Paul Bardrick began to pace the hospital waiting room floor and stopped in his tracks and stared at his mother and then down at himself. He saw the blood half dried all over his arms, and his clothing. Paul had gotten the worst of it since he had taken charge during his wife's painful and frightening delivery. "Momma…we're both covered in her blood!…." His voice choked.
"I know honey….Sweetheart I know….I was so terrified for her." Cora said and finally let the tears fall. "I think if the baby had been full term, they both wouldn't have made it…..She was in so much pain as it was…."
"She bled so much…..Oh GOD!...Oh my God, She's not going make it through this….." Paul cried and felt his knees buckle and he crumpled to the floor and sobbed. He felt his mother immediately at his side to comfort him and cry with him. "Look how fast they took her away!...Oh God….my wife!" He sobbed and sat there on the floor, with his face towards Heaven. With shut, watery eyes and clenched teeth, he mourned for her, not knowing if she was dead or alive.
J.E. put his arm around his wife who was crying. They had lost their only daughter, their oldest child, Lucy May Bardrick Hollingshead, in childbirth as well. Both mother and baby.
"Mr. Bardrick…." A nurse rushed in. J.E. stood up and tried to handle it but they brushed past him and went right to Paul.
"She's gone…isn't she?!" Paul cried helplessly and put his hands to his face.
"No…." Paul thought he heard them tell him. "She's calling for you…" he thought he was dreaming. "Follow us…."
"She's okay…."
"She's extremely weak from blood loss…and we're trying to bring her fever down…" the young nurse was saying as they flew down the hospital hallways. "The doctor thinks she might have some sort of infection…." The nurse sorrowfully looked at the helpless young man. "Your wife requested Last Rites…..we have a priest on site here at the hospital…."
Paul couldn't move as he stood outside the room they guided him to. His parents were behind him but he didn't notice. He just stood there staring at the door.
"You knew she was Catholic when you married her, son…." He heard his father's rough voice say.
"I didn't marry her because she was Catholic…I married her 'cause I love her, dad." Paul spoke with the most sincerity and was still in tears, thinking of his wife and all they were going through.
"We know you do, sweetheart…," His mother spoke and tears streamed her cheeks. "We don't really like her being a Catholic, but we love Bert to pieces….she's a wonderful young lady."
"Momma….I can't say goodbye….I can't let her go!" He said sorrowfully.
"It sounds like you might have to, honey…."
"God….I can't! " he cried and ran into the hospital room. His parents followed their hurting son in and they were hit with the strange and almost sorrowful sounds of the Catholic ritual. At least that's how Paul thought about it. Paul saw his wife lying in the hospital cot with wheels on it, with a very young priest. He was just ordained into the priesthood and this was one of his first experiences as a man of the cloth. He was extremely nervous. Paul saw his wife touch her forehead weakly, her chest, her right shoulder and then her left as she made the Sign of the Cross "In the name of the Father, of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, Amen." and he heard her speak, "Bless me Father for I have sinned….It has been several years since my last confession. Since then, I have been impure with myself in self gratification dozens of times before I married my husband, in the form of impure thoughts…..I have been impure with two men before I married my husband, one of which was him…..I have received the Eucharist during this time of sinfulness also…..I have been selfish and have not given to my husband and our marriage, twice in this current year….." Paul saw her getting weaker as she spoke and he heard her sobs as she tried to continue. "I have been neglectful of my children….." but she couldn't finish it and what she had said was barely audible through her tears. She thought of those precious babies she lost, and mourned and cried in her guilt.
"Bert….No!" Paul cried out. "NO!" He was crying too. "She doesn't need this, Reverend!" Paul saw how it was tearing her apart emotionally and if he had any selfish thought for himself, it was that he did not want her to die. He wanted her and needed her as his wife.
The young priest stood and glared at Paul. He was the kind of priest that did NOT like to be called Reverend. " Its…FATHER, young man….NOT Reverend." The priest seemed almost as old as Paul was!..."She wants this." The priest said sternly and turned back his attention to the ritual.
"I have disobeyed and have been disrespectful of my parents a few times as a child." Bert confessed. "I have missed Sunday and Holy Day Mass 1 time in the past year...For these sins and all the sins of my past life, especially the sins against Purity, Chastity, Honesty, Charity and Humility, I ask absolution and penance from you, Father." Paul, standing there with his parents then heard Bert recite the Apostles Creed.
I believe in God,
the Father almighty,
Creator of heaven and earth.
I believe in Jesus Christ,
his only Son, our Lord.
He was conceived by the
power of the Holy Spirit
and born of the Virgin Mary.
He suffered under Pontius Pilate,
was crucified, died, and was buried.
He descended into hell.
On the third day he arose again.
He ascended into heaven
and is seated at the right hand of the Father.
He will come again to judge
the living and the dead.
I believe in the Holy Spirit,
the holy Catholic Church,
the communion of saints,
the forgiveness of sins,
the resurrection of the body,
and the life everlasting.
Amen.
Paul wished he could stop this. He was not going to let her die! He couldn't let her go. And at last he thought, "Does this even get you into Heaven?!" although he went to Mass with Bert at her parish, he did not believe like a Catholic. Paul looked on though as the priest said the "Our Father" prayer. He knew it too…but they said it differently than how he knew it, changing the word debts to trespasses….. "Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name….Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread; and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. Amen."
Just when Paul thought it was over, there was more. He stood watching it, feeling sick. With the tears just streaming. The priest held a small piece of wafer and chanted, "This is the Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world. Happy are those who are called to his supper…" Paul heard Bert respond to the priest, weakly, "Lord, I am not worthy to receive you, but only say the word and my soul shall be healed…"
"The Body of Christ." The young priest said and gave her the piece of wafer into her mouth.
"Amen." She whispered, growing weaker by the second.
"Is this really necessary?..." Paul cried out, tears soaking his face. He felt weak.
"You will be silent….or you will leave this room…." The priest said seriously. He continued. "May the Lord Jesus protect you and lead you to eternal life."
A blessing and also a prayer was said, "My God, I believe, I adore, I hope and I love You. I beg pardon of You of those who do not believe, do not adore, do not hope and do not love You."
She was blessed with holy water and anointed with a holy oil. It was plain water, and plain old ordinary olive oil, blessed by the priest. Finally…it was over. "You are a good Catholic young woman." The priest told her and got up to leave, harshly brushing past Paul. Paul gazed at her with tears in his eyes and went over and clung to Bert. He was distraught and crying like a little boy.
"Honey….you're not going to die….You're not going to die!" Paul held her hand and softly placed his head on her chest and cried.
"I wanted this in case I do…" Bert whispered, touching his hair on the back of his head. "They say I need emergency surgery…."
"Then we'll do it….." Paul choked out and looked at her. "Bert, I need you!...You're…My Only Love…..I've never loved anyone else. I can't live life without you….I don't even want to think about it."
"You can remarry and be happy and have children….like your brother-in-law, Carroll did. " She cried. "I'm so sorry, honey….I should have listened to you and taken better care of myself….This is all my fault…" Bert shut her eyes as tears soaked through her long eyelashes and streamed down her cheeks.
"No…Bert….I don't want any other woman. I want you! Even if it's just you and me together for the rest of our lives…I don't give a damn!" Paul choked and wiped her cheeks with his thumbs. "Bert, I should have believed you!...It's my fault….." Paul saw as the nurses came to roll her away to surgery. He ran down the hall after them and stopped in the middle of the hallway and stared. "Come back to me, Bert…." He whispered, weakly. He cried more tears than he had in ages. His parents came and got him and guided him back to the waiting area. Paul sat in a chair with his head in his hands until he bolted up suddenly.
"I have to call her family!….They could come….I know Eddie, that's her younger brother…I know he would! Bert's parents, John and Rose….and Johnnie and Rosa." Johnnie and Rosa were Bert's youngest siblings, still living at home on Simpson street. His mother stopped him. "Dear…..They live in Dubuque, Iowa,…it's a full day's trip even on a train. They probably wouldn't make it in time."
"Her Uncle Peter and Aunt Kate…They were at our wedding.. They live in LaCrosse, Wisconsin."
"Yes, son…we remember them." J.E. Bardrick said. J.E. and Cora….and Peter and Kate Seldlemair were their only attendants to the wedding, November 3rd, 1931. Paul and Bert had been married in the rectory of the church of the Nativity, in Dubuque.
"Her Uncle John and Aunt Annie Schoeberl…..They just live in Colorado Springs! They're close!"
"You just sit, dear. " Cora told her son. "I'll try my best to contact all of them."
They waited for hours in that little hospital waiting room. Paul paced the floor and sat still in a chair. He cried till he thought his eyes couldn't let out anymore tears. What had gotten into him, he thought?! He was a tough, strong man! A man wasn't supposed to cry this much…..He paced the floor again and bumped into one of the doctors.
"YOU…." Paul's eyes narrowed and anger boiled up inside him! "You told us everything was fine! Several times….every doctor visit! You lied to us!" Paul was so angry he was shaking and his face and ears were turning red. "Our baby's dead and now my wife's life is on the line!…" Something in Paul snapped and he lunged for the middle aged man. "My wife knew something was wrong and you….you! Oh, I could just kill you!"
Paul's father held him back and it took all his strength to keep him away from the man.
"Dad, let me at him!...One swing!" his father picked him up like a sack of potatoes and put distance between him and the doctor. Working on his cattle ranch, Paul wasn't some soft lanky guy. He had developed some good muscles and strength. "Son, that's not the way to do this!...It ain't very Christian of you." Paul struggled against his own father. "Boy, I'll give YOU one good deck if you don't calm yourself down!" Paul ended up being thrown,…yes literally thrown… into a corner of the room and he sat there breathing hard, still red in the face, his fists clenched. He sat there, with his chest heaving and nostrils flaring, and he was giving the doctor a death glare. The doctor wasn't sure of what to do or say and so he left quickly. Hours later, three people rushed into the hospital waiting room. John Schoeberl and his wife Annie, and John's sister, Rosina…who was Gilbertha's mother. Mrs. Walbrun liked to do some travelling and was visiting her brother and sister-in-law in Colorado. She had made plans to surprise Paul and Bert and was going to visit them next. The short, petite lady with glasses and coal black hair that was coiled into a bun, ran right to Paul and embraced him.
"Your Mutter called us!... Woher is mein daughter?" Rosina cried, panicking in her broken English. "How is she? Und das Baby? " She started speaking frantically in German and started crying. "Junge oder Mädchen, was hatte sie?" It meant, "Boy or girl, what did she have'? She continued rambling on in German.
Paul only understood about half of what she had said. He distinctly heard the word baby and his heart shattered again. "Mother Walbrun…I don't know how she is…." Paul said, weakly. "The baby's…..gone." He said sorrowfully and felt numb. "It was a boy…"
Rosina went and hugged her son in law and started franticly chanting Catholic prayers in German, and she was crying. The other doctor came out later and talked with the little group. Soon Mrs. Walbrun brushed past him and ran down the hall for her daughter.
"Who was that?!.." the doctor asked.
"My wife's mother…" Paul said. "How is my wife, sir?!"
"She's in recovery now….Um...we need to go get that lady!" The doctor said and he ran down the hall. Paul followed. "Can I go see my wife?!"
"Yes…she's in that room over there….I'll catch up with your mother-in-law. Mercy, she runs fast!…Ma'am!" The doctor ran down the hall after the lady, who was running franticly through the halls, checking every room for her oldest child. Paul found the room where Bert was and slowly and quietly went in. His heart broke as he saw her there, laying in the hospital bed, asleep. Paul sat down in a chair next to his wife's bed and took her hand in his and she stirred. He let out a long breath of relief that she was alive and conscious. "Sweetheart…." He whispered and he saw her look at him.
"Did I have the baby in the hospital?" She whispered, looking around the room. She seemed confused.
"No…honey." Paul said softly. "We were in the middle of nowhere…...Halfway to Kit Carson… I delivered him in the back of the car…..He was too small…." Paul broke down into tears and couldn't finish.
Bert shut her eyes and tears leaked out, remembering it all. "I didn't even get to see him…..or hold him….do you…know where he is?" She asked weakly.
"I don't know….They took him away from me as soon as we got here…."
She swallowed, choking back tears. "You saw him?..."
"I held him in my hands the whole way to the hospital…." Paul said, shedding more tears and smoothing back her disheveled hair and stroking her face.
"Did they just….get rid of him?" Gilbertha cried. "I want to see my baby….Oh Paul!"
"I don't know, Sweetheart…" He pressed his lips to her forehead and they finally cried together. "Are you in any pain?...Don't sit up! Lie back, honey." Paul said softly and smoothed his thumbs over the back of her hand that he held in both of his.
"No…No, I don't think so…..Honey, I'm so sorry! I understand if you want to be done with me…..All I do is bring trouble to our marriage!" She started to cry and felt him press his face to hers….
"God, no….Bert!" Paul spoke with tears flowing. "Don't ever talk like that, dear!" He sat there crying and his mother-in-law came to the side of the hospital bed. She was frantic still and crying and saying things in German. Paul had no idea what she was saying but Bert knew and was answering her back.
"I'll be fine, Mother…..No, no pain right now…yes, I had him naturally….yes, I had to have surgery after ….i bled a lot….I'm sorry we couldn't give you your first grandchild! I feel like such a failure, Mother!" She said in German to her mother and started weeping again at the last sentence.
"Macht keinen Unterschied für mich ... Ich bin froh, dass du lebst, meine liebe süße Tochter!" Mrs Walbrun said. "Makes no difference to me...I'm glad you're alive,…my dear, sweet daughter!" She spoke to her in German again and told her she wasn't a failure. Things like this just happen and you can't control it.
Uncle John and Annie Schoeberl came in to see Bert, followed by Paul's parents who hung back awhile and Paul's mother held his hand, rubbing his arm for comfort.
Soon after, a well dressed, middle aged woman came into the room. It was Kate. Kathryn Schoeberl Seldlemair. She was John Schoeberl's and Rosina's sister. She was quite wealthy and owned her own dress shop in LaCrosse, Wisconsin. She had quite the connections and took the first flight she could as soon as she heard about Bert. Her flight had been delayed some, but she made it….without her husband Peter,…which wasn't uncommon for Kate. She was quite the independent woman.
"Gilbertha….dear!" Kate went right over to her.
"Aunt Kate….I lost the baby…." She said quietly.
"I heard, dear!...I'm so sorry for you! I understand what you're up against, honey. Peter and I never had children of our own either….." Kate sat there on the hospital bed and rubbed Bert's arm. Bert and her Aunt Kate were quite close…..but not so much with her Aunt Annie Schoeberl.
"You have NO idea what she's going through!" Annie Schoeberl raised her voice at her sister-in-law Kate. The two women never really had gotten along. Kate was often rude and not the nicest person.
"Like you know what she's going through either! You never had a baby either, Annie!"
The tiny little woman with dark frizzy hair and glasses looked dumbfounded at her, let's just say "witch" of a sister-in-law. Annie's little chest started heaving with sobs and she tried running out of the room, but her husband John Schoeberl, caught her. "Annie…don't let her get to you…Don't. It's not worth it…." He was quite a bit taller and bigger than little Annie and he cradled his comforting arms around her and guided her away, leaving space between her and his sister Kate. "Don't let her intimidate you, baby."
Kate huffed, hearing what her little brother was saying. John Schoeberl was the baby of that family. "Well! I don't need this abuse!" She said and turned to her niece, Gilbertha. "Honey, I'm going….Let me know if you and Paul need anything, Gilbertha…..I'll GLADLY pay for it." She stood there glaring at her brother John and his little wife Annie, and with that,…the, rather… eccentric lady adorned in pearls and usually a mink coat or boa, walked out of the hospital room and left the hospital. Annie clung to her husband and cried but then went Bert's bedside, who had tears streaking down her cheeks. "What just happened, Aunt Annie?"
"Oh Gilbertha!" Annie cried and went to Bert. "I don't know what to say….or where to begin." Annie hugged her niece and cried on her shoulder. She tried to straighten up and contain her composure. "Your Uncle John and I…..we…we had a few pregnancy scares….I miscarried twice….before we were married…."
Gilbertha looked shocked and cried with her Aunt. "Oh Aunt Annie!...I had no idea!" The two women had bonded over their loss…and became just a little bit closer in the process.
A doctor busted through the doorway of the little hospital room. "Mr. Bardrick….Mrs. Bardrick, your mother insists on seeing her grandchild...we have him stowed away,…..what shall we tell her?" the doctor asked. Cora Bardrick went to the doctor. She was a bit ticked off at him, bursting through and saying all these things. "Doctor….THEY didn't even get to see THEIR CHILD!" She turned to her daughter-in-law . "Gilbertha….I don't care what your mother says, does or thinks….but YOU and MY SON should have time alone with your baby first, dearie…." Mrs. Bardrick had tears in her eyes.
"Oh Paul!" Gilbertha looked up at her husband, who was at her side. Unsure of what to do.
"I want everyone out of here except for Bert and I….My wife has had too much stress and excitement for one day….." He looked at the doctor who performed Bert's emergency partial hysterectomy. "She needs to rest….Doctor, take my parents and my wife's mother and whoever else in a separate room to see the baby. We get to hold him though.…alone. But for right now I want my wife to rest and recover."
"I think we should go, John…." Annie said and a few tears rolled down her cheeks. Annie hung back at the door and John went to Paul and Bert and softly touched Bert's shoulder. "You take care, kiddo…..Let us know if you two need anything."
"Thank you, Uncle John…." Bert said softly. "We'll have to all get together sometime."
"It was good to see you, kiddo….I'm sorry it was under these circumstances." John Schoeberl soon left with his little wife and they waited out in the hospital lobby.
Paul let Bert sleep a long while and slowly and softly paced the room, often going to the window and standing there. He didn't even know the time of day or what day it was. He didn't care about all the details. All he cared about was his wife right now.
"Paul…" she said softly.
"Yes, honey?" He said, going over to her hospital bed.
"What day is it?" She asked.
Paul ran his hand over his face and sighed. " I haven't a clue, anymore…."
"Ok…never mind." She breathed and closed her eyes. "Are you mad at me?..." Gilbertha asked him and let out a sigh.
"Why would you ever think that? " He asked. Paul couldn't believe she would even ask such a question!
"Now we can never have children…..as far as I know…."
"Then that's our life." He said quietly. "We're going to be alright, Bert…..Besides" Paul took a deep breath and let it out. "If having children meant losing you then I wouldn't want any…..I was terrified I lost you!" Paul stroked her cheeks and caressed her chin with the soft touch of his hand. "Don't get me wrong….I wanted to be a father."
"You still could be….you could father another woman's baby…."
"You're talking crazy….." Paul told her. "It wouldn't be yours…and if we adopt, it wouldn't be ours. ….Bert, if we could turn back time I would…..I'd take better care of you and get a real doctor and we could've found out why…." Paul stopped and he felt tears come again. "I wish this was all a dream…."
"I do too." She said softly. "Paul?"
"Yes…"
"Could you hold me?...Come in the bed with me?"
"Is that allowed?"
"I don't even care, Paul…..please?"
"You really want me to?" Paul whispered and watched her nod her head. He slowly got in beside her and lay on his side. "Are you in pain? Still bleeding? " He asked and caressed her head down to her neck. He wouldn't touch any lower than that. He didn't want to hurt her.
"I don't know. They put me on something and I can't feel any pain…."
"That's good…."
Bert gazed at him as his face was inches away from hers. "I'm so sorry I put you all through this! If you want to divorce me and be with someone else I totally understand."
"Why in the world are you talking like this, Bert?! I want you and ONLY you!...What if the roles were reversed?...Would you run off with that Ted Bowman? " He said a bit angrily and mentioned the man Bert had dated seriously before she met and married Paul.
"No….." She said softly and blinked back tears. "I didn't have the connection with Ted that I have with you….I love you…."
"Then don't talk like this anymore….I won't hear it!" Paul glanced at her and moved his face closer. "You're every woman in the world for me…..I want you and you only, Gilbertha Theresa. I don't want any woman but you." Paul let her drift off to sleep for quite a long time and stayed with her, laying next to her in the hospital bed. Gazing at her face and watched her sleep.
"OH Eddie!" Helen shot up out of bed, breathing hard and in a cold sweat, heart pounding and crying. "Eddie….are you awake?!"
"No…." He mumbled. "Go back to sleep…." And he turned over, annoyed and tired.
"Eddie….I had a terrible nightmare!" Helen was quite pregnant now of course and she had been having terrible dreams for the last week or so….
"What was it this time, Babe?" He woke up a little and found her in his arms in the faint moonlight.
"Oh Eddie! It was about Paul and Bert! That she lost their baby and died and we were all there. I swore I was there! It felt so real! I feel so scared! "
"It wasn't real, Sugar Babe…..You had a nightmare. Go back to sleep." He kissed her and they went back to sleep awhile.
Helen awoke again, crying with another dream and heard a loud pounding. " Eddie I can't sleep any longer….What is that?! Eddie, someone's at the door, I swear it!"
"You're just dreaming again, Babe….Go back to sleep…." They both tried but then came that same pounding again. "Eddie, somebody's at the front door…I swear it!" She was terrified it was a robber or something because they were trying to get in the little brick house. Eddie grabbed a gun from his gun case and went to the door and opened it. He was ready to shoot if he had to, but he opened the door to find his father on the other side, in wrinkled dress clothes. "Dad?! What in the Sam Hell are you doing scaring us to death?!" Mr. Walbrun just stood there, franticly speaking German and Eddie could hardly understand, he was crying and speaking so fast. "Dad, slow down….What's going on?!" Eddie then went back to the bedroom and his father followed.
"Helen, I've gotta go now…it's about Bert….Will you be okay by yourself a day or so?"
Helen started crying. "She's dead isn't she!...Oh, I know I didn't just dream it!"
"She's not dead! She lost the baby, that's all I know….Dad says we're going now…."
"Oh, Eddie! I want to come with you!"
"Hell no you will not! I'm not risking it… Why would you think of something so dumb?!" He stood there shocked at what he said. "Honey, I didn't mean it…I swear it." He told her. "Babe, I've got to go….I'm sorry…." Eddie rushed out with his father, leaving his scared wife behind. Helen prayed dozens of Catholic prayers over Bert and tried to calm herself down enough so she could sleep….and Eddie got in the car where a sleepy Johnnie was and a scared and crying Rosa was in the back seat. The nearly 17 year old girl hugged her big brother for comfort and they prayed in the car the whole way.
The doctor who performed Gilbertha's partial hysterectomy came in their recovery room to sit down and talk with them about her recovery and such.
"I need to sit down and have a chat with you two…We found something when we removed your uterus, Mrs. Bardrick."
"Is it cancer?" Paul Bardrick asked, wrapping an arm around his wife. He feared the worst. It seemed like things always went in this direction for them.
"No…not cancer….and we'll keep an eye on it to make sure nothing like that happens. " The surgeon said. "Mrs. Bardrick…we found that you actually had a…a double uterus." he waited a few moments to let this sink in. Gilbertha half lay there shocked, jaw dropped and she glanced at her husband who was as shocked as she was. "You have a normal sized, perhaps,…fully functional uterus…..and a much smaller one, set back." He explained, drawing a small example on a notepad and showed them. "We know that one was functional….as your baby had implanted himself in the smaller one…Even as small as he was, he grew too large for such a small space….so of course, you went into labor. Rather quickly….I'm sure you would agree with me, Mrs. Bardrick!" The doctor chuckled a bit but continued, " We performed the hysterectomy on the smaller one. A partial one as I said before,….your ovaries and fallopian tubes are perfectly healthy and functional. So you still have those. "
Gilbertha blinked repeatedly and was still floored by this news. "So…..pregnancy….might still be possible, then…..Later on?"
"That I don't know…..It might be possible …and then it might not be possible at all. I advise you two to wait six to eight weeks before trying again…..or perhaps longer, just to be sure you've healed from the incision….. And we'll set you up with appointments to check your health and to make sure infection doesn't spread or cancer doesn't grow. And see how things go from there…..another pregnancy would probably be rather high risk…considering what happened this time and of course your previous losses…..but….miracles do happen." The doctor winked at her. "I wish you two the best of luck in the future." The doctor then left the room to give them more time alone. It was quiet for some time in the little room. Paul came and sat by her bed and smoothed his hand over her hair.
"Oh Paul….I'm some freak of nature!" She said and he patted her thin shoulder comfortingly. " Does this mean I have two….two vaginas?! Two of everything?!"
" The doctor didn't say so…..He would have don't you think?" Paul said softly. He smiled softly and buried his face in her shoulder and neck and kissed her. "Take my word for it….You're fully functional and nothing out of the ordinary down there, sweetheart…." He couldn't help but chuckle a little bit and she too cracked a smile. " Sex was never one of our problems!"
"Oh, I know!" She laughed and playfully slapped his shoulder but then her hand stayed there and lovingly rubbed his arm. "You're not going like it having to stop for awhile…" she whispered. "or me either…" she teased him.
"Oh I'm sure we'll be okay…." Paul said and kissed her cheek. "I can love on you in other ways. More fun anyway!"
"Paul!" She smiled, gazing up at him and started to laugh. Paul decided that now especially was not the time to talk about trying in the future for another pregnancy. He wanted her healed. He just wanted her healed and healthy and everything back to normal again. He told himself he would let her initiate love making from now on. To know that she was ready and wanted it again.
A nurse came in with a little steel bowl and she didn't know what to say to the young couple. They saw tears stream down the young nurse's face as she gave them the steel bowl and what was in it. She was new in her line of work and a deep feeling person. Having to handle this and seeing the tiny figure was breaking her apart. She slipped out of the room and ran into a separate room where nobody would hear her. The young nurse's heart was touched so much at the situation and she locked herself in the room and sobbed for the young couple she didn't even know. She doubted if she was cut out for this.
Paul carefully picked up the bowl and tears streamed down his cheeks again. "Sweetheart….I held him first…..if you want, it's your turn now….." She nodded with a sad expression etched on her face and gingerly picked up his cold tiny form and carefully laid him softly on her breast. His body lay lifeless on her skin and anguish welled up so deep within her heart. She cried so many tears today that her eyes were dry and she was so numb. She picked up 10 tiny fingers and two tiny feet with the tip of her finger. And tilted his head up so she could see his beautiful face. He was absolutely perfect….yet broken. He had bruising from the fast forceful delivery. She rested the side of his face against her skin and swept the tips of her fingers down his little head.
"Beautiful little boy…isn't he?" Paul whispered hoarsely and tenderly kissed his Sweetheart on the forehead.
"Yes…." She whispered, nodding. "Paul….He looks just like you…."
Paul rested a hand on her shoulder. "I think I see a tiny bit of you in him….your cute little lips." She lay there holding him against her and Paul carefully placed his thick hand around her hand and the tiny creature that was their son. "I'm proud you named him for me…good thing he does look like me…"
Bert closed her eyes and shakily pressed her quivering lips to his little head in hello and goodbye. She let Paul hold him again and turned over in the bed and buried her face in the pillow and let silent sobs rack her body. She couldn't explain the guilt and sorrow she felt.
Authors notes:
Bert and Paul never had any children. So Paul Jr is my own character….and perhaps their losses too. It could have happened in real life though. Or they were barren. Or they simply did not want children. The same for Pete and Kate and John and Annie. I'm just letting my imagination tell the story. I will always put these notes at the end to tell the real story.
Paul and Bert's real wedding date was November 3rd, 1937. I did not know this when I first introduced them as my characters. I have some ideas in using that date and paying homage to their actual wedding date.
The condition with two uteruses is something the doctor thought my mother had….or a horned uterus. She does not though. We may never know why she had her miscarriages, stillborns, one baby that lived a few hours and died, and my premature birth. Her first baby/pregnancy she miscarried or was stillborn was a boy, Matthew Joseph. He was placed in a steel rimmed bowl and quickly whisked away. Mom only saw his little feet. I took inspiration from that.
I don't know much about her either Kathryn Schoeberl Sedlemaier aka Aunt Kate. She owned a dress shop in LaCrosse, Wisconsin and apparently made the most beautiful dresses! So, she was a business woman, obviously quite wealthy and always wore mink coats, mink boas and pearls and such. and wore wigs! There was a story how as an elderly woman, she for some reason stayed with my great grandparents Eddie and Helen. Helen had warned her not to go down the basement steps for fear of her falling...well, she had done it anyway and fell! My great grandma Helen was frantic thinking she had broken her neck with her fall but she hadn't...her WIG had fallen off! Lol! Aunt Kate was quite...eccentric. my mom told me...There was some family gathering and my mom was going back and forth, giving the men hot dogs and they kept asking her to get them more...well...Aunt Kate thought my mother, a little girl mind you, had been taking them for herself and told everyone "One weenie per person!" Dubbing her (behind her back I might add) "The Weenie Queenie"...my great grandma Helen was so ticked at her that they came all that way and hardly ate...as Kate's guests of course, it's unknown if she had said anything about it though...my mother and family and my great grandparents were getting ready to leave and Aunt Kate came out with all these hot dogs and says, "Why are you leaving?! I just made all these hot dogs!" Lol! She must have been close to Gilbertha...as she and her husband Peter along with Paul's parents, J.E. and Cora Bardrick, were the only ones who attended Paul and Bert's wedding on November 3rd, 1937...besides the best man Milton Sweeney and bridesmaid Rosa Walbrun...NOT even Gilbertha's parents attended it looks like! She was married to a Peter Seldlemaier but I think she divorced him. They never had any children either. ...I was quite puzzled when my great grandpa Eddie had mentioned an Uncle Peter, and a boyfriend...in the same sentance...so perhaps Kate had an affair or worse yet an open marriage?! (Shudders) don't know but I think she was married several times too...I imagine her as this bold, rich, snooty independent woman. Lol.
John and Annie Schoeberl. Not much I know about them either... John was the youngest in the Schoeberl family. I do not know the exact order...but there was a Theresa Schoeberl, who I believe was a nun...Gilberto or Gilbert Schoeberl who was a Catholic missionary priest in Brazil (and his niece Gilbertha was named for him and I assume Theresa as well. Bert's Find a Grave site listed her as Gilbertha T. Walbrun Bardrick)...anyway, there was also my great great grandmother Rosina Schoeberl Walbrun, Kathryn "Kate" Schoeberl Sedlemaier aka Aunt Kate. And lastly of course John Schoeberl. John and Annie lived in Colorado Springs, Colorado and never had any children. That's about all I know but I have quite the imagination. I own Annie Schoeberl's white cameo ring with a gold band. Also Aunt Annie was called "Aunt Annie with the mustache" the poor dear!...I did not add that part to my story. Lol. I found a newspaper article where John was arrested during Prohibition.
It's only my speculation that Bert and Ted Bowman dated. I don't know for sure. Ted later on married Rosa Walbrun, Bert's sister. Rosa was married once before to a man named Adriel Randall and had a son and I think a daughter with him. Adriel and Rosa either divorced or he died. I cant remember which right now. I swore I saw an article about a divorce!...I believe she had three daughters with Ted.
I love how I'm "painting" Paul and Bert's relationship….I pray it's close to real life and I hope to have a marriage like it. Close-nit….someone to laugh with….romantic….someone truly at your side in good times and bad. A great physical relationship, which takes time, trust and communication. I feel mature and ready for this…but God knows best.
