WARRIORS HIGH
ISLAND OF THE FALLEN
CHAPTER ONE
SURVIVOR'S GUILT
Beep.
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Beep.
"Mm…" muttered Axis from the back of Dusty's neck, "Fuck jet lag…"
Dusty blinked sluggishly as he felt the comforting warmth roll away and sit up, keeping himself modest under the covers as he yawned and rubbed his eyes. From the window to the couples right, the sun was just peeking over the horizon. It was a perfect morning, the early sky a beautiful pastel blue.
One of the benefits of getting to stay in a five-star hotel on the edge of New York City.
Dusty rolled onto his back as his lover grabbed a glass of water from his nightstand, downed it in two impressive gulps and let out another yawn.
"We should've gone straight to bed."
"Agreed."
Dusty scooted to the edge of his bed and got up with a large stretch. "Dibs on the shower."
"You got it first last time," whined Axis, still exhausted from their four-hour sleep.
"You were the one who recommended staying up, even though you knew it was a bad idea," he retorted.
"It was only a three hour time difference. Besides," Axis threw out his arms dramatically, "I'm the sexy, world-renowned singer who's sung in twelve concerts as of today."
Dusty flashed him a tired smirk. "And I'm the boyfriend who's been following your hijinks for weeks."
"Take your fucking shower," grinned Axis in annoyance as he looked for something to tie around his waist.
Three minutes later, Dusty relaxed as he felt the steaming hot water trickle down his back. He let out a sigh and began to wash quickly.
As he had for the past two months.
It had been eight months since he woke up on a plane with memories of the nuclear apocalypse that never happened. For the most part, he had kept his thoughts silent in the midst of his euphoric reuniting with Axis, but it took two weeks of watching Axis, who had won a contract from a big LA studio on Christmas day, for his mind to get cluttered. He fruitlessly talked with Foxleap and Jaywhisker, whose eloquent jargon flew so high over his head they violated FAA guidelines, before booking a therapist. Dr. Eustace Talon, affectionately called "Dr. Barkface" by the staff because of his diverse knowledge of trees, had...helped. Not necessarily bringing him solace, but calming his mind enough so that he wasn't thrown into a mental institution.
With ARS' dormance in this new timeline, assisted by Sky and Garrison's death in the old, the Resistance had...broken up for the most part. They still lived together, but everything seemed to be calming down when he last saw them. Coalstrike and Seashell finally got their wish of a normal date without having to worry about getting assassinated (mostly), Jaywhisker got into patenting for some of his more "mundane" inventions and Mallowleaf was chill. It was weird to see the soldier who had been fighting since, likely, his birth seem so...calm.
Ashtooth...well...he didn't think about him much anymore. For obvious reasons.
But just when life was settling down for him, he got a fateful call in mid-January. Axis had done so well and risen so abruptly in popularity that he was selected to be the opening act for Sixpence, a British-American boy band that could really sing. (Not as well as Axis, though.)
Now, six months later, they were twelve performances into their concert list. Since the paranoia of maintaining anonymity remained within the former soldiers, Dusty hadn't contacted his family for a long time. Hopefully they were doing alright and not getting themselves into trouble.
Twenty minutes and two showers later, Dusty and Axis were both in matching AJR t-shirts and running shorts. They headed up from the 19th floor to the penthouse level, where they were granted into the VIP lounge with free breakfast. One of the many advantages of being celebrities in a hotel.
The two sat at a small circle table with breakfast on their plate. Dusty had a waffle loaded up with syrup, cinnamon and man various fruits while Axis had raided the donut holes, but balanced it out with a nice bowl of cereal.
The two ate quietly, nodding politely to the businesspersons stopping by for breakfast who recognized them and waved, until Dusty noticed something familiar near the newspapers. He picked it up and almost groaned audibly.
Back when the tour started, People magazine asked to do a cover photoshoot and interview with Dusty and Axis for their pride month issue. For the most part, the team was nice and the shoot was eventless, but the purpose of why they were chosen was rubbing him the wrong way. He carried the magazine to Axis and sat down with a huff.
"Is that the thing?" he said, looking up from his Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
"I still don't know why we signed up for it," muttered Dusty, flipping though to the mentioned article absentmindedly.
"Pretty sure it was corporate's call. They will take any opportunity to get more Benjamins in their pockets whenever they can."
Dusty shrugged and glazed over the headline.
"'GAY PEOPLE JUST SING WELL.' HOW KALE "AXIS" MCCARTHY AND DUSTY LANGFORD MANAGE THEIR RELATIONSHIP WITH THE CHAOS OF THE SINGING BIZ."
Yep. Definitely a People article.
"Should have called in the Brit," said Dusty with a smirk.
"Ah, the legend himself," said Axis with a grin, "Elliot Gray: defending innocent LGBTQ singers and actors from all things invasive."
"He spoils us and gets cancelled on Twitter," added Dusty with a smile. Both unabashedly loved their agent, unlike others who attacked him for targeting those of the LGBTQ community even though he was stupendous at his job.
"All the better, eh?"
"Indeed."
"Um, excuse me?"
Axis turned to see a man holding hands with a starry-eyed pair of girls Dusty figured were his daughters.
"My daughters are big fans of yours. Do you mind if you sign these pictures?"
"Oh, of course!" said Axis sweetly, taking the Sharpie. Dusty took this as his cue to exit, heading out to the hallway.
He stood near the entrance of the club, his eyes falling on a TV set with the news. The headline read "Man arrested after breaking into Wendell home and pulling gun on owners." The mugshot showed a sketch of a scowling bearded man with bulging muscles. The boy winced at how aggressive he looked.
The telecast cut to commercial just as Axis waved goodbye to the family of three. Dusty headed back and gave a little wave to the youngest, who looked to be about eight.
"Look at you, getting autographs," chided Dusty with a smirk.
"Yeah, I'm Mr. Popular now. Might as well put me on the tally for most autographs."
"Heh. Like you'll ever beat Grant."
"Doesn't hurt to shoot for the stars sometimes."
Dusty fake-gagged on his waffle, putting his hands on his throat. "Ew. Someone reeks of Disney Channel original movie."
"I'd rather smell of that than the shit the Brits shoot into their noses."
"That's...true."
As Axis finished his cereal, Dusty continued to cut away at his waffle. But as his plastic knife chipped away at the particularly gnarly piece of dough, something began to pick away at his focus.
He began to lose himself. The sound of plastic on dough became the crunching of desperate footsteps on October ground.
His breathing sounded heavier…
And if he thought hard enough, Dusty thought he could hear a voice.
He could feel him there.
And the weight of heartbreak on his chest as he lost him.
After all these months he could never forget how he failed him.
"So…"
Dusty looked up at Axis, who had basically cleaned off his plate. "When are you gonna yell at me to drink more water?"
"I don't think I will today."
"Oh, really?"
"Yeah," he said with a cheeky grin, "I think I'll just forget so your voice cracks in front of millions of people and that's all you become famous for."
"Wow. Such bullying."
"If it makes you drink water, I'll do what it takes."
Axis looked mock offended for a moment before slowly getting up, dramatically going to the buffet and grabbing a water bottle, all with an overexaggerated pout on his face. Dusty just chuckled.
"You're cute when you're whiny."
"Am I?" said Axis, taking a seat and sipping his drink while cocking an eyebrow.
"Indeedy you are."
Axis paused.
"Did you just say indeedy?"
Dusty looked up. "Hm?"
"You just said 'indeedy.'"
"I didn't?"
"You're denying it."
"I'm not denying anything!" protested Dusty with a heavy blush.
"You're totally denying it. Look at yourself!"
"I didn't say indeedy. That's a stupid word."
"Sounds like something someone who does say indeedy would say."
"Stop," said Dusty, burrowing his face in his hands and chuckling.
"Like, is it a lisp? Can you just not say 'indeed?'"
"My tongue slipped up, okay? Can you please stop nagging on me for it?"
"Okay, okay…" said Axis, who was chuckling good-naturedly, "But that was really cute."
Dusty blinked.
"Cute? That?"
"You enjoy Whiny Kale for some reason."
"I..."
Axis' wittiness fell to a soft affection. "Sorry, do you want me to stop?"
"No, it's fine," said Dusty, looking into his glimmering eyes, "Besides, you may start complaining less about 40 degree weather around me if I do."
"You don't know that," he said, ruffling his boyfriend's hair.
Dusty chuckled. As he finished his waffle over the next couple of minutes, Axis checked his phone.
"Limo's here," he said, pocketing it and grabbing his plate to dispose of it.
Dusty nodded, wiping at his mouth with his napkin and grabbing his plate, dropping it in the plastic black bin and following Axis back to the hotel room.
"What's the set today?"
"Same one from San Francisco, I think. I can ask Elliot."
"No, I meant for you," said Dusty, throwing on a light sweatshirt, "The Brits can keep living with their cocaine joints and autotuned mics drilled in their teeth."
By now, Axis was used to his boyfriend's scorn about the flamboyant lifestyle by the members of Sixpence. But something seemed off.
"You're tense."
"A little," said Dusty, smirking, "You perform less admirably in bed when you're high."
"Is this about Forrestlake?"
He stopped.
"Uh…What about it?"
He sighed. "Dusty, it's been five months since you've seen your family. You can't just hide from them behind me."
"It's not that…"
Not once had Dusty told him about his background as a soldier. Not only would Coalstrike rip him in two if he tipped off a "questionable third party" about the existence of the Resistance, but it would pull Axis right into the firing range of ARS, who Dusty knew would never miss a shot to the heart like that.
But beyond all that...The memories of the last timeline, how he had seen his boyfriend confirmed dead...the trauma of Sunfield's death still echoing in his brain…
Axis couldn't know. He would never understand.
"What is it, then?" said Axis, sitting on the mattress.
Dusty just shrugged feebly. "Shit's changed...I'm a different person than I was at Christmas. I...Not everyone approves of you being in my life."
"Aw Christ…Are there Catholic megalomaniacs that you've been hiding from me?"
"It's not because I'm gay," said Dusty hastily, " They've been very accepting of that. It's...the fact that they don't like the lifestyle I'm following you into. Y'know, with all of the sex, drugs and rock and roll. They're a down-to-earth group, and the last thing they want to happen is for me to get hurt."
"Dusty…" said Axis, getting up and pulling him into a hug that he returned, "I'm sorry...if you didn't want to come-"
"No no no…" he said quickly, "These past three months have been amazing…"
Axis nodded, holding the hug more before resting his hands on his shoulders and pulling back to look him in the eyes.
"How about this…" he said quietly, "I'll convince Elliot to let us go to Forrestlake tomorrow morning. You and I. So you can get on the right page with your family in more than just three days. How's that sound?"
In full honesty, he felt a small jolt at the idea of going back to the island so soon, but in the end, he knew that the sooner he returned, the less he would have to worry.
"Yeah. That sounds lovely," he said quietly with a soft smile.
Axis leaned forward and planted a gentle kiss on the cheek. "I love you, Dusty. Never forget that. I will walk away from this life if that's what it takes to make you happy."
"Don't say that…" he said quietly, "You love this life. You thrive here. And I'm just glad I can be here for the ride."
The two looked in each other's eyes for a while before a text from Elliot Gray served at their five minute warning.
"Alright," said Axis, grabbing Dusty's hand, "Shall we?"
"Lead the way."
All the way from the elevator ride to the limo, amidst the warmth of his boyfriend's hand and the waves to starstruck fans, Dusty could nearly call himself comfortable.
But the fear and bullets still rang in his brain, just as they did on the day that he had held Sunfield's body to his chest to the tune of Elton John.
Lindisfarne was his home. It was his blood, his purpose. But he had slowly let Forrestlake into his life, the nuggets of the Three, Riven and Axis opening him up.
But after that fateful day, he wasn't sure that he could ever call Forrestlake home again.
"You're leaving for Los Angeles next week with Kale McCarthy, correct?"
"Yes."
"Mhm," said Dr. Talon, adjusting his glasses as he leaned back in his leather chair, "So you're worried that your memories will interfere with the morale of the trip."
"Well, it's not me that I'm worried about," said Dusty, breaking the stare at his kneecaps to look at his therapist, "Because my parents died when I was five. I know how to keep my worries to myself."
"Does Mr. McCarthy know about the past timeline? Is discussing this with him a possibility?"
"No, not really…" he said quietly, "He just...hears it on the radio, calls it BS and moves on with his day, because why should he believe them? He wasn't alive then. He doesn't have any reason to think there was a past timeline. And I get it, but…sometimes I wish I could find a way to convince him."
"Well, you've got human instinct to fight," said Dr. Talon, "People are more likely to cry divine intervention than confront the existential. That's why more people say that Jesus sent down a vision of Revelation than what you actually went through."
"But people disappeared! People that were alive in the timeline."
"Think of it as like the history of homosexuality," said Dr. Talon, leaning forward, "It diverts from the normalcy of man finding woman and having children. So for thousands of years, Catholics preached sodomy as the works of Satan and put good gay men to death. It wasn't until 50 years ago that science said it was genetic and not a choice. Even so, people still believe being gay is a one-way ticket to hell. The same way for the reset. It's new, it's not normal, people are scared of accepting something new so they throw Jesus into the picture and everything is fixed."
"Well, that's stupid."
Dr. Talon shrugged. "Who knows? Maybe agnostics like me are the real spawn of Satan."
Dusty smirked softly before his face fell again.
"But you're not here to complain about the state of the human race," he said, leaning back into his chair again, "Something else is on your mind."
Dusty nodded.
"I've been...I've been working to try and figure out what I've been forgetting from the past timeline. I remember the existence of a fallout and vague details about where I was, but...there's only one thing I remember in depth."
Dusty told Dr. Talon, in as much detail as he could manage mentally, about Sunfield's death. Every sensation, every sluggish ton of grief that came with he tried to bring to life.
"...but he's alive now. I saw him last Christmas, so...Why am I so tense whenever I think of him?"
"I think you're scared that something is going to happen to him. Moreover, I think that you're more scared that you won't be there for him."
It was the exactly the problem that Dusty was having. It was just hearing it in words made him feel gross.
"But isn't that wrong?" he said quietly, "I have a boyfriend that I should care about more!"
"Did you witness Mr. McCarthy's death?"
"I...no. I didn't."
"Then you are once again fighting the human condition," said Dr. Talon, "Your survivor's guilt would absolutely overpower the jolt you probably felt when you read Mr. McCarthy's name in the obituary. Because you were a third party that happened to live. You watched Mr. Fields die. That would obviously have a more visceral impact on you."
Dusty nodded, but still looked pensive. "But...I don't want to feel this way. I should care more about Axis! He's my boyfriend!"
Dr. Talon was about to say something, then reconsidered and chose a different route.
"Does Mr. McCarthy know Mr. Fields?"
Dusty nodded quietly. "They're...friends. Sort of. I haven't seen them talk much."
"So why not give the latter a call in the middle of the trip? Not to bring him solace, though that will be a helpful benefit, but to bring you solace. Just prove to yourself that he's alright and that you have nothing to be worried about."
Dusty wanted to protest about how that would be weird, just calling him and no one else in his family, how Axis would grow suspicious of him being disloyal if he called another boy.
But at this point, he needed to take the solution he had. His paranoia could wait.
"Yeah, alright," said Dusty with a hesitant nod, "I'll do that."
Dusty could still hear the cheers of the crowd after Sixpence came onto the stage for their opening number through his earplugs.
He was pacing the hallways of the suite level, biting his lower lip and holding his phone. On screen was Sunfield's contact, his grinning face lighting up the phone in his hand.
All he needed to do was press call and say hi.
But he'll probably be asleep. We're in different time zones.
For God's sake, Dusty. We're four hours ahead.
What if he doesn't want to talk to me?
We spent twenty days in fallout together. And we said we were friends.
There was no good reason to hold back any longer.
His thumb inched towards the call button.
Closer and closer…
Until…
He stopped.
He huffed in frustration with himself, shutting off his phone and thrusting it back into his jean pocket.
It was a call. It wasn't even his boyfriend he was talking to.
So why did he feel so nervous?
After a couple minutes of pacing, he made a compromise, just wanting to get out of his own ass at this point.
"I'll text him from the airport tomorrow," he said quietly to himself, "And ask if we can get coffee. Maybe Axis can come too."
He changed his mind about that in record speed.
"Nope. Just him and I. Two friends catching up. Nothing else."
It would be good. He hadn't talked to Sunfield in months. Maybe catching up over coffee would be good for both of them.
But even as he returned into the suite and grabbed a chicken wing from the buffet, nibbling away as he watched the boy band with muted interest, he couldn't help but feel a nagging in the back of his brain.
There was something he was ignoring about his fear of Sunfield.
And he knew it way too well for him to push it aside once more.
Ah, classic Dusty. My favorite meddled mess of angst, gay and lots of guilt I enjoy bullying.
I feel good about this chapter. It's not near my best, or even good for that matter, but it does what I want it to do. Axis finally gets some spotlight beyond "the hot singer Dusty has a lot of sex with" and Sunfield and Dusty's relationship continues to blossom.
To think I didn't know how to write their friendship.
Next chapter, we check in with the Resistance. Jaywhisker, Coalstrike and the fam and where they're at. They're either not doing as well as you think or doing as well as you think they are. Depends on how well you know them.
Hope you enjoyed Dusty's return.
Best,
~Res
