Frances had walked her daughter and son-in-law home from the doctor's appointment. Everything was fine as usual, as far as the doctor could tell….so they were all happy for that. Frances began the walk home and her thoughts drifted here and there. From thinking about the impending arrival of her newest grandchild….to her daughter and son in law, and she smiled with pride. She thought of the current times of the Great Depression, and she worried a little for them….for her son, daughter-in-law and granddaughter as well…..she worried about what she talked with Freddie about that afternoon, but then she sighed and smiled, trusting her son would do the right things and they would be just fine soon enough.

Frances chuckled to herself. "You have a 23 year old….a 21 year old….with spouses of their own….a little granddaughter…." She smiled at the thought of little Marlene and her heart swelled with pride thinking about her and also the new grandchild on the way. "When did you get to be an old lady?!" Frances laughed at herself. "I can't believe how time just flies by…." She looked up at the big store windows of a grocery store, and thought of that night's supper. She sighed as she remembered they only had one veal cutlet left to cook up, and she was out of flour and almost out of lard. They had the grapes and pears and walnuts from the yard and a little garden….and chickens. They would be okay, she thought and knew her husband would tell her so. Digging in her little purse, she found she had just enough change for the flour and a bit of lard. She went in and bought them and again began the solemn walk home to Peru Road. She crossed the little wooden bridge and stopped and stood there a moment, looking at the lovely sight that was her home. The decent sized house with the open porch, her husband's garage that matched the house…..the giant German pine that stood next to their humble home, with the woods around the whole space. She walked up the little walkway to the back door and looked out into the little yard, with the locust tree, snowball bush and deep purple lilac bush . Frances walked up the little path and passed by the little well they had on their property. She walked through the little back porch to the back door of her home and let herself inside. "Yoooo hoooo!" she called softly, and giggled to herself. Setting the groceries on her little kitchen table, she walked through her little L shaped kitchen and walked through the quiet little sewing room with her Singer sewing machine along one wall by the kitchen door, and a dark wood buffet table near two windows and the little telephone on it's wooden shelf. Frances opened the French doors to the little living room, with her husband's armchair, her rocking chair and the little pink couch with the white lace doily on it. The old fashioned radio in one corner of the room…... Frances chuckled some more as she came to find her husband and little granddaughter both napping in the big armchair. Fred's mouth was opened slightly and he was snoring, with little Marlene sitting on one leg, snuggled against her Grandpa. The little one was a light sleeper, as was her Grandfather and both awoke.

"Well, hello there…" Frances smiled and her brown eyes twinkled with happiness as they always did and she picked up her little granddaughter. "Did you and Pops have a nice little nap?" She grinned at her granddaughter and kissed her chubby little cheek.

Fred yawned and laughed a little. "I don't know who tired out who….She had me running all over the yard. Then she started shaking my snowball bush and tried to hide in it a few times!"

"I see…" Frances smiled at her husband. "There's white petals all along the ground…."

Fred saw the little twinkle that was in his wife's eyes and chuckled a bit. "I needed to prune it anyway…." Fred grinned. "Well, baby girl….let's get you home!" He grunted, getting up from his armchair and took his little granddaughter into his arms.

"Fred, your auto doesn't have seatbelts….." Frances glanced at her husband.

"I know….don't worry! She'll be just fine with me. I can drive with one arm! Remember a couple of years ago I fell and broke my shoulder in three places and the neighbor lady broke her leg in three places too?"

"So you drove both of you to the hospital, yes I remember…." Frances smiled and nodded her head. "Don't let it get to your head, you little hero…." She teased him. Frances heard him laugh and walk out the front door with their little granddaughter Marlene.

"Be careful on those steps, dear!" She called to him. "Remember your heart condition…."

"Remember you worry too much!" Fred teased her. "Pops can handle these steps no problem!" He winked at his little granddaughter and walked with her down the solid steps and into the little Model T Ford and drove with Marlene in the front seat with him, close to him. She grabbed part of the steering wheel with her little hand and that got a chuckle out of Fred. He was in control of the automobile but he let her "help" drive to the little house on Providence Street. Fred let himself in with his little granddaughter on his hip and saw his son at the stove. Irene sat at the kitchen table preparing a vegetable to be cooked for their little supper. Fred smiled proudly to see his son and daughter-in-law in good spirits...and he set his little granddaughter into her little chair.

"Was she good for you, Dad?" Irene asked her father-in-law.

"She was a little sweetheart…." He smiled and kissed the top of little Marlene's blonde head. Fred chatted with his son and his daughter-in-law a few minutes and nodded farewell and drove home himself. He came in the back door and of course saw his lovely wife at the stove fixing supper. They chatted as she set their little kitchen table and sat down to their supper. Noodles with the little morsel of veal cutlet, a half for each. She fried up some bread pieces and added those, to make things stretch. They also had fresh produce from the garden.

"Where one is always right and the other is the husband…."Fred mumbled and started to laugh softly, glancing at the paper.

"What are you mumbling about over there?" Frances laughed.

"You're right about those steps, honey. I think I'll start using the back door from now on…" Fred sat there with his hands on his knees.

"Are you alright?" Frances noticed her husband breathing a little bit hard.

"I'm perfectly fine…" Fred nodded. "I just did too much today! I think I'll go to bed early….."

They talked awhile. she had asked about getting a job to help him with finances. "Or we could keep a border…." She mentioned her idea to him again.

"I don't know how I feel about strangers in our home." Fred said. "Though if I'm dead and gone before you ….you can do whatever the heck you please….I'd have no say in it then." He started to chuckle.

"Don't say things like that…." She said quietly. They were both quiet a few moments. "Okay,…I won't get a job if you don't want me to…"

"MY wife doesn't need to…." Fred smiled, laying his hand on top of hers across the table. "We're doing just fine sweetheart…..don't worry…."

"How are you feeling?" Frances asked her husband. "I've been so worried for your health these past few years….." She started to say. "First you burn your eye with that,…what was it? Muriatic acid…..then you broke your shoulder…then with the monoxide gas poisoning…..a week ago you got the flu out of nowhere….the last thing we need is…." In 1933 Fred had had an accident at work in the Brewery pouring the muriatic acid in the wort to help with the beer's PH balance when the acid somehow splashed him by one eye…..another time, he and son Freddie both were overcome with monoxide gas in the Brewery's tanks around the same year…..and then last year in 1934 in January, he was helping the neighbor lady carry some packages and slipped on the ice in front of his garage. He indeed had broken his shoulder in 3 places, and the neighbor lady, having fallen too, had broken her leg in 3 places. He managed to get both of them on their feet and drove with one arm to the hospital. Even so, It seemed like one bad thing after another was happening ….and Frances was worried for her husband.

"Honey….calm down….Don't worry over me, I'm fine. I'm taking it easy just like the doc told me to."

"Running around the yard with our granddaughter….mmhmm." Frances said flatly, pouring him a glass of their hand pressed grape juice.

"I would have with our son too….. then I'd have two little ones to run after." Fred smiled a bit, thinking.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart…" He said as soon as he saw the look on her face.

"I couldn't help but gaze up to the hill lately….." She said, feeling tears well up but she tried her best to conceal them and a heaviness stopped in her throat. A son they had later in life, Frances being 37 and Fred being 45 at the time, (before she grew sick with cancer and had her hysterectomy)….a surprise to them….was born, now buried up in the woods by a wildflower garden. The children's flower garden, they called it. "We would have a 4 year old today…..if I.."

"Honey…." Fred said going over to her and placed his thick gentle hands on her shoulders. "Don't…..It wasn't your fault…I told you before…"

Even after 4 years, Frances cried with sorrow into her husband's torso, about the loss of their little son. "You remember!….I breastfed him…..bathed him…..put him to bed…..the next morning he was gone!….." She cried, leaning against her husband. He shut his gray eyes and held her tightly and tried to soothe her.

"Its moments like these where the pain just rears its ugly head…talking with Freddie today really brought it all back again….."

"I know…I understand…." Fred whispered, rubbing her arm. "I'm sorry I brought it up too…."

"You didn't…it wasn't just you…I…I think of him now and then….." She told him. "Sometimes I wonder if my heart will ever heal….it hurts so much….oh why…" she began, but all she could get out was tears that soaked her face.

"Perhaps something was wrong…. Maybe, me and my age….we may never know why, sweetheart…." Fred whispered. His cheek grazed against her tear soaked one. "You know you can go up there whenever you want….That's why we decided he would be buried up by the Children's flower garden….I was up there just the other day." Fred couldn't help but stare up there into the woods from the kitchen window again. He sighed, thinking. Thinking how that son gave them joy, but also much sorrow at his sudden death. Fred dreamed if he had lived on….how would he have handled being a father all over again, in his 50s and beyond as the child would have grown…..but also a grandfather at the same time? Fred let out a long , hard breath and rubbed his wife's neck and shoulder. "The Almighty knows best…." He whispered.

"I know He does…." Frances whimpered and sighed through tears. "It just doesn't always seem like it…and here I be…burying my pain,…. I don't mean to….I feel so weak..."

"Now, now, now….that's enough crying…." Fred told his wife soothingly and softly placed his arms around her in an embrace. "I can't bear to see a face that pretty all waterlogged…." He joked and saw her smile a little and he kissed her.

"I don't ever want to think of my life without you, Fred…" Frances whispered, still thinking about what he had said earlier. "You're my strength…"


"Bert…are you ready?!" Paul Bardrick called to his wife, fumbling with his red 1930s tie in the mirror. He straightened his glasses on his face. He was now used to them, thinking he looked quite dapper in them. "Honey?" he called, placing his dark tan Walker hat on his head to complete his look.

"Almost ready!" Bert called in the next room. She was trying to put on a new item of makeup she had bought. A cake of Maybelline mascara. Bert grabbed a tube of raspberry red colored lipstick and swiped it on carefully, admiring her handiwork in the mirror. She smoothed her tan and red summer day suit and skirt and found her husband in the next room. "Ready?" She breathed, and helped him fix his tie. She smiled, glancing at what Paul was wearing. "I love it when you match what I'm wearing…." Bert saw he was wearing his tan pinstripe 1930s summer suit and a red tie that had a faint pattern to it. "What do you think,…hat or no hat?" She asked his opinion, and placed a tan tilt hat with a red colored band on it, on her head. The hat's brim swooping down slightly over one eye.

"Definitely the hat…..you look gorgeous as usual, "hot mama"." Paul grinned. "You alright?" He asked and saw she placed her hand on her belly and was just standing there.

"My stomach's all a flutter….and it's not just the baby…." Bert half laughed and leaned into him as he held her. The toe of her tan high heel slightly dragging against the cherry wood floor.

"Now don't be nervous….." Paul smiled. He smirked, bringing her closer to him and his lips formed a smile. "Gee, you're the cutest little pregnant lady I ever saw. Cute as a button."

"You can barely tell I am!" Bert said, her dark eyelashes flashed at him, exposing her chocolate colored eyes.

"IF people knew you and knew you were pregnant….then yes, they could tell you are…."

"See!" She looked at him, crossing her arms.

Paul cocked his head and glanced at her…..."You are worrying way too much. Calm down, Sweetness." He let his hands glide down the length of her tall body. She sighed and welcomed his lips with her own and her hands clung to the lapels on his suitcoat.

"Let's go see how "little boy" or "little girl" is doing." Paul smiled at his wife. "Little Cora Rose…."

"I thought we decided on Theresa…." Bert started to say. Paul had changed his mind on the name. "Cora after my mother, Rose after yours."

Bert smiled widely at him but then started to laugh. She felt so good right now. More wonderful than she had in a long time….but she couldn't help but laugh at a thought that popped into her head..

"What?" Paul questioned her, chuckling at the gleam in her gorgeous brown eyes.

"John John!"

"Pardon?!" Paul laughed at her, not understanding what she meant by that.

"Your dad's name is John and so is my father's!..." 'John Edward' for Paul's father….'John Henry' was Bert's…." That's it, I'm nicknaming the baby John-John!….:"

"IF it's a boy…." Paul said. "John-John Bardrick!" They laughed together again.

"John John, the pipers son!" Bert laughed. "Stole a pig, and away he run!" She quoted the little diddy. They laughed together at that one and silence settled in again. They were comfortable with each other's silence most of the time. They loved just being together.

"You know,…he'd actually be John Bardrick the 3rd. My grandfather's name was John as well." He reminded her.

Bert grinned at him. "John John, the ranchers son….." She beamed at him with her soft brown eyes and velvety soft lips that turned upwards into a smile, Bert stood there with her arms wrapped around her husband, letting the palms of her hands smooth up and down his back. "No….it's so silly.." she chuckled at herself after awhile…."Well…since you changed the girl's name, I want a different boy's name…." She nodded slightly and shot him a daring look. "Since I won't name him John-John…." Bert started to say but started to laugh and tried to stifle it, with Paul grinning at her. She lost herself in a kiss and told him the name she now wanted. "Paul Ivor Bardrick Jr…..and I hope he's just like his Papa." She batted her dark eyelashes at him and kissed him several times. "I love you…." She whispered. He answered the same.

"Ready to go?" He asked and then they walked hand in hand to the little automobile they owned. Paul hoped to surprise her on her next birthday with getting Bert her own auto. He had been saving the money away without telling her, and he thought things were going quite well for them on the cattle ranch in First View, Colorado. He hoped they would become very successful. He could just see it.

"Acres and acres of beautiful Colorado flat land….you…me…and our 7 children…."

"7?!" Bert exclaimed.

"Sure!" Paul stretched and wrapped an arm around her thin shoulders. "You'll pop 'em out in no time!" He joked with her and she playfully nudged him in the ribs.

"Ok, 8 then!"

"Paul Ivor!" She gasped, but a laugh escaped her lips. "How about 5!….4…3….2…." She laughed each time she said a number. "Oh honey, I hardly know if I can have just 1! This "bun in the oven" has to finish "baking"…." She said, trying to keep laughing, and just like that the nervous, sick feeling came back on her. She admitted to herself and herself only that pregnancy, and this one in particular…scared her….but that she also wanted this tiny life that was within her more than anything she ever wanted. Yet, Paul felt he understood her silence just then and brought her hand to his lips and kissed it. "You two are just fine…..don't make yourself sick with worry….."

Bert rode with her hand resting softly on her abdomen the whole way from First View, which was in Cheyenne county, Colorado, to the little town of Kit Carson. They stopped at a little grocery store and picked up a few things they were out of, and also sold some butter Bert had made from the most recent milking. They stopped for lunch and Paul bought her a ginger ale and a Moxie soda for himself to drink. And lastly they went to the little clinic in Kit Carson for Bert's appointment.

"Trust me that everything's fine…."

"Easy for you to say….You're not the one feeling what I feel." Bert told him. She sighed. "I'll try…" Bert grabbed his hand and they walked into the little clinic, filling out her medical information and they waited for what seemed like hours in the lobby. Bert tried to look at and read the magazines. She ended up glancing at medical pamphlets that were mixed in, that frightened her. The nervous fluttering came back and stuck like glue….

"Want my last Lucky?..." Paul offered the Lucky strike cigarette. "Sweet, you're getting all nervous again…."

"I don't feel good when I smoke anymore….I can't…."

"Bert, I can count on one hand the times you've smoked a cigarette! One more won't hurt you…."

"I don't want to." She insisted this time. Bert shook her head, sitting up straighter. She glanced at the magazine she was reading and Paul put the carton of nearly empty cigarettes back in his suit pocket.

"Mrs. Paul Bardrick…. Gilbertha?" a nurse came out in a white uniform.

"That's me…" Bert said and stood up.

"The Dr. will see you…." And the nurse gave her a little gown to put on and Paul insisted on following her in. He wrapped an arm around her waist. Paul kissed her temple. "I'm here with you…."

Bert got dressed in the little clinic's gown and sat down on the little cot and anxiously waited for the doctor to come in. Bert's knee bouncing up and down in her anxiety and Paul held her hand and with the other, rested on her midsection. "You're alright, sweetheart…" He whispered.

"I'm…just afraid that something's horribly wrong and I'll be kept for observation…..poked…prodded…Hospitals and clinics make me oh so nervous!" She tried to breathe deep breaths as Paul's hands rested in her lap, trying to soothe her with comforting words. "I'm here…you're just fine." He feared she would have….what they didn't know then, was…a series of panic attacks.

"Mrs. Bardrick!" The doctor came in then and introduced himself to her and Paul. "Mr. Bardrick…." Paul only nodded and sat down next to his wife in a straight back chair. He intended on staying right there where he sat.

"Just get yourself comfortable and we'll begin the exams….." The doctor said. "Do you know when you're due?" Bert had told the new doctor what the doctor in Dubuque had said when she was due to deliver, but she wanted another opinion and went on later to tell him the changes in her body, and her concerns with her pregnancy. He had begun an assessment of her health….examined the growth of her abdomen to see if the baby was growing properly for as far along as she was…..and he was to perform at last, a vaginal exam.

"Were you a tiny lady before you fell pregnant? I figure as such…." He asked about her weight.

"Is that a problem?" She asked, worriedly and felt Paul's gentle, loving grip on her hand.

"No, nothing a proper diet won't fix, you seem to be healthy though….Do you smoke at all, Mrs. Bardrick?"

"I have a little. ….A cigarette or two now and then to calm my nerves…."

"Hmmmm..….uh-huh" The doctor said softly and took out his stethoscope. "Let's listen to the heartbeat awhile…." Bert lay back as she felt the doctor move the instrument around on her skin, beneath the fabric of the hospital gown…. Her heart pounded in her chest as the doctor was silent.

"There's no heartbeat?…." Paul gasped and glared at the doctor. Bert shut her eyes and turned her head towards Paul. Her helpless eyes found his and then she looked back at the doctor.

"It is quite faint…." The doctor said solemnly and kept trying for it. "And…no….….oh….Yes…There we go!" He exclaimed as he heard it pick up. "Much better that time…We'll try it again awhile later."

"Anything we need to worry over, doctor?" Paul asked quickly.

The doctor sighed a moment and spoke again. "I'm not sure….things seem to be…okay. Your wife is quite healthy, baby seems to be as well… But….considering what your wife has told me of her previous troubles…we will keep a close watch on it. You can plan on delivering here in Kit Carson, late October, early November I would say….…..You live in First View, 15 minutes away, correct?" He asked, glancing again at her paperwork. Bert nodded. They later finished the appointment. Paul followed the doctor out and talked with him some and the doctor gave him his telephone number and shook his hand.

Bert walked back to the automobile while Paul paid for the appointment. She sat in the car and waited for him. She was solemn on the ride home, one hand rested on her stomach….her other arm she linked with his arm and Bert laced her fingers around his. "Oh….Paul…." She sighed out a long sigh she had been holding in at the doctor's office and buried her face in her husband's shoulder as he drove. Paul kept his eyes on the road but he rubbed his face close to her and kissed the top of her head, smelling the sweet smell of her dark hair.

"The doctor said…" Paul began. He feared he would cry and couldn't say anything more.

"Doctors can be wrong….." He thought he heard her mumble. "What if I lose this baby too…." Bert found herself laying down as Paul drove to the next little town to pick up their mail, her head resting on his thigh. "You're such a good man to put up with me…." She cried.

"I love you, you're my wife...I don't "put up" with you….." They were both silent for some time. "Are you in any pain right now?" He asked her after a while, driving with one arm, he rubbed her back with the other. He realized this was pretty serious now and feared the worst for her with how she was acting.

"No physical pain…." She answered. "I'm quiet tired….I feel quite blue…" Bert told him and felt tears roll down her cheeks.

"You still feel the baby moving, right?" Paul asked solemnly. Bert nodded quietly. "Right now, yes….a little. That does give me a glimmer of hope that things are okay….."

"The doctor gave me his telephone number in case we need it…" Paul said quietly. "Your next appointment is?"

"Next Monday….they're waiting a whole week!" She exclaimed. Her voice stressed her fear and worry about their situation.

"Well…." Paul managed to say, but he didn't know what to say after that…He was unsure if the wait was a good thing or a bad thing….He parked their little automobile and sat there running his fingers through her hair as her head still lay in his lap. She sat up as he went to get the mail in the little post office and just as quick, he was back in the automobile and he drove for home on their little cattle ranch. Bert sat in the passengers seat and rested till they pulled up in their little gravel driveway. "I'll put away the groceries….you can go to bed early if you want to, Bert…." Paul told her. "I'll check on the cattle and I think I'll turn in too….."

He came into their bedroom later to find her, dressed in her summer nightgown, laying down under a thin blanket. He took off his suit coat and hung it up with his hat on the little wooden coat rack. He put away his tie, slacks and dress shirt after taking them off and stood there in his summer stockings, knee length boxers and undershirt. Paul took off the tank top…. as he always did, dressing for bed. Her head found his bare chest as he got into the bed and lay beside her.

"Don't cry…."Paul whispered helplessly. "You've done nothing but cry this pregnancy…."

"I'm sorry…..I'm so…so sorry you have to put up with me like this! I just can't help feeling scared and that I'll lose this baby. It's what has always happened so far!" Bert cried out and buried her face in his bare chest. She found comfort in his arms. "I don't know what to say, honey…" Paul whispered. He was at a loss for words and he didn't know what to think…or what to do or say that would make her feel better. They lay there in their bed, with her head still buried in his chest. Bert moved her head later and saw he was looking at some mail. A letter.

"What is it?" She asked, sitting up and snuggled close at his side.

"A letter from my parents…..A week ago!" Paul exclaimed and his eyes scanned the letter. "They're coming in for a visit Friday…."

"It will be nice to see them again…"

"Haven't seen them since our wedding…." Paul mentioned. "Wait till they see you." He smiled at her.

"Oh Paul…." She blushed.

"You're gorgeous…..you won "Most Attractive bride" of November 1931!"

"Oh stop it." She blushed a second time. "I'm sure they'll be surprised to see me….we haven't told them we're expecting. You didn't write them about it, right?" Bert asked him.

"No….I didn't know…if I should with losing those other pregnancies…with this one..life just caught up with me…. Us." He smiled.

The days had passed on and Paul's parents arrived on that Friday. They went out into the little gravel driveway and met them as their little car pulled up next to Paul's Nash. Paul's mother was so excited to see both of them, she ran out of the car and into her son's arms. Planting kisses on his cheeks. "My baby boy!" She cried, hugging her youngest child. "I feel like I haven't seen you in ages….it's been what 4, 5 years?!" Cora Edith Middleswart Bardrick kissed her son again and went to her lovely daughter-in-law.

"Berta! Look at you!" Cora smiled and scanned her after their embrace. Her kind eyes went wide. "You didn't tell us!" Cora grinned excitedly and placed a gentle hand on her daughter-in-law's expanded midsection. "You little rascals!" She laughed and so did Bert and they hugged again.

"Wot in Tarnation is all this commotion?!" Paul's father, John Edward, or J.E. Bardrick exclaimed laughing and set down some luggage and went to hug his strong, handsome son.

"These two didn't write to us and tell us that this beautiful girl is in the family way…Finally!" Cora hugged her again and rejoiced with her daughter-in-law. "Oh how do you feel?…..You feel good?! Oh I hope so. I hope "little one" hasn't been too hard on you!" Cora was talking so fast and was so excited Bert couldn't help but giggle and smile this overjoyed smile at her.

"We've had a few scary moments…." Bert admitted.

"But she's been doing just splendid these past few days." Paul came up behind her and put his arms around Gilbertha and gave her a loving kiss on the cheek and glanced at her reassuringly.

"I do feel some better….better than the other day…" Bert said, looking at her husband. "I don't want to worry your mother…." She mouthed.

"Oh, we should rush out and get you some maternity outfits!" The older 'Mrs. Bardrick' said.

"Oh, Mrs. Bardrick, I just went shopping the other day for some. I don't need a thing…..Paul's taking good care of me." Bert smiled at Paul. "You should be very proud of your son…."

"Oh honey I am!" Cora smiled. "You always have been a good boy, Paul." Cora turned to Bert again, "And dearie…I told you to call me Momma or Mom!...or Cora. I don't mind, you know."

"Alright Mrs. Bard-…Mom. " Bert smiled at her mother-in-law. She called her own mother, "Mother" so calling someone "Mom" for a change was nice.

"Well, son let get this luggage inside and then we can head down to that barn of yours. See how you've been doing with the cattle, my boy. " J.E. said and Paul went to his parents' car to grab his mother's luggage. "When did you get glasses, boy?!" He laughed, catching up with his 22 year old son.

"I'll have luncheon on in a bit. Cold cuts, cheese….bread and butter. " Bert said.

"Oh dearie….I'll help you!" Cora smiled, laying a hand on her shoulder and they started walking to the cute little ranch house.

"Oh no, Mom! Its nearly ready, it just need to set the table for the 4 of us….but thank you. " Bert smiled. She liked having her mother-in-law around. "We've put up the guest bedroom for you. You can lie down a bit. Make yourself comfortable. I'm sure you're tired after all that travelling!...How is Knoxville?" Bert asked about Mom and Dad Bardrick's little town of Knoxville, Iowa.

"Still on the map!" Cora laughed. "That's why we came out here….nothing new over there, I needed some excitement…..Tomorrow we shall go shopping! And don't tell me no, dear…." Cora smiled at her daughter-in-law and went to take a little nap before lunch in the guest bedroom.

A few days passed and Bert had her other doctor's appointment. They found nothing wrong once again and sent them home. "Maybe you're right, honey…." Bert had told her husband. "I'm just worrying too much….perhaps everything IS fine…."

Gilbertha enjoyed having her in-laws visit them. Cora went to town shopping with her several times….and helped her with the housework and such. They talked and laughed and had deep conversations. Cora was someone she could confide in, and Bert thought she was so wise.

"I'm so glad you're my mother-in-law….." Bert smiled. "How did I ever get so lucky?"

"You chased me down…till I put my hands up in mock surrender!...and then you robbed the cradle." Paul chuckled, teasing about their age difference and when they married.

Paul had just come in from the barn that afternoon with his father. He ran a hand along her shoulders and leaned down to kiss her. She and his mother were sitting at the little kitchen table late that morning. "Don't expect us for lunch….Myrtle's set to deliver her calf today.

"Oh Paul, dear…..couldn't we all head down to the barn and watch it happen?"

"Momma!" Paul laughed. "Now why would you want to see that?...It quite boring at first though, all a girl does is stand there…..Myrtle's been doing that for a few days, so she'll be quite close to the second stage….." Paul explained about the 3 stages of calving. "The first stage of parturition is dilation of the cervix. The normal cervix is tightly closed right up until the cervical plug is completely dissolved. In stage 1, cervical dilation begins some 4 to 24 hours before the completion of parturition. ….At the beginning, the contractile forces primarily influence the relaxation of the cervix but uterine muscular activity is still rather….well…quiet… I've noticed some behavioral changes in the girl lately….like isolation from the others…. elevation of the tail, switching of the tail, she's done that a lot…. and increased mucous discharge. Before "pulling" a calf in stage 2, it is imperative to see that stage 1 (cervical dilation) is complete…." Paul tried to explain but they just looked at him like he had two heads.

"It sounds like you've really done your research….Wait a minute though,….You have to….PULL….the calf out?!" His mother exclaimed. "Oh dear!"

"Yeah….My first calf I birthed…..I had to reach my arm up there." Paul explained. " The girl had a second, hidden calf way up in there and there were some problems…."

"Oh good Lord!...I was in labor 4 times in my life and I can't imagine that! Yanking on it!" Paul's mother exclaimed. She was intrigued but blown away at what Paul was telling them all.

"Makes for good practice for when you have your little one, eh?" Paul's father nudged him.

"Dad…" Paul chuckled and laid his hand over Bert's dainty one. "I think that's a whole different ballpark!"

"No, I most certainly will not be some heifer birthing her calf!" Bert laughed and glanced at Paul.

"I want to be ready though…." Paul smiled at her and leaned in for a kiss. "Done a little reading on it….both of us."

"Will you have the little one on the ranch then?" His mother asked them.

"Well…" Bert spoke up. "That's what we wanted originally…." She slightly smiled at her husband and looked back at her in-laws. "But I've had some fears and concerns….and the doctor suggested I have the baby in the hospital in Kit Carson. Which is fine with us."

"I want the best for her, Momma…"

"Nothing wrong with that, honey." Cora smiled at her son and daughter-in-law. Just then, one of the ranch hands burst through the door and went right to Paul.

"Mr. Bardrick….Myrtle's real close! You need to come back down here…."

"I'm on it!" Paul sprang up from his chair, rolling up his sleeves and scrubbed up at the new kitchen sink Paul had put in for Bert. To make her ranch work and housework at home easier. "You still want to come down and watch, Momma?!" He called, going out the door.

"Why sure! " Cora exclaimed and she, and Paul's dad and Bert headed out to the barn. Bert was right there with Paul watching it all happen. Cora was not far behind them.

"Good Lord! Those are hooves coming out! HOOVES!" Paul's mother exclaimed. She thought she'd faint just then and there...

"Stay back, Sweet…" Paul told his wife. "This'll get messy…." Bert looked on, wishing she could help him, but so proud of her husband how he took charge and his knowledge about birth….even though this was an animal, of course. In some strange way, it calmed her fears about what she was to endure shortly…..and she hoped Paul could be at the hospital with her when that time came in a few months.

Things came to a halt and Paul cursed for a second. "Step way back, Bert….I gotta reach my arm….up…." He said, reaching up Into the poor, miserable heifer… and took one good YANK on the calf. "God, its slippery!…." Another couple of yanks and it was out, along with membranes and fluid.

"Will it be alright?" Bert asked, worried. Gazing at the slimy calf that lay on the ground on its side. She wished she could pick it up and hold the little darling but she thought to have Paul handle things.

"I think so." Paul answered, inspecting the little calf. "Both will….I think."

"Which is it?" She looked on. "Boy or girl?"

"Girl…." Paul smiled at his wife. "Look!"…. "Myrtle…ya did good, girl." He said, petting the cow. "I'll keep an eye on her within the next few days for the placental discharge." He said, getting up and washed up at the little washing bowl in the barn. He later helped his wife up from her crouched position on the ground.

"You sure know your stuff, honey." Paul's mother told him. "I'm impressed…."

They had a nice little supper together and while Bert was washing up the dishes, Mrs. Bardrick noticed she was moving slower than usual and would lean a few moments against the kitchen sink.

"Are you alright, dear?" Cora asked softly.

"I'll be fine, Mom…" She told her mother-in-law while she dried a plate and set it in the cupboard. "I don't feel that great" She confessed moments later. "I think I'll go to bed early. If Paul worries about me, let him know….please."

"I will do that, dearie." She said and held her daughter-in-law's hand a moment before she walked past her to the bedroom. "I will finish the dishes…..You take care of yourself….and my grandbaby."

"I will..," Bert smiled and turned to head into the bedroom.

"Let me know if you need me…." Cora nodded to her.

"Thank you…." She said softly and laid down and slept for some time. She woke up later and slowly turned over to find Paul gazing at her.

"Good evening…" He said. "Been watching you sleep….Momma said you weren't feeling good." He let his fingers run through her hair and softly sweep her forehead and cheek and chin. Bert smiled at his touch and shook her head, closing her eyes and felt him snuggle with her.

"What time is it?"

"Bout….11:30 at night…." Paul said, glancing at the clock.

"Oh,...ok….goodnight…" She said and turned back over. He just let her sleep, figuring she needed it and fell asleep later too. He spent a long time, though, watching her sleep until he grew tired.

"Paul…Paul…." She moaned, in pain later on at about 3 in the morning. "Paul…wake up…" she cried, shaking him awake. "Paul!" Bert moaned and the pain she was in was bad and it brought tears to her eyes.

"What the matter?…." Paul awoke more and lit the gas lamp on the dresser by the bed. "What's wrong?….."

"I'm having some real bad back pain!" She said, leaning forward. It was all she could do, but it didn't help much.

"I'm sorry, honey…." He said and began to rub her back. "That help?...You've had so much trouble with this little one….I'm sorry, Sweet." Paul whispered and held her and rubbed her back a long time.

"The pains getting worse….I don't know what this is…." She cried, starting to panic and she leaned against him on the bed. "I'm so sorry, honey…I don't mean to scare you…" Bert started crying harder and lay against him, curled up against his chest and he sat there rubbing her back and trying to comfort her…."Shhh…..what do you have to be sorry about…..You're fine, honey."

"Ohhhh…oh….oh my God…..what is this….." She moaned and Paul saw her tense up, her head pressed against his bare chest. She was beginning to panic and it started to frighten him.

"Oh God…." She moaned with her eyes shut. Sobs started to rack her body from the pain she was in.

"Honey….."Paul looked at her.

"What?..." She asked breathless and panting on his chest.

"Why is the bed….soaked…..is that….blood?" He asked, looking at the pink tinge of blood stains on the bed, also drenched with sweat, he thought..

"What's the matter in here? I heard crying…..sobbing.." Cora came in, dressed in her floral nightgown. "What's the matter?!"

"I don't know, Mom…." Bert told her mother-in-law and tears streamed her cheeks. "I'm in a lot of pain right now….."

"Where?" Cora put all her attention on her daughter-in-law at that moment. "I don't know...how to explain it….all over my lower half…" Bert panted and leaned up against Paul.

" There's blood, Momma…." He told his mother and she glanced at the bed. "I don't know what's going on…" Paul was starting to panic.

"Now let's calm down you two….." Cora came over and sat on the bed with the young couple. "Bert, dearie….." She placed her hands on her shoulders softly hoping what she said next would not scare her. "I think you might be in labor, honey…"

"No, I'm not….." She cried. "I can't be…" she choked out. "Oh God….." She said with her breath as the pain came on again….. "Mom, I'm not ready….It's not time yet! I have 3, 4 months left!" Bert said franticly.

"Bert….don't panic…" Cora soothingly told her. "Calm down your breathing…..calm….that's it…..That's it dearie." She let Bert lay down a few minutes to calm herself. "Shhh…." Cora rubbed her daughter-in-law's arm in order to give comfort and security.

"Mom….Mom, I'm not ready to have this baby!…..It's not time yet." She started to cry again.

"Dearie….you are in labor…" She told her daughter-in-law seriously. "..it's time….whether it's really supposed to be or not…."

"I need to go the hospital in Kit Carson…." She sobbed.

"Yes…..We'll get you there…." Cora nodded. "Paul….let's get her in your car…." He was trying to jump into his pants and put a 1930s tank top shirt on.

"You'll be fine, Sweetheart…" He said, later trying to usher his wife out the door.

"Paul…I can't move…" She panicked. "I can't move…it hurts too bad…..Paul, I swear I can't move!"

"Honey…you need to calm down…." Paul said….there were tears in his eyes and he was scared stiff about what was happening. "Breathe….I read that in one of those books…." He picked her up, carried her outside and got her into the back seat of his car. He thought he saw more blood soaking her thin summer nightgown. "Momma!….Momma!" He yelled for his mother in a panic and held his wife's hands.

"I'm coming!" She said, dragging her sleepy husband, J.E. behind her. "Get in, John!" She snapped at him.

"Paul….drive…." She said and she got into the backseat with her daughter in law. Paul got in the car and started driving like a mad man towards Kit Carson, Colorado. Bert was nearly silent in the back seat but now and then Paul heard her moans of sheer agony. He was deathly afraid. He was not ready for this or for what happened next. The tire went flat and the engine died halfway to Kit Carson and they were stuck in the middle of nowhere with no traffic in sight. It was only a 14 mile drive. They were so close!...He and his dad tried to fix the tire and engine but all Paul Bardrick could focus on was his wife's cries and screams of pain and screams for him. Bert was panicking and she wanted her husband.

"Now, dearie…I know you'd rather have your mother with you too….but you have me. The next best thing."

"And you have me…." Paul said and joined his wife's side.

"I'm glad you're here…." Bert gazed up at her husband and then glanced at her mother-in-law who was at her feet. Paul cradled her in his arms till he got tired and switched places with his mother in the back of the car. "Paul….I'm terrified….."

Paul kept nodding his head and tears fell out of his eyes. "You're okay, Bert….Sweetheart…" He choked out. He cried as he saw her, knees bent in front of him…bleeding….and terror stricken and in intense pain. Bert shut her eyes and cried…."I...I wish I had a Rosary right now!…" but she decided to pray and chant her Catholic prayers without it, from memory….being the good, devout Catholic she was. Bert went to Mass nearly every single day her parish had it. She was born a Catholic, raised a Catholic, and would die a Catholic.

"Hail Mary….Full of Grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus…..Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death….Amen…. Hail Mary, Full of Grace. The Lord is with thee…..."

Paul started to cry and placed his hand on her knee. He saw all the blood and his beautiful wife in pain and chanting these prayers he didn't know if anyone but them heard. "You won't die, Bert…." He cried helplessly and tried to soothe her and keep her breathing the way it should be, and still he heard her chant several Hail Mary's and Our Father's in her frightened state. She breathed, "Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name…." and cried out more Hail Mary's and made the sign of the Cross. Bert was in a whole other world of pain and darkness, fear and despair. She shut her eyes and tried to bear the pain as each wave came. The car wasn't moving, as J.E. Bardrick had been trying for an hour to get the automobile started again. She was terrified…..They were stuck there for what seemed like a very long time. Labor slowed for Bert a short while and she rested till it picked back up again. And it came upon her quicker than before.

"Oh Paul….Paul. " She moaned weakly through the labor pain. She didn't even notice her mother-in-law's supporting arms. She only noticed her husband who sat in between her legs in the back of the automobile. "Paul….honey, I'm so sorry…." Bert cried and tears flowed like a river.

"Sweetheart…you're okay….." Paul said and he cried, looking at her. "You don't need to be sorry…."

"You told me not to worry…and I did….and look at us now….." she cried and grunted as another wave of pain hit her.

Paul stared at her helplessly and didn't know what to say….He glanced at his mother. "Bert….honey…." Cora saw her daughter-in-law wincing through her pains. "Do you feel any pressure at all?" Her mother-in-law asked.

"It's intense…" She cried, nodding her head sharply and her head later whipped slowly around from side to side during each painful, quick coming contraction.

"Paul…Paul, I cant…..I can't do this…." She tried to breathe and cried and locked eyes with his fearful ones. She needed strength and for him to be there for her and he tried his best to be what she needed. He was terrified he would lose her in this.

"Paul, you have to take over, son…." He heard his mother say.

"Momma…I'm not ready for this." He gulped and cried at the sight of his dear wife.

"Yes you are. You did wonderful birthing that calf, son. You've handled that how many times over?"

"5 times maybe….but, Its different, Momma….this is my wife!…."

"I know, honey…." Cora felt tears wet her cheeks but she tried to remain calm. "Paul….you and Bert can do this…ready or not…."

"Okay…" Paul cried and took a deep breath. "Bert….Sweetheart…..look at me…." He locked eyes with her and held her thighs and tried to scoot her backside up so he could see better. "Just let your body do what it's meant to do…like we read in that book the other day….don't strain or force it….just…just do it as it comes…right, Momma?" Paul looked to his mother for guidance.

"Yes, honey….that's fine." Cora nodded. "Whenever she feels it…"

"Oh God…..NOW!" Bert cried out. "I have to now! …..Oh God…oh…Paul…Paul, I can't do this!…"

"Yes you can….." Paul said, through tears. "There…..There you go, Bert…." He breathed roughly. Paul couldn't believe this was even happening. "That's it, Sweetheart…,just let your body do it…..like that. Just like that." He cried, and looked at her pained expression, and looked at all the blood and a small bit of fluid. Paul cried with sorrow and was in shock as the tiny, limp creature soon fell into his hands. It was over….They were done...and Paul Bardrick heard his wife's heavy panting. All he could stare at was his hands and what he held. The tiny, bloody face….perfectly formed, tiny hands and feet,…see through., almost, red skin. The body was limp and lifeless in his hands and no one made a sound. There was a lump in Paul's throat he couldn't get rid of. "Oh...God!" He cried.

Bert sat there panting with her eyes shut tight and with her mother-in-law burying her head in the crook of Bert's neck as she half lay in the back seat, bleeding still and panting hard. Cora cried…..She saw it all.

"The baby….what was it?" Bert breathed and her chest heaved up and down. "What is it…." She kept her eyes shut tight and was still in some pain. "My baby..." She mumbled.

Paul looked up with tears streaking his face. "a….boy…." He whispered, in tears.

"Paul Ivor Bardrick Jr…." She said, endless tears streaking her face, knowing he was…gone. Dead. Her worst fear was at that moment, a horrible reality.

"I've got the car fixed!"

"Drive, John….she's bleeding out. Hurry." Cora told her husband. The doors slammed and they drove off again. Bert lay in the back seat resting with her eyes closed, unaware of where she even was at or how much she was bleeding out. It was completely a blur to her. At last, they made it to the hospital in Kit Carson. Paul could hardly speak when they showed up outside the hospital and nurses met them outside. They saw he held the lifeless tiny body in his hands. One whisked it away as fast as lightening and one nurse tended to Gilbertha in the back seat of the Nash. There came a stretcher for her and Paul saw as she too was quickly whisked away. He stood there shaking in the hospital doorway and he feared if he would ever see his wife alive again…He thought he was going to be sick…...It was all a blur to him, but his father had parked the car, and Paul felt his mother come up beside him, wrapping her arms around him. Somehow she ushered him inside and into a waiting room area. They all wished this was just a bad dream, and they would wake up and everything would be okay.

Author's Notes:

The accidents and health concerns for Fred that were mentioned were in fact, true. I found these things out from my great grandparents letters to each other….or newspaper articles.

In 1931, there was a newspaper article for Kirk's cocoa castile soap, featuring a quote from my great great grandmother Frances. She had mentioned, "….even baby enjoyed his bath….instead of crying as usual…" Fred and Frances' first grandchild was a girl, born in 1933…..and my grandfather didn't come until August of 1935…so it wasn't him either. And the advertisement says, "Says Iowa MOTHER" and in Eddie and Helen's wedding announcement I found online, it said, "Fred Lay, 'A' brother of the bride." Not 'THE' brother…..so it leads me to believe they had a third child, a son, that they lost. I could see my great great grandma Frances being private about such things. That the pain was too much for her perhaps.

There is one baby boy (Eddie and Helen's stillborn son) for sure that is buried up by or under the Children's flower garden. Just perhaps, there has been two all these years? I don't know.

Paul and Gilbertha Bardrick never had any children in real life as far as I know. Such a situation though, as I have written could have been possible….though I have not found proof. I have written it close like my own feelings. Baby loss runs in my family. Pregnancy scares me a bit,…but I also want to experience it…..someday. I just pray I do not experience the troubles my mother has. Miscarriages, stillborns and one baby lived a few hours and died…and one premature birth = me! I wrote this chapter thinking it could very well happen to me too.

Gilbertha was a very devout Catholic so I hope I brought that to her character. I am sorry if I used the Hail Mary's and Our Father's improperly. I am not Catholic myself…but I tried to do my research. Can you even pray without a rosary? Again, sorry.

I am unsure if Paul Bardrick was Catholic or not. That's a hard one to find out. They were married in the rectory of the church of the Nativity in Dubuque, Iowa, November 3rd, 1937. In my story, I just changed the year to 1931. I did not know their wedding date at the time I started writing their characters into my story. So I had to tweak it, sorry!

"John John, the pipers son" is a little song a resident named John at my work chants when you ask him how he is on the daily. I had no idea it was a real song! I had written about John John already as both Paul and Gilbertha 's dad's were named John and it came to me and I thought it would be cute to put in. Another version is, "Tom Tom, the pipers son"