I'm taking liberties with the extent/effects of Shepard and Liara's bond and the meld.. Pretty much because I want to lol

Pain. White hot, burning pain. Everywhere. There wasn't a single nerve that didn't feel like it was on fire. She struggled to breathe, to make her lungs cooperate and draw in the air she so desperately needed. Why was she in such excruciating agony? She was missing… something. Some connection that had become her life. She just couldn't remember what it was.

Liara T'Soni woke with a strangled gasp. Her eyes darted around, taking in surroundings until she remembered where she was- her apartment on Ilium. She took a few deep breaths and closed her eyes, willing her racing heart to slow its frantic tempo. Knowing she wouldn't be going back to sleep anytime soon, she shrugged into her robe, heading for the kitchen to make herself a cup of tea.

The memory of the dream still lingered, the burning anguish a phantom that wouldn't be chased away. It wasn't the first time she'd had that dream…. Nightmare. It was the most vivid it had been, though, and Liara sighed softly as the water came to a boil and she pulled a cup from the cabinet.

The cup never made it to the counter as the pain suddenly took her over again. She dimly heard it shatter against the floor as she suddenly understood. It wasn't a dream… It wasn't her pain. It was coming from the part of her mind that had lain dormant for two long, lonely years.

It was Shepard's.

Liara gritted her teeth, fighting through the blinding pain, trying to reach out to her bondmate. It shouldn't be possible, this far away, but she had to try. She strained, against the pain and the distance, trying to caress Shepard's subconscious with her own.

It didn't work.

"Goddess forgive me, Shepard," she whispered brokenly, then carefully walled off their connection from the rest of her mind. The act left her bereft and gasping for air as she recovered- for a moment she'd felt her bondmate for the first time in two years, felt the connection she yearned to have restored. And that brought her the first glimmer of hope since the Normandy had been destroyed.

Shepard was alive.

"Wake up, Commander."

She groaned at the intrusion of sound, yet another in a long list of stimuli that she wasn't ready for. She tried to ignore it, tried to return to the blissful dark, but the voice was persistent.

"Shepard, do you hear me? Get out of that bed now, this facility is under attack!"

She groaned as consciousness claimed her fully and she reached up to rub her face, not sure why it felt… foreign. Again, the voice persisted, more urgently now.

"Shepard. Your scars aren't healed, but I need you to get moving. This facility is under attack." It repeated.

She sat up, groaning, trying to find her equilibrium as she felt explosions vibrate through… whatever this building was that she was in.

"Where am I?" She asked the disembodied voice. "And who the fuck is Shepard?"

"Who- ah, shit! Look, there's a pistol in the locker on the other side of the room. Just- go get it. Hurry!" The voice was suddenly laced with frustration.

She did as the voice said as another explosion went off, closer this time. The locker opened to reveal a suit of armor in addition to the pistol, and before she even knew what she was really doing she had suited herself up and slapped a thermal clip into the pistol.

How the fuck did I know how to do that? She stared blankly at the pistol in her hand for a minute before the voice spoke again.

"I've uploaded a map to your omni-tool. Follow it."

It was… bewildering, almost, to have her body know how to react without consciously knowing why. How her hands snapped up with the pistol gripped in them, bringing it perfectly to sight, how her fingers knew just how to squeeze to pull the trigger and move from target to target with ease.

Who am I?

She moved from fight to fight, glad of her body's automatic responses, because hell if she had any idea what was going on. She kept pressing forward, afraid that if she stopped that she wouldn't be able to start again, and what would happen to her then? So she lost herself in the battle of it, taking comfort in the fact that something seemed familiar, even if she didn't know why.

Shepard- apparently that was her name, Shepard- sat in the cabin that they'd said was hers, staring into the empty aquarium built into the wall. Her head spun from the overload of information she'd been dealt in the last few hours. She was a commander? She'd been dead? The little pilot- J… Joker (what kind of name was Joker?)- had seemed overjoyed to see her at first, though now he seemed a bit at a loss as to how to act around her since she didn't remember anything. The other two, Miranda, who had been the voice that had spurred her into action, and Jacob, who she'd joined up with on her way through the facility, had given her a brief rundown that left her with more questions than it had answered. They'd exchanged glances with each other throughout the briefing that told Shepard they had been expecting her to at least remember some things and they weren't really sure what to do now.

The holocall with the… Illusive Man, she thought Miranda had called him, hadn't really helped either. She'd had the distinct feeling during the entire conversation that he was only telling her what she wanted to hear so she'd do what he wanted her to. Savior of the galaxy? Her? What were these Reaper things? And why did she feel like some essential part of her being was missing?

She sighed, rubbing her forehead, and moved over to the terminal at the desk. Miranda had said she would upload some files so that she could get her bearings a little better… Now was as good a time as any.

Shepard leafed through the stack of dossiers that Miranda had given her- potential crew members, hand picked for this mission. Hand-picked by who, Shepard wasn't sure. She wasn't even sure why she was on this mission, and she was supposed to be in charge of it. Miranda had told her that the Illusive Man was very adamant that even without her memories she would be the one leading. Something about inspiring loyalty. Shepard wasn't really sure how she was supposed to inspire anything when she didn't even know who she was.

I don't even know what I'm supposed to be looking for. Frustrated, she took the top folder and tossed it on the table. "Guess we'll just start at the top. Archangel, here we come."

Why can my body remember things but my mind can't?

As if to prove her own point she watched in fascination as her hands stripped her sniper rifle down to parts, cleaned it, and put it back together again. She was at least getting the hang of letting muscle memory take over, and she did have to admit that there had been a large amount of satisfaction to be found in picking off those mercenaries one by one. After that mission she couldn't deny that she had been- still was- a soldier.

Who else am I, though? Is that it? Is that why I feel like I'm missing a piece of my soul?

It didn't help that the turian- Vakarian?- looked at her the same way Joker did. Some odd mix of reverence and sorrow. He'd told her he'd be in the forward battery if she wanted to talk, but… talk about what? She didn't remember him, though they told her he'd been with her when she'd defended the Citadel.

Sometimes she thought that they had to be making all of this up. It was a joke. It had to be.

"She doesn't remember anything," Garrus spoke softly into the secure comm line that Joker had opened for him. "She doesn't remember the Citadel, she doesn't remember the Reapers, she doesn't remember Saren. She doesn't even remember me, Liara. I don't… I don't know how to fix this."

"Bring her here, Garrus." The soft soprano crackled through the comm. "I need to see her, regardless."

"I'm trying, T'Soni," the turian grunted. "She's still stubborn, still our Shepard, even if she doesn't realize it. But she's floundering a little, trying to figure out where her place is still.

A soft sigh was Garrus's only reply for a moment before the asari spoke again. "Talk to Miranda. She'll find a way."

Garrus stared at the comm in sudden suspicion. "How do you know Miranda?"

"It doesn't matter right now. I need to go, Garrus. Please, get her here."

"I'll do my best." The line went dead, and Garrus heaved a sigh, mandibles flapping in a bit of confusion, before heading to Miranda's office.

Shepard flipped through the dossiers again, trying to make an actual decision this time instead of just picking one at random. She frowned as she read through each of them. A scientist? A convict? How the hell did they pick these people? She looked up as her door chimed and Miranda walked in, another folder under her arm.

"I have another potential recruit," the woman said, handing the new information over to her. "An asari justicar. And she's close. Ilium. Which is only about half a day from here."

Shepard glanced over the summary page. "There were a couple other pending items of interest on Ilium, weren't there?" she asked absently.

"Yes. Another potential crew member, Thane Krios. And an asari information broker that may be able to help us as well." There was an odd look in Miranda's eye at mention of that, but Shepard ignored it, thinking she was probably imagining it.

"Krios…" Shepard flipped through the pile of folders in front of her. Ah. Assassin. She pulled it from the stack, setting it on top of the one for the justicar. "Two for one. Seems like a good idea. Tell Joker to set course for Ilium. And tell Vakarian and Taylor to gear up."

Nos Astra was a beautiful city. Some part of Shepard wished she was here under other circumstances, not armed and armored and looking for a fight. With Jacob and Vakarian at her side, she did a little poking around in the marketplace before pulling up the mission data on her omni-tool.

"Information broker is right up ahead. Guess we'll start there," she told them with an uncertain shrug. Garrus opened his mouth as if to say something but closed it again, offering a small nod. Shepard raised an eyebrow at him, but he just shrugged as if to say lead the way.

The conversation with the broker's assistant was brief and much easier than Shepard would have expected it to be. She was surprised to find out they were expected, and before she could so much as blink Nyxeris had ushered them through the door into the office.

The other asari hadn't realized that her boss was on a call though, and as the door slid closed behind the trio Shepard caught the last few words that the broker uttered.

"...or I flay you alive… with my mind."

Damn, not pulling any punches there, are we?

That was the last coherent thought that Shepard had. Liara turned to see who had entered her office, and the asari's face lit up at seeing the soldier standing there. "Shepard!" As her blue eyes met Shepard green ones, images flashed in front of the commander's eyes and she was powerless to stop them.

Blue limbs tangled with her pale ones. Wisps of biotic power, licking along her skin, leaving pleasure in their wake. Kisses, both given and received. Skin sliding against skin. Promises whispered in the dark as hands roamed, finding the places that brought gasps and moans of pleasure.

Dimly, Shepard was aware that she had a death grip on the chair in front of her and it was the only thing keeping her upright, and that her companions were saying her name repeatedly in concern. They faded away though, as the bombardment continued. Shepard couldn't process them all, not as fast as they came, though she knew something precious was being restored.

Liara, suspended in a Prothean force field on Therum. All of the times Shepard had visited her behind the med bay, intrigued by this young asari and all the knowledge she held. Liara standing at her side when Shepard had to kill Benezia, her mother. The crew of the original Normandy, gathered together to mourn Kaiden's passing. Ilos, and all that they learned there. The race back to the Citadel. Saren shooting himself and coming back as some twisted cybernetic monstrosity. Her reunion with Liara after they'd been rescued from the rubble.

The month of relative peace they'd enjoyed after Saren's defeat. Liara moving into Shepard's cabin, the two of them no longer trying to keep their relationship under wraps. The joy they had found in each other, the whispered declarations of love before they fell asleep and when they woke. The moment they both knew their bond had become something bigger, deeper, than just a normal meld.

The Normandy's destruction.

And with a snap that Shepard could've sworn was audible, the missing piece of her soul was returned to her as Liara reached out to meld with her.

Krae...

It wasn't unlike the data exchange she'd gotten from the Prothean beacons, Shepard thought almost absently as she pulled in a shaky breath and slowly let go of her grip on the chair, making sure her legs would hold her before abandoning it completely. She met Liara's gaze and saw the hope there, behind the sheen of tears that matched her own. Slowly, deliberately, she took a step forward.

"Garrus," she breathed, not looking away from the vision in front of her. "Make yourselves scarce. Comm Joker and tell him everyone gets twenty-four hours shore leave."

Jacob responded before Garrus could. "Shepard, I don't think-"

Shepard's nostrils flared, and she drew herself to her full height before tearing her eyes away from Liara and whirling to face the Cerberus agent. Suddenly, the indecisive creature that had inhabited Shepard's body was gone, and the Commander had returned. "It's not up for debate, Mr. Taylor. Are we clear?" she asked, and her voice dripped with authority, the tone one that brooked no arguments, that demanded respect and commanded obedience.

Jacob visibly wilted. "Aye aye, Commander," he said.

Shepard smirked over his shoulder at Garrus. "We'll catch up later, old friend," she said warmly, and he nodded, offering the turian version of a smile before all but dragging Jacob from the office. The door hadn't even finished closing before Shepard was on the other side of the room, pulling Liara into her arms. She buried her face in her bondmate's neck as the asari's fingers threaded into her hair.

"Li, I'm sorry. I'm so, so, sorry," Shepard whispered, the tears flowing freely down her face. Liara's hands moved down to wipe them away, though her own face was covered in them as well. She laughed through them in amazement, then pulled Shepard's head down and claimed her mouth with her own.

The kiss was balm for Shepard's soul, and everything she hadn't known that she needed. She ran her tongue across Liara's lips, dipping it into her mouth when the asari parted them. Shepard wrapped an arm around Liara's waist, pulling her in closer, feeling slightly frustrated when her armor got in the way. They broke apart, gasping for breath, hands on each other's faces, assuring themselves that this was real. Even with their souls intertwined, neither one of them wanted to let go.

"I've missed you so," Liara breathed. "I didn't dare hope…"

"I'm sorry," Shepard whispered again. She opened her mouth as if to say something else, and then closed it again, not sure how to voice the sentiment. Because while she'd regained her memories, she caught a glimpse of a few of Liara's too, and the heartbreak that her love had gone through was nearly enough to crush her.

"Shh. You're here. That's all that matters right now," Liara soothed her. She reached down and slipped her hand into Shepard's. "Come on. We'll go back to my apartment."

One much too long taxi ride later, Liara led Shepard into her apartment, and the soldier whistled in appreciation. "Information brokering has done you some good, I see," she teased.

Liara nudged her fondly. "I have appearances to keep up," she replied. "Come upstairs, I should have something you can wear so you're not clomping around in your armor."

"I do not clomp," Shepard protested. "I'm perfectly graceful in my armor, thank you very mu-" Her voice trailed off as her eyes landed on the glass case at the foot of the stairs. As if in a trance, she approached it, reaching out to lay her fingers lightly against the glass. It was burned, warped, and missing sections, but the N7 logo still stood proudly on it. She would know what it was if she was missing one eye and mostly blind in the other.

Her armor. The armor she'd been wearing when the Normandy had been destroyed.

Shepard swallowed against the sudden lump in her throat and turned to look at Liara. "How…?" she asked hoarsely.

Liara gave her a small smile, one that spelled out the heartbreak she'd been through since Shepard had died. "We have a lot to talk about," was all she said, then urged Shepard up the stairs. She opened the closet and pulled a pair of sweats and a t-shirt out, offering them to her bondmate.

Shepard looked down at them, noticing the N7 logo on the shirt. "Are… are these mine?"

Liara looked a bit sheepish. "I… might have raided your locker on the Citadel," she admitted. "I needed something of you…"

Impulsively, Shepard leaned down and kissed her. "Thank you," she said simply, setting the clothing down so she could start undoing buckles.

"Let me," Liara said softly, stepping to her side. This was familiar, this ritual. They'd gone through it so many times after Shepard had come back from a mission, battered and bruised and too sore to take her own armor off. Piece by piece, Liara removed Shepard's armor and dropped it to the floor, until all that remained was the compression suit. Slowly, looking to Shepard for approval, Liara reached up to the zipper at Shepard's neck and carefully drew it downward.

Shepard's eyes drifted shut as Liara's fingers trailed behind the zipper, igniting a trail of fire that it seemed as if she hadn't felt in a lifetime. She reached out to rest her hands lightly against the asari's arms, not wanting her to stop. With an unhurried deliberateness, Liara reached back up to Shepard's shoulders and gently pushed the suit down off of them and to her waist, revealing skin marked with the raised lines of fresh scars.

Shepard's breath caught in her throat for a moment, worried that what Liara saw would repulse her. That fear was quickly laid to rest when the asari leaned down and captured one of Shepard's nipples in her mouth, drawing a sharp gasp from the Spectre.

"Liara," she breathed, finding it difficult to form coherent words as her bondmate's tongue flicked across the sensitive skin, drawing the nipple into a hardened point. "Thought… talk…"

Instead of replying, Liara looked up at her, eyes going black as she offered a silent invitation. With a moan, Shepard surrendered, and Liara's consciousness flowed into hers, joining them together into a single entity.

Talk later, Liara begged. I need you, Krae. Please.

Well, when you put it like that… Shepard reached one hand to the underside of Liara's crest, fingers deftly finding the soft spots that she knew drove Liara crazy. With the other, she reached for the fasteners on Liara's dress, somehow managing to get it off the asari as they stumbled toward the bed together. Liara pushed Shepard's compression suit down past her hips, and Shepard kicked it off before wrapping her arms around her bondmate and falling onto the bed with her.

Some hours later, Shepard chuckled at the neatly folded sweats and shirt still sitting on the table across from the bed. Liara was curled up against her, arm slung possessively across her waist. "The clothes were just a ploy, weren't they," she teased her bondmate, dropping a kiss on her forehead.

"I wasn't expecting anything," Liara denied softly, her fingers gently tracing the criss-cross of scars across Shepard's torso. "I was hoping, but that's all." She sighed softly into Shepard's chest. "We… do need to talk though."

"I know," Shepard whispered back. "Here? Or do you want to put some clothes on first?"

"Can we stay here?" The forlorn note in Liara's voice made Shepard tighten her arms around her ever so slightly.

"We can do whatever you want, love. I'm yours until shore leave is over." She put a finger under Liara's chin and tilted her face up so she could see her eyes. "You ok?"

Liara didn't answer the question, merely took a breath and looked into Shepard's eyes, searching for something. "You… asked how I came to have your armor." She closed her eyes for a moment, as if steeling herself against something. "Cerberus gave it to me… When I gave them your body."

The implications of that took a minute to sink in. If Liara had given her body to Cerberus, then… "You found me," Shepard breathed, but the asari didn't hear, had forged ahead with her explanation.

"I know what we found out about them, Shepard, but the Alliance had declared you dead, had given up on you, and they were the only ones that-"

Shepard covered Liara's mouth with hers, silencing her, pouring her love into the kiss. When she pulled back, she looked down at her bondmate, her eyes glowing with adoration. "You found me," she said again.

"I-" Liara stopped, her surprise evident at finding no animosity in Shepard's gaze. "You're not upset?"

Shepard brushed her nose against Liara's before letting their foreheads touch. "How could I possibly be upset with you for finding a way to bring me back?" She laid a finger against Liara's lips, forestalling the certain explanation her bondmate had prepared. "You are my soul, and I am yours. I can't… I can't even begin to imagine the pain that you've been through, Liara. I don't think I would've been able to survive if I had been the one to lose you." She cupped Liara's cheek gently in her hand. "Cerberus can think they have me if they want to. You brought me back, both from the dead and to myself. I am, as I always have been… Yours."

Tears welled in Liara's eyes, and Shepard kissed her again before settling back into the pillows and nestling the asari back into her lay there in silence for a moment, before Shepard's eyes suddenly went wide. "Shit," she breathed, and Liara looked up at her, somewhat alarmed. "No no, everything's fine. More than fine." Shepard reassured her. "I just realized… I'm gonna have to call my mom."

Liara burst out laughing, and it was only a few seconds before Shepard joined her, the pure mundanity of the moment striking both of them as amusing, given everything else going on in their lives. After they had calmed, Shepard kissed Liara once more. "So… tell me what other kind of trouble you've gotten yourself into in the last two years, Dr. T'Soni."

They didn't sleep during shore leave. They both knew that twenty-four hours wasn't long enough, but it would have to do, for now. Shepard had to recruit a team to go against the Collector's, and Liara couldn't just pack up and leave her brokerage, not when she was so close to finding the Shadow Broker. They made the most of their time together, pretended that the galaxy didn't exist. For those twenty-four hours, it was just the two of them.

Much the same as another ritual they'd once practiced so often, Liara helped Shepard back into her armor, fingers still deftly remembering how it went on. Before she put her gloves back on, Shepard touched Liara's face and drew her in for a kiss. "I love you, Liara," she breathed. "If you need me, I'm only a comm away."

"I know," Liara smiled up at her bondmate. "I'll hold you to that." She ran her fingers through Shepard's hair, savoring the feel. "I love you too."

"I'm serious," Shepard said. "Don't go after the Shadow Broker alone. Call me, and I'll be there." Hand in hand, they moved to the door, and Liara found herself reluctant to let go of Shepard.

"I promise," Liara vowed. "And you… Stay safe, for me."

Shepard offered her a crooked grin. "For you… Anything, love." She leaned in for one final kiss, wondering when the next one would be. Nowhere near soon enough, she knew. She touched Liara's cheek affectionately, her grin turning wolfish, almost feral. "Besides, now that Cerberus has the real Commander Shepard… they're in for a surprise."

Liara laughed despite herself, watching her bondmate stride down to the aircar that would take her back to the Normandy. At least she has Garrus to watch over her, she thought. She let her eyes drift shut for a moment, committing the last twenty-four hours to memory. When they opened again, her eyes were steely, resolute. She would find the Shadow Broker. She would call Shepard back to her. And together they would finish this.