Chapter 16
"I am never alone wherever I am. The air itself supplies me with a century of love. When I breathe in, I am breathing in the laughter, tears, victories, passions, thoughts, memories, existence, joys, moments, and the hues of the sunlight on many tones of skin; I am breathing in the same air that was exhaled by many before me. The air that bore them life. And so how can I ever say that I am alone?"
― C. JoyBell C.
SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN
December 3rd, 2022
Dear Dean:
He is here.
Dean Robert Winchester was born on November 28th, 2022. He was supposed to be here around the second week of December, but due to Gen's high-risk pregnancy, they had to do an emergency C-Section. Her blood pressure was too high to wait until then, and the doctors told us the baby was healthy enough to be taken care of if he needed assistance with his breathing or something he might struggle with outside the womb.
I have not written to you for the past few months because I have been going to therapy and painting the house, especially the baby's room.
I know.
I said therapy was crap, and I will continue to say that, even if it helped me feel a little better with myself. I went to a therapist because I saw no other way out.
It was either seeking for help, or lose everything I gained through pain and perseverance. Truth is I am still dealing with everything I told you about in the last letter, but talking to somebody else helps a lot, too. I don't tell him the whole truth, otherwise I wouldn't be here writing to you, as I watch my son's belly expand with every breath he takes.
My son. Can you believe I am actually writing about him right now?
It still doesn't feel real to me. Gen is so in love with motherhood! I see her talking to him, softly running her fingers through his face and I can tell her world is now complete. I do the laundry, cook and pick up the heavy things in the house so she can rest and heal. Miracle loves him already! He is very protective of him. So is Erik and Camille. Dean Junior, or 'DJ' as Erik calls him, is so loved already.
We're all home, and he's fine. He's more than fine.
Dean Junior is perfect in every way possible. Everything about him makes me smile, and sometimes cry, when I think of you being that tiny, having mom and dad by your side whenever you needed them.
He has brown hair and hazel eyes. I don't know if they're going to turn brown in the future, but I don't mind if that happens.
I watch his features, his tiny nose and how he stretches his limbs when he yawns, closing his hands into a fist, making my heart melt in ways I didn't think were possible.
I want to protect him at all costs, hold him every second of every day. I wish he didn't have to know about hunting in the future. Everything we have lost was because of it, but the moments I treasure the most happened because of that as well. All I want for him is to be happy.
He is so little and his skin is so soft. I wish you could hold him right now. I bet you would smile and tell him he got his good-looking genes from you.
I know you would say that. I can picture you sitting on the couch of our house, watching the Saturday game while holding a beer with one hand and carry little Dean with your free arm.
You would have been the coolest uncle in the world for him. My world became scarier for me since the moment I knew I was going to be a parent, but after he was born, I was scared of driving past the speed limit. How can I be so in love with the sound of his hiccups after he is milk drunk?
Six days flew by, and now I can't imagine how I managed to live without him all this time. I didn't have the chance to go see you on November 19th, but I will take Gen and little Dean with me next time. It is a promise, and you know I keep my promises. I am still alive because you asked me to live in the first place.
Many things have happened in between you being gone and me having a kid. Two years of missing you, and fearing I would forget the sound of your voice.
Two years have gone by, but the days keep on going for me. I feel a little better, because I know you are with me in every step I take.
Having my son here brings many memories of the times you told me about your childhood when we were in between hunts, lying on the car's seats. Remember when you told me that time Bobby taught you how to play baseball?
You loved to be a kid whenever you could act like one, even when you were a grown man. Life was not fair with you. Dad forced you to look after me when you were not even five years old, but I now know you thought of me in a very similar way I think about my own kid.
I love him. I want to be there for him, and kick the asses of the ones who may want to hurt him.
I want to hold his hand when he learns how to walk on his own, so he does not have to know the meaning of the word 'Pain'.
Gosh, I am crying now. Is this a parenting thing? I am who I am today because you made me strong.
Through thick and thin, you would always be there for me. I know you still see me somehow.
I need you as much as I miss you and love you. I may not be able to change what happened to you, but today, I choose to feel grateful for everything we have been through as a family. It is almost like I can see this earth through your eyes now.
Little Dean will know about his super cool uncle Dean, and smile when I tell him the bad jokes you always said to cheer me up.
Drink a beer for me in heaven if you can, man. I am on parenting duty these days, which also means I am not able to get a proper four-hour sleep schedule.
I have to go change a poopy diaper, man. The smell is calling me from far away.
Please, look after your nephew if you can. He will need all the extra help he can use in this damaged world.
Sammy
Author's Note: Hey guys! I am posting this chapter now because my weekend is going to be busy with a lot of college homework. I did cry happy tears while writing this chapter. Why do I make this to myself? Lol
I'll be writing another chapter soon! Thank you for the love you give to this fic. I sincerely hope I'm not messing things up here. If you have a minute, please leave a review. I'd really appreciate it!
Love you guys
KW.-
