Mercedes
"I'm gay," Kurt admitted to Mercedes, tears in his eyes. She was the first person he had ever told and this was the first time he had ever admitted it out loud.
"Why didn't you just tell me?" Mercedes asked sympathetically.
"Because I've... never told anyone actually," Kurt shrugged.
"You shouldn't be ashamed of who you are, Kurt," She told him, shaking her head. "You should just tell people. Especially the kids in glee. The whole point of the club is about expressing what's really inside you. Remember?"
"I can't," Kurt said, ashamed of himself. "I'm just not that confident, I guess,"
He started to walk away from her with his head held high but then he turned around to look at her again.
"But I still love you Mercedes," He told her, the tears streaming down his face. "You're the first friend I've ever made as pathetic as that sounds. I just want you to know that,"
"Of course boo," Mercedes smiled. "I love you too, I guess just a little bit more than you love me. But I'll get over it,"
"I'm sorry," Kurt apologized. "I shouldn't have lied to you. I've just had a lot of trouble… ya know… accepting it,"
"You don't have to explain yourself or apologize Kurt," Mercedes assured him. "You are who you are and you like who you like and I'm not mad at you at all for that. I'm glad you felt like you could tell me. Thank you,"
"Okay," Kurt said quietly before turning around and walking away from her.
He had known he was different for a long time now and he had discovered he was gay not long after but he knew how the LGBT+ community was viewed in his community. It wasn't approved of and he got enough harassment for his voice and choices of clothing, he couldn't imagine what he would have to endure if he came out to the public. He just couldn't do it yet. He was hoping that maybe one day people would be more accepting of gay people or that he would gather enough courage to not think of what they thought but he wasn't there yet. He wasn't necessarily ashamed of himself but he wasn't proud either. He felt like a coward for hiding who he really was, especially from his dad. He was just scared of how his dad would react. He loved him so much and he didn't want to ruin their relationship in the case that he wouldn't accept him. He would do it eventually though because he didn't want to hide the real him from the person he loved most in the world.
Finn
Both boys were sitting in the basement on the couch watching a movie together. Finn had his arm wrapped around Kurt's shoulder and they were snuggled close together. Finn's behavior seemed a little weird to Kurt seeing that Finn usually avoided physical contact with him but he just brushed it off thinking that Finn was just trying to make up for the "faggy lamp incident". Besides Kurt didn't exactly hate the hug, it felt nice.
The credits started rolling on the movie and Finn turned to face Kurt.
"That was nice," Finn said with a goofy smile on his face.
"Yeah it was," Kurt smiled back. "Do you want to watch another one?"
"Sure," Finn said, his expression changing to a pained look. "Wait though. Before we do I want to talk to you,"
"Okay. What is it?" Kurt asked. "I hope it's nothing bad,"
"No no, nothing bad," Finn said, getting nervous. At least I hope you don't think it's bad,"
"Well just tell me Finn," Kurt encouraged him. "Chances are I won't judge you,"
"Okay, here goes nothing," Finn said. "I'm just going to come out and say this but… I think I'm gay,"
"Oh," Kurt said, his eyes widening. "That's great Finn. I'm glad you told me. So who's the lucky guy?"
"Um… you?" Finn said, looking down at his hands.
"Me?" Kurt breathed.
"Yeah, I don't know, it's just I feel like I love anyone. Like I liked Quinn before the baygate thing because she was pretty and I like Rachel because she's nice to me and because she's pretty and then I like you because you're really nice and you don't think I'm stupid and you're pretty cute but then I like Puck because he's my bro and he has nice muscles and abs and… I don't know… it's frustrating," Finn sighed, turning red.
"It sounds like you're bisexual," Kurt told him. "It means you're attracted to both genders,"
"Oh, so I'm not crazy," Finn said to himself, making Kurt laugh. "I also like it when you laugh. I like it when you're happy and I'm sorry about you're lamp,"
"Finn, you don't have to apologize to me again. I know you're sorry," Kurt assured him, still blushing from Finn's comment.
"But I do," Finn groaned, frustrated with himself. "I was a real douche and it wasn't fair to you and I was just angry because I couldn't accept myself like you can,"
"Well you're accepting yourself now," Kurt told him. "By telling me,"
"I guess so," Finn shrugged. "But what do you think? About… me,"
"Oh," Kurt said, his face turning from pink to white. "Finn you know I love you but I think it's just… as a friend or as a brother,"
"Oh," Finn said, tears coming to his eyes. "That's fine,"
"Finn it's not you trust me," Kurt said, placing his hand on Finn's arm. "Any guy or girl would be lucky to have you, including me. It's just that I'm not that lucky guy. You'll find someone better,"
"Nah I don't think I will," Finn said, quickly wiping his tears. "I mean I ruined things with Quinn and then with Rachel and I'm pretty sure Puck's straight so you were kind of my last hope, not to make you feel bad. I think I should… I should just go,"
"Finn please don't do this," Kurt begged him as Finn stood up. "Let's just talk about this, I don't want you to be mad at me,"
"No I'm not mad Kurt," Finn told him. "I just need some time to myself. But I'm sorry that I told you all of this. And I'm sorry you don't love me back,"
"Finn you don't have to apologize, you have nothing to be sorry for," Kurt said, wiping the tears that were now on his face too. "And I do love you, you're my friend,"
"You know what I mean Kurt," Finn said with a sad smile. "But it's fine really, don't worry about it. And thanks for clearing the bi thing up for me, it means a lot to me,"
"Your welcome," Kurt whispered as Finn went up the stairs. He had just ruined a friendship that he really cherished but he would've ruined it even more if he told Finn that he loved him when he really didn't. Sure there was the little crush that he had had on him a couple of months ago but it had faded and now he saw Finn as nothing more than a friend. He just didn't know what love really felt like, what the difference between romantic love and platonic love really was. Yes he loved his dad and Carol and Mercedes and the rest of the glee club but as friends and family, not as partners. Love was complicated, it was messy and Kurt was still trying to come to terms with being gay and accepting himself, he wasn't ready for a relationship yet.
Puck
The New Directions were over at the Hudmel house for a get together and Kurt was in the kitchen, gathering snacks for everyone when Puck walked with that smirk that he always wore on his face.
"Hey babe," He said, looking down at Kurt's ass. "You need any help?"
"I'm good Noah," Kurt said, annoyed. Was Puck so desperate now that he was flirting with boys? "And since when am I babe?"
"Since this," Puck said before walking up to Kurt, taking him by surprise and kissing him hard on the lips. Kurt didn't know what to do since Puck had a strong grip on him so he just stayed leaned back with Puck's lips on his until Noah came back up for some air.
"So what did you think?" Puck asked, raising an eyebrow. "Did I blow you're gay little mind?"
"Um… no?" Kurt said in a questioning tone. "I just… are you gay?"
"Yeah something like that," Puck said, waving his hand in the air. "I think I like anything but I forget what it's called,"
"You mean your pan, pansexual?" Kurt asked. "You don't care about gender or gender identity. It actually makes a lot of sense,"
"Well anyway," Puck interrupted, frowning. "Do you love me?"
"Noah, I'm not doing this right now," Kurt said, shaking his head. It was Finn and Mercedes all over again. "We're friends and that's probably all we'll ever be. I guess I could say I love you but as a friend, not as a lover. I'm not ready for a relationship yet,"
"But you had a crush on Finn?" Puck pointed out. "What gives?"
"Like you said, it was a crush that went away. And unlike you Finn was nice to me but I doubt I ever had romantic feelings for him in any way. I've already had this conversation with him," Kurt explained.
"Wait so Finn's gay too?" Puck asked. "I might have to tap that,"
"Actually you should, he likes you." Kurt said. "Something about your muscles and abs,"
"But what do you think about my muscles and abs babe?" Puck asked with a mischievous smile. "Isn't it hot?"
"Sure," Kurt said sarcastically. "But like I said Noah, I'm flattered, I really am but the answer is no,"
"Fine then," Puck huffed. "But trust me, I'm not going to give up so easily. One day you'll be begging for me to take you and I'll make you suffer and wait,"
"God do you always have to be so cheesy?" Kurt asked. "It makes me sick,"
"You know you love it Princess," Puck yelled back at him as he walked back into the living room with everyone else.
"Yeah right," Kurt said under his breath as he gathered up all the trays of food and brought them out to the living room. This was the third time now and if he hadn't loved Finn in that way then he definitely didn't love Puck in that. He sighed as he placed everything out on the table before rubbing his face with his hands in exhaustion.
"Are you okay Kurt?" Quinn asked him.
"I'm fine," Kurt said, smiling at the group. Then he saw Puck's smirk again and decided that he needed some space. "I just… forgot something upstairs in my room. I'll be back,"
He left the room and walked upstairs before walking into his room and closing the door behind him, sinking down against the door. It shouldn't bother him so much but it did. There were three people now that had "loved" and he didn't love them back. It just made him wonder if he was ever going to find true love at all and if he was ever even going to know what love felt like.
Sam
"I love you," Sam admitted and Kurt internally groaned. Not again.
"Sam," Kurt started to say but Sam interrupted him, taking Kurt's hands in his.
"Shh, don't say anything and just let me explain," Sam said but this time Kurt interpreted him.
"Sam, you're my friend, god I say that a lot," He added sarcastically. "But I'm not ready for a relationship right now. I love you platonically and that's that. Please don't make me feel even worse than I already do by trying to persuade me into going out with you. I've been through this plenty of times before,"
Sam looked down, ashamed and disappointed and now Kurt wished that he would say something instead of just looking defeated.
"Hey don't be upset Sam please," Kurt begged him. "It's not you, you're perfect and I'm really flattered but I'm still figuring things out for myself and it wouldn't be fair to you to be with me when I not sure of anything,"
"No I get it," Sam said, looking up at Kurt with tears in his eyes. God, why did they always have to cry?" "Really I do it's just that you're so nice and cute and I had the stupid idea that maybe you'd like me too but it's stupid really. And I guess I'm not really sure about anything either. I don't know what I am, if I'm bi or if I just like boys. It's hard,"
"I know it is," Kurt assured him, rubbing Sam's back. "Trust me, I knew I was gay since I was six years old and I'm still trying to fully accept myself. But you aren't alone Sam. I'm here if you ever want to talk and Finn and Puck seem like they have whatever's going on with them figured out so you can talk to them too. We're all here for you,"
"I know," Sam said, smiling at Kurt and wiping his tears. "Thanks,"
"You'll find someone," Kurt told him, giving Sam a hug. "But just remember you come first,"
"Yeah, I will," Sam told him, returning the hug.
Kurt told himself that what he told Sam also applied to him. He was going to figure out what love really felt like and he was going to find someone that loved him and someone who loved him back. He had to, he wanted to know the feeling. Now just wasn't the right time and once again, he had to put himself first.
Blaine
"I love you," Blaine said dreamily, staring at Kurt with his handsome eyes and making Kurt choke on his coffee a little. Why does this always happen to me?
Blaine still had his eyes on Kurt and was waiting for Kurt to respond with an "I love you too," so Kurt was relieved when Mercedes and Sam walked in with one another making Blaine turn around.
"Oh hey, what are you guys doing here?" Blaine asked, having moved on from the previous discussion.
"I'm just getting a coffee," Sam said, swaying back and forth on his feet.
"Yeah we ran into each other in the parking lot," Mercedes added. 'Hmm, sure you did,' Kurt thought to himself he had noticed how smiley they were acting towards each other lately. They were in love and Kurt was happy for them, especially since they had both had a crush on him and now they had each other. At least Sam now knew that he was bi and they both had their love lives together. It was more than he could say for himself.
Blaine started talking about his summer plans with them while Kurt tried to figure out what he was going to say about Blaine's "I love you," when Mercedes and Sam walked away and Blaine turned his focus back onto Kurt.
"Hey cutie," He smiled again.
"Umm. hi," Kurt said nervously. "I'm really sorry Blaine but I just remembered that I promised my dad that I would help him… at the garage so we're going to have to cut this coffee date short,"
"Oh yeah," Blaine said, wearing a smile even though Kurt could tell he was disappointed. "That's okay. A promise is a promise,"
"Yeah," Kurt said, standing up and grabbing his cup and bag. "See you later,"
He then rushed out of the coffee shop and with his luck of course it was raining outside. He started crying. He liked Blaine, that's why they were dating and he had spent so long pining after him and now he was going to ruin the good thing going on between them because he couldn't say three simple words. I love you. Of course he could say them but he just didn't want to lie. He didn't want to say those words and then have it turn out that he didn't love Blaine and ruin their friendship. He loved Blaine but… once again, maybe it was just platonic. And maybe he just wasn't meant to love anyone.
Elliot
"I love you," Kurt found himself saying to Elliot once they reached his apartment. They had been really good friends for a while now and Elliot had just taken him out on their first date to a nice restaurant.
"Like as a friend or as more?" Elliot asked, obviously joking with a smile on his face. Elliot knew how Kurt had felt about love and partners in the past and had been patient with him even though he loved Kurt romantically.
"I think… as more," Kurt confessed. "I'm really nervous and have a weird feeling in my stomach, not like I'm sick or anything but...I think I love you Elliot. I've never felt this way about anyone before and for once...I think I honestly know exactly how I feel about someone,"
They paused for a moment, Kurt with tears of joy in his eyes before Elliot leant in and kissed Kurt. And Kurt had only been kissed twice before, once by Puck and once by Blaine but when he kissed Elliot he felt a spark of energy between them and he knew he loved him, the feeling was confirmed.
When they pulled away from each other, they held each other's hands and Kurt had never been happier in his life before. He had spent a huge part of his life worrying that he would never find someone who felt the same way as he did, who he loved and here he was, he had finally found Elliot. It all felt amazing.
