Chapter 19

"I sit beside the fire and think
Of people long ago
And people that will see a world
That I shall never know

But all the while I sit and think
Of times there were before
I listen for returning feet
And voices at the door"

J.R.R. Tolkien

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November 19th, 2024

Dear Dean:

We are back in Kansas to visit you. I am sitting on the grass, right next to your headstone, while I see Dean run around, and Gen running after him.

He loves to play with dirt and hold bugs with his tiny hands, but orange butterflies are his favorite ones to look for when we are in the garden of our house. Actually, he is chasing one as I write this letter to you. The two-year-old stage is going to be a fun one to go through, but very exhausting too. Dean-Bear is not going to make it easier for us. I am so happy for that.

Some days I just look up to the sky and try to imagine what you're doing there. I suspect you are having so much fun with girls and bars around you. No more hunting, no more pain. I can imagine you laughing with booze on your hands and playing pool just for fun.

No more of the life I would kill to live one more day as long as you were by my side.

Yes, I love my wife and son, but there is an empty rocking chair here, man. Gen and I officially got married on September 2nd, 2024. Erik is doing much better, and even recovered the will to live he had lost when he found out about his diagnosis. Camille's eyes are glowing as well. I don't think I need to clarify I cried when I saw Gen walking down the aisle with Erik holding her arm. She looked so beautiful wearing that white dress.

Little Dean brought the rings and refused to leave our side as we said our vows. He was not shy at all. Being in front of people he has never met before was something he liked. He loved to play with one of the little girls that were there. I was shocked when he kissed that little girl's cheeck. She screamed and ran to her parents. This kid will get me in so much trouble. You would have loved to teach him how to flirt with girls before he was even ten years old. You raised me, and now I am raising you. It is only fair that it happened. I invited Donna, Jody and her girls. Garth could not join us, but he promised to visit soon.

I left an empty chair for you. It said 'Reserved', so no one would sit on it. I bet you saw me bawling my eyes out, or even clapped along with the crowd when I kissed her, sealing this love for the rest of our lives. She is a Winchester now.

I don't understand how I managed to get so far, even when I didn't want to walk anymore. Four years ago I was still with you, doing some research about" mime-pires" case. Four years.

It seems like three lifetimes have passed already, but you never left.

Maybe it was Jack who made it happen, but I know you were the one that gave him the idea of our little miracle baby. When he saw Jody and the girls, he fell in love with Claire. For a young woman who don't like kids, she loved him, too. I can't wait for him to meet Garth and his kids. Specially the twins. I think they are five years old already. Sam, Cass and Dean. I will call that Team Free Will 4.0. They will be best friends for life. I am sure of that.

I think of you often, and sometimes, I allow myself to cry when I am locked in the bathroom. Then, my little hero saves my day when he calls me to play with him.

I don't know how to say this without kicking myself for it, but I'm… happy, maybe? The best way I can explain it is through every breath I breathe for the both of us, and the will to keep on walking holding another hand, while holding a little boy in my arms. I also do this for mom, dad, Bobby, Ellen, Ash, Jo, Cass and the list goes on. I owe you all of you that effort, don't you think?

Dean-Bear left you a flower and a handprint in a canvas we made just for you.

I have to go now, but please know that half of my soul is with you, wherever you might be right now.

Sammy

Author's note: Hey Guys! Here is another chapter. It is short, but I needed to write it. For some reason, this one is one of my favorite ones. The quote at the beginning of it got me, and thought about Sam and little DJ.

Anyways, hope you enjoyed this chapter. I will be uploading another one soon. Please, feel free to leave a review or suggestion for future chapters involving Dean growing up or Sam growing older.

KW.-