Yes I will finish this! Just a few more chapters left!


Finn woke up around 2 am Christmas morning to find his bed empty. He and Rachel had gone to sleep around midnight. They waited for Ella to settle down, then put all of the gifts under the tree. Rachel had spent hours wrapping each gift, making sure that the gifts from Santa had a separate wrapping paper rom the rest.

Zack and Lainey had been so excited they stayed awake until 10:30 pm, coming out of their rooms continuously. This would be their first true Christmas with all of the traditions. It would also be their first Christmas without their mom. They weren't sure how it was going to go.

He sat up in bed, his bare feet hitting the cold floor. Rachel had told him to put socks on but he was so hot in the pajamas she made him wear that he had discarded them somewhere in the bed in the middle of the night. The entire family wore matching pajamas for Christmas Eve. They were black long sleeved shirts with red plaid pants. Everyone's shirt had a saying on it. His said "Papa Bear", Rachel's "Mama Bear", etc. He always swore he wouldn't be caught dead ever doing this. Quinn once made Puck wear a coordinating Christmas sweater and he made fun of him for two years. However, when Rachel's face lit up and she talked continuously about how great the family Christmas picture would be, he couldn't say no. As they sat in front of the tree to take the family picture Christmas Eve, he understood. The picture was priceless and he knew Rachel would have it blown up and framed in no time.

Finn glanced toward the window. Rachel wasn't in the rocking chair, and he didn't hear her walking the baby up and down the hall, so she must be downstairs. He doesn't hear crying so that's a good thing. He checked on Zack and Lainey before heading downstairs. Both were passed out, buried underneath the covers in their rooms. He tip toed quietly, avoiding the stairs that creaked loudly.

By the time he reached the bottom step he saw her. She was pacing around the living room in a circle, bobbing up and down as Ella lay on her shoulder. At barely two weeks old, she wasn't the easiest baby. The doctor said she had colic and reflux and the combination of those two things meant she was cranky almost all of the time. Rachel never complained. He knows she's tired and exhausted, but she never once said a word about it. He wants to tell her that its okay to say its hard. He wants to assure her that complaining doesn't mean she isn't grateful. He knows she'll just smile and say its fine.

He caught her eye as he walked towards her. She looked as though she might burst into tears at any moment.

"How long have you been down here?" he whispered.

"Since 1. She finally settled down but every time I stop she wakes up," Rachel whispered still moving her body in rhythm. She looked at Finn and the tears slowly started to fall.

"Let me take her. You need some sleep. I'll see if I can't get her to go back down soon." Rachel didn't protest, just handed little Ella over to him and covered her back up with the blanket. He settled Ella onto his shoulder, her small face buried in his neck. "Love you," he said as Rachel made her way upstairs. She didn't turn around to say it back.

Ella squirmed in his arms. Apparently she wasn't a fan of the new change in position. He moved her to the crook of his left arm and found a pacifier on the coffee table to put in her mouth. With that, he began to walk and rock, the two things she loved the most. He wondered how many calories they've burned walking her around the house since she was born. He was sure there would be wear marks on the floor from walking in circles so much.

The past two weeks had been rough. Luckily the real estate market is notoriously slow in Ohio during the winter, so he had been able to be home and help most days. He knew once January hit he would have to go back into the office a few days a week. He'd help with school drop offs and picks ups when he could, but he worried a little about Rachel being on her own. She can handle it, but Ella made most days very very long. They loved her of course, but this was not the newborn phase they had each imagined. Of course they'd been around Willow and Warner as babies, but they never watched them longer than a few hours. Zack and Lainey had their own set of challenges when they had arrived, but nothing had prepared them for the wrath that was little baby Ella.

Thirty minutes and about a mile walk though the house later, Ella was finally dead asleep. Finn walked upstairs, cringing as he stepped on a loud step. A sigh of relief when Ella didn't move. He got her back down into the bassinet and quietly got back into bed. He wasn't in bed a full minute when he felt the bed start to shake. Rachel was crying.

"Hey, what's wrong? I got her down. She shouldn't need a bottle for two more hours right?" He pulled Rachel closer to him so he could hear her whispers.

"I think she can feel I'm not her mom. She's so sad all of the time. She knows." Rachel sniffled up a sob trying to be quiet.

"Rachel you know that isn't true. The doctor told us what's wrong, she just has to grow out of it. Plus the medicine helps with the reflux and that's why she wants to be held upright all of the time. She's in pain baby. She is safe and loved and that's all we can do for her right now." He wiped the tears that were falling out of her eyes. He knows she's tried and has been very emotional about all of this. Truth be told, the sleep deprivation was getting to him to.

"All three of them have rejected me when they first came. Even Ella is and she's only two weeks old. I'm not any good at this. I can't figure this out." Her silent sobs continued.

"In case you haven't noticed, Ella does not discriminate with her crankiness. She's cranky for everyone."Finn laughed softly. "Listen, we've handled harder things, and she'll come around. She just really doesn't like a lot of things, like laying down alone."

Rachel took a deep breathe. "I guess you're right. This is just so much harder than I ever imagined it would be." She grabbed Finn's hand in the darkness and squeezed it tight. Before Ella was born she was so excited for the kids to experience their first Christmas. Now she can barely remember what they bought them and she wanted to sleep through Christmas morning.


Ella woke up at 4 for a bottle . Finn let Rachel sleep as he fed her and began the rocking ritual to settle her down. Around 5 he was headed back upstairs when he heard both kids doors open.

"Did Santa come?" Lainey yelled, causing Ella to wake back up.

Rachel came flying out of the bedroom. "What's going on? Why is everyone up? It's dark out!." She was very confused and not fully awake.

"It's Christmas." Zack stood waiting for Rachel to say something.

"OH well its really early for Christmas isn't it?" She looked at both kids faces beaming with excitement. I guess there's no point in trying to get you all back to sleep." Rachel looked at Finn who was frantically rocking a screaming Ella.

"I'm sorry I made her cry." Lainey hugged Finn's leg tightly. "Don't be mad daddy. I was just excited."

Rachel held her arms out to take the baby from him. He gladly handed her over. "I'm not mad Lainey. Let me go grab my camera and I'll tell you when you can come down ok?" Finn's favorite memories from Christmas were walking down the stairs to see what was under the tree. His mom used to make him wait upstairs until she was down and camera ready so she could see the look on his face.

Lainey and Zack waited patiently at the top of the stairs. Rachel finally got Ella quieted down but continued to rock. "Are you guys excited?"

Lainey jumped up and down and Zack quietly answered "yeah" before turning back around towards the stairs. He was always so reserved. Rachel wondered if he did this to save himself from disappointment. She hadn't ever seen him truly excited about anything before. Sometimes they saw a glimpse of it when he played soccer or when he gets to go to Burt's garage, but the years of letdowns had really had an impact on the small boy. She tried not to think of what Christmas has been like in the past for them.

"Okay! You can come down!" Finn shouted from the bottom of the steps, camera in hand.

Both kids raced down the stairs but stopped in their tracks when they saw the tree. Underneath was a pile of presents for the both of them, accompanied by two brand new bikes. Zack's was blue with Ninja turtles and Lainey's was a pink princess bike with training wheels.

"What do you guys think?". Rachel walked up behind the two who were frozen in place. For how fast they ran down the stairs they became quite hesitant. "You can go closer to see what Santa brought you. It's okay." Rachel walked over to the tree to lead the way. "Oh look I even see a present for Ella!"

With that statement Lainey ran to the tree. "Ella can't even open presents yet! That's silly!"

Zack slowly walked over towards his new bike and a small smile broke out across his face. "I don't know how to ride a bike." He looked over at Finn in embarassment.

"Well I'll have to teach you then! Look at me and smile so I can take a picture of you with your new bike." Finn snapped a picture of a smiling Zack, his one arm propped on the handle bar of his bike.

From there things escalated quickly. Lainey was estatic when she got the giant lollipop she asked for. Zack loved his new Ninja Turtle figurines and the Star Wars DVD's. Both got new sets of legos, cozy slippers and blankets, and new clothes. Ella got some new rattles and teething rings. She amazingly slept through all of it. The rest became scattered across the living room floor.

By 5:30 am it was all over. The kids were begging for breakfast and Rachel strapped Ella to her body in the baby carrier and started to cook.

Finn had the task of opening all of the toys and setting things up accordingly. He never knew how hard it was to get toys open.

The kids had each made gifts for Finn and Rachel at school Homemade picture frames and candy canes now were up on the mantle. From the looks of this house, you would never know how empty it had been last Christmas. No children running around and no 5 am wakeups. It was a far cry from their wrapping paper littered living room that stood before them.

Mid morning came around and Rachel was passed out on the couch with Ella on her chest. Finn was shocked she had made it that long before falling asleep. He covered the two up with a blanket before heading back to the kitchen to clean up.

The kids played quietly in their rooms, both retreating upstairs with their new toys. They'd tried to convince Finn to take them out to ride bikes, but with a high temperature below freezing, there was no way. Plus getting them to go upstairs meant it was quiet enough for Rachel to rest. Puck, Quinn, and Ashley were due to come over for dinner. Finn wasn't sure how well this was going to go since both he and Rachel were so sleep deprived. He wondered if any Pizza places were open today.

He heard his phone buzzing on the coffee table and ran to grab it before Rachel woke up. He grabbed it just as her eyes opened. "Sorry" he whispered. A text from Puck had just come through. Quinn and Ashley were sick with the flu. "It's Puck. They're sick and can't come over."

"Thank God". Rachel took a deep breath and patted Ella on the back. "I'm sorry but the thought of anyone coming over today was daunting. I didn't think sleep deprivation would be this hard. I was wrong." Rachel pushed herself up a bit on the couch, readjusting Ella further up on her chest. "I think she's drooling" she laughed, seeing a pool of wetness on her shirt. "Maybe this means she'll be out a little longer. Did you facetime your parents yet? Are Kurt and Blaine there?"

Finn rubbed the small puff of hair on Ella's head. "Yeah, we did while you were sleeping. I gave them a quick glimpse. Sorry but you both had the same sleep face with your mouth open. It was super cute."

Rachel rolled her eyes. "Well gee thanks. Sorry this baby has exhausted me to the point of open mouth sleeping. I love her so much though. So much."

Rachel kissed the top of her head before moving to get up. "Can you take her? I have to pee and I'm risking her waking up or peeing my pants. I'm choosing her waking up."

Finn settled himself back down in the couch, resting Ella back on his chest exactly how Rachel had her. She let out a small cry, but it's a few gentle pats on her back she calmed down.

Rachel walked quietly back to the couch, holding a gift bag in her hand. "Merry Christmas" she said as she held out the shiny green bag. "I know we usually go all out for holidays, but this year its been a little crazy." She yawned as she held out the bag. "Want me to try to put her in the swing for a bit? She's due for a bottle soon anyways".

Finn handed Ella over to Rachel, who carefully buckled her into the swing and turned it on. They both held their breath while they waited to see if she would wake up.

"She makes me so tense!" Rachel said. "Here you go, Merry Christmas!" She placed the bag into Finn's lap and beamed. It was the first glimpse of Rachel being herself that he had seen since Ella was born.

He removed the tissue paper first, trying to keep himself from making too much noise. He pulled out a wooden frame that said "DAD" in black lettering across the top. On the bottom of the frame it was engraved "we love you! Zack, Lainey, and Ella". In the frame was a picture of the three kids sitting on their bed. Zack and Lainey were beaming, and Ella was in Zack's arms crying. Finn didn't realize he was crying until he looked up and saw Rachel was too.

"Wow Rachel. I love it. I really do. ". Finn kissed her softly and she smiled through her tears.

"I figured you can put it on your desk at the office. I've actually had that frame for over two years."

Finn furrowed his brow with confusion. "Two years? What do you mean?"

Rachel picked up the frame and rubbed her fingers across the letters at the top. "Well, when we first started trying to get pregnant, I thought of all of the fun ways I could tell you. I went back and forth until one day while I was out shopping and I saw this frame. ".

He rubbed small circles on her back as she continued. "So I bought it and hid it in the back of our closet, and when I got a positive test I was going to wrap this frame up and have you open it to tell you. I played that scenario out every month, and then after every procedure, and then eventually I forgot about the frame because I wouldn't let myself go there. But now...now I got to use it in a different way and your reaction was the same as I had always imagined." She wiped the tears from her cheeks. "I love you Finn. I know things have been crazy and we've had almost no alone time together for the past few months, but I couldn't do it without you."

They sat in silence for a moment, both staring at the frame. For the first time Rachel really let it sink in that she now had three kids she was going to adopt. Their family of two was now a family of five and even though it didn't happen the conventional way, they were starting to implement family traditions of their own. Christmas morning would never be the same now that they're here.

Finn place the frame down on the table. "I have something for you too. Selfishly it involves me, but I think you'll like it a lot." Finn walked into his home office and returned quickly with an envelope. "Merry Christmas baby."

Rachel opened up the envelope, quietly tearing the paper as to not wake the baby. "I feel like we're walking on eggshells in this house. She's got to start sleeping upstairs at some point so we can function."

Inside was a full spa day at a hotel in Lima. Her mouth hung open a bit. Finn hadn't done anything like this for her since the kids came around, and before that all of their finances were spent on fertility treatments.

"Wow babe, this is amazing. I think its just what I'll need. But how is this a selfish gift?"

Finn pulled her close and kissed her cheek. "Well, after your spa day, we are staying overnight in the hotel. A full night of sleep. Maybe we'll get eight hours if we play our cards right." Finn winked at her, hoping their hotel stay would involved more than sleep, but who knows how tired they'll be by the time they get to go.

"Finn, we can't ask your parents to watch all three of them overnight. Ella alone takes two people. Maybe next year?" Rachel stared back at the paper, so desperately wanting time away, but also knowing how much the kids needed them around.

"Well first of all, my parents can handle it. BUT I've already arranged your dads to take Lainey for the night. They are already planning to take her to some Princess tea party or something and let her sleep in your old room and do makeovers."

Rachel laughed. "Yep that sounds like my dad's alright. I'm sure they were thrilled when you called."

"Oh they totally were. That way my parents just have Zack and Ella. Zack's pretty mellow now and Burt can keep him busy. I'll be around while you're at the spa. It will be fine I promise. Plus, we aren't going until Warner's birthday weekend. That's an entire month away."


A week later Carole and Burt were driving down for New Year's Eve. Hiram and Leroy were on their annual ski trip to Vermont but promised to see the kids in a few weeks. Sometimes Rachel and Finn would join them after the New Year for a few days, but this year was definitely out of the question. The thought of three kids in a ski lodge didn't sound too appealing right now.

Tonight was a huge city charity gala that Finn and Rachel attended every year to represent their business. Rachel hadn't wanted to go, exhausted from the past three weeks, but Finn convinced her they both needed a break. They hadn't had any alone time since the kids came into their lives six months ago and now with a newborn this was proving impossible.

Finn and the kids were lounging on one couch while Rachel and Ella were on the other. Star Wars was being played on the tv for the fifth time this week. The kids had become obsessed and Finn was trying to hide the fact that he secretly loved it.

Ella was having longer periods of time where she was awake and not crying which was helpful. Rachel had Ella propped up on her legs facing her so she could look around.

"Hi Ella, are you having a good day?" Rachel asked in a high pitched voice. Ella turned her head to look at Rachel. "Well hi there." Rachel smiled widely at her. Even though she's a tough baby, Rachel still can't believe she's here. Rachel continued to have a one sided conversation with Ella who was currently fascinated by whatever Rachel said. Then Ella cracked the tiniest of smiles back at her.

"Finn! Finn! She smiled! I think she just had her first smile! Did you smile at me baby girl?" Rachel propped Ella up higher on her lap. Ella smiled softly again.

"I saw it! Aww she smiled for her mama." Finn got up and went to Rachel's side, both kids still into the movie. "Can you smile for me Ella? Can you?" Finn smiled at her but Ella continued to stare at Rachel.

"Maybe this one will like me better first huh?" Rachel winked at Finn jokingly. "I think she finally doesn't hate being out of the womb. Now if we can only get her to chill out at night we will be good."

The knock at the door signaled the kids out of their movie trance and they ran to the door to see who it was.

"It's my parents Zack. Go ahead and open it up!" Finn stood up to help his parents with whatever they needed as the kids opened the door.

"HI!" Lainey shouted as she jumped into Carole's arms.

"Well hello to you too! Excited to see me? We get to babysit you tonight while your parents go out. Sound fun?" Carole kissed Lainey on the cheek.

"Can we stay up until midnight?" Zack asked Burt.

"You'll have to ask your parents but I know we brought a lot of stuff to have a fun party! Here help me carry this into the kitchen." Burt handed Zack some bags and they went off into the kitchen.

Carole found Rachel and the baby on the couch, a tired look on Rachel's face.

"You don't look ready to go out tonight. Why don't you take a nap upstairs before you get ready?" Carole took Ella out of Rachel's arms and propped her on her shoulder. "There's no way you're making it to midnight at this rate."

Rachel laughed because if she's up at midnight nowadays its because Ella is up. "I think I'll take you up on that. Tell Finn I went upstairs for me?"

Carole nodded and headed into the kitchen to join everyone else.

Rachel woke up to the sound of the shower turning off. She glanced at the clock and realized she had been asleep for two hours. She didn't hear Ella crying, so she hoped everything was going smoothly downstairs.

Finn emerged from the bathroom, a towel hanging loosely from his waist. Prior to the kids arrival, that towel would have lasted all of ten seconds before she tore it off to have her way with him. Now that's the last thing on her mind.

"Hey sleepyhead. Did you nap okay? You were snoring pretty hard so I got in the shower instead of waking you." Finn laughed as he imitated her snoring.

"Shut up Finn!" Rachel giggled as she threw her pillow at him. "In case you haven't noticed I'm getting like 10% of the sleep I used to." She swung her legs out of the bed and stood up, stretching her arms above her head. "What time do you want to head out? It starts at 7 right? Are we staying until midnight? What if Ella is really bad for your parents?"

Finn put up his hands to signal her to stop. "Relax please. My parents can handle them for a few hours. We need this Rachel. We haven't been out in ages. I miss you. I miss us. The kids are great but sometimes we need some adult time and that time is tonight. Get dressed and I'll meet you downstairs."


Lainey is propped up on the bathroom counter as Rachel put the finishing touches on her makeup. "Can I have some lipstick mommy? Please?"

Rachel puckered her lips as she smoothly covered her lips in bright red. "Sure sweetie, what color?"

"Red like you please. And can I have my hair in a bun like you too?" Lainey looked up at her and beamed, trying to pull her hair back herself.

Rachel had always envisioned these moments as she laid awake at night praying the treatments had worked. She had long given up on it, but now she's getting to do it with Lainey. She showed Lainey how to keep her mouth open so the lipstick wouldn't get on her teeth. She slicked back her hair into a low bun. Rachel leaned down so that their faces were side by side in the mirror.

"Look mommy we're twins!" Lainey wore a smile so wide it looked like her cheeks might burst. "I wish I had a long dress like you too!"

Rachel had put on a simple long sleeved black dress with a plunging back. She felt sexy for the first time in months. "Well I'm sure you can go put something fancy on if you wanted to dress up for your party with Burt and Carole baby. Go pick something out and we can walk downstairs together.

Lainey took off running while Rachel gathered the items needed for her purse. She was sure the diaper bag she'd been carting around wasn't exactly fitting for a formal event. Lainey apparently changed at lightening speed because she reappeared in under two minutes wearing her princess dress she had gotten for her birthday. "You look great Lainey! Let's go downstairs and show everyone!"

The two walked hand in hand downstairs together, catching Finn's eye as they approached the bottom step. He looked handsome in his crisp black suit. He let out a whistle as he smiled. "Wow, look at these two ladies! I didn't even recognize you Lainey!"

Lainey ran into his arms and he twirled her around. "Looks like you're ready for your party tonight! And Mommy looks amazing too."


Rachel And Finn were seated at a table with Puck and Quinn and some other members of the Real Estate team. Rachel didn't really feel like being there, but overall it was for a good cause and the gala raised money for the city that they work in. She knew they needed some time out of the house. On the other hand, she knew if she had given birth three weeks ago she wouldn't be here. The fact that she didn't physically give birth to Ella sometimes creeps in, but for now she's going to take advantage of the fact that the only side effects from birth she's having is the sleep deprivation.

Rachel had promised Finn that she wouldn't call or text Carole , but she glanced at her phone every few minutes. She pretended not to see when Finn checked his phone as well.

The waiter came around serving wine to everyone at the table. "Oh none for me" Quinn said as she placed her hand over her wine glass.

"You driving tonight Quinn? Puck too cheap for an Uber this New Year's?" Finn laughed.

"Shut up dude! Yes she's driving, but it's because she's pregnant." Puck announced as Quinn beamed next to him. The entire table broke out into applause as everyone started high fiving Puck and hugging Quinn.

"Congratulations Quinn!" Rachel said as she hugged her friend. "When are you due? Does Ashley know?"

"Yes, Ashley knows and I'm due in June. That's why we didn't come over on Christmas actually. I was so sick I couldn't function." Quinn leaned in to whisper something in Rachel's ear. "I didn't want Puck to announce it like that. I didn't want to hurt your feelings."

Rachel felt a pang of guilt run through her body. She can admit that a year ago if Quinn had made this announcement she would have been riddled with jealousy. For the first time, she actually felt excited for someone when they announced their pregnancy.

"Quinn, I'm fine. I'm so excited for you guys and please don't feel like you have to hide your joy from me. " The two hugged again as the table settled down and the fundraiser began.


"So do I have to call you Carole? Or can you have a new name like mommy and daddy?" Lainey asked scooting up to Carole's side. Ella was quietly napping in her playpen while they waited for the pie to finishing warming in the oven.

"What do you mean a new name? Do you not like Carole or something?" Carole looked over at Burt to see if he had any insight. He and Zack were working on the model car they'd given him and he wasn't hearing any of this.

"Like mommy and daddy used to be Rachel and Finn. But then I gave them a new name because now they're my new mommy and daddy. So what are you? You're my daddy's mommy and daddy right? So are you my Grandma and Grandpa? And what about Rachel's daddies? I can't call three people Grandpa!" Carole realized Lainey had given this a lot of thought. She had no idea if Rachel and Finn had talked to her about this.

"Well Warner and Willow call us Nana and Papa. Do you want to call us that too?" Carole asked hoping it would suffice.

"Okay. Can I start calling you that right now? Zack won't though. He won't give anyone a new name because he's mad. He's mean and he's mad all of the time…"

Zack looked up upon hearing his name mentioned. "I am not Lainey. Be quiet!" Zack scowled at her from across the room.

"Stop yelling at me ZACK! You always yell at me!" Lainey screamed in reply.

"I do not!" Zack picked up the model car he'd been working on with Burt and before anyone could stop him, he threw it at Lainey. Lainey ducked before it made contact with her face, causing the car to hit the wall behind her and shatter.

Zack stood stunned as he saw the look on Burt and Carole's faces. Lainey burst into tears and ran to hug Carole's leg.

"There's no need to fight you two," Carole said glancing at them both.

"You are mad! You don't call Finn and Rachel Mommy and Daddy and that's mean. They love us." Lainey sat forward in her seat on the couch. "You're mean to them!"

Zack screamed at Lainey with rage. "Look what you made me do Lainey! I am not mean! I'm not!" Zack ran up to his room and slammed the door before a stunned Carole and Burt could react.

"Should you text them about this or...?" Burt shrugged as he looked at Carole for guidance.

"Let's see if he calms down. Rachel and Finn need a few hours away." Carole heard Ella begin to stir because of all the commotion and Lainey was still whimpering by her side. She realized how much stress Rachel and Finn must be under with all of this unstable behavior plus a newborn. "Burt, go upstairs and just make sure he's safe. You don't have to say anything to him. Finn has told me before that sometimes they just have to let him calm down on his own."

Burt walked slowly up the stairs as Carole settled Lainey in the kitchen and picked up a now screaming Ella.

What Burt found upstairs was an out of control Zack. He could hear objects being thrown before he got up to the top of the stairs. "Zack," he warned as he approached the door, "I need you to stop throwing things so I can help you ok?" Burt tried to remember the strategies Finn and Rachel had used with him before, but his mind was drawing a blank. This wasn't safe. '

"Go Away!" Zack screamed. "Leave me alone!" Zack ran to his bed and hid under the covers screaming into his pillow. Burt hadn't seen him act like this since the early days when he first arrived. He could hear Carole downstairs with the baby and suddenly he felt outnumbered.

Burt tried talking to Zack but every time he did Zack would scream over him so nothing was heard.

Slowly Zack's screams turned to sobs. "I….. want….Rachel….." He cried. "Please…..please….." He pleaded from under his covers. Zack rolled himself into a ball and sobbed as he waited for a reply.

Burt rubbed Zack's back. "Okay buddy, I hear you. Let me go downstairs and talk to Carole ok? You stay here."

Burt hurried downstairs and glanced at the clock. It was barely 9 pm. Finn and Rachel wouldn't be home for hours. He found Carole in the kitchen walking Ella in her arms while trying to make Lainey hot chocolate.

"He's pretty upset," he said quietly as he approached trying to not let Lainey hear. "He's asking for Rachel. Well, he's screaming for her actually."

"Rachel?" Carole asked. "He normally wants Finn. Maybe we should text them and ask them what we should do. I don't want him gearing back up again if we can help it. "


The entertainment had started, dinner had been served, and Rachel finally found herself relaxing a bit.

"Want to dance?" Finn asked as he stood up at the table. He held his arm out towards his wife inviting her up.

"Wow! We haven't danced in forever. Of course I will!"

The two made their way to the edge of the dance floor, not wanting to go too far into the crowd.

There was a live band and of course all of the songs were upbeat, but Finn pulled Rachel up against him as they dance, rubbing her back as they bounced to the music. He kissed her on the lips, trying to remember the last time they had spent any time alone since the kids came. His mind was drawing a blank.

"I've missed this." He said to her over the music. "It's nice."

She smiled in return, knowing exactly what he meant.

They didn't even make it through a full song before Finn felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He pulled away from Rachel to retrieve it.

"It's my mom," he said as he unlocked his phone to see her text. You don't need to come home, but Zack is having a meltdown and screaming for Rachel. Burt tried to talk him down but isn't having any luck. He's a least under his covers for now. Any thoughts?"

Finn read the text before he showed Rachel. They both knew what they needed to do.


Twenty minutes later Finn and Rachel rushed into their home, unsure of what they'd find.

Carole was the first to hear them as she came out of the living room holding Ella. "I told you that you didn't have to come home. He's calm but won't talk to anyone. His room is destroyed. I'm so sorry it just all happened so fast."

Lainey was passed out on the couch in her snowman pj's, her hair still in the bun from earlier in the night. Remnants of some type of craft project were piled on the table.

Rachel kissed Lainey on the cheek as she passed. Finn took Ella from his mom to give her a break. He knew how demanding she could be.

"Thanks Finn, I've been holding her for hours." Carole outstretched her arms over her head. "Burt's sitting outside of Zack's room. We didn't want to push him too hard.

"I'll go. He never asks for me. I'm going to try ok?" Rachel looked at Finn who was rocking Ella still dressed in his suit. He looked so cute as he nodded his head in agreement.

Rachel slipped off her heels at the base of the stairs before heading up. She could see Burt's figure siting in the hallway. "You're off duty Burt. Thanks for standing watch." She reached out a hand to help him up. "Can you tell me what set him off?"

Burt sighed. "It had to do with Lainey wanting to call us grandparent names and then she made a comment that Zack wouldn't because he won't call you guys mom and dad. After that it's all a blur."

Rachel walked into the room slowly, observing all of the items Zack had thrown about the room. "Zack honey, I'm here." She continued to walk towards the bed where she could see his little body crunched up under the covers. "Want to tell me what happened?"

She could see the covers begin to shake back and forth as Zack began to cry. She didn't push him to come out, just rubbed his back gently through the blankets. "It's okay. When you're ready you can come out and talk ok? I'm going to get changed out of this dress and I'll be right back."

Rachel kept her door cracked while she changed, but only could hear low whimpers coming from Zack's room. Low whimpers were good. It meant he was coming down from whatever rage he had going on earlier. She threw on her favorite gray sweats and headed back into his room.

"I'm back buddy. Can you tell me what's going on? What made you so mad?"

Zack slowly pulled back the covers and pulled himself so he was laying on Rachel's lap. She rubbed the hair off of his forehead as he began to speak.

"Lainey said I was mean because I didn't call you mom and dad but she's wrong! You told me it was okay!" Zack began to cry harder the more he spoke. "But she calls you mom and dad and is Ella going to call you that too?"

Rachel began to see where this was going. "Well she probably will because she doesn't remember your mom and her dad. She probably only saw them for a minute before she came to Finn and I. Are you feeling left out?"

"I don't know. But what if I'm the only one who doesn't call you mom and dad? Everyone will know I'm adopted! I don't want to talk about it! When I call you Rachel and Finn people know! Lainey and Ella will call you mom and dad and people will think I'm the only one you adopted and that they're your real kids!"

It had all been too much. The baby, Christmas, no school, a holiday break from therapy. It had all caught up to him. His life had once again been thrown upside down and he couldn't navigate through it. Finn and Rachel thought everything was fine. Actually, Ella had been taking up all of their time, with Lainey and Zack left in the background most days. Lainey had been okay, but she's always adjusted easier. She's had less of a battle to overcome.

"Zack let me tell you something, if people ask me if you're my son, I say YES. Because you are. Even if you never call me mom. We've talked about this before. I love you no matter what. Even when you get angry and scream and cry I will still love you."

Zack sat up to hug Rachel. He buried his head into her shoulder as he squeezed his arms around her body. "Thank you for coming home. I needed you."


As Rachel helped Zack clean his room up, Finn and Burt put Ella and Lainey down for the night. By the time she got back downstairs, Burt and Carole had retreated to the guest room. Finn was in his pajamas with the tv on low, the light flickering off the walls.

"Is everything okay with him? I didn't want to intrude." Finn patted the couch next to him inviting her to sit.

"We let things slide Finn. Once the baby was born, we stopped paying attention to how he was doing. He doesn't realize it, but we did." Rachel sat back and laid her head on Finn's shoulder. "We sometimes forget because time has passed how upset he used to be, or that his wounds in his heart haven't healed. He's upset because Lainey and the baby will call us mom and dad and if he doesn't everyone will know he's adopted. He's probably been thinking about it for weeks and Lainey's comment just set him off."

Finn felt guilty. He knew she was right and he hadn't once thought about how Zack was dealing with all of this. They got so wrapped up with Ella and making Christmas perfect for the kids, they forgot to check in with how they were doing as children.

"You're right. He knows he's still in limbo. We don't have an adoption date yet, but he also knows he's never going back to his mom. Crap I feel horrible!"

He pulled Rachel closer as she readjusted. "We're human. We make mistakes. Ella has thrown us completely off of our game. We'll get it back. Zack will be okay. We all will."


They closed up downstairs and went to bed, both knowing that if they were home and Ella was asleep, they'd better hurry up and sleep too.

Finn pulled Rachel towards him, curling around her body. "Happy New Year babe. I think this years going to be the best one yet."

Rachel rolled over to face him, hoping she didn't make too much noise to wake the baby. "You know last year at midnight when we kissed, I made a wish. I know that's now what you're supposed to do. New Year's isn't like blowing out a candle on a cake, but I wished so hard for a baby. We were gearing up for our last treatment and I was so sure it would work. I could feel it."

Finn remained silent. He knew how that part of the story ended.

"And then it didn't. It didn't work Finn." She paused as she grabbed his hands in hers. "I realized that I had no instincts. They had all been wrong. It wasn't until this all happened that I realized it did work, just not in the way I thought it would. Now I know this year might not be easy either, but by the end, we will legally be parents forever."


Thanks for reading if you're still out there!