carole began prepping for dinner getting six plates out and setting the table. "Rachel your dads were going to wait for you to get up but had to go. They said they'd call to check on you tomorrow and see how Ella is."
Rachel felt bad she didn't get to say goodbye or truly thank them for watching the kids last minute. "I'll try to call them later."
Everyone ate, including Ella, who now was having issues settling in for the night. Finn and Carole took the kids upstairs to shower and get into bed. Burt was setting up the rest of the baby items Rachel had been to reluctant to get out.
"Thanks for setting this all up Burt. I didn't want to get it out in case the baby thing didn't come through." She continued to bounce Ella up and down gently trying to settle her.
"Well she came through all right didn't she? I think I saw one of those contraptions that Kurt and Blaine have that helps you carry the baby back in Finn's office. Want me to grab it?"
Rachel had forgotten all about that. "Yes please, maybe she'll be comfy in it."
Burt and Rachel trying to figure out how to get the baby carrier on was like a comedy show. Kurt and Blaine always made it look so easy. Eventually, through five tries and ten minutes of Ella screaming her head off, they securely tucked her in against Rachel's body.
Ella immediately calmed down, her whimpers slowly stopping. "Ah, so we like feeling squeezed huh? We can manage this. Finn became an excellent swaddler yesterday. Looks like bed time will involve a tightly wrapped blanket."
Now that her hands were free, Rachel headed upstairs to say good night to the kids. Lainey was in bed while Carole read her a bed time story. Finn was sprawled out on Zack's bed while they chatted quietly. She poked her head into Zack's room first. "Can I interrupt and say goodnight?" She joined the pair on Zack's bed, Ella still quiet.
"So she stopped crying?" Zack asked, peering over the top of Ella's head to see if her eyes were open.
"Yep! I think she likes to feel secure. Like she's being hugged all of the time." Rachel rubbed Ella's back through the carrier. "Don't worry about us in the night. If you need us, you can still come in our room just try to be quiet ok? Burt and Carole will be in the spare room if you need anything in the morning too. Sound good?"
"I'll be fine. I don't get up in the night anymore unless there's a storm. Good night Rachel. Happy Birthday." Zack leaned over to give Rachel a hug in her side since Ella was taking up the front of her body.
As she exited the room she could hear he and Finn continue their conversation. Lainey and Carole were just finishing up their book when Rachel entered.
"Is the baby asleep? Can I see her?" Lainey got up onto her knees as Rachel approached the bed.
"Yes, just be careful. She's finally calmed down. " Rachel leaned forward to give Lainey better access to the baby.
"Goodnight baby sister. I love you." Lainey placed a gentle kiss on the baby's forehead and Rachel kissed Lainey's in return.
"Goodnight Lainey. I told Zack if you need us you can come in but please be quiet. You can also go get Carole or Burt too." Lainey nodded in acknowledgement.
Rachel spent the next twenty minutes bringing all of the supplies they'd need for the night up to their room. Ella was still content in the carrier and Rachel wasn't about to change that until she was about to collapse from exhaustion.
"Babe, let me wrap her up and put her into her bassinet. You can't hold her all night against your body. You and I both need sleep and we aren't going to get it if she's in our arms." Finn started to help Rachel undo the carrier snaps to get Ella out.
"I know Finn she's just been so fussy and I'm dreading another night like last night. At least in this she was sleeping and quiet."
Once Ella was free she immediately squished up her face and pouted her lip out. Finn placed her onto the blanket on the bed and wrapped her up tightly. Her face calmed down once she was done.
"There," he said as he admired his excellent baby wrapping skills. "I'm putting her to bed and we are both going to sleep. She's like a time bomb waiting to go off. I'll take the first feed and you take the second?" Finn kissed Ella's head before placing her down for the night.
Rachel kissed Ella's cheek before climbing into bed herself. She swears she saw her crack a little smile. "Sounds good. She last had a bottle at dinner time so I'm guessing she'll be up in an hour to eat. "
Finn didn't even have the energy to reply before he drifted off.
Ella made a liar out of Rachel. She woke up 10 minutes after they put her down. It's like she could sense that Rachel was almost asleep and didn't want to be alone. Finn said he'd take the feeding but she hadn't even fallen asleep yet so she handled it. The trouble is Ella was wide awake after she ate. She wasn't crying which was awesome, but she was just staring at Rachel. It was like she finally noticed she was outside of the womb and in awe. The little girl's eyes studied Rachel as she looked back at her.
"What are you looking at pretty girl?" Rachel said to Ella in the dimly lit room. "See, its not so bad out here." Ella put both arms behind above her head and let out a big yawn. "Ah, maybe we're getting tired finally? Let's wrap you back up." Rachel had watched Finn's techniques and tried to copy them exactly. Ella looked around the room but let's Rachel wrap her up and scoop her back into her arms. Rachel sat back down to rock her back to sleep. These were the moments she used to lie awake at night and think about. Her heart would ache thinking about how she'd never get the chance to have someone call her mom and to see Finn become the dad she knew he'd always be. Thinking about their empty house never being full of noise and chaos. She smiles as she remembered that those dreams were now a reality. She doesn't have to wonder anymore.
She felt Ella's body relax and drift off to sleep. As she laid her back down she smile to herself. She finally had everything she had been wishing for.
