Chapter Twenty-Four – Anguish
"This is a grave matter…" The bishop said, his voice a low grumble from the other side of the wooden divider. John could say nothing in his own defence as he sat in the small wooden cabinet. Ichijou had pressed him, perhaps even taken advantage, but John hadn't pushed him away and refused to go along with it. Grief for his wife was no excuse, though it did lessen the blow. "What will you say in your defence Father Brown?" The old man asked, John's blue eyes shifting to the wooden divider.
Through the small holes in the top half he could see the old man, his grey hair tied back in a tail that went to his waist, the top of his head hidden by a tall white hat with a pointed top and a cross embroidered on the front. His white robes obscured his thin, frail body from view, the lines in his face telling John he was deeply troubled. John sighed as he looked away guiltily.
"There is nothing I can say…I killed my wife, and Ichijou was there…I don't know why…I just needed…I just wanted…" John trailed off, hanging his head in shame, scrunching his eyes shut as he tried to forget the feeling of Ichijou's gentle hands as they'd caressed him, and his sweet overpowering scent. He could feel the bishop's green eyes upon him, the look filled with warmth and concern.
"Do you have feelings for this…being?" The old man asked, John barely daring to respond to the question. His relationship with Ichijou was complicated. The vampire had become a parental figure, a protector, a brother, a helper and now this most recent role as lover. It was hard to say exactly what his feelings for the vampire were.
"I don't know…I suppose…I fear I would sin again if we remained together." John admitted shamefully, feeling the old man watching him sympathetically. He had been a young man once himself, had fought many urges, and had met many people he may have shared his life with if he so chose. The difference was that he had learned to control those urges, where John had chosen to experience them to the full.
"Then you must separate…That is one condition of your penance. The second part is that you will no longer be a hunter. We have need of an exorcist. That will be your new role. Do you understand?" The bishop asked softly, John nodding his reluctant agreement. Since he was no longer a hunter he wouldn't be able to hunt down Farringdon. But revenge is a sin, so it's for the best…The young man thought. The hardest part of this agreement would be breaking the news to Ichijou.
"I do…Thank you Bishop." John added kindly as he stepped out of the confession box, the old man appearing at the same time. They didn't say a word to each other, just nodded and went their separate ways. What happened in the confessional stayed in the confessional. John headed for the large wooden doors, stepping out into a rainy night to find Ichijou waiting loyally beneath the shelter. He would have gone inside, but didn't think the bishop would approve, making things more difficult for John.
"How was confession?" Ichijou asked gently as he stepped over to John's side, noticing the guilty look in his sea blue eyes as he looked anywhere but at the vampire beside him. "That bad?" He added with raised eyebrows. John nodded slightly as he squared his shoulders and turned to the slightly smaller boy, Ichijou not liking where this was going one little bit.
"I'm no longer a hunter…I have been promoted to exorcist." He began, Ichijou wondering whether he should congratulate the human or not. He had no idea what the difference in rank was between hunter and exorcist. "I won't be hunting vampires anymore." He added slightly bitterly, Ichijou saying nothing to show his understanding. If he weren't hunting vampires that meant that he wouldn't be able to get Farringdon back for Jemima.
"Sorry John. I know how much that meant to you…" Ichijou said apologetically, secretly relieved. If John wasn't hunting for Farringdon then they wouldn't be able to fulfil that promise about killing each other. A promise that was far more likely to end in John's death than Farringdon's. It was almost impossible to take down a pureblood, without help at least.
"There's something else…I don't want to see you anymore." John stated, keeping whatever he was feeling from his face, but he couldn't hide it from Ichijou. He could feel the inner conflict, the guilt, the shame, the need, the desire, and the despair. The mixture of emotions made it hard for Ichijou to figure out what John wanted him to say, or what he should say.
"This is all very sudden…Is it because of the bishop?" Ichijou asked, knowing that he was right even as John shook his head to deny it. John's eyes always looked away when he was lying. It was an endearing quality, one of the many things that Ichijou had come to love about John.
"It's not that…I don't want this." John objected as he waved between them, Ichijou unsure what to say in response to that. He may have led and tempted John, but he had never really objected to what Ichijou had done. "Don't…Please, just go." John pleaded, Ichijou feeling slightly stunned by the strength of the conviction in John's eyes. He truly wanted Ichijou gone. John froze as the vampire stepped forward and embraced him warmly, one hand reaching up to run through his thick golden curls.
"If you ever need me…" Ichijou whispered, leaving the silent promise hanging in the air between them. John nodded against his shoulder, the lump in his throat stopping him from speaking. He resisted the urge to return the embrace, fearing that he wouldn't be able to let go if he did, and he didn't dare speak in case he changed his mind and begged the vampire to stay. "Good bye Father Brown." Ichijou said warmly, letting his hand stroke John's cheek once more before stepping back and turning away.
John watched as Ichijou walked down the stone steps into the heavy rain. His blonde hair soaked in seconds as he continued to walk further away. He didn't even bother to button his jacket or run for cover, silently hoping that John would call him back. John bit the inside of his mouth, Ichijou's name rising in his throat as he watched the sad figure walking away. He watched until the figure was out of sight, cursing as he jumped the steps and ran in the direction Ichijou had gone.
The rain pelted him as he hurried down the street, his shoes clicking on the concrete as he ran through the darkness, only the orange streetlights lighting his way as he pounded cement. His trench coat was dripping after only a few seconds, damp curls hanging in his blue eyes as he ran, desperate to catch up. His eyes darted back and forth, but found no one in the street with him. Finally he stopped, panting for breath as he looked around the street for some sort of clue, but he was too late. Ichijou was gone.
"Good bye Ichijou." John whispered, feeling hot tears fall from his eyes to mix with the cool rain. It's for the best.
John stirred. The first thing he noticed were the tight straps on his wrists and ankles holding him to the bouncy surface of a mattress. The room wasn't the one he had been staying in at the Sun Dorm, but his belongings were there. That was all he had time to notice before the pain hit him. A burning on the surface of his chest, like a hot poker was resting on his collarbone. He screamed.
"John! What is it?" Ichijou demanded, unsure what to do at first as John screamed and tried to turn, his arms reach up towards his torso. Ichijou panicked as he tried to figure out what John was trying to do. The boy was trying to turn on his side to reach up to his throat! Ichijou realised, ripping the shirt open to find the problem. It was so obvious he felt sick with his carelessness. "Hold on!" Ichijou ordered as he pushed the writhing blonde back and grabbed the golden crucifix, hissing as he tugged it free and tossed it to the other side of the room.
John fell back on the mattress in exhaustion, taking deep shuddering breaths as the pain faded to a dull sting rather than a hot burn. Ichijou leaned down and examined the deep burn, which was almost bleeding, leaving a small cross shape on his otherwise perfect torso. The old scars had been healed by his transformation. Only Farringdon's deep bite mark marred the pale surface of his neck and shoulder on the right side. Ichijou disappeared from his side, returning a moment later with some cream. John hissed as he applied the cool soothing salve to his chest and rubbed it in with slow circles.
"What happened?" John croaked in a dry cracked voice, Ichijou loosening the restraints to let him up before grabbing a glass of water from the bedside table. He sat beside John and helped him up, raising the glass to his weak lips. John drank in deep gulps, the liquid relieving the dryness. He leaned back in relief, the strength completely drained from his body.
"You don't remember?" Ichijou asked guiltily, John shaking his head groggily as he lay back, holding one arm over his eyes. There was something wrong with the room. It was far too bright, a burning light seeping around the edges of the heavy blackout curtains. He felt Ichijou's hand on his chest and looked up at the blonde boy, who looked…different. His blonde hair seemed even lighter than usual, his crystal eyes almost sparkled, and his pale skin was so clear and soft to the touch. He smelled different too. The sweetness was still there, but it was slightly dulled, and there was a light musty scent, almost as if he were human. But he can't be human!
"What happened?" John demanded as he sat bolt upright his head spinning and throbbing as he winced. Ichijou didn't laugh as he usually would when he eased John back down. Now that he was more awake John could feel dull aches shooting through his whole body, and his skin was tingling, almost as if he'd been electrocuted. Ichijou hadn't responded to his question, the expression on his face worrying John more than anything.
He closed his eyes and tried to think back. The last thing he remembered with any clarity was waking up after he and Ichijou had…Then Ichijou had given him his ultimatum. He'd spoken to Houshou, spent the day thinking, and then he'd gone to the roof to meet Ichijou. But what happened? I remember almost falling, and then…John's thoughts trailed off to a dead halt as he remembered the sound of that voice. The scent, the shock of silver hair, the cold terror and the burning agony of the bite on his throat. Ichijou watched John's eyes widen as he raised a hand to his neck and touched the bite mark.
"Help me up! Help-me-up!" John insisted as he tried to sit up, Ichijou resting a hand on his back to support him as he sat up. Swinging his legs over the edge of the bed John tried to stand, finding that most of his weight was supported by Ichijou as he limped his way to the large wooden vanity table and looked in the mirror speechless. He looked more or less the same, except his skin was clear. None of the old scars remained, only the bite on his throat and the nasty fresh burn on his chest. His deep sea eyes looked even bluer than usual, and his hair was almost a pure shimmering shade of gold.
Noticing the cross shaped scar on his throat John raised a hand, wincing as he touched the tender surface. He seemed almost mad as he threw Ichijou off and let his eyes dart around the room, quickly finding the glitter of gold on the floor beneath the window. Ichijou reached out to stop him, but thought better of it as he watched John limp his way to the crucifix. He fell to his knees with dead eyes as he stared down at the symbol of his faith.
"John…" Ichijou trailed off worriedly, his heart bleeding for the once human boy as he watched the tragic expression on his face. John reached out a hand, his fingers hesitating above the cross before touching it. The teen winced before pulling his hand back, gritting his teeth as he looked at the burns on his fingers. His body shook lightly as tears spilled down his cheeks. Ichijou knelt behind the boy and enclosed him in a tight embrace.
"I'm…" John choked, unsure what he had been about to say before he was overtaken by loud sobs, his eyes blurring as he turned into Ichijou's strong embrace. Assurances fell from the older boy's lips as he stroked John's hair like he used to. I'm a monster! I'm a monster, and God has turned from me! He cried inwardly, feeling lost and alone as he stared down at the crucifix.
"How are you feeling?" Zero asked as Mai stared up at the ceiling, her hazel eyes glittering even though the gaze was vacant. He sighed sympathetically as he sat on the bed beside her and unstrapped her limbs, having tied her down when she started thrashing from the agony. He'd been lucky when he'd turned. The venom had entered his system so slowly over the years that he hadn't experienced the burning pain that Mai and John had, just a burning thirst when he'd finally changed. And they'll be feeling that soon…
"Not so good." Mai replied quietly, her body still aching and throbbing from the earlier pain, which she didn't really remember. She remembered fire and ice, and then nothing until she'd opened her eyes a few moments ago to find Zero sitting in the chair by her bed with his gun out. "What happened?" She asked groggily, looking at Zero as if for the first time. He was truly beautiful with his glittering violet eyes and short silver hair, so light it was almost white, and his skin was perfect and pale.
"It'll come back to you soon." Zero excused, not wanting to give her the bad news himself. He'd leave it to her, Kaname and Naru to figure out between them. He didn't have the words or the heart to do it. Mai froze as she remembered what had happened. She had been searching for Naru, and Ayako had told her she'd seen him heading up to the rooftop with Lin. She would have stopped them, but she was busy herself, so she'd let them pass. Mai had hurried up and found Naru in the clutches of a strangely beautiful silver haired vampire.
"Oh…How's Naru?" She asked suddenly, Zero placing a gentle hand on her shoulder to stop her getting up. His eyes softened as he looked down at the once human girl. Trust her to think of someone else before herself…
"He's fine." Zero assured, though he wasn't sure when he'd be able to let Naru see her. He had no idea when or how badly her blood lust would hit, or what he was supposed to do when it did. He would give her his own blood of course, but that wouldn't calm the lust the way human or pure blood would. Well, Kaname did say he would try to keep them sane with his own blood for a while. What we really need is to get hold of that Lord…
"That's good." Mai sighed in relief, her smile seeming truly peaceful as she thought of Naru. She was anxious to see him, to make sure for herself that he was alright, but for now she would rest. Her body felt terribly weak and sluggish, almost as if it weren't really her body, not to mention the dull throbs, which she could only hope would wear off soon.
"I see…and how are they?" Cross asked as he handed Ichijou a cup of tea, the blonde boy anxious to return to his charge. Zero had a similar restlessness as he held his own cup, while Kaname sat elegantly in an armchair sipping his tea without a care in the world, at least that's how it seemed. As a pureblood he was outraged. Naru was another cool one, as was his tall companion Lin. The monk was another matter. He wore his emotions on his sleeve and right now he was worried and furious, barely able to sit still.
"Mai is recovering…I don't think she really understands what happened yet." Zero reported regretfully, his violet eyes staring intently at the black liquid in his hot cup. Kaname nodded his agreement. Mai had always seemed quite carefree, but once she fully understood what she had become she would be horrified. It would be a challenge to settle her when the time came.
"And John?" The monk demanded, suffering an intense cabin fever as he was kept from his two friends, his worry piquing at the expression on Ichijou's face. Ichijou was in a spiral of despair, more than a little worried about what would happen with John.
"He's devastated…His faith was the one thing he has always had to cling to, and now that it's gone he's…He's not the same." Ichijou added sadly, remembering the dead eyes that seemed to stare at nothing. He had been like that for three days. Ichijou had even removed the crucifix from the room because at least once a day John would go to it and try to touch it, as if hoping that God would change his mind. He had caught the boy praying a few times, but he always broke off half way through with a look of hopelessness.
"He will come to terms with it." Kaname said confidently from across the room. He'd seen priests turned before. It was just a matter of accepting and moving on, though it would take time. Just because they were vampires didn't mean that they were completely barred from faith. Some vampires prayed, some even went to church. A balance was possible as long as you knew the limits. They wouldn't be able to wear a crucifix, at least not without protection, but they could read from a bible and kneel before a cross.
"I hope so." Ichijou replied, feeling completely useless around John. He had no idea what to do or say to make the boy feel better, and anything he did say just seemed to go in one ear and out the other. John barely acknowledged his presence anymore. I doubt he's even noticed I'm gone…
"We should figure out our next move." Naru announced, Zero quietly annoyed with the cold way he pushed the subject aside. He should be more worried about what was happening to Mai. It was his fault she'd been turned. "When is Farringdon likely to return?" He asked, shifting his cobalt eyes to Kaname, who sat a little straighter as they finally got down to business.
"Not until they've fully transformed I should think, and he's cruel…He'll want them to be desperate for him…Perhaps a month…" Kaname replied, looking to Cross for his own thoughts. Cross found it difficult to say. He had never encountered this particular vampire, so he could only go by what he'd learned from other purebloods.
"He certainly won't hurry. He has all the time in the world." The hunter replied, looking across at the wall thoughtfully. Lin nodded at the comment, quietly agreeing with Kaname's assessment. Naru sat back thoughtfully, trying to keep his mind on their next move, not letting it wander to Mai, or worse, to his brother. All this time I've been trying to find him and…
"What do we do when he does reappear?" Monk-san asked, not trying to put a damper on things, but knowing it would be difficult. This vampire had caught John off guard, controlled Ichijou, and defeated both Lin and Naru. It was fair enough that Naru was still recovering from the last time he'd used his powers, but Lin was no pushover. If it took Lin down then what chance do the rest of us have?
"I may be able to overpower him." Kaname announced, Cross nodding his silent agreement. Kaname was certainly strong, since he'd drunk from another pureblood and attained her power, but this Farringdon figure worried him, and it wouldn't just be him. He could control John and Mai like puppets, as well as the rest of the Night Class. There's not a lot we can do to stop him in that regard either…
"What we need is a way to block his mind control…" Ichijou sighed as he looked up at the ceiling, eyes turning to look around at the others. Kaname looked thoughtful. He was powerful, maybe enough to keep the Night Class on his side. Monk-san tried to think of anything in his Buddhist repertoire that may help, but he was coming up blank.
"I may have an idea, but I will need to research further." Lin announced, Naru almost smiling at that. The older man always had ideas, and he usually pulled through. That he had mentioned it at all was a promising sign. Monk-san also brightened at that. He'd learned a long time ago to put his faith in the Chinese man. Cross nodded his satisfaction.
"I will speak to the other hunters of this. They may have a few tricks also." He added, the meeting quickly breaking up. Zero and Ichijou were anxious to return to their charges, and the others were eager to begin their own research. Cross announced an end to the meeting and watched them file out. Naru and Lin were already deep in discussion with the monk listening as he followed behind. Soon it was just Cross and Kaname left in the room. "I miss your mother at times like these." Cross said quietly.
"As do I old friend." Kaname replied, the corner of his mouth quirking up at the human's admission. It was no great secret that Cross had been in love with his mother, despite her being married, and a vampire. His mother had cared for Cross too, in a paternal manner. She had trusted him enough to leave her daughter in his care, and her son in his debt. "I will check her library." Kaname decided, though he didn't hold out much hope.
"That would be wise." Cross agreed, following his usual rule of leaving no stone unturned. If he had learned anything over the years it was that most problems could be solved by hot tea, sweet snacks, and a good book. Kaname had always laughed at the notion. "I will check my own sources." The human added, Kaname nodding as he was dismissed. It was time to begin his own research.
"Ichijou!" John cried as the door was unlocked and the blonde vampire stepped inside, his blue eyes widening as John's weight tackled his chest. He laid a hand on John's head and wrapped his free arm around the teen's torso as the blonde sobbed lightly into his shoulder. Ichijou raised his perplexed eyes to Kain, wondering what the stoic redhead had done to John.
"He's been like that since he woke up to find you gone." Kain reported, a little perplexed himself. The exorcist had been crying for Ichijou like a child for the past half hour. When Ichijou left John had been sleeping peacefully. He'd thought he would remain that way until he returned. Kain left without another word, barely acknowledging Ichijou's thanks as he shut and locked the door.
"John, what's the matter?" Ichijou asked lightly, smiling warmly as he drew back and looked at the exorcist's tearstained cheeks, the rims of his eyes red and sore as his lower lip trembled. Ichijou reached up and wiped away the warm tears, the deep blue eyes shimmering as fresh ones spilled over.
"I thought you'd gone." John replied vulnerably, Ichijou tilting his head slightly at the comment. He chuckled lightly as he led the teen back to the bed and sat down beside him. One arm looped around John's slightly wider back, his fingers massaging his pale skin through the shirt.
"I had to go to a meeting…You should know I'll never leave you. You're stuck with me." Ichijou swore teasingly, feeling John lean his head on his shoulder. He felt a hand rest on his thigh and reached down with his free hand, covering John's larger hand with his own and entwining their fingers. John sniffed and wiped his eyes on his sleeve.
"Sorry…It's just…I've lost everything! My wife, my son, and now even my faith has been taken. I couldn't take it if you left too." John confessed, Ichijou hushing him gently, leaning his head on top of John's. He eyed the boy guiltily as he raised the hand from his back to his hair. He could remember it, the way Farringdon had used him. The way he had held John obediently, pulling his neck to the side obligingly so that the pureblood could sink his fangs into John's pale throat. Once he'd realised what was about to happen Ichijou had regained some control. He had desperately tried to release John, but he couldn't speak. He could barely twitch a muscle against Farringdon's will. He'd been surprised that John had managed to free even one hand in a futile attempt to escape.
"I'm sorry I couldn't do more…and I'm sorry for the part I played…You should despise me." Ichijou apologised darkly, his voice a low whisper as he held John closer. John looked up, slightly puzzled by the vampire's change in attitude. John shook his head as Ichijou looked his way.
"It's not your fault. You were used by Farringdon to get to me, just like Jemima…I don't blame you for anything." John assured, Ichijou surprised by the honesty in his voice and expression, his blue eyes showing nothing but need. He had missed that expression over the past year or so, the look that told Ichijou he had a purpose. To protect and look after his human companion. He had failed in that duty. But I won't let it happen again!
