A/N Hiiiiii. This chapter is super long so I hope you guys like it. Thanks to everyone who's been reviewing because it makes me so happyyy. And next chapter should be up in a week or a week in a half. I'll put the approximate update day in my bio. Okay that was all.

Happy reading ;)

Dear Potter,

This summer has been the worst of my 15 years. My birthday was a few days ago and my father wasn't even around. My mother and I sat quietly in the dining room and had a conversation about the dark lord. Sure brought down the mood quite a bit. She told me the responsibilities my father now held, and that he wouldn't be around much anymore. I easily could've imagined it, but I thought she seemed rather angry during the majority of our conversation. Not that I blame her. I'm quite angry with my father as well. I don't understand why he had to return to the service of the dark lord. Our lives certainly would've been much better if we no longer had to associate with him. Perhaps if the dark lord had never rose to power in the first place, you and I could've been friends. We could've been friends and eventually maybe more. I'm well aware I'm a lovestruck idiot, I can't even focus on the dark lord for Merlin's sake. Somehow my mind always seems to wander back to you. To be honest you're the only thing that's been keeping me sane most days. You're not even here but it's comforting knowing that once we go back to school we can argue once more. While we're apart it's nice to imagine that when we see each other we will greet each other with an embrace and then a kiss. I know it's far more likely you or one of your friends will punch me in the face, but I like to dream. I should probably go. I've been in my room for several hours now hiding from my father. I guess I'll see or write to you later Potter.

Sincerely,

Your worst enemy

After a few very long and boring weeks Draco's father barged into his room with a scarily excited expression on his face. Draco couldn't remember the last time he had seen his father this excited. Or excited at all really. It was very concerning.

"Er-is everything all right?" Draco asked slowly.

"Yes, yes everything is going brilliantly!" Lucius said, with a glint in his eye.

"Okay…" He waited for his father to explain, growing a little more terrified by the second.

"We have good reason to believe Harry Potter might be expelled." he said, and then gave Draco a smile. "I wanted to tell you, I know how much you despise him."

Draco's heart sank and he sucked in a shallow breath. Potter couldn't be expelled, not after everything that had happened last year. What if he didn't get to see him this year, what if he never saw him again? An ache grew in his chest but his father was waiting expectantly.

"Wow, that's brilliant." he choked out. "I'm really really glad." His father clapped him on his back and said,

"You might have the best year at Hogwarts yet." Draco felt a lump rise in his throat and he quickly did his best to swallow it down.

"I know." He did his best to smile convincingly. Apparently it was enough to convince his father who left with that same excited gleam in his eyes. After several minutes of lying face up on his bed and doing his best not to cry, he got up and decided to write a letter to Luna. She was the only one who knew about his feelings for Harry. He couldn't bring himself to tell his friends just yet. Although he had a feeling some of them probably suspected by now. He had a tendency to act a bit mad around Potter after all.

Dear Luna,

I'm very tired of thinking about Potter. I don't want to think about him anymore. I want to move on with my life and find someone else who might appreciate you. Of course it's my terrible luck that I would develop a soul sucking crush on my worst enemy. But anyway, that's enough about me and my sorrows. How are you? Have you sent any letters to Ginevra? You should, I bet she likes you an awful lot. Also, I hope you are staying safe. You-Know-Who is back. I'm certain of it. This isn't a very cheery letter. I wish I had something happy to tell you. How are the wrackspurts doing?

Sincerely,

Your friend Draco

After a few days of worrying terribly, Draco realized the entire thing had simply been a false alarm. They put Potter on trial and everything but he got off. Something about Dumbledore, his mother had told him, but he hadn't been paying attention. He was too excited by the fact that Potter was coming back. He practically flew up the stairs and flung himself at his desk to write another letter. Though right at that moment two owls came flapping towards his window and clicked their beaks noisily. Blinking once, Draco opened his window cautiously.

"Er-"

He recognized his own owl, and one who he did not know right behind it.

"Hello Ulysses." he muttered as he untied the letter from it's leg. The other owl waited patiently and stuck out it's leg in excitement.

"Right." The owl was rather handsome, with a lovely pattern of brown and black patches across it's back. Draco quickly untied the other letter and motioned towards the door.

"There's food and water downstairs." he said softly, looking back and forth between the two letters. One was from Luna, and the other was from Theo. He and Theo were good friends, but they didn't really write to each other much over the summer. He decided to open the one from Luna first.

Dear Draco,

I'm sure you are. Have you considered that you might be in love? I've heard that love drives people rather crazy. Not that I think you're crazy, you just seem rather tense. But you're always like that actually. Nevermind me, I just received a letter from Ginevra and I'm a little starstruck. And I don't think you and Harry are worst enemies. You both always act very odd around each other but never quite like you hate each other. I hope the two of you come to your senses soon enough and kiss. I'm doing quite well thanks for asking. I discovered this fascinating plant that sings whenever I water it. You probably didn't want to know that but I wanted to tell you. And I did send a letter to Ginevra, and she replied as I mentioned earlier. I did do a lot of screaming when I received that letter. Daddy thought there was a bee in the house (I'm allergic) and I had to explain my entire situation. I ought to go help with dinner now. It was nice hearing from you, write soon.

Sincerely,

Luna

Smiling and blushing a faint pink, Draco set down the letter and picked up the one from Theo. His insides squirmed with worry, he hoped Theo wasn't writing because something was wrong.

Dear Draco,

Nothing's terribly wrong just yet so don't panic. But I've begun to worry. I've been exchanging letters with Pansy and Blaise and both have said their parents have told them that they're currently in service to the dark lord. My parents won't tell me anything. I think they're trying to convince me that the dark lord isn't actually back, but I know better. I fear both of my parents have returned to serve the dark lord Draco. And I'm scared to think of what will happen to them. My mum used to tell me about how she regretted ever taking part in all that in the beginning, so I don't understand why they decided to go back. I didn't mean to write about this for so long. What I really wanted to tell you was that I'm bisexual. I figured it out this summer and I told Pansy and I wanted to tell you too. I'll probably tell Blaise soon as well. That was all, I hope your summer isn't completely terrible.

Love,

Theo

Oh. Now Draco felt a little less alone. Someone else he knew liked guys too. He tapped his quill to his lips and then wrote a reply. After finishing he sent the letter off with Theo's owl, who had returned moments earlier, as if sensing they had another letter that needed to be delivered.

When school finally rolled around again, Draco could not have been more glad. He was even excited to see Weasley for goodness sake. The whole summer had been the worst and most boring one yet. Even when he had gotten his prefect badge he couldn't feel happy. His mother had looked extremely excited but to him it hadn't really mattered. It also meant that he could not sit with Luna and Theo for the first part of the train ride. He walked with Pansy to the prefect train car, trying to guess who the other prefects would be. Together they walked in and saw Hannah Abott, Ernie Macmillan, Padma Patil, Anthony Goldstein, and-

Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley.

"Urgh, shite." Pansy muttered under her breath at the sight of them. Pansy had always hated Granger for some reason unknown to him. Both Granger and Weasley had their heads bent together and were violently whispering, when they noticed the two new figures in the car they straightened immediately. Both seemed to make it a point to look anywhere but at Draco. What the bloody hell was going on. Draco swallowed and slid into a seat next to Padma.

"Hey." she said darkly, and crossed her arms.

"What's up with you?" Pansy asked.

"This has been the most boring ride ever and the train hasn't even started moving." She glared at Granger and Weasley, and he had a feeling there was more to it than that. No one said anything for the majority of the ride, only to decide which pair would go next to patrol the corridors. After a very long two hours the head boy and girl came in to tell them that they could go find their friends now. Immediately Granger and Weasley practically sprinted out of the car. Draco and Pansy raised their eyebrows at each other. That was odd. Odder than usual anyway. They wandered out of the car and looked around for the rest of their friends. They found the car with Theo and Blaise, but Luna was nowhere in sight.

"Where's Luna?" Draco asked when he entered.

"I think she was with Ginevra." Theo said, shrugging. His eyes had brightened at the sight of Draco and Pansy.

"Oh." Draco said, his shoulders sagging a little bit. He had been looking forward to seeing Luna on the train. It had become somewhat of a tradition over the years.

"And Potter." Blaise shrugged.

"POTTER!" Draco yelled so loud the several people stuck their heads out of other cars to see what was the matter.

"Dear Merlin." muttered Blaise, looking upward. Pansy shook her head and sighed,

"And I actually thought we might make it through the whole train ride."

Draco tried not to feel the hurt pulsing through him. Luna was with Potter. She had somehow discovered the secret to being near him. He sucked in a breath.

"I'm going to go visit her," he said stiffly.

"Draco…" Pansy groaned and flung herself into the seat next to Theo.

"Well don't expect any of us to go with you." Blaise said, rolling his eyes.

"Fine." Draco snapped, turning around and walking down the hall. He knew he shouldn't be annoyed with Luna. He should be happy that she was getting along with Ginevra. He wanted her to be happy but he had always assumed that he was enough of a friend to make her happy. It was absurd, he knew it. Luna could have as many friends as she wanted. But what if he was no longer the friend she went to for advice? What if she no longer wanted to spend time listening to him drone on about Potter? Stopping suddenly he drew in a sharp breath. There in the train car was Potter, Granger, Weasley, Longbottom, Ginevra, and...Luna. She was laughing at something, and showing Ginevra the Quibbler with a brilliant smile on her face. And Potter was there, laughing along with her. It felt as though he had been punched in the stomach. Without thinking Draco flung open the door. Everyone stopped talking and turned to look at him. Potter blinked, and Luna looked horrified. She opened her mouth as if to say something but Potter said,

"What?" In a sharp tone. Draco held back a flinch. The idea of embracing seemed very far away now.

"Manners, Potter, or I'll have to give you a detention," Draco tried to say it with a lazy, uncaring tone. Knowing he failed when his voice cracked on the last word. Luna's eyes looked glassy and Granger's were wide and bright. Draco frowned at her, lately she had always seemed to be quite surprised around him. Weasley opened his mouth to say something but Granger put a hand on his knee and he flushed. He floundered around for another insult, thinking of all the terrible things he would very much like to say, and realized he didn't have any. He didn't want to insult them. His father would've been so disappointed.

That night he sat in the common room, moping. He had to go on patrol in a couple minutes but he couldn't bring himself to get ready. He wanted to stay here and think about how one of his closest friends had traded him for Potter. Luna hadn't even ridden in the carriage with him.

"It's your turn, you big grump." Pansy stormed into the common room and crossed at her arms.

"What's up with you?" he asked.

"It's not me, it's you."
"Me?" Draco asked, but knowing she was right. He'd barely spoken to any of them on the rest of the ride.
"Yes you! You're acting like you don't have any other friends. You still have us, and we all liked Luna Draco. She was really kind. I'm sure she'll be back. And Potter isn't the only boy out there you know, Theo, well I think he likes you." She shook her head at him. "Just stop acting all moody, alright? You're a terror when you're this way." Draco's heart stuttered.

"Po-Potter, what are you talking about?"

Pansy smirked at him. "Come on Draco, you've been pining for him."

"I have not!' He gasped, but he was smiling. Then his smile faltered a little. "What do you mean you think Theo likes me?"

She shrugged, "That's exactly what I mean, the way he looks at you, and talks about you when you're not around...it's kind of obvious." She glanced around the common room to make sure he wasn't in earshot, even though it was a little late for that. "And he's nice, and sweet, and you should really give him a chance."

"Er, right, I would. But the thing is-"
"I know, I know. 'Potter'." she rolled her eyes. "It's always him."

Draco put a hand to the back of his neck awkwardly. He didn't know what to say to that. It was true after all.

"Whatever, let's not get into it right now." Draco was fairly sure they had already gotten into it but he bit his tongue.

"Right, I better go patrol. Or whatever I'm supposed to be doing."

Pansy sighed one of those extra dramatic sighs. "Yes, yes you better." Draco gave her a small smile before dragging himself up and going out into the corridor. It was terribly boring walking back and forth down the corridors, waiting to catch someone so he could take points and perhaps feel a little bit better. He thought about what Pansy had said. She thought Theo had a crush on him! The very idea was preposterous. Of course Theo didn't like him. She had to have been mistaken. Although she somehow had guessed that he fancied Potter, no idea how she had done that. He had done his best to pretend he hated Potter after all. Not pretend. He did hate Potter. He just happened to also have a small crush on him. Draco groaned and lay his head against the cool stone wall. This was ridiculous. Was his patrol over yet? It felt like he had been walking out here for hours.

"Draco!" A quiet voice hissed. Draco jumped and nearly slammed his head against the wall.
"Who's there?" he hissed back. "I can take points you know."

"It's me." Luna said, slipping out from behind a statue of armor.

"Oh. How long have you been here?" he asked. Had she witnessed him on the verge of a mental breakdown? He'd probably been muttering nonsense while walking back and forth.

"A while." she admitted, looking down. "I wanted to explain but you looked rather angry."

He swallowed. "I'm not mad at you Luna." He was a bit angry, sure, but not at her. He was annoyed that she had left him for Ginevra and Potter, but he could understand.
"You're not." her eyes brightened and she looked at him hopefully.
He shook his head.

"You're a really great friend Draco." She grinned at him. "But I hope you know that I didn't mean to sit with Harry and his friends. I couldn't find everyone else so I sat by myself, because I knew you'd come find me later, and then all of a sudden all of them were walking in and Ginevra was there…" she trailed off with a small shrug.
"I know. I bet she likes you an awful lot."

"You really think so?" Even in the dark Draco could see a blush rising to her cheeks.

"Yeah, who wouldn't like you?" And he meant it.

Dear Potter,

These days you're in an even worse mood than I am. You stomp about the whole castle and I fantasize about kissing you until you smile. I arrived at school lonely and angry at my parents, but the time away from them has been helpful actually. But you seem to be determined to stay pissed at the whole entire world. Usually you're the happiness in my day, so I hope I can become the happiness in yours. Dear Merlin. I'm such a sap. I don't know what to do with myself but try and get you to smile again. I want you to be happy Potter. And I do think I can make you happy. What am I saying? You hate me, you always have and there's a good chance you always will. When have I ever given you the idea that I don't hate your guts? I wish I could give up and find someone else but I don't know how. You have always been the person who I wish to be with and cherish, I can't imagine doing that with anyone else. Does that make me a creep? I really hope it doesn't, I'm not trying to be creepy. I'm no good at this. I suppose I'll go do homework or something productive now. I hope you feel better soon.

Sincerely,

Draco Malfoy

A few days after school started Draco had his first class of Umbridge. It was an absolute nightmare. By then the tale had already spread through the school about Potter's showdown with Umbridge in the middle of class. Draco wished he had been there to see it. Although from the rumors he hadn't quite grasped how terrible she was. No one had mentioned her large bulging eyes that never seemed to blink. Draco sat with Pansy, Theo, and Blaise as usual. The first half of class she told them to read from the textbooks, which they did. Until one of the Hufflepuffs asked a question about defending themselves. It was Hannah Abott.

Umbridge snapped her head in her direction, her eyes wide. "Why would you need to defend yourselves?"

"Er-, because Professor, someone was killed and if we knew how to defend our-"

"Cedric Diggory was not killed!" Umbridge's voice was high, and she almost sounded scared. "His death was merely a tragic accident, you're just innocent children who know nothing of the real-"

"We know things about the real world!" Susan Bones said angrily.

"Yeah Cedric was our friend and You-Know-Who killed him!" Justin Finch Fletchley said, his eyes bright and glistening.
If it was somehow possible, Umbridge's eyes bulged further. She shook her head, a scary smile playing across her lips. "It. Was. An. Accident."

Draco swallowed and glanced at Pansy. She looked uncomfortable, kneading her hands in her lap.

"No it bloody wasn't!" Hannah said louding, getting to her feet.

"Sit down Ms. Abbott!"
"I won't until you admit the truth!"

"We already know the truth! Harry Potter is a liar and Cedric Diggory is dead from a misunderstanding!"
"There was no misunderstanding!" Finch Fletchley yelled.

"Detention! All of you!" Umbridge said, now turning very red in the face.

It was very quiet for the rest of class.

"I hate her!" Luna said very loudly one day, while they were studying in the library.
"Who?" Draco asked, glancing around. Madam Pince was nowhere in sight.

"Umbridge." Luna shook her head. "The things she says in that class. You should see-" She broke off abruptly, flushing.
"See what?" he asked, confused.

"I don't know if you want me to talk about him." She shrugged. Oh. Oh…

"Harry? It's okay with me that you guys are friends Luna." he said, doing his best to sound nonchalant.

She studied him for a moment before continuing. "Okay...well, Harry gets really upset by everything that she says. And obviously it makes sense because it's like she's trying to turn everyone against him and make everyone believe he's a liar. And seeing Cedric die was so terrible, and I hope you don't think he tells me all of this. I'm just around him and Ginevra a lot now so I hear a bunch of stuff but that's not that point. Anyway he's terribly upset about Cedric's death, and now Umbridge is trying to tell him that none of it happened and it's all so terrible and awful and I hope a bunch of nargles crowd her brain and go out her nose!"

Draco blinked. This was the most upset he had ever seen Luna. He took a slow breath.
"That is really terrible, she's an awful person."

Luna drew in a long breath. "I hate her." She shook her head furiously.

"Hey…" he said, pulling her into a hug. "It's going to be okay." She pulled away after a moment.

"Is it though? He's really back, I know he is. And-and what's going to happen Draco?" Her voice shook as she spoke. "We're not learning anything about how to defend ourselves, I'm scared."

He searched for the right words but found there wasn't really anything to say. She was right after all. They weren't learning anything, the dark lord was back, and they couldn't do anything about it.

"Well we have each other." He said after a while.

She looked at him and smiled a little. "Yeah, we have each other."

Dear Potter,

I think you've broken a record for the most detentions you've managed to collect in the time since we've started school. It's incredible really. I've been trying to catch you after class (to say what I have no idea) but you're always in detention. And whenever you're not in detention, you're with her. Cho Chang. I can't tell if you're in love with her or if you feel sorry for her. I feel terrible. Cedric cheated on her and then died. Although maybe she didn't know that he cheated on her. Who knows honestly. But still. And no one is helping this poor girl. She cries all the time for goodness sake! Which makes sense. I wasn't planning on talking about Cho. I don't know what the purpose of these letters is. My box is starting to get quite full. I don't know why I can't bring myself to throw them away. The old ones are of no use to me after all. They're merely reminders of everything I wanted and desperately hoped for, that will never come to be. Being in love with your worst enemy is terribly painful. I would say I hope you never have to feel this pain, but I hope you feel just like this every time you look at me.

Sincerely,

Your worst enemy

It hadn't been his idea. He had just been trying to keep his head down and get on with his studies for the first few months of school. And he'd been doing a fairly good job of it as well in his opinion. But then one day Blaise heard that Weasley was on the Gryffindor team. So he wrote a song. Pansy had actually cried with laughter the first time she had heard it. The song was hilarious, he had to admit it. Though he knew the second Potter heard the song he would blame him. Because everyone thought that he was the one who came up with all the terrible schemes the Slytherins pulled half the time. It was getting rather annoying.

"Come on Draco, it'll be a good way to get all of our minds off the shite of the past few months." Pansy said with a grin.

"I don't know…" He didn't want Potter to hate him more than he already did. Surely the song could only make things between them worse. But honestly how could things between them get any worse?

"I think the song is brilliant." Theo said from a chair, waving his arm in the air.

Pansy gave Draco a hopeful look.
"Fine, sing the song." he rolled his eyes, his stomach tightening slightly with guilt.

"Yay! See told you he'd say yes." Pansy stuck her tongue out at Theo and smirked. Draco sighed, but smiled as well. At least they were happy. The day for the match between Slytherin and Gryffindor arrived and Draco was so nervous his stomach hurt. He wasn't nervous for the actual match, he didn't actually care about that. No he was nervous for when all of the Slytherins would burst into song and humiliate Weasley. And everyone knew no one insulted Potter's best mate. There was a good chance Potter would curse you after that.

It turned out Draco was actually quite good at tuning people out. He didn't really pay attention to what was going on for most of the game, and by the time he came back to himself, it was already over. Draco had been planning to book it to the changing rooms but one of the twin's voices stopped him.

"Oi! Malfoy!" He had no idea which twin tapped him on the shoulder. Draco tried his best not to panic.

"What do you want, Weasley?" he snapped.

"We wanna know why you're messing with our brother!"

"And our whole team!"

"I didn't do anything!" Draco said angrily. And it was true. All he had said was that the Slytherins could go ahead and sing they're stupid song.
"Nah we know it was you." One of them nodded, they're eyes bright. Draco was starting to feel queasy.

"Hey guys, what's going on?" Potter came over, blushing furiously. As soon as he saw Potter's bright red face he could feel his own face begin to flush.

The twins looked back and forth between them, confused.

"Confronting Malfoy mate."

"Bloody prick, insulting us."

"I didn't!" Draco said hotly. Potter glanced at him and his heart beat harder.

"Yeah, best we leave him alone though, Umbridge is watching."

The twins glared at him for a moment longer before clapping Harry on the back and leaving.

It was just him and Potter now. Draco felt like he was going to pass on. Every part of him was sweating and his knees were shaking. Potter was still bright red and Draco tried, he really did, not to look at Potter's lips. But they were parted, and Draco wanted nothing more than to run his fingers through his hair and kiss him until he couldn't remember anything else, until- And then he realized his face was impossibly close next to Potter's. Potter had grabbed the front of his quidditch robes and pulled him closer so that he could see the gorgeous color of his eyes and he could hear Potter breathing unevenly. What was going on, what was happening, Draco was going to pass out from the stress and excitement of all of this because this was way too much to believe was actually happening. It would be so so easy to lean in and part Harry's lips with his own. All he had to do now was lean in a little. And he almost did. But reality came crashing back into him when he glimpsed Umbridge storming towards them from over Potter's shoulder. Without thinking he quickly shoved Potter away. He wished he hadn't seen the hurt and confusion that passed over his face as he stared in horror at Umbridge storming towards them.
"I cannot believe what I am witnessing!" She said in that high pitched awful voice of hers.

"Er-" Potter started but he was interrupted.
"Silence Mr. Potter! Children do not speak unless spoken to."

"Well that's a load of bullshit." Draco said, thinking about how his father would've loved that rule. Wait a minute. Had he actually said that to her face? That was a terrible idea.

"I agree." Potter said without missing a beat. Draco felt himself get hot. Potter had just agreed with him. He felt happiness spread all the way down to his toes. He was a mess these days, honestly.

"Detention! Both of you! And I'm giving both of you a quidditch ban for life!" Draco actually felt a little bit lighter after those words. He wouldn't have to pretend to like quidditch anymore. Then he looked at Potter's face and he didn't feel so good anymore. Potter looked completely devastated. He wanted to tell them that it was just a dumb sport on a broom but he had a sinking feeling that would be no help at all. He had never been very good at comforting people.
Potter took a long look at him before turning and walking away. And any happiness that Draco had felt earlier vanished like an unspoken promise.

Dear Potter,

Luna just told me about the D.A. I understand why she didn't tell me about it earlier. Because she gets to go nearly every single week to see you, and I know I will never be able to. My fathers weekly letters hang over my head as reminders of what I'm supposed to be. Honestly I've given up on hating you. Pretending is enough work as it is. But I think it's great what you're doing. Luna told me that she would teach me some of the things you're teaching everyone. That's nice of her, although I can't help but wonder if my father wasn't completely terrible if I would have the courage to show my face at one of the meetings. I can almost imagine what it would be like to go, and see you, and learn from you. I can feel your gentle hand on your arm, guiding me the right way. Good grief. These letters always tend to get very rambly. The whole point of this letter was to tell you that Severus knows about the D.A. And so does Dumbledore. Severus told him, obviously. But they're not going to say anything. When Severus spoke to me about it, he almost seemed impressed. Which was actually pretty funny. These days I suppose I can day dream about what it would be like if you actually managed to kill the dark lord and all of us would be free from this trap. I should probably do something normal now. I just watched you bite your really really nice lower lip, and fuck. I'm done. I can't. This is a torture. Actual torture. I'm having chest pain. And my stomach is going all warm and fuzzy. Please help me. Anyone. Someone. Oh no. You're looking at me. And you look so cute. Why are you so cute Potter? Why does the sight of you send a fizzy feeling from my head to my stomach and then my toes. You're looking at me and I'm furiously scribbling like a lunatic. I think I'm going to vomit. Oh good. Severus just took some points. Class must almost be over. Finally. Bye Potter. You're terribly beautiful.

Sincerely,

Draco Malfoy

Potter had officially ruined Draco's Christmas. And he wasn't even at Hogwarts. Draco had chosen to stay at Hogwarts due to his father's very annoyed letter about his terrible grades. Which were not actually terrible just still behind Granger's, as they had always been. And beg Severus to tutor him. Even though he knew he didn't actually need it. Merlin knew if he could stop staring at Potter during class he might be able to pull ahead. But he no longer knew how to keep his eyes off of Potter. Even when he wasn't looking at him he was constantly in his head. Which was absolutely awful. Draco drew in a frustrated breath and flopped over a chair.

And Luna wasn't even around to talk to him. He could send letters but that wasn't nearly the same thing.

"Draco?" his godfather's voice asked. Draco started. He had fallen asleep draped over this chair. He opened his eyes, blinking the sleepiness out of them.
"Oh, hi. I was just...sleeping." he sighed and sat up, nearly falling over in the process.

"What were you doing?" Severus asked Draco, looking confused.

"I already told you, sleeping." He shook himself a little.

"Alright...You owled me earlier?" he asked.

"Er-yes. I need tutoring." he said, rubbing the back of his neck.

Severus blinked, the only surprise he ever showed.

"What? No you don't." He shook his head about to say something else but Draco quickly said,

"Well my grades are lower than Granger's and my father is upset so I thought-"

Severus shook his head and interrupted, "Your grades are fine Draco, you don't have to take extra lessons to bring them up. I highly doubt anyone can pass Granger at this point."

Draco flushed, his father would be furious. Severus studied him for a minute before continuing.
"I can talk to your father if you wish-"

"No, no, it's fine. It will just make things worse." He shut his mouth in horror. He hadn't meant to say that.

"Worse?" Severus raised his eyebrows at him.
"Yes, no, not worse. He just won't be happy with me for letting Granger get so far ahead and all." Draco shrugged like it was no big deal, even though it actually was.

"Is something wrong?" Severus asked, he looked sort of pained Draco noticed. He had never been very good with the feelings.

"Er-no. I've been kind of distracted lately is all." By lately he meant his entire schooling but he would never tell Severus that.

"Do you want…" He swallowed. "To talk about it?"

"Uhm, no. That's okay." He flushed and tried to pretend everything was perfectly normal.

"You don't look okay." Severus frowned. "Are you sure everything is-"

"Wow I'm starving! I think I need food because I definitely did not just eat before coming up here, see you later Sev!" Draco said in a rush, calling him Sev because he knew Severus hated that. He leapt off the chair and flew out of the common room, thinking he would go write a letter to Luna and complain about everything that was going wrong. He was on his way to the owlery when he hit something solid with an "Umph!"

"Shite, sorry." Draco muttered, brushing himself from off the floor.
"It's alright Draco." He realized it was Theo he had flung himself into.

"Right." He laughed a little.

"You...okay?" Theo asked slowly. Why was everyone asking him that today?

"Er-yeah. A lot on my mind is all." He sighed.

"Oh, well." Theo was rocking on his heels and smiling a little. What exactly was going on? Was Draco imagining all of this?

"I think I can help with that." He was smiling even more now and Draco knew what was going to happen a second before it did. He glanced up and to his utter horror there was mistletoe above them. Shit. Shit. Theo was going to-

Kiss him. Theo kissed him. Draco stood there stiffly for one horrified second before he pulled away, blushing furiously. What was he going to say? Oh shit. Theo looked terrified and he needed to say something before things got worse.
"There's someone else." he gasped a little, aghast to feel tears coming against his eyes. Theo's face fell, and Draco's heart sank.

"Who?" Theo wiped at his eyes as his voice cracked. Draco twisted his hands together, desperately trying to find the right words.

"I-I'm sorry. It's…" His voice shook. "Potter. It's Potter. It always has been and and-" And what? It always would be? That wasn't true, right?

"Okay, I get it." Theo said he was shaking now. Looking down at his feet.

"I am sorry. Really Theo, I didn't want to hurt you." Draco glanced at Theo who was determinedly not looking at him.

"It's fine, I'll get over it. See you around I guess." Theo pushed past him about to leave but Draco quickly said,

"Wait! We're still friends right?"

Theo paused for a moment before turning around and saying. "Yeah, just give me some space for a little while. Alright?"

Draco nodded vigorously, "Of course." Theo turned and really did leave this time. Draco went to the nearest staircase and sat there thinking for a long while. He should've listened to Pansy. Should've told Theo right away instead of letting him believe they might ever have a chance together. Draco was a complete mess of a person, he couldn't understand why even Theo liked him in the first place. But that really wasn't the point right now. The point was, he had hurt someone he cared about. And although he would really like to blame this on Potter, it wasn't his fault. It was Draco's.

A couple weeks later the best and worst thing happened to Draco. He ended up in a screaming match with Potter. That wasn't the best part, although it always made Draco's blood sing to be

anywhere near Potter. He had been minding his own business, studying a statue, pretending to not notice when Potter and his friends passed by. So maybe he was feeling a little bit annoyed at Weasley for elbowing him earlier in the day and he stuck out his foot and Weasley tripped. However Weasley didn't notice it was him, and neither did Granger.

"I'll catch up guys, I have to go check something." Potter muttered.

"Alright." Granger said, sounding a little confused. Weasley shrugged and the pair kept walking.

Draco's heart began to fly. Was Potter going to talk to him?

"Why'd you do that Malfoy?" Potter asked angrily. Oh. So Potter wanted to fight with him. How nice.
"I don't know what you're talking about, Potter." Draco said, shrugging casually.

"Yes you do." Potter shook his head. "I want you to leave us alone."

"Fine, leave then and I won't bother you anymore." Draco said, not actually meaning it.

"I know you don't mean that." Potter said, his voice rising.
"Well I do." Draco said hotly. "So just go, go on with your life and leave me out of it."

"I'm not the one who's always picking on us for no apparent reason!"

"It's not always my fault, I'm not going to let people walk all over me!"

"What's that supposed to mean?"
"It means, your friends, don't like me and find ways to drive me insane."

"No one's trying to drive you insane!" Potter yelled. They were basically screaming at each other now, and Draco was thankful no one had come running to see what all the commotion was about.

"Yes! You drive me insane Potter! Every single fucking day, you drive me insane!" Oh no. Draco hadn't meant to say that out loud. All the color drained from Potter's face.
"What?"

"Nothing. Nothing, just-" And for a second Draco thought Potter was going to take a swing at his face but instead he pulled him closer and kissed him. Harry. Potter. Kissed. Draco. Malfoy. And Draco's heart absolutely melted. A small part of Draco's brain was screaming that this was a terrible idea, but the rest of him was too busy kissing Potter back to care. His mouth was warm and his lips were so soft and perfect. This was perfect. Draco's brain had gone fuzzy with joy. It seemed perfectly natural for their mouths to open and for them to sweep their tongues inside each other's mouths. Draco felt like he might fall over, his knees were shaking and the rest of him was practically vibrating with excitement. As their tongues touched Draco couldn't stop the little sound he made at the back of his throat.

His hands crept into Potter's hair and he ran his fingers through it, loving the softness of it. There was no such thing as time anymore, they kissed for so long they didn't even know the darkening shadows outside. They stopped when they heard a meowing noise nearby.

"Shite." Potter stepped away abruptly and Draco nearly fell over. He was sure he looked exactly like a tomato. Ms. Norris was watching them with her head tilted. Flich must be nearby.

"I should go. And so should you." Potter said quietly, nodding at Ms. Norris. Draco blinked quickly.

"Right, okay." He wondered if he could kiss Potter goodbye. Maybe they would never talk to each other again after this so he should just throw everything to the wind and kiss him? So he did. Draco Malfoy kissed Harry Potter and wondered if it was their last.

Draco ran after that. And he barely made it to the Slytherin common room before he started crying.

Dear Potter,

I don't know what to do. You haven't looked at me in eight very long days. We haven't spoken a single word to each other and I don't know if that's good or bad. My emotions are a wreck these days and it's all your fault. Some moments I'm practically giddy because, well, you know. And other days I cry and scream into my pillow because I want to be your boyfriend so badly. And we both know that can never happen. We're supposed to be worst enemies. And here I am, completely and utterly in love with someone who is incredibly confusing and clearly doesn't know how to communicate very well. I don't want to wallow anymore, so I'm going to go and try to do some homework.

Sincerely,

Draco

A few days after Draco tucked the latest letter away Severus ambushed him in the library and scared the shite out of him. It was late, nearly 8, and Draco was reading up on charms when he saw a shadow towering over him. He almost screamed before Severus put a hand over his mouth and he realized who it was.

"It's just me." Severus said softly.

"You scared me." Draco said flatly, brushing himself off and turning to face his godfather.

"Well, you kissed Harry Potter." Severus said abruptly.

"How-how." Draco stuttered, his stomach tightening in panic and his mind whirling desperately. He couldn't even deny it, he was so stunned.

"It doesn't matter how I know, what matters is-"

"I know okay! I know it's dangerous and stupid and I shouldn't have done it in the first place, but actually it's not my fault. It's Potter's! In case you didn't know, he kissed me and so what if I kissed him back? He's a good kisser!"

Severus looked very uncomfortable at those words. So what. Draco didn't care, he was the one making Draco uncomfortable. His love life was none of Severus's business.

"You can't do this Draco, the dark lord-"

"I don't fucking care what the dark lord thinks about who I choose to kiss!" Draco yelled.

"QUIET!" Madam Pince yelled from somewhere. Oops.

"Keep your voice down, do you want someone to hear?" Severus said, looking very annoyed now.

"No." Draco crossed his arms and glared at him. "You're the one who brought it up."

"Because you have to be careful, you don't know what the dark lord is capable of."

Okay. So maybe that was fair. He didn't know much about the dark lord because his parents had always tried to shield him from that part of their lives. And Draco was very glad for that. But now...he was back and there would be no shielding Draco from any of that. He wasn't stupid. He knew soon enough he would see the dark lord.

"I am." Draco said.

Severus studied him for a moment before saying, "I'm teaching you occlumency."

"But-"

"I'm teaching you occlumency." Severus repeated.

They stared at each other.

"Fine." Draco clenched his jaw and stormed out of the library.

Dear Potter,

I despise my Aunt Bellatrix. She's insufferable and extremely weird. She keeps sending me letters and I want her to stop. Apparently now she's staying with mum and father is off doing the dark lord's bidding or something. She keeps saying she can get me in with the dark lord but I don't want that. I don't want to be "in" with the dark lord. She's mad. Absolutely mad. I have a stack of letters from her now and they don't burn. I can't burn them. I tried tossing them out the window but they keep coming back. Potter I'm probably going to see her this summer. And I will probably have to see the dark lord. I don't want to see either of them. I don't want to be a death eater. I want to have my own free will and do what I want. I know as soon as the dark lord meets me that's it. That's the end of my freedom, of everything. I don't know what to do. Severus has been helping me with Occlumency, and that's good. I guess. Now though the dark lord crowds my thoughts even more than you do. Which is certainly saying something. Anyway I would really like to kiss you again but you barely even look at me anymore. And that really fucking hurts Potter. I feel trapped. I wish this wasn't my life.

Sincerely,

Your worst enemy who is stuck in the pit of life and wishes he weren't

Draco was very miserable. He wanted to kiss Potter again, yes, that was true. But he wanted Potter to look at him and smile. He wanted Potter to be happy with him. He wanted to make Potter happy. He knew he could. He didn't know how he knew but he did. Draco Malfoy could make Harry Potter happy but every single force in the whole entire universe was pushing them apart.

"What's wrong Draco?" Luna asked, sitting beside him in the library. He knew better by now than to hide things from Luna.

"I want to be with Potter." he groaned and put his head in his hands.
"I know." she said lightly. "And I think you will be."

He looked up. "How could we possibly ever be together?"
"I don't know, but I do know that both of you feel very strong things for each other and that you cannot be kept apart forever." Oh but Luna. There's someone called the dark lord who wants me to be a death eater. And we all know Potter is the hero of the wizarding world.

He nodded, not wanting to hurt her feelings.

"Don't do that!" Luna said in exasperation. "I know it seems hopeless right now, okay? I'm not oblivious. I know it seems completely impossible from your point of view. But if there's even the smallest chance in the whole world that you two might end up together you can cling to that. If you really do love him-Don't look at me like that, you've always known I'm a sap." Draco held his breath.

"Look if you really do love Harry then don't give up. He's being stupid right now but when isn't he?"

Draco huffed a small laugh but quickly grew sober. "He doesn't feel the same way, I know-"

"No you don't know. He kissed you Draco, remember?"
"Yeah but it was probably a mistake." he shrugged and blinked very quickly.

"Don't say that." She shook her head. "It wasn't a mistake and you know it." Draco didn't know what to say to that so he didn't say anything. After a beat she placed her head gently on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry you're sad." she said so quietly he almost didn't hear her.

And for some reason that broke something in him. He supposed it was nice to know that other people cared when he was sad.

Dear Potter,

I've just been scarred for life. I heard a broom closet rattling and I thought there was a boggart in there. But oh no, there was no boggart. There was one Ginny Weasley and one Luna Lovegood making out like the world was about to end. I got scared. I started having these feelings. Because Luna is like my little sister who is much much much smarter than me. And she's all grown up now. Making out with someone in a broom closet. I don't know why but I was so happy for her I almost started crying when I saw them. Ginny slammed the door in my face and I could only assume they continued to make out. Wow. I feel a lot of things right now Potter. And I just wanted to tell you because my last letter was oh so dreary. I think my best friend has a girlfriend. AHHHHHHHHH.

Sincerely,
Draco Malfoy who is slightly panicking but also very happy

It was nearing the end of school when Potter disappeared. He was used to this by now but it never got any easier. What made the whole thing ten times worse was that he had taken Luna with him. Luna was gone. She was gone and he was about to lose his shite. Scratch that, he already had lost his mind. The second he'd heard she was gone from Pansy he had sprinted Severus. Earlier that day all of them had had a confusing scuffle with Umbridge in which she threatened to crucio Potter. After she had said that Draco had knocked her out with a simple stunning spell. And everyone stared at each other before sprinting off in opposite directions. Now Draco was once again pounding on Severus's office door.

But he never came out. He never came out and Draco was left there screaming for him to come out. He didn't know how long he stood there screaming until his throat was raw and he slumped to the ground. What was he going to do? Luna was always the one who comforted him when Harry was missing. And now…

He didn't know what to do now. Everything seemed so fucking hopeless. Draco must have fallen asleep because the next thing he knew was Severus shaking him softly.

"Draco, what are you doing on the floor?" he asked quietly. Draco jolted away and grasped Severus by the shoulders.

"Luna, is she okay? Have you found everyone?"

"Yes, yes she's doing alright. She's in the hospital wing, you can go see her." He frowned.

"Are you-"

"Fine, I'm fine. I have to go." He shook himself out of Severus's grip and ran to see Luna. He burst into the hospital wing and nearly knocked Ginevra over in the process.

"Draco!" Luna scrambled up from a bed and flung herself into his arms. "I was going to tell you where we were going but Harry wanted to leave right away and he was so worried, and I'm sure you were so worried too." She sobbed into his neck. More quietly she said, "He's really back, I-I, saw him. We all did."

Draco couldn't say anything. There was a lump so big in his throat he feared it would always be there. He just shook his head and held her.

Sirius Black was dead. His mother sent a letter and told him. Black was Potter's godfather, he'd known that forever. If possible, Potter looked sadder and sadder every single day. He was always alone these days too. Luna said he didn't want to talk to anyone.

"He has a habit of pushing people away." she had said sadly.

He came across Harry sitting by the lake by himself. The sun was setting and dinner was already over. Draco didn't say anything. He just sat next to Harry while he cried. It was dark when his shoulders finally stopped shaking. The night was clear and all the stars were bright, it felt like they were mocking him. It would probably be terribly inappropriate to kiss him after he had been crying. So Draco wiped the last tears from his cheeks and pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead. And that was enough.

Dear Potter,

I think I'm in love with you. I know I've said that before but I didn't actually mean it. I don't really think I knew what love meant. But after tonight I realized. I realized because I would give anything for you to be happy again. It was as if I could feel everything you were. It hurts me to see you that way Harry. I don't want you to feel pain. I want to give you the whole world. And fuck, I know that sounds stupid and cheesy and I'm a kid so what do I know about love. I don't know many things about our insane world. But I do know that Draco Malfoy is hopelessly in love with Harry Potter. And he really hopes that Harry feels the same way.

Sincerely,

Draco