I love how every single time I post a new chapter to this story in order to reorganize it to a spot in the middle all my readers continue to return to this spiel on the end. Considering this is the unfortunate case even though the summary explains where the new chapters are, I've decided to relay some input I received from a new reader of my work and listener of my podfic. I deeply appreciated these words and I hope she doesn't mind my placing them here because I think she expresses my confusion in all of this and the unhappiness it's lead me to. I'd like to read it in a podcast intro as well. Thank you very, very, very much, my dear.
"At least from my perspective, you are not alone in wanting to end the madness that was the lives of so many DS characters. It's the most important facet of my own writing, and what I appreciate most about yours. I wasn't aware of your podcasts, but I will go back and listen to them. I don't believe that creative people can work in a vacuum. Creativity is a two way street. There is room in the DS universe for many core characters to come to the fore in our writing and our imaginations, but feedback and dialogue need to be there. Sharing our own take, our own intuition on the lives of the characters we love and who speak to us personally can only make our work, our writing, our imaginations richer. No author would have ever set pen to paper, no actor would have summoned the courage to put it all out there if they hadn't first had the desire, the need to share their passion with others. We want to take our readers, our listeners on the ride with us. I'm glad our paths have crossed."
What I've Learned
I'm writing this with the realization that some among us may not understand why I tend to go into writing angry material. The thing about this experience is that it's similar to what I've discovered in the many decades I've been alive.
The crux of the matter is morality.
Most of my life I was led to believe that the abuses I suffered were not only acceptable but good.
They weren't.
I have spent a great deal of time working both in education and in therapy and a majority of the time I saw what acceptable behaviour actually was and I was unfamiliar with it.
I also worked in a special education program with students under the label of Severely Emotionally Disturbed. And the students certainly were that, to the need of my requiring medication to continue working with them. Even at that point I saw them as kindred with myself. At that time I was still under the impression that what they went through was more or less a standard.
I then came to reflect that considering they were scooped under the label Severely Emotionally Disturbed and required a Special Education classroom to get the support they needed; No. It was not normal and what happened to them was in no way "Okay".
It wasn't until much later that I came to realize that what happened to me was also not "Okay".
With "The Pit of Ultimate Dark Shadows" an intense amount of study and hard work goes into this, so considering the 2+ years I have spent and will continue to spend on it, I don't worry so much about getting feedback with other free material I've written, but I'm very determined with the radio drama. I've seen it as a similar experience to what I've dealt with in education and . Very often just as bad as abuse in and of itself. Many teenagers cut themselves due to neglect.
You see times where I struggle, and when I rave, and the bottom line is: "This person is hurting and in pain." And that's due to the fact that when someone who enjoys what is gained due to others who are giving that necessary feedback, well, you've missed the entire point of what you're enjoying. You are receiving a gift for which no monetary gain can be made and gratitude is the very least of what you can offer in return.
Perhaps my readers do not care what I think? Oh? Really?
I must doubt that due the fact they have already taken my thoughts and my material. They already do care about what I think.
But to not care about the struggles and pain of the person going through it?
Wrong. Dead wrong.
Now, looking over other reviews, especially when they are plentiful, many things might be said and expressed that a reader already feels and if it's said several times it makes sense not to review because then it becomes redundant to add to the list. A "thank you" would still be appreciated if one can reach the creator, there are only a few creators who admit to feeling differently about this.
What I find most interesting is that in the main, what I've seen from other fandoms is more appreciation to their fan-fiction creators. Perhaps Dark Shadows fans are so into the abuse and neglect that they are very different when it comes to fan-fiction. In which case I can't see what could possibly interest them about a story that wants to solve the problems rather than increase them. Perhaps it's simply curiousity.
Still, what I'm looking for in my work, which is very personal and so I take it that way, are kindred spirits, those who want to see the characters sort things out, reflect on their own strengths and become more supportive of each other. And so I want to turn away people who have no interest in that and I want to hear from the people who do.
So, considering the silent people I've somehow garnered and gathered over the years, until they learn to care about my feelings, offer thanks or even an apology... well... they do not care about my feelings, so how can I care about theirs?
Peace.
D.W.
