"Ma...can I use your thimble? I wanna try and sew a quilt!" Mary Jane asked her mother one evening.
"Of course you may...Its probably up in my room with the rest of my sewing things, sweetie."
"Thanks Ma!" She said, running up to her mother's room, found her little sewing kit, opened it and searched for the tiny thimble.
"Found it!" Mary Jane exclaimed to herself, grabbed the thimble and turned and took a step, when she stepped on something.
"Pictures..." She found two pictures on the floor and picked them up. "Must've fell out...Is this me when I was a baby? They look sort of like me." Mary Jane examined the two pictures, both of which of course were a picture of a baby. "They both can't be me...They look a little different." She turned them over and read one of them..."Paul..." And the last name she couldn't read as it was smudged. It also had a date written, but she couldn't quite make it out...she glanced at the back of the other picture..."Ja.." She began, but a voice startled her.
"Mary Jane...What are you doing with those?"
"I...I found them, Ma."
"I don't want you looking through my things...Give those to me, please."
"But I wasn't sneaking through your things." She said, as truthful as could be.
"Mary Jane, give me those photographs...now!"
"Here...Ma." Mary Jane said softly, handing the pictures to her mother.
"I don't want you ever going through my things again...Please...stay out of them." Melania told her daughter, clutching the pictures to her chest. She was breathing hard, and there was a slight panic in her voice.
"Yes Ma..." Mary Jane said, in a puzzled voice. Her mother had never acted this way before. "I'm sorry."
"Its okay...Just...just don't go looking through my things again, okay. Some things are private. Would you want someone going through your private things?"
"No Ma...I'm sorry." A tear began to slide down Mary Jane's cheek, and seconds later they became more frequent. She wiped the tears from her eyes and tried to stay calm...she wasn't a little girl anymore. She was twelve now, almost a teenager! She knew that crying like she had when she ever got in trouble was quite childish now.
"Mary Jane...I'm sorry, sweetheart...I didn't mean to be short with you." Melania appoligized, putting her arms around her. "I'm sorry..." She started crying a little hereslf.
"I should've given you the pictures back the first time you told me...I'm sorry, Ma. I didn't listen to you. I need to be disciplined."
"No...you're getting too old of a girl to spank anymore...You're growing up, sweetheart. You know what you did wrong." Melania smiled down at her daughter, smoothing her dark brown hair.
"And I know not to do it again...I don't want to hurt you, Ma." Mary Jane said, hugging her mother a little closer. "And I was telling the truth! I found the pictures, I wasn't going through your things...I found the pictures on the floor...they must've..."
"Enough confessing, Mary Jane!" Melania laughed. "I believe you, sweetheart."
"Okay Ma." Mary Jane smiled.
"Now, go get the rest of my sewing things and go down to the front room...I'll be down in a minute." Melania said and Mary Jane grabbed the little box where her mother kept her sewing things in and left the room and went downstairs.
Melania stood in the middle of her room, the pictures clutched to her chest. She couldn't bear to look at them again. She was afraid that she would start crying. She took one single glance at them and almost lost herself, so she quickly stuck them back where they belonged.
Fred and Frances arrived at church one Sunday morning in March. Fred went off to spend time with some of the men before the service, which left Frances to watch over little Freddy. She went to their pew and set her Bible down and looked back and saw Freddy.
"C'mon! I know you can walk!...C'mon!" She smiled, as he just stood there in the church's doorway. She smiled as he made his way in and over to their pew. Frances knew she couldn't bend down very well to pick him up as she was eight months along in her pregnancy now, so she sat down and Freddy just stood there next to her. He was trying to climb onto the wooden pew at one point, and Frances helped him up as best she could.
"He is such a little cutie, Frances!" Helen Clark Spencer, her best friend came over to talk. "I saw him walk in! He wasn't walking the last time we saw him, was he?"
"No he wasn't. Just started walking!...He sure keeps Fred and me busy!" She laughed.
"Oh, I bet!" Helen chuckled. "He's just so cute!" She laughed as he had gotten off the pew and another little girl was chasing him and he was squealing and running from her.
"Excuse me a moment, I need to go get him..." Frances said, trying her best to get up from her spot.
"Oh, nonsense! Just watch him! Besides, its cute!" Helen smiled, looking at him as he was up by the little pulpit.
"Ahhh...no." She smirked and shook her head. "I am not having my son run in church." Frances replied, getting up and walking over to him. She grabbed his little hand and started to walk back over to their pew. "Freddy, we don't run..." Frances made it back, sat down next to Helen Spencer and placed Freddy next to her.
"So how are you feeling Frances?"
"I was just going to ask you that, have to see to my patients...AND take care of my best friend!" Helen smiled, giving her a one armed hug.
"Thanks Helen." Frances giggled. "Oh, and I'm feeling fine, Mrs. Clark. Just fine."
"Has it been an easy pregnancy for you?" She asked.
"Well, I never thought of pregnancy as easy!" Frances laughed. "There are symptoms that I had my first pregnancy, that I don't have now...and then there are symptoms like the morning sickness and the fainting that I didn't have before...Every pregnancy is different, they say..."
"That's true."
"But I do have one symptom that I had in my first pregnancy...nosebleeds. I get them at the start of my pregnancy and towards the end. Such a weird symptom!" Frances laughed. "I guess its just one of those reaccuring things..."
"It could be..."
"Ma is worried about me...She keeps ordering me to make an appoinment with your husband!"
"Wouldn't hurt...You never know if something could be wrong is all..." Mrs. Clark said, gently patting Frances' knee.
Frances sighed. "I know that, Mrs. Clark...Sometimes I just wish my mother would leave my own business to me...I'm an adult woman! Almost 20 years old! I can take care of myself!" She said determinedly.
"You're so much like you're mother, Frances." Mrs. Clark chuckled a little. "You both have that same fiesty, stubborn, bull-headed temperment!"
"Ha! I know that!...If you'll excuse me, I need to go get my son once again..." She said as she caught him sneaking off and down to the next couple pews. Two little girls began to chase him now.
"Freddy..." She said, and saw him turning his head at the sound of her voice. He didn't know where she was exactly!
"Mama's right here." She chuckled at him. Frances took his hand again. "No running in church, Freddy." She told him with a stern voice. "Once more and you get a spanking!" She warned.
"May I look after Freddy for you, Mrs. Lay?" A young girl asked. She was about 14 years old.
"Yes Violet...you may. That would help me out tremdously! Thank you!"
"May I take him outside so he can run around?"
"Yes...but keep an eye on him...and make sure he minds you, all right?"
"Don't worry! I'll keep a good eye on him! Won't let him out of my sight!...I promise!"
"All right then." Frances smiled. "Just bring him back when church starts, all right?"
"Yes Ma'am, Mrs. Lay!" Violet smiled and took Freddy by the hand and went outside. Frances went back to her pew and talked with the women awhile.
"So...do you want me to drop a word to my husband for you. Just to get things checked out?"
"Well, with the way my mother keeps nagging me...I suppose so." Frances said.
A few weeks had passed and Mary Jane was still curious about those pictures of her mother's...she snuck in her room to try and find them, but never could. She figured her mother had changed their hiding spot or something.
"You won't give it a rest...Will you Mary Jane?" Melania asked her daughter, walking into her bedroom one morning as she saw her daughter looking for the pictures once again.
"Sorry Ma." She jumped at the sound of her voice..."I...I'm just curious."
"Well, I know that..." Melania said.
"Ma...I want to find out who they are...What their names are...Ev..." Mary Jane began.
"I will tell you who they are to you...and their first name..."
"Fine..." Mary Jane smiled. That seemed all right with her. Melania just wanted anything to end the girl's constant searching and wondering! It was beginning to drive her completely berserk!
Melania took the pictures and sat down on the bed next to her daughter. She took one of the photographs and showed it to Mary Jane..."This is your older brother...Paul..." She could barely get the words out...She tried her best, but telling her daughter this little piece of information was hard for her, even though it wasn't much... Melania took the other picture of the other baby and let Mary Jane look at it...
Mary Jane turned the photograph over and read the name silently to herself..."My other brother...James." She stated.
Melaina felt as if she were about to cry, but she stayed strong. "Yes...Now, that's all you need to know for now...You need to go get ready for school."
"Yes Ma." Mary Jane said solemnly, sat there but a few moments, and got up and walked out of the room.
Melania sat there on the bed awhile. A long while...Thinking back to years before...and she couldn't handle the memory of it! She wasn't in the best mood to start with...she realized this depression of hers had been welling up inside her for some time. She started to cry and soon broke down and started sobbing into her pillow. "What were you thinking you...you stupid broad?...You stupid...aweful...whore!" She screamed and sobbed into the pillow. "Why did you do that?...What the hell were you thinking?...You idiot!" She screamed to herself and pounded her fists into her bed covers. "You're so...STUPID, Melania!" She screamed to herself. She layed there on her bed for hours and hours. All she could do was sob.
The days and weeks had passed, and Melania grew deeper and deeper into her depression, though unknown to her daughter. Mary Jane figured that something strange was going on, but she didn't know the truth...how far into depression that her mother was. She said goodbye to her mother and walked out the door, to join some other girls so they could walk to school that morning in early April.
Melania wanted to end her life. She got herself thinking she wasn't worthy to live anymore! She didn't wish to live another day! She didn't see a reason to. Melania went downstairs serching for something she could use to end her life. Anything she had on hand! She didn't care what...she just wanted to end it all. Melania walked into the kitchen, and it didn't take long for her to find one of her butchering knives. She picked up the sharp object and with a shaking hand, placed it on her wrist. "Just do it!...You don't deserve life!" She said to herself. She started to cut on her wrist and then proceeded to make more long gashes on her tiny wrist with the knife...Melania knew she had cut through just enough to get a steady blood flow going...Melania figured it was working. She was bleeding. Dark red blood was seeping from the fresh knife wound. She was about to make more gashes up her thin arm with the knife.
"Lana...are you ready?" Geore Jr. walked through the door, and soon as he saw her, he stopped. He saw the knife...He saw the blood...He saw her fingers in a clawed formation. It was the most gruesome thing he had ever seen...George knew what she was trying to do to hereslf. "Oh my God!"
Melania made another cut up her wrist. Her wrist was aching something fierce...but she didn't care!
"Lana!...Why the Hell...?" He began...In his voice, you could tell he was about to start weeping.
"Go away George! Leave me alone!" She said, her slashed hand griping the handle of the butcher knife, shaking violently. She was about to slash her other wrist.
"I'm not leaving..."
"Go away and leave me the hell alone!" She screamed at him, "Just get out of here! Get out!" She screamed again, as he took hold of her. "GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT!..."
"Give me the knife."
"No! I need it! I NEED IT!...I don't want to live!...Let me go!" Melania tried laying punches on him with her good hand.
"Give me the knife, Lana!" He yelled at her, and yanked the handle away from her and threw the knife against the wall, so she couldn't reach it. His hands gripped her arms, and he could feel the blood from her wrist seeping through his clothes...
"George, let me go! Let go of me! Let me die! I don't want to live...I don't deserve to! LET ME DIE, GEORGE!" She screamed, struggling against him. "Let me die! Just let me DIE!" She wailed.
"I won't!" He yelled, and shook her a little. "I WON'T! Do you hear me?...You don't deserve to DIE! You deserve to LIVE!...I won't let you die! I love you, Lana!...I love you!" He said, and he knew he meant it.
"No one loves me!" She sobbed. "NO ONE loves a whore! A whore is what I am, George!...Let me die! It'll be better that way!"
"No you're not! You're not a whore! Don't you ever say that again!" He yelled at her.
"I am!" She wailed. "I am a whore! A Jezebel...I'm a fornicator!" Melania screamed.
"Then I'm a fornicator too...I did the same sin you did, Lana!..."
"You don't get it!" She screamed at him..."I was a whore! A prostitute, George! I'm a loose woman!...I've had three different children from three different men! I never told you!" She sobbed. "I had my first baby when I was 14! I was too young to be a mother and I knew it, so I sent him to an orphange! I vowed if it ever happened again, I'd do things differently...and then Mary Jane came along two years later! I stayed true to my vow and I kept her! I kept my baby!" Tears had began again...like a waterfall. "But then I made the same STUPID mistake two years later when I was 18!" Melania screamed. "James was sickly...I was only 18! I couldn't take care of two little ones by myself!" She started sobbing onto his broad shoulder. "Just let me DIE, George! A whore doesn't derserve to live! Let me die!"
George felt her go limp in his arms...He saw she was uncontious and did some quick thinking and picked up her tiny frame in his arms and started out the door and down the road to Dr. Clark's office. He saw someone on the way there.
"Fred!...FRED, stop a minute!" He yelled.
"What's going on, George?" Fred Lay stopped his team of horses..."Melania..." Was all he could say. He was shocked as he saw her wrist drop down and you could see the damage she had done...Blood was everywhere. On George's clothes...Her clothes. A little blood was still coming from Melania's wrist as well.
"She tried...killing herself." George Jr. stated. He didn't seem so strong and manly now, he thought he'd start crying as they spoke. A quick idea popped into his head. "You were a medic in the war! Can ya help her?...Please!"
"George...I handled gun-shot wounds. Not so much sword and knife wounds. I did, but I was better with the gun-shots...Doc Clark better handle this." He said, jumping down from the buckboard. "Get her in the back..." Fred said, bringing down the little board...he helped George lay Melania in, and they got in and rushed off to the Doc's office. They got there, finally...Fred jumped down from the buckboard. "Stay with her, George." He ordered, and ran to Dr. Clark's office and began pounding on the door. "Doc Clark!...Doc Clark, open up!" Fred yelled, pounding on the front door. The doctor's daughter, Helen Clark Spencer, his nurse, opened it.
"My father's off on a call...What's the matter, Mr. Lay?"
"Its Melania Loney...Look, I don't really know all the details...but she needs medical help...NOW."
"Bring her in..."
The two men brought Melania in, and layed her down on a little bed in the front room.
"She's weak from the blood loss...That much I know...Sorry, I've never dealt with this before...I'm a midwife...My mother and I bring lives into the world...my father works on trying to save them!...I'll try my best though...We need bandages! Something to stop the bleeding." She went to the little shelves and grabbed the wrap-around bandages. "What did she do?" She came over and started to try to get Melania's wrist to stop bleeding.
"Tried commiting suicide." George Jr. spoke up.
"Oh my Lord..." Helen gasped. "Darn it, anyhow!...I can't get the bleeding to stop!" She said, angrily.
"Here move over, I'll see if I can get it..." Fred said. "C'mon!...C'mon, damn you! Stop already!" He said, a little agitated and applied pressure to Melana's limp wrist. "I need some cold water! Cold as you can get it! Hurry!" Helen grabbed a water bucket and went out to the well, and soon returned with a bucket of cold water. "I need those bandages!" He shouted, and when he was given them, he waded up a few bandages and applied more pressure. "I need something to disinfect the wound...and I need to stitch this one gash up...Quickly please!" Helen grabbed a bottle from off the shelf and other materials. Fred got the bleeding to stop, and he proceeded to sew up the one aweful gash on Melania's wrist. "There...I finally got it..." He said, bandaging up the rest of her wrist and hand.
"Thought you couldn't do that..." George Jr. said.
"Well, I knew that much from being a war medic...Now all we can do is pray."
"Pray for a miracle." Helen added.
"That's right..." Fred said. "George, stay with her till she wakes up..."
"Of course."
"Now, I need to be on my way...Sorry, but I've got to get to work at the Star Brewery...Tell me what happens..
"We understand...and don't worry, we will...I think you may have just saved a life, Mr. Lay. Ever think of changing your ocupation and becoming a doctor?" Helen smiled.
"No ma'am, I haven't." Fred laughed. "I'm content with what I'm doing. Pays the bills, at least."
"I was just pulling your leg." She chuckled.
"I know." Fred laughed. "Well, I've gotta be going. We'll see ya..." He said, and walked out of the doc's office, got into his buckboard and drove off to work.
George Jr. sat there with Melania, just gazing at her. He sat there praying for her. He was scared...and it broke his heart that she tried to do away with hereslf. He didn't understand it...He could now hear Melania's steady breathing and saw her start to stir.
"Lana..." He said quietly.
"Am I dead?...Did I die after all?"
"No...you're still alive..."
"Damn it." She said, angered by her outcome.
"Melania! What's your problem?...The swearing! You trying to commit suicide! You've changed!"
"Why do you care?" She spat, turning her head away from him.
"I care, because I care about YOU...I love you Melania...I don't want to see you this way."
"Stop saying that!" She yelled at him, starting to cry again. "Why would you love...a...a whore?"
"Melania..."
"Admit it, George!...That's what I am!"
"No, that's what you WERE! Admit that to yourself, Lana..."
"Why didn't you just let me die? The world would be a better place without me...A damn better place!" She hissed.
"Stop it!" George Jr. "I've said it before and I'll say it again...I love you and I don't want to see you like this..."
She ignored what he said. "Where am I anyway?
"Doc Clark's office..."
"Figures you'd take me to get help..."
"Lana..."
"Doc Clark fix me up, then?"
"No...Fred Lay. He saved your life, Melania."
"Life...Not a life worth living, I say..."
"Think of those who love you...Think of Mary Jane! What would it do to her if you had actually killed yourself! She'd be absolutely devestated!...I would be too!"
"Yes, I know, I have people that love me...you've said that enough...but what about me? I'll never find someone to love! I feel like giving up!"
"Don't give up...You'll find someone...Trust me." George said. "I won't doubt it...As beautiful as you are...You get some rest now. I'll still be here."
Melania stared at him, and slowly but surely, it began to dawn on her. "You're going to stay here with me? All day?...You really do care about me."
"Yes I do. I really do...love you." George Jr. said, grasping her small hand in his.
"Thank you, George." She smiled.
