Chapter 3

"Sometimes you find yourself in the middle of nowhere and sometimes in the middle of nowhere you find yourself."

-Stacy Westfall

SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN

December 14th, 2020

Dear Dean:

I did it.

I got out. Right now, I'm in a motel room for the night, but my destination is Austin, Texas. Believe or not, I will start hunting again. At least for now.

Don't worry, Miracle is in the bunker with plenty of food and water. He's safe.

I was sitting in your bed while Miracle was curled up right next to me, when I heard one of your many phones ringing. Since you passed, days became blurry. I don't remember charging your older phones, but I know I did it, because otherwise, it wouldn't have rang.

It's not only the alcohol to blame, though. It's my head, too.

Dean, I'm a walking mess. The only one keeping me together is Miracle. It's embarrassing to admit it, but I am grateful for the little cries and desperate scratches at the other side of the bathroom door that speak words I don't even understand, however, they are just what I need to hear. They are the only sounds that can be heard these days.

Lately, it seems like my lips have been glued together, but I don't feel the need to talk anyways. Jody has been calling me. Donna and Garth called me, too. They all know what happened already, so there is no point in saying it all again. If I say your name aloud, I will break. That's why I'm writing these letters to you with tired eyes and shaky hands.

Stupidly, I still think you're away, maybe mad at me, so you left the bunker for a few weeks.

The one who called you was a woman asking for help.

Your help.

One of the million people you saved just by existing.

She explained everything, but there was not much I could understand in between her broken sobs. According to what I heard, it's a classic werewolf case. Heart is missing from the victim, and that thing that did it is still alive and kicking. I have to kill it. I have to end all the sons of bitches that are killing innocent people. We talked about having a normal life, but right now, I don't know what I wanna do.

Dying young seems like a very tempting option. A simple mistake, and all of this endless pain will be over forever.

Miracle needs me, though. He doesn't know where you are, and he can't lose both of us.

Who would take care of him as we do? I have to keep fighting, even if my body and mind want the opposite thing. I made a promise.

A couple months ago, we would have called this hunt a milk run kind of case, but now, things are complicated. Even the smallest tasks seem difficult. Things I do daily, such as living, eating our favorite meals, or even sleeping. Your silence makes too much noise.

I'm driving Baby, trying to collect the pieces of what happened the last time I drove her. When you closed your eyes, I knew you would be pissed if the seats were stained with blood, so I used that old large blanket we kept for special cases. I carried you to the backseat of the Impala, and if it wasn't for your pale skin and blue lips, I could have sworn you were just sleeping.

In a couple minutes, I will go get some coffee and head to Texas.

I know that, okay? You don't have to say it, although I wish you would. I need to sleep. It's just that it feels so good to be out here, driving while listening AC/DC and Metallica at full volume, that I forget I am lost.

Call me crazy, but when I do it, I can feel you sorrounding me. I can imagine you humming along the songs I always hated so much in the earlier days, but grew enough to love it. I'm definitely going mad this time. A kind of madness I don't mind having within me till the rest of my days.

Someday soon, I'll drive for the sake of doing it, and Miracle will join me. I'll take him to a dog park where he can do what dogs like to do. He'll feel free again.

Do you remember the good old days when you sat in the passenger seat, and I drove for hours, before shifting places? I forgot to tell you this, but Baby is clean now. You always bitched when she was dirty.

I promise I will keep her safe, too. You can still hunt my ass if you want to, though. I don't mind.

Everyone needs a little adrenaline every now and then, right?

It's 05:45 AM now. Sun is out, meaning I gotta go now. Time to hit the road.

Wish me luck, big brother. I have a werewolf to kill.

Sammy

Author's Note: Thank you for all the kind comments, you guys! I'm changing some details from the original episode, but I will remain loyal to the ending, I promise!.

I wanna explore Sam's mind for a little longer, if you don't mind.

Would you like Donna and Jody to be mentioned in the next chapter? I was thinking that it'd be nice for them to help Sam make the big decision. Keep hunting, or live a normal life? ;)

Please, let me know what you think of this chapter, and if you want Sam to visit the girls. I take suggestions, too.

See ya soon J