"Hey Kid…." Fred Lay was walking around the room with his newborn grandson, not even hours old. "Big guy…" he grinned, looking at those big gray blue eyes. He felt so much pride holding his first grandson. "You better be good for your little Mama from this day forward." He glanced at his daughter who was asleep in her mother's bed, and he looked back at his grandson and lifted him up onto his chest. "Big guy, you're bout as handsome as your old Grandpaw." He chuckled. Fred grinned as his little grandson lay snugged against his chest, skin to skin and he'd squawk and squeak and make his little sounds. "Bet you feel like you're lying on some big old bear rug!" He chuckled, patting his little grandson's back and glanced back over at his daughter again and then at his son-in-law. "C'mere boy. Your turn." Fred said to Eddie. "You need to bond with this boy."

"Part of life…." Eddie muttered. He was embarrassed at his fainting at seeing all the blood and the placenta and such earlier but he realized that's a part of life too. Time for him to just suck it up and deal with it, he thought.

"Should be proud of your boy…." Fred muttered, as he gave the 10 pound boy off to the newborn's father. Eddie was silent the whole time he held his son, Dale.

Helen stirred, opening her eyes and the first thing she saw was her husband holding their son.

"Hey Babe…" Eddie smiled and walked over to the bed, holding their son in his strong arms. He sat down next to her on the bed and gave her the bundle again. "No doubt it, you sure are something…." Eddie smiled at her.

"Love you…." She whispered and kissed him on the lips. " Seeing you hold our baby….just did something to me. You're amazing, Joseph Edward…."

"Babe…" Eddie smiled and his finger played with one of hers. "I tell ya….I sure struck it rich….."

"Yes you did…and don't you forget it, boy…." Fred told his son-in-law, in his stern way. "You've got yourself a beautiful wife…..firstborn son. Cherish them." Fred stared intently at his son-in-law. Frances came into the room and wrapped an arm around her husband's waist, her other arm grazed his torso and she smiled on at the proud new parents.

"Well "Boop Boo" we're grandparents again. Feels good to have a grandson!" Fred smiled at her and she chuckled at him using the new little nickname. "Something tells me I'm going to be real close to that boy..."

"Me too, Honey." Frances smiled at her husband. "My little Boopsie…"


Gilbertha lay in bed with her husband all day after he was done with the cattle. She turned over to find him gazing at her with tears in his soft eyes. He had been watching her cry and sleep and he tried so hard to be there for her but sometimes he felt it wasn't enough.

"Why did you ever marry me?..." she felt tears in her eyes again.

"Bert…." Paul started to say with tears in his eyes and his hand and fingers softly danced along her forehead and cheeks and jawline, lovingly as he could be.

"….it's because we thought I was pregnant….." she said, matter of factly cried and shut her eyes but she felt herself get emotional again. " And then I wasn't after all and then it took so long to get pregnant when we actually tried. Three miscarriages….now Paul Jr…I would've told you no when you proposed to me if I knew all this would happen to us….."

Paul leaned in closer and kissed her lips, lingering and kissing her again. Feeling the wetness and tasting the salt of both of their tears. "I married you because I love you. No question….I don't care about your religion. I don't care what you've done…..I just love you. I know I'll always love you, Gilbertha…..Being younger than you, you were my first and only lover…." He whispered, smoothing her lovely dark hair. He loved nearly every thing about her, but her thick long dark hair was one of his favorite features about her. "I knew you were experienced but it has never bothered me. You're high horsepower and I just love it….I love you….Always and all ways."

Bert kept her face buried in his chest and cried while he rubbed her back and shoulder. He knew she was still tender with some things and still in pain so he tried to be gentle. "I flirted and was such a tease to men….I dated around so much and slept around with Ted and then you….You're such a sweet man, I don't deserve you!"

"Why are you bringing this up, Sweet?...I love you. It doesn't matter to me."

"I feel so guilty about everything. Every damn thing!" Gilbertha cried and it was barely understandable. When she cried, she really cried….like someone unleashed the floodgates. "Maybe I'm being punished! I wouldn't doubt it…..I'm so sorry Paul! You're such a wonderful man, you don't deserve all this."

"You wouldn't have known any of this was going to happen, Bert….and I don't care and don't even think about the others you kissed…made out with…..or even Ted…..it's all in the past. You're my wife. You're mine now. I love you…..and you don't deserve any of this either…."

"You're such a sweet….sweet man…." Bert said, rubbing her face in his bare chest and sighed while she smoothed her fingers over his short course chest hair. He had just enough where she thought he was manly and handsome. "I love you so much, Paul Ivor…."

"I love you…When Your Hair Has Turned to Silver, I Will Love You As Today"

"I love that song…." Bert whispered, and closed her teary brown eyes.

"I mean every word it says…" Paul whispered. "When you're feeling better…..how about we go dancing….you and me…"

"There's no dance hall here in Colorado…."

"I know, Sweetheart…." Paul smiled, and stretched his arm upward behind his head and gazed down at her as she looked up at him, settled on his chest. "You…me…that song playing….you in that sexy silk evening dress…..in the kitchen or our bedroom…..wherever you want…..it's a date…" He grinned.

"I wish we could right now…." She smiled at him. Even her lovely brown eyes smiled. It had been some time since he had seen that from her. He missed it when he saw a smile light up her whole face. He loved it. It was what made her so beautiful to him.

"I wish I could love you in all sorts of ways….but you're still sore and still bleeding. I want you well again….I wish I could take your place. You've been so strong even though you've been through so much…."

"I don't feel strong…." She whispered shakily.

"That's where I come in….where I'm strong for you. We balance each other out….and that's what I love about our love…"


"Mama, can you please….help me?! I haven't a clue of what to do!" Helen begged her mother, nearly in tears and she was embarrassed. She had been trying to get her baby to latch on to feed, but they struggled…and she was embarrassed and frustrated.

"Let me see….." Frances said and came over, sitting down on the bed. "No need to be embarrassed dear….here," she said softly. "hold him this way….Honey, you were fine, this might just be a little more comfortable!"

"I just feel like I'm doing it all wrong and he's not getting anything!" she cried and wiped away a tear.

"Try, try again…." Frances smiled at her daughter. "There…that's right. That's it! Make sure his chin and his cute button nose are real close up….that's it, sweetie. Once he's got it, he's got it!" she chuckled. "No doubt he's a good eater. Oh…dear. Just look at those eyes of his….." she gasped in awe and smiled.

"I fall in love every time I see them….or every sound of his I hear." Helen smiled at her mother, tearing up again. "You had a boy first, Mama….I always thought I would too…."

"Funny how that worked out…." Frances smiled. "I am proud of you, baby…you'll make a wonderful mother."

Helen beamed at her mother but then let out a long breath. "I'm excited….but overwhelmed and terrified, Mama….how am I ever going to be his mother? How can I do this?!..." she asked helplessly.

"You are his mother, dear…." Frances smiled. "and you'll learn what you don't know now….when it's your own, it just comes to you. You're doing just fine." She whispered.

"It's just…taking him home….everything that comes after that!"

"Helen Frances….you will do just fine. Besides, I'm only one call away…."

"Thank you, Mama….Oh, that reminds me. Telephone!" she thought out loud. "I need to call the priest to do his baptism….and invite all our friends and family and…."

"You just focus on your baby right now…." Frances smiled. "Just love that boy…"

"I already do….so very much…." Helen smiled down at him, smoothing his head and felt his hair and his cute ears.

"I'm going to go make you something to eat and get you some more water. That boy will be hungry again in an hour or so…." Frances chuckled.

"Thanks Mama." She gazed down at her son again. "Are you done yet, big boy?...you sure love to eat huh?" Helen chuckled. "Mama's not going anywhere….more later!" she laughed and lifted him up to pat and rub his back. He started to cry loudly in her ear and his face and flat ears turned red.

"Are you getting angry at Mama already?!" she started to laugh. "I'm sorry, honey….oh my, oh baby boy, I think you might just have your Papa's temper!"


A week or so had past and Gilbertha was feeling better physically and had started to do some housework and such. Her Aunt Annie Schoeberl came from Colorado Springs, Colorado for a few days to help out and get the ranch house back in order. Bert was grateful….and thankful for her company. The two women bonded so much over those few days, but soon little Aunt Annie had to go home to Colorado Springs.

"You take good care of yourself. Call if you need me…." Annie told her in slightly broken English. And soon Bert was left alone again on the ranch. Just her and Paul. They were back where they started. Not pregnant…..but even after all they went through, still wanting to be. Bert especially really wanted children….but…she knew it was too soon to try again…or even talk about it, she wondered. Bert turned her attention to the mail on the kitchen table and took a seat on the window seat in the kitchen. Paul had spoiled her and had put it in himself after she expressed a liking for them. She sorted through the mail and was stuck on a letter. She tried not to let the tears fall but she couldn't help it. The back door to the little kitchen flew open and in walked Paul. Dressed in his ranchers hat and button down shirt and vest and denim pants. He was all dirty and sweaty from taking the cattle out to pasture. "Hot as blazes out there, Bert!" Paul exclaimed, wiping the sweat from his face and he rolled up the shirt sleeves of his gray shirt. She thought he was so attractive and irresistible when she saw him do that.

"I've got a big pitcher of freshly steeped ginger water for you." Bert smiled slightly at him. "With lemon…..there on the kitchen table."

"Kinda like a lemonade! " Paul nodded, grabbing a glass from the cupboard. "Thank you, Sweet….hits the spot. Might just drink half the pitcher!" He chuckled as he downed half of his glass already. He took a seat next to her on the window seat. "Wouldn't hurt you any, Sweetheart …..you drink as much as you can take, it won't make you sick!"

"You come up with that yourself?" He asked and rubbed a sweaty cheek and his forehead with his shirt sleeve. "Old pioneer secret…." She whispered and felt him hug her.

"Oh Sweetheart…..You're just soaked with sweat!" she giggled and squirmed in his grasp.

"Told you it's hot, hot, hot out there!" He laughed. "In here too, I see…." Paul grinned and put a hand on her thigh. "What's that, Sweet?" he asked, looking at the letter she was reading. There was an invitation attached.

"Eddie and Helen invited us to Dale Frederick's baptism ceremony…..they attached his picture. Few days old here…..oh Paul…..he's beautiful….those eyes…." She choked and swallowed back tears but more came and she buried her face in his sweat soaked shirt. "Paul!…I'm happy….for them!" she soon started to cry, and she felt herself sob. "Oh….Paul…" she sobbed. "I am…I am happy…." Bert felt him cradle his strong arms around her thin, tall frame and held one of her hands in his, rubbing the back of her hand with his thumb. "I know, Sweetheart…." He whispered. He could sense how she really felt. Bert just longed for a baby….and it had come so easily for her brother and his wife. She couldn't help but feel depressed and saddened and a bit jealous of them. "I know…it's alright…." Paul whispered and kissed the side of her face. "We don't have to go, dear….if you don't want to…." He said softly.

"I want to go…." She insisted. "My parents' first grandchild…and our nephew. I want to go…." Bert nodded and wiped away tears with a hanky.

"As long as you think you can handle it…." Paul sighed. They had made the trip and had gotten into Dubuque a day early so they decided to walk a bit around town. They went and rode the Fourth Street elevator and walked around there and then decided to take a drive to the charming little Eagle Point Park. They went and walked the whole park, listening to the big bands play music in the Band shell pavilion and later going to the little place where it overlooked the Mississippi river and they watched as all the barges came in. Bert put a coin in the set of binoculars to get a closer look and ended up looking at the old river and the woods of Wisconsin and Illinois in the distance. "Oh! Look Paul! See the eagle!...Oh, look!" and she let him come over and look in the binocular set to see the large proud eagle flying in the blue sky and he let her look again and she moved the large instrument to look at other things. "She has a nest of eaglets in the bluff over there…." Bert said softly as she spied them. The little session had timed out and so she stopped looking and she sighed sadly, thinking about the baby eagles. Her attention turned to a little mother pushing a baby carriage with a few older children in tow. Bert smiled at them as they went past them but Paul saw tears in her big brown eyes and she closed them and sighed a big sigh again. "I know, dear…" Paul whispered and brought her hand in one of his and kissed it. "Someday….." He whispered and rubbed her back. He at least wasn't giving up hope. He thought, in a few more months to a year….they would try it again. If she wanted to. "Let's go visit the fish pond…." And so they walked hand in hand down the tiny sidewalk and down the rock steps to the two fish ponds and little waterfall. "I think Eagle Point is the most beautiful park there's ever been. I love coming home to Dubuque and visiting here…..you know my brother Eddie helped with planting trees and building roads and buildings and painting and all sorts of things in the C.C.C…Isn't it just amazingly….breathtakingly….beautiful…." Bert sighed in awe. Paul nodded smiling "I know quite a lady who is too,…"and softly embraced her. " You feel so good in my arms….." He whispered and she giggled softly. "I mean it….you do. You're so tiny. Slender, I mean. Tall….You just feel so good." He whispered, holding her closer to him.

"You feel like….home." Bert whispered and laid her head on his chest. Her gaze lingered at all the children running around and looking at the fish in the little fish ponds. Bert smoothed the fabric of his casual green polo and looked up at him, tilting the grey cap he wore. "You want to try again in 6 months….a year? Two? Five?" He whispered. He wanted what she wanted. Paul didn't want to rush her into it again.

"I don't have a lot of time….in 5 years….I'll be 30 years old…."

"Still...possible…" Paul whispered and brushed away a few tears she cried. "Do you want to try again?..." He whispered. "The only thing is….I don't want to lose you…..I swore you were gone too, and that scared me, Bert….We need to have that in mind…."

"I just….want a baby….so badly…." Bert cried. "I'm sorry if that means I'm selfish…Paul…"She cried and caressed his face. "All I've wanted was to have your baby. I want to be part of a cute little family with you." She closed her eyes and cried a little as he kissed her forehead and down her nose which made her crack a smile. "I want to have your baby….." She whispered. "I'll take better care of myself this time around….I swear…." They went and sat down on one of the little benches by the fish pond and looked at the water and all the children running, and playing in the waterfall and looking at the fish pond.

"I'm going to be praying for us….." Paul said quietly and softly rubbed her arm as his rested along the back of the bench, his hand then drifted to the exposed skin on her thigh as she was wearing a cute pair of high waisted, pleated 1930s shorts. "If God is in it….it will happen. I already know you'll make a wonderful mother, Sweetheart…."

"You're such a sweet man…." She laid her head on his chest as they sat on the bench and she felt him gently kiss the top of her head. "I love you, Paul…."

"I love you too, Bert." He smiled at her and then his eyes lit up.

"What?!..." She laughed, smiling at his excitement in his eyes.

"Let's go to that little kiddie pool….run through the sprinkler! We need a bit of fun and excitement."

"Maybe you're the one going crazy!" she teased and laughed as he kissed her and grabbed her hand. "C'mon Sweet! Let's just live in the moment…" he took her hand and jogged down the road, passed under the Bridge pavilion and made it to the sky blue concrete pool with the sprinkler in the middle, standing like a strong tower. There were kids and parents all around, sitting on the benches that surrounded the little space, all different colors of the rainbow. Each bench a different color. He chased her around the sprinkler, both of them laughing like two little kids…..and then he pinned her against the blue sprinkler getting both of them wet in the late summer heat. Bert kissed him while feeling the spray from the sprinkler. Paul was quite mature and quiet, easy going most of the time, but he also just loved to have fun….take risks and live in the moment. Bert's fun loving and bold, extroverted personality mingled well with his quiet yet fun loving one. Bert was beginning to feel more like herself, and enjoyed just being with him. It's wonderful when you've found your better half. The person you "do" life with.

"Newlyweds…." A couple with a little toddler walked by chuckling at them.

"Pretty good for being married almost 5 years!" Paul grinned at her and put his arm around her and rubbed her back. "Let's get back to the car and get back to your parents house, Sweet!"

"Think fast!" she laughed and grabbed his grey cap and ran back to their maroon Nash-LaFayette automobile, wet shorts and button down top and all. She laughed the whole way and beat him into the car.

"That's the Bert I know and love….." Paul grinned and kissed her, leaning into the passengers side of the car. "I don't think I'll ever get tired of loving you, dear."


The baptism ceremony for their nephew took place at Holy Ghost church in Dubuque. Bert was comfortable but Paul on the other hand was not. It felt weird for him to be in a Catholic church. Although he went occasionally with Bert. He looked at all the fancy architecture, the large dome ceiling with the paintings on it, all the crosses and statues. He tried to focus on what was happening. The congregation were being administered the sacrament, which Paul did not participate in. He wasn't Catholic, it wasn't his thing. Paul watched as the parents and godparents took their place up at the front of the church.

"Maybe someday, that will be us up there…." Bert whispered and clung softly to her husband. Paul tried to smile at her and stayed silent.

The priest anointed the baby boy dressed in white with oil and poured blessed water not once, but three times, over the baby's head. "I baptize thee, Dale Frederick Joseph Walbrun, in the name of the Father….and of the Son…and of the Holy Spirit…Amen…." After the ceremony was over and pictures were taken, Bert went up to the front to hug her younger brother Eddie and hug her sister in law.

"Glad you and Paul could make it, Birdie…" Eddie said. "How you doing, hm?"

"Fine…" Bert nodded, and tried to smile.

"We've been praying for you and Paul…." Helen said and hugged her sister-in-law halfway, as she was holding her baby in a football hold with the other. "Would you like to….hold Dale?"

"Like to?!...Oh…I would love to!" Bert smiled, almost bursting into tears on the spot. Helen passed him off to Bert softly. "Oh…..he's beautiful…..those expressive eyes…." Bert whispered, kissing little Dale on the forehead and cheeks and breathed in his scent, holding him close to her and she felt the tears forming. She wanted this too much. "He's just beautiful…..hello sweet boy!" Bert smiled softly and talked to him and rocked him. She felt a hand on her back and looked up. It was Paul. Bert looked up at him in tears and smiled. "I'm okay…." She mouthed to him and felt tears roll down her cheeks. She tried to smile as she passed him back off to her sister-in-law again. "He's so beautiful…." She choked out.

"Someday I know this will be you two…" Helen said sweetly. "I'll be praying over you two…."

"Thank you…." Bert smiled and wiped away tears, glancing sweetly at her new little nephew once again. "Come visit us….Anytime." She nodded.

"That'd be great, sis." Eddie told her. "We'll have to make a trip out there someday."


Paul and Bert made it home once again to their quiet little Colorado cattle ranch and silence settled in around them once again. Bert kicked off her heels at the door and stood there in her best dress and women's suit jacket, and Paul in his Sunday best too. She softly placed her hands on his torso and lay her head on the middle of his chest. "I think I want this a little too much….." She sighed. "Maybe I shouldn't….maybe I'm not meant to be a mother..." Bert breathed in sharply as she felt tears overcome her a little bit.

"Wanting it….that's normal…." He whispered and held her. "You're fine, Sweetheart…..it'll happen for us…." He whispered assuringly and rubbed her arms and embraced her again.

"Dale's such a beautiful baby….I wished I could take him home with me!….that sounds so awful and selfish!" she started to cry and became frustrated from crying once again. "Damn, damn….damn it all!" she cried, Bert felt so weak and vulnerable in his arms, but she felt so loved as well.

"We are going to be alright, Sweetheart…" Paul cried, holding her and rocking her gently. "It's going to happen for us….not now….maybe not next year or the year after….but it's going to happen for us….We'll be just fine." He hoped what he was saying was true….He was praying it was. But even if it didn't happen, he knew they would be fine because they had one another.

Author's Notes:

I got the idea of little parts of this content from the movie Julie and Julia. The scenes that always get to me is when Julia tells her husband Paul that her sister Dorothy is pregnant, but she starts to cry/sob because it hurts her that she can't ever have children. And the scene where the couple sees the baby carriage and Julia sighs and Paul comforts her. So sweet and sad! Everything else like with the eaglets and the running through the sprinkler bit is my imagination.

Everything else in this chapter is pretty much factual, with the exception of Bert and Paul...They never had children and I'm just writing it as what could have happened.

My Grandpa Dale wrote once his name as Dale Frederick Joseph Walbrun. Idk if Joseph (it was also his dad's name, you know) was his confirmation name or part of his baptismal name. I'm slightly confused about it as I'm not Catholic.

"When Your Hair Has Turned to Silver " is a song my great grandpa Eddie mentioned in one of his letters to my great grandma Helen. It's so sweet and I feel it describes Paul and Bert so well.

I put pieces of myself into Bert. I have a liking for window seats. They're so charming and cute...another thing is I'm a little worried if I do get married someday, I'd probably have children in my 30s….I feel like I'm running out of time sometimes. I want marriage and so on a bit too much sometimes too…. But God knows all and He never sends anything too early or too late. And all things are possible with Him.

My great grandparents Eddie and Helen and my Grandpa Dale in fact visited Paul and Bert in 1955, along with John and Annie Schoeberl that year too, I believe. John and Annie lived in Colorado Springs and Paul and Bert lived in First View, Colorado. They later sold the Colorado cattle ranch and set up a dairy farm in Minnesota. Living in Motley and also Big Lake, MN. Somehow Paul became disabled and couldn't do the farm work anymore and from what I can piece together he became some sort of salesman.