Chapter 5
"I laugh, and it's laughter, not light, that casts out the darkness building within me, that reminds me I am still alive, even in this strange place where everything I've ever known is coming apart."
― Veronica Roth, Allegiant
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March 21st, 2021
Dear Dean:
It's 05:20 AM, and for the first time in months, I woke up with a little smile on my face. I don't know if it's a moment of our lives my mind created, or it was you visiting me in my dreams. It doesn't matter what it was. It felt good to see you alive again.
I was in a gas station, all alone standing right next to Baby, somewhere near the road that guided us back to Kansas. My best guess is that I was coming from a hunt, since my duffel bag was lying in the corner of the backseat. I was thinking about mom, picturing her face within my head. The sun was going down, so I had to head home. I knew you were gone, yet I was hoping to see you there, looking after Miracle.
When I sat in the driver seat and started the engine, someone knocked on the glass of the passenger seat. It was you. You were there, looking at me with a big smile on your face.
You asked half talking, half yelling, if I was going to let you in, since you didn't wanna walk all those miles back to Lebanon. Still shocked, I opened the door, and you sat by my side.
I wanted to say something, but the only thing I could do was stare at you, eyes wide open. A couple seconds passed, and you rolled your eyes.
"Hey, Sammy. I know I'm handsome, but are you gonna drive or what? I'm starving!"
Then, I opened my eyes, looking at the ceiling of the cabin. It felt so real it hurt to wake up. I sat in bed, seeing Miracle still asleep in his own bed. He didn't even notice I woke up a little agitated.
I got to see your smile again. You were healthy and happy. Wearing your favorite pair of boots, some worn out jeans and a flannel.
Since it is my day off, I could process things a little slower. There is no rush to get dressed and drive to work.
Erik could tell I was coming down with the flu, so he told me to stay home for today. I said I was okay, but he insisted that I had to take care of myself. He doesn't know I have been through worse than a flu.
Working helps me stand on my feet and feel alive, maybe. Sometimes, he brings a couple of cold beers before the day is over, and we both start talking about life. About politics, family, or even about what we plan to do in a near future.
I haven't mentioned this to him, but his daughter, Genevieve, is a beautiful woman. She has brown eyes, and dark brown hair. Erik told me she got engaged in 2007, but her partner cheated on her a couple days before the wedding day. She's now 36 years old, single, and afraid of love. I can't blame her. I am afraid to love again, too. I can't afford to lose anyone else.
Erik is very protective of her. I can tell that by how he looks at her whenever she comes around and makes her dad company. Last week, Erik didn't show up early, but his daughter opened the shop, and we were alone, talking for half an hour, before she left to her house. She said the Impala was a beautiful car. I agreed with her, telling her it used to be yours before I started to care of her. She looked at me with a sad smile, saying she was sorry for my loss.
Genevieve knows a lot about cars. Growing with a mechanic father, that must have been either something amazing or boring to learn about. She's a teacher, so she must love children.
I don't have anything to do today, so I'm gonna go for a long drive with Miracle. My old self would have read a book, but now, all I want to do is be free from the things that Chuck forced me to do my entire life. Don't get me wrong, though. I still like books.
The way I see it, I'm taking some time off from them. I'm breathing fresh air. I am living with a broken heart, but still living.
When it rains, the essence of wet soil makes its way into the cabin. There's nothing better than drinking a cup hot coffee while watching the rain fall onto the earth, breathing real air. I wish you would be here to see the world the way I see it now. You would have probably gone fishing, and I'd go with you, even though I was never a big fan of your hobby.
Maybe you're fishing in heaven. I wish I could talk to you one more time. Tell you about my boring days, living as a normal human being. I always felt like a freak, and I thought that would never change. You believed in me, even in my darkest days. You always did.
I have to start believing in myself, too. I'm trying. I promise.
Maybe I will dream with you again. That would be nice.
Still missing you, big brother.
Sammy
Author's Note: Hi there! Here's a new chapter for y'all. I'm trying to introduce Genevieve to Sam's life. It's harder than I thought… I take suggestions and ideas for the next chapters!
Thank you for the constant support, reviews and follows!
Please, let me know what you think of this chapter if you have a minute. It'd make my night. See ya soon!
