Chapter 27: After everything they've been through...
The first thing Gabriel thought when she saw a playstation controller in the cabinets was Vignette.
There were two, and behind it was the console itself. Gathering dust. It must've been at least a year since it was last touched, judging by the way it creaked and groaned when Gabriel held it in her hands.
Finally, she could return to her usual life again. If not just for a little bit. If she could just be a regular high school girl for just one hour, then maybe she would be able to suppress the trauma she endured.
There wasn't much to do anyway. After they escaped the ruins of Osaka Bay via the underground tunnels, it wasn't long before they were taken back to civilisation. Gabriel could've sworn she almost fainted when she saw the familiar dark green of the JSDF.
Still, it seemed as if every trip back to their bases required that she spend at least a week in medical. The botched rescue of Mercy platoon, their first time at Spirit Base, whatever the hell happened the past week...it was almost like they spent more time healing than fighting. Not that Gabriel minded, of course. All the more time to play video games. All the more time with Vignette.
She politely weaved past the staff who were hopping door to door to check in on the injured. Some familiar faces looked at her demanding, while they walked past, that she get back to her room and rest up.
"Excuse me," she politely asked, looking down at the stuff cradled in her arms. "Do you mind if I...?"
He sighed. "Shouldn't you be sleeping?"
"We won't cause too much of a ruckus."
"Do you need help setting it up?"
"No. Thank you though."
The hallways of the hospital were now quiet, the last door clicking shut and everyone ready to end the day. Soft and low thuds of her socks on tiling echoed throughout the hallways as she made her way towards Vignette's room.
She didn't know whether or not she was still sleeping, so she tried not to make any noise when she peered into her room.
"...Vign...?," Gabriel whispered. She could make out her girlfriend's silhouette against the window.
"Gab?," Vignette whispered in response. "Is that you?"
Gabriel skipped over so that Vignette could see what was in her arms.
"Why aren't you asleep?," she asked, the tiredness weighing down each word. Her eyes fell to the black object that was cradled in her arms.
"Is that a..."
"It's a PS4."
Vignette was able to muster up a small smile, seeing the way Gabriel was itching to plug it in. But so far it was all she could give.
"Thanks Gab. But maybe tomorrow," she said. "I don't think it would be fun to play with me right now."
"Oh. That's okay."
After looking into Vignette's eyes, illuminated by the moonlight pouring in from the window, Gabriel would have to agree. Her eyes were red like she had tried to claw them out, but it was from the hours of crying after she woke up. Stained vertical lines ran down her cheeks as if she wore the face of a crying mask.
Gabriel immediately felt bad, scorning herself for thinking that Vignette would be in the mood for fun and games after the everything prior. She had broken herself in half so that the irradiated Gabriel could stay alive.
"I'm sorry," she let out without thinking. "I'm...an idiot. Video games...? Really?"
She found herself sitting on the windowsill as well, the console dumped on the ground in favour of a Vignette cradled in her arms.
"It wasn't your fault. I know that much," Gabriel stated confidently.
Vignette gasped like she was being strangled. "I...killed those people...I...killed those people..."
"It was the cold. The cold killed those people Vign, are you listening to me?"
"I didn't even hesitate. I felt nothing...why did I feel nothing?"
Gabriel didn't notice her grip begin to tighten around Vignette. She didn't want to think that she could be holding what was left of the Vignette she knew and loved. Instead replaced by an empty husk, devoid of the bright light that once shone through her eyes.
The thought alone prompted her to start sobbing, and Vignette also but she didn't know why. She had thought that she should be celebrating. She had escaped with Gabriel, at the cost of a few frostbitten extremities. They had escaped the wrath of a blood-thirsty Ares.
But as of yet, Vignette just felt...empty. Words couldn't quite describe it. Saddened? She felt...unclean.
Gabriel muttered something.
"...this sucks."
...
"...why are we here? Can't we just...leave?"
Gabriel had thoughts of Heaven in her mind. The times she lived in ignorant bliss, frolicking around in the meadows with her family.
"...where would we go?," Vignette wondered out loud. A river, mountains and a log cabin came to mind.
"I don't know. Away from all this...I guess."
"I...would love to...Gabriel," she cried, wiping her face with her sleeve. "B-But I- oh God...there I go again. So goddamn selfish. I can't- no...no not because of me I..."
She trailed off. It was clear to the angel that Vignette's ideas were thrown into a pot, shaken and poured onto the ground.
"Vignette?," Gabriel asked quietly, lifting her chin up so that it didn't look like she was being crushed.
"Y-You're not...going to leave. Because of me," she whimpered. "Because I couldn't take it."
There was a long pause.
"...I can't either Vign," Gabriel admitted. "I've got blood on my hands. I tell myself. I keep fucking telling myself it's for the greater good but...sometimes it feels like they never had to die."
She went on, slowly and with a steadied breath.
"This one time, we were in Shenzhen. Our ammo and wounded were in this town of locals, but we wouldn't-no, couldn't trade with them because the food might've been poisoned. They seemed nice but...anyway. There was this little girl we met each week. About ten or so. She would play games with the crew and bring little trinkets she wanted to sell.
Real sweetheart.
But this one time, she came running over with a backpack. Thought it was a bomb. I told her to stop, I fucking did. I even shot near her feet but she still...ran. Closer and closer a-and closer a-a-and..."
"...what happened...?"
"I couldn't do it. But the next thing I know she was on the ground. The worst part was her bag was filled with colouring books and crayons. Fucking...colouring books Vign. She died over colouring books.
And yeah. I...felt nothing. Like you. It kinda doesn't register, you know? Not until you go to bed that night."
"...how long until it goes away?," Vignette asked in a desperate low tone.
After a long pause the blonde shook her head. "I...don't know. I don't think it can."
"God...I've killed people. I've done some horrible things. But what I did yesterday. The way I treated you...the way I didn't have any control over myself. I-It makes me sick."
"...yeah."
Gabriel understood Vignette's look of despair. She understood the feeling of having her hand forced. It was like a something was pulling her strings and making her watch as lives suffered in front of her. But she realized that there was nothing pulling her strings whenever the opposite happened.
She wriggled out of Gabriel's embrace and her legs were now dangling over the wide windowsill. Her head was buried in her hands.
"Did you get anything to eat?," Gabriel inquired gently. "I think there's some apple pie or something downstairs..."
"I can't keep anything down," she groaned.
"Come on. We have to get some food in you. You'll feel better."
Vignette followed Gabriel out of the room, hand in hand. The way their fingers interlaced reminded her of better days. Like when they snuck away from Raphiel and Satania on their way home so that they could have their moment of romance, before pretending that they never felt anything towards each other.
She remembered lying in bed, ready for yet another school day ahead, unable to get the angel NEET out of her mind. Not before long, sleepy fantasies would begin to emerge and Vignette would be wide awake yet again, chastising herself for her unconscious desires. It would only come out when she was intoxicated.
But Gab, fed up with being stared at during class, had brought it up again and again, until eventually Vignette admitted to liking her.
They experimented with the idea of dating; the whole kissing and hugging thing never really feeling right to either of them, until they broke up before the war started.
"...huh...no apple pie...but there is some cereal. I guess its better than nothing," Gabriel muttered, pouring two bowls of cereal with milk. "Here."
Vignette snapped out of her daydream. "Thanks. I'm just gonna heat this up for a bit," she mumbled.
Gabriel sat by herself at a table, one of fifty. It was a large mess hall judging by how far away the windows were. The lights were completely off and there was no one around on night shift. If not for the occasional coughs upstairs, it was like they were the only two people in the building.
Vignette sat down beside Gabriel with her bowl and brought spoonful's of oats into her mouth, one by one. She couldn't help but gag, reminded by the feeling of human flesh sliding down her throat. She would've puked if it wasn't warm.
"I...never got to thank you," Gabriel whispered extremely quietly. "For...feeding me. I wouldn't have made it if it wasn't for you."
She nodded. She didn't exactly know how to respond. Part of her was writhing in guilt. The same part that told her it was unnecessary and that she would've lived either way.
"And uh...sorry that I almost died."
"...wasn't your fault," Vignette mumbled. "Wasn't any of our fault."
"Right."
"But if there's one thing I won't forget..."
Vignette kissed Gabriel on the cheek.
"...it's when we thought the tunnel was blocked."
"Huh? What'd you mean?"
She sounded genuinely confused. In her delirious state, she did vaguely remember the blockade. The shapes of the concrete slabs that had broken off from the ceiling, specifically. But nothing that would cause Vignette to smile as she was now.
"You don't remember? It was like the ending of a movie. You cried and kissed me and basically professed your love towards me," Vignette explained.
"I don't...what?"
Vignette sighed. "You weren't lying. You really do love me, don't you?"
"Y-Yeah. Why wouldn't I?," Gabriel scoffed like she was told something obvious.
There was an awkward silence between them as they scraped the last bits of food into their mouths. Gabriel darted her eyes towards her as they did, unable to get a read on Vignette's expression. She looked hollow, for lack of a better term.
Vignette was the first to break the silence with a sincere question. "Gabriel. What should we do?"
"What should we do?," Gabriel repeated.
"Yeah. Are you...still out for blood?"
Her mouth was open in hesitance. "Not right now."
"But you will be?"
"...I'm not...what's this about?"
Gabriel noticed the small movement of her head downwards.
"Oh. Look, you have every right to leave. It's not selfish-"
"-is it?," Vignette rebuked. "How can it be not selfish? I-I would be leaving you alone while I sit around doing nothing!"
"I won't be alone. And I would be okay with it. No, I'd prefer it that way. Because there's no point fighting in the state you're in right now."
"It's not about that!," Vignette yelled, suddenly standing up with her fists clenched. When she did, half her face was visible with the moonlight outside. Her teeth were clenched and her eyes were fighting back tears. "It's not about that...i-it's just...selfish."
Gabriel cocked her head. "...do want to leave?"
"No. No, no. Forget I said anything."
"Vignette. Imagine I was in your shoes. Imagine I had enough with the killing and the trauma, and I wanted to leave. Wouldn't you want me to leave?"
She nodded.
"Right. Because I'm guessing you care about me."
"Guessing?"
"And I care about you."
"What about you?," Vignette asked. "Where will you go?"
"I told you. I...want to leave. Honestly. This is too much for me."
"O-Okay. And not because of me right?"
"Yeah. Yeah, this is my choice."
"Okay."
"Yeah."
Vignette took a moment to steady her breath, now that Gabriel was in agreement with her.
"So...where to?," she asked.
"A nice cabin by the ocean. I don't know. They'll send us somewhere when we say we quit, and we'll work it out from there."
Vignette nodded but didn't voice how worried she was. Despite their service, she had heard rumours that retired soldiers weren't treated with the sort of reverence that she had hoped. Instead being herded with the everyday salarymen and women, where jobs where non-existent, food was scarce and crime was rampant. Especially during the nuclear winter.
Gabriel began to stir until the late afternoon. Three o'clock, although from her perspective, the world outside the windows looked as stagnant as ever.
It was always snowing. The thick and heavy kind too, the kind that would make you doubt whether the electricity would stay on for the night. The nuclear winter induced snow kind.
The cold crept its way through the brick walls. In Gabriel's half asleep stupor, she clumsily felt around underneath the mattress and fiddled with the electric blanket controller before falling asleep again. It had turned on and off throughout the day and night, most likely because she wasn't the only one with a heating blanket.
It was her annoyance and her need to vomit that made her jump out of bed in a hurry. Vignette sat up too, rubbing the crust off her eyes while she heard heaving in the bathroom.
"Oats...and more oats...annndd...there's the blood," Gabriel thought, watching brown turn to red. No wonder her body ached with fatigue. She too hadn't gotten anything down.
Despite her tiredness, she slowly dressed herself layer after layer, not noticing she was being watched.
"Miss White. You're looking worse for wear."
In the corner of the room was a middle aged man, wearing a trench coat. Gabriel blinked a couple of times, trying to recall where she had seen him before.
"Do I know you?," she called wearily. He exuded an aura of politeness, his hands placed on his lap and a gentle smile on his face.
"My name is Morioka Takehiko," he said. "I am a representative for the Alex Defence Company."
"Ah!," Gabriel inhaled. She remembered seeing the same trench coat at the range and her tone switched from guard dog to old friend. "I knew I saw you before."
"Yes, that was a while ago. Pleasure to meet you again Miss White, and pleasure to meet you Miss Tsukinose."
Vignette perked up. "Pleasure to meet you sir."
"What's going on out there Takehiko?," Gabriel asked. "Those noises in the distance...we're fighting back...right?"
His smile disappeared. "We're doing what we can but...we're losing this war. We'll fill you in later, but as for now you'll be relocated to a base in California-"
"I'm quitting."
"Pardon me?"
"I said I'm quitting."
"Ah...," he chuckled. "If the issue is your health, it's no problem. Your radiation can be treated-"
"It's not about that. I've had enough. I've done enough. I just want to leave with Vignette, that's all," Gabriel explained.
He blinked in astonishment. "Alright then. I'll...get the forms ready," he coughed.
He pulled out a black briefcase underneath the chair and rummaged through it. He got a stapled document ready.
"What's that?," Gabriel asked.
"This is your resignation form."
"No, the box under your chair."
"It's your exosuit. Gen 5 remember?"
Gabriel felt a tinge of shame.
"You know...I've always had a knack for operators," he said calmly, scribbling words into the document. "Finding those who would...laugh in the face of death. Those who would fight for something greater than themselves. Those who never gave up."
He looked somewhat solemn.
"Every single operator either dies in action or retires involuntarily, as is the case with the past month. But you...you were the first to quit."
"Don't try and guilt trip me Takehiko," Gabriel growled.
"So I wonder...what could've made you...the strongest soul I've ever seen...quit? What kind of evil is humanity dealing with here?"
Gabriel, now thoroughly pissed, found herself inches from his face. "Ares. Can. Be. Defeated," Gabriel scowled. "It's just that I'm weak. What, you've never seen someone stronger than me? A fucking teenager? Bullshit."
"I respect your decision."
He handed her the pen and she signed the form.
"There. Fuck you," she spat. "Now get out. You have people to recruit."
"Gabriel!," Vignette chastised.
"The Alex Defence Company thanks you for your service. We wish you well."
"Get. Out."
He bowed politely before leaving with the box tucked under one arm and a briefcase in the other, trying to stay as professional as he could. The nurses could only wonder what was going through his mind as he walked down the hallways.
"Gab, that wasn't very nice," Vignette criticised with seriousness. "He was just doing his job."
She sat down on the bed with her face buried in her hands. "I know. I know. I'm sorry."
"Look...that could've gone better. But it doesn't...what are you doing?"
"I'm going to apologize," she said, grabbing a heavy coat and storming out. Vignette unconsciously muttered a small 'wow' in admiration. She had never expected that Gabriel would be so...Vignette-like.
Takehiko was about to get in the back seat of the car when Gabriel came running up.
"Takehiko!," she panted. "I'm sorry!"
"Miss White," he acknowledged.
"I'm sorry. Didn't mean to get pissy like that. I just want you to understand. That I'm not some...special elite military person. Maybe I was strong but...it wears away with enough time, you know?"
He handed the driver his things before stepping forward. "I understand completely."
"And I want you to know that...humanity has a chance. Don't give up on it. After everything I've seen."
"I wish I could Miss White," he said. "I really do. But if not your drive then what? What could stop those...things out there? Must we become as corrupt as them?"
"We...can still fight them."
He shook his head. "Live out your days in freedom," he said. "Appreciate the warmth in your heart, the food in your stomach and the touch of another human."
He drove off into the distance, possibly being the last time that Gabriel would see him again.
AN: Another chapter! I have no idea where I'm going with this.
