Chapter 4
"Learning is Lifelong"
― Graeme Ball
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February 17th, 2021
Dear Dean:
I have not written to you in a long time. Sorry for that.
Things are changing in a blink of an eye. There are so many things I have to tell you. Happier things. At least I wanna believe so.
First, I wanna mention that I successfully killed that werewolf back in December. I have also killed a ghoul, and a shapeshifter. All of them within two weeks. On January 2nd, I headed to kill a nest of vampires. I didn't wanna be a part of that hunt. Vampires freak me out now, but I had no other choice but to participate, since I was in town when the killings happened, and our last name forced me to say 'yes'.
All I needed afterwards was some stitches and bandages done all by myself in a crappy motel room. The Winchester way, right? I miss your knock-knock jokes whenever I get hurt. As a kid, it seemed hilarious, but when I grew up, I told you I was old enough to endure the pain. You still kept telling me those stupid jokes anyways. Secretly, I have always loved that. It felt like time had not changed us. We were still those two young brothers, and we looked after each other no matter what happened between us.
You would have been proud of me. The other hunter I worked with was not very fast when it came to fighting those bloodsuckers. He is not you. I was scared, but I knew you would want me to be strong. I still remember the time you talked to Lucas about why you decided to be strong and protect me to honor mom's memory. You were just four years old, yet you were so brave. If that had been me in those tiny shoes, I don't think I could have done that.
I think the hunter i worked with is Robert Williams. I am not quite sure of that, though. He's older than I am, and he cannot run for too long without panting, desperate for a single breath.
I had to save his ass while I struggled to kill the other vampire trying to attack me. I have not seen him before, or after that hunt.
This letter may be a little confusing and all over the place. Even for me.
As I mentioned, things are changing. I'm learning things I didn't necessarily wanted to learn before.
In between hunts, I called Donna, Garth and Jody. They all seemed worried about me, so I went and visited them.
Garth's kids are huge now, specially the twins. Little Sam and Castiel are walking now. They babble things, and pull their sister's hair. I took Miracle with me to all those road trips, but he freaked out when he met Garth and his family.
He told me I was too thin for his liking. So did Donna and Jody.
You're gonna agree with this, but they all gave me a serious talk about the whole "eating every day is important" thing. Jody invited me for dinner, and I got to see Alex, Kaia and Claire again. The girls are doing great, too.
Alex is in college. Kaia is not hunting for now, and Claire is always trying to find an excuse to head out there, driving for weeks at the time to kill monsters.
Jody doesn't say much about it. I think she has given up when it comes to convincing her to go to college. Everywhere I go, I see a little piece of you left behind. I now know that you left a legacy in them, too.
Another thing happened on January 2nd of this new year.
I decided to stop hunting for good, and left Kansas behind the rearview mirror.
I couldn't do it anymore.
When I arrived to Kansas after the vampire hunt, and headed to see how Miracle was doing, I could barely breathe. After spending so much time out there, I couldn't stay locked in that place anymore.
It was January 4th when I said goodbye to the bunker and saw your empty room for the last time. I packed our stuff inside all the duffel bags we own, put them on the trunk of the Impala, before I guided Miracle to the backseat of the car and shut the metal door, hiding the key nearby the place. There is nothing to rescue there. Maybe, some hunter will find the place and make it a home again. I truly hope so.
I thought I would come back, but once I started driving, I felt free from this constant pressure on my chest.
I went to the cemetery that day. I said goodbye to the both of you. It took me some time to understand this, but eventually, I learned that you are not really there. You are everywhere. You are still with me.
Right now, I'm in Whitefish, Montana. Yes, I'm back in Rufus' old cabin.
It's a quiet place to be in. Miracle loves to be around trees, so we both win. Truth is that I don't miss the bunker, but I miss what it used to represent to me. To us.
So far, I'm learning how long it takes to cook for myself after a long day of work. I guess I forgot to tell you I got a job as a mechanic about five weeks ago, since I learned from the best man ever how to take proper care of a car.
My boss, Erik, likes me. I don't talk too much, and follow his orders. He's a very kind man. He asks questions about my life, and I tell him part of the truth. I tell him I had an awesome big brother who took care of me, because my mom died when I was a baby, and my dad was always travelling around the country.
He has a wife called Camille and a daughter called Genevieve. I know that because he invited me to their house once.
It's not my dream job, but it's something to start with.
You'd be mocking me, or making me trivia questions about cars, probably trying to make me say the wrong thing.
It sounds weird to say this, but I think I want to learn more about this new weird life.
Life's not fun without your humor, but hey, I am still here. Growing some gray hairs, trying to discover who I am these days.
On January 24, I ordered a hamburger and eat it all. Even though it was greasy and not tasty at all, I finished it. You would have turned 42 years old.
I could picture you getting older with me, arguing over silly things. All siblings do that, no matter how old they get. I still think about that every now and then. My mind is not always friendly with me.
I prayed to Jack, asking about you. He said you were driving the Impala. Is that possible? If you're happy up there, I am too. At least trying to be.
I have to go and feed Miracle before going to sleep. I have a job to go to now. Does that make me normal now? Does it make me boring, even?
I don't know what to think about it, but cars don't fix by themselves for now, even though sometimes I wish they would.
Goodnight, Dean.
Miss you, man.
Sammy
Author's Note: Hey guys. Thank you for the reviews! I think Genevieve is gonna stay close! Lol
I hope you enjoy this chapter. It's messy, but that's how life is sometimes. When it comes to living after a loss, I think that time goes by faster than I would like to. Things change before you know it, and you learn how to live again. You always learn something new.
Please, if you have a minute, leave a review or a suggestion. What would you want Sam to experience before having a kid of his own?
See ya soon!
