Chapter 35- Wants and Needs.
Jazmine's POV
Asia drops me home from the hospital, she stays for a while. Making sure I'm okay before leaving. I'm so glad to be home. I waste no time hopping in the shower and cleansing myself thoroughly. Hospitals aren't exactly as sanitary as they should be. Once finished bathing I throw on a pair of old sweats and white tank top. I put my damp hair into a bun, careful not to irritate my stitches. I have to be sure not to itch or mess with them in any type of way or it can cause an infection, the doctor informed me. However, I just really worried about it scarring, I really hope not. But with my luck that will probably happen.
I sit on my couch and put on the first show I see 'Grown-ish' . I love this show, it's so funny. 10 minutes into the show my doorbell rings, it must be Huey. I open the door.
"Hey you busy?" Huey stands there in my doorway.
I shake my head, "Not at all, come in." I step aside so he can walk inside my apartment.
"What are you watching?" Huey asks as I close the door.
"Grown-ish." I tell him and he rolls his eyes.
"What is your problem with this one?" I whine. He always has something to say about the type of shows or movies I watch.
"Black-ish, Grown-ish, Mixed-ish, they need to give it a rest-ish." I laugh at his annoyance.
"I actually haven't watched Mixed-ish yet."
"There's a shock, how smart of you." Huey remarks sarcastically.
"Hey!" I playfully stick my tongue out at him.
"Anyways Black-ish is alright but Grown-ish, it's practically feeding you garbage because college isn't really like that." Huey takes a seat on my couch.
I follow suit, "It's a bit unrealistic but they have to do that for dramatics. It is still a show after all." Huey just clicks his tongue, looking off to the side.
"I forgot you went to College. Where'd you go?" I remember once that my nosey dad was grilling him at the dinner table.
"Howard."
My eyes go wide, "You went to Howard?! Oh my god how was it?"
Huey shrugs his shoulders, "College is college." He says so nonchalantly.
"Come on Huey, you're telling me you went to the practically the best HBCU in the country and that's all you have to say." I fold my arms. Only he could be so non-caring about this.
"Well it was a great experience being surrounded by people that look like you, are on the same level as you academically and mentally. Finally having teachers that can understand and relate to you. Even the student events were nice and you know I'm not into stuff like that." Huey finishes.
"That is so dope! I wish I would have gone to HBCU, they sound so fun."
"Why didn't you?"
"I mean I got into a few but Chicago just seemed like a better option." I say honestly and Huey nods his head.
"So why didn't it work out?" I say without thinking and I cover my mouth.
Huey just stares at the tv "I had to drop out."
"Why? What happened?" I examine his face from the side. He turns to me giving me an undistinguished look but it sort of lets me know he didn't want to talk about it.
I turn my head back to the tv, "Oh look it's getting good." I try to change subjects. Even if he won't admit it I know Huey probably loved it there. So why doesn't he want to speak more about it? He always shuts down and I really can't stand that about him. Just when I think I'm finally getting to some sort of understanding about him, I get nowhere. It's truly frustrating so that's why I'm just going to leave it alone. Just pay attention to this show.
Vivek, one of the main characters, is having a wave check, which I find funny because he doesn't have any waves. I giggle, "He is so dumb."
"An indian guy appropriating our culture, how funny?" Huey rolls his eyes.
"Yeah I know but he looks stupid so can you really be mad." I look over at him, noticing that he still has on his jacket.
"Why don't you take off your jacket?"
"Um, I don't know."
"Well you should. You're making me hot." Huey's wearing a bulky jacket, I get that it's freezing outside. But my apartment's heat system is on high.
"Fine." He removes his coat. Revealing his tattooed arms, I stare as he puts his coat on the coat hanger. His tattoos have always been so intriguing to me, I wonder what each of them mean. He's only told me about one.
"Is this better?" Huey raises an eyebrow.
"Much, I just want you to be comfortable, Huey." I say innocently.
"Whatever." He sits back into his seat.
After a few of watching tv I feel his eyes on me. He probably doesn't think I noticed it but he keeps glancing at me. Which I find weird especially for him. Yet I just push the thought aside, my eyes trained in front of me.
"You scared me Jazmine." Huey finally speaks up.
"Huh?" I don't comprehend.
"Yesterday. Your accident. I was worried." He struggles to look at me.
"Oh I'm sorry Huey, I didn't mean to." I sigh. I realize this affected him but why?
"You don't have to apologize to me. I just- What really caused you to come into contact with that pole?"
"The day just started off bad. I woke up late for school then had to be my boss's assistant for the day, and my car got towed. I guess I just let all that get to me." I fiddle with my hands. I didn't truly understand how much pressure I was under until I said it aloud. Maybe that pole was the universe's way of telling me to chill out.
"I know you love your new job and all but you're stressing yourself out. You need to slow down." Huey seriously tells me.
"You don't understand. I can't. I can't be late o-or miss a day. Can't forget an assignment for school, can't fall behind either. Any of those things can cost me my internship or I won't graduate again. Then I'll be a failure once again." I speak like a fanatic. He just doesn't get it. I had so much riding on me. I have to be the best, do the best.
"I get it Jazmine, I do. But you were never a failure. You just had a setback, which is normal. You think I wanted to quit college? No but we all have setbacks Jazmine. You just can't let it get one up over you." Wow. He just shared something deep with me. I have no choice but to really gather from what Huey was saying. What he said is true.
"I- I just don't ever want to feel like a let down ever again." I hug my knees to my chest, looking down at the floor.
"Trust me, you're not. Far from it." Huey says softly. I give him a weak smile.
"Can you just promise me one thing… to go easier on yourself." He searches my eyes.
"I promise, I will try." I move closer to Huey, "Thank you."
With my knees under me, I hug him. My arms clinging to his neck. I just need to show how much I appreciated this. This whole talk really raised my spirits more than I can even acknowledge. I let go and Huey just stares at me.
"What's wrong?"
"Here, you have an eyelash." He takes his pinky finger and lightly brushes under my eye to remove it. The small notion makes me tingle, my face is hot and probably pink. 'Like how did he even notice that?' Moments like this let me see a different side of Huey, the gentle side.
"Got it." He moves his finger off of my face. Our position doesn't change, nothing makes me want to move. Not our rough history, not even the thought of Logan. I'm a bad person but I'll be bad if it means I get to have times like this.
My phone alarm blaring snaps me out of my trance. 'Shit! I almost fell into a trap of my own making again.' I don't know when I will learn. I get off the couch and hit dismiss on my phone.
"That was my reminder that I have to clean the stitches." I point to my head, "I'll be right back." I tell Huey and he nods.
After 5 minutes I come back into the living room, "Um you probably don't want to watch this anymore. Scratch that I know you don't want to watch this."
Huey snorts, "I definitely don't."
"I figured, so let's play cards." I suggest picking up the deck on my coffee table.
"Alright, Crazy eights?"
"Yeah or anything."
"I'm down for Crazy Eights but what are we playing for?" Huey raises an eyebrow.
I look at him crazy, "For fun."
"But that's boring."
"Well I'm not rich soo." I trail off.
"Me either but it makes winning more exciting." Huey shrugs.
"My, my, my, don't tell me you have a gambling addiction Freeman." I joke.
He sucks his teeth, "Just deal the cards Dubois." I snicker and follow his wishes.
Hours Later.
"Rematch! I'll beat you this time." I declare to Huey. We played a total of 4 rounds and he beat me each time. 'Why does he have to be so damn good at everything?'
"Sure you will." Huey responds sarcastically.
"Well come on."
"You're just lucky we didn't play for money or you'd be broke."
"Whatever, let's go again." I stretch upward and yawn a little bit.
"Tomorrow Jazmine. You're tired." He says.
"What? No I'm not." I yawn again this time, a little longer. 'Damnit.'
Huey tilts his head, "Be glad I'm letting you off easy and not beating your ass in cards one more time."
"No, you just cheated." I say childishly.
"I must have. All four times." He just had to rub it in.
I roll my eyes, "But seriously are you coming tomorrow?"
"Yeah, I just have to stop by the shop for a few."
"Oh ok."
"Don't worry I won't leave your clumsy ass here by yourself." Huey teases.
I mock a laugh, "Very funny."
"I'm serious, no telling what you'd get into or bump into I mean." His mouth pulls into a smirk.
"Oh whatever. Get out." I playfully push him in his chest towards the door.
Huey puts his hands up,"Ok, ok. Goodnight Jazmine."
"Night, Huey." I smile closing the door behind him after he walks out.
I press my back against the door and sigh. Hmm today was nice, I need days like this more often calm and relaxing where I don't have to worry about getting this or that done… I should probably give Logan a call before I go to sleep. Haven't spoken to him since this morning.
Our relationship is new so I can't really say anything bad. I would still say we're in the dating phase because there's no strong emotions just yet. Don't get me wrong I like Logan, he treats me well. Like bringing me flowers yesterday was so sweet. But sometimes he just gives me 'I'm a nice guy, pick me' vibes. All I can say for right now is things are going slow as they should.
The Next Day
Huey comes over to my home around 3pm. Since everyone else I know is at work or something once again it's just him and I. Which I don't mind because neither of us are going to cross any lines. I mean I hope so. I can't tell a lie, the two of us will always have some chemistry. We cared about each other a lot. Well at least I did, although I can't say the same for him and I still do. But not in the way people may believe, it's different now. Or that's what I keep telling myself.
"So we're playing again or what?" Huey questions after finishing our game of solitaire. It took about an hour or so but we finally found the last card. I'm really glad solitaire is on computers now because whew, that took way too long.
"Yes but first I have to change this stupid thing." I point to the patch on my forehead, "The cleaning process is so annoying and I'm not even sure I'm doing it right because it hurts."
"Do you want me to help you?" Huey offers.
"Um-"
"I-I mean only if you want." He corrects himself for some reason.
"Sure that'd be a big help. Come on, the kit is in the bathroom."
Huey follows me into my bathroom and I take out the supplies. Handing it to him and sitting on the counter so he can see better. He comes close so that he is standing between my legs a bit. I can smell his light cologne. 'Aw man I'm getting deja vu.' I try to remind myself this isn't the same situation but it's too hard. That night flashes through my head. I squeeze my eyes shut trying to rid the memory but I fail.
"Am I hurting you?" What? I pop my eyes open. I look up at Huey's concerned facial expression. Oh. I didn't even realize he was already cleaning my wound.
"No!" I clear my throat, "I just um had a flashback...a bad one." I lie.
Huey raises an eyebrow, "About what in particular?" I wasn't expecting him to ask. Oh god what do I say?
"Um about running into that pole duh. I probably have slight Ptsd now." I joke to cover up my lying.
"That's not funny Jazmine. You could seriously be struggling with the memory. You did pass out on the street after all, that's pretty serious." Huey speaks clearly, not playing around.
"I know, I know. Lighten up sometimes Huey." He just shakes his head. Continuing caring for my cut. I can feel his breath on my face which tickles a bit but, I toss the thought aside focusing on the fact that he's surprisingly gentle. Maybe that's when I didn't feel it or maybe I was too into my head. Just being close in Huey's vicinity would have me tripping. However, I'm just happy the cleansing didn't hurt finally.
Huey finishes putting a new hospital butterfly (not the pattern) bandage on my head,"Alright you should be good."
"Thank you so much." I look into the mirror smiling.
"No problem." Huey puts the supplies back into the kit for me. The two of us exit back into the living room. My stomach grumbles.
"I can use a snack, how about you?" I walk into my kitchen.
"I'm fine."
I search my cabinets first for something but there's nothing in there. Next I check the fridge which is sort of empty as well, "Ugh there's nothing in here to eat."
"Want to order something?"
"Not really, I'm tired of eating out." I reply to Huey.
"Well then what do you want to do?" He questions.
"Ummm can you take me to the supermarket? It's not that far." I clasp my hands together, in a begging form. Knowing Huey he's not an automatic yes person.
He shrugs, "Sure I guess."
"Great, let me go get my stuff." I run into my room. Putting on my sneakers and a hoodie, I already had on sweats.
I come back into the living room, "Ready?"
"Yeah." The two of us head out of my apartment building.
Huey's POV
Jazmine and I head to the grocery store. I didn't think it was a good day for her to be out. But I know that if I said no she would just keep begging. So I agreed to take her. Minutes later we arrive at the small grocery store and walk in. Immediately, I can tell it's run by latinos just by the background music that's playing inside. Jazmine grabs a basket for carrying food and I just think I should have stayed in the car. 'How much stuff is she getting?'
While she goes from aisle to aisle, putting stuff into her basket. I trail behind her wondrously. Counting down the minutes until she's done.
"Ooh! I need salt." Jazmine startles me. She looks around, "Hey Huey can you ask that lady where the salt is? I think she works here." I follow her eyes to see a woman bent over fixing something.
I furrow my eyebrows, "Why do I have to ask?
"Because while you do that I'm going to grab a gallon of milk." Jazmine is already walking away.
I roll my eyes and move towards the worker. "Excuse me." She doesn't hear me though. I clear my throat, "Excuse me." I say louder this time.
She jumps up clearly startled, "Ay papi! You scared me." Her hand is on her heart.
"Sorry about that." I apologize.
"You can't be sneaking up on me like that. You light on your feet or something?" She eyes me up and down then crosses her arms. Her accent is certainly there, but I don't have trouble understanding her.
I shrug in response, "I wanted to ask where the salt is?"
She turns her head to the food, "Oh hombre, pensé que iba a pedir algo más." The woman says more to herself in spanish. I raise an eyebrow slightly.
"It's in the 5th aisle." She tells me.
I nod, "Thank you." I pause, "What did you think I was going to ask you?"
Her eyes widen, "¿Tu entiendes español?"
"Sí, yo también puedo hablarlo, aunque no me consideraría exactamente fluido." I respond to her in her native language.
"Maldita sea, sigues volviéndote más atractivo moreno." She grins. She's flirting but I don't think I should flirt back. Normally I would have but doesn't seem like a good idea.
I scratch the back of my neck, "Thank but uh I have to go." I turn around almost running into someone.
"Jazmine."
"Huey I already found the salt, you took too long." She complains then looks at the girl who works here.
"Veo. Esta debe ser tu novia." The girl glances at Jazmine.
I shake my head, "Ella es mi amiga."
"Good to know." The woman smiles before walking away.
Jazmine scoffs, "Hmph. Didn't know you speak spanish." I stand there, puzzled, as she walks off. 'What just happened?' I don't understand. I shake my head and follow behind her. She finally finishes her grocery shopping and we head to the cashier. I pay for Jazmine's groceries because it's just the manly thing to do.
On our way out, the girl from earlier stops me. She holds out a piece of a paper, "Envíame un mensaje de texto alguna vez, moreno." I stand there in thought, 'Should I take it?'
I decide on taking it not wanting to be rude or anything. She winks at me before going back to the aisle she's fixing. I turn around and swear I catch Jazmine rolling her eyes. I ignore it for now.
I put her bags in the trunk. She mumbles a "thank you" and enters my car. During the drive back to Jazmine's house it's silent, a tense one. Usually she can't shut up so I'm shocked she didn't say a word the whole ride back. Something is bothering her. Once at her house, we go upstairs and she starts putting away her groceries.
"Why do you have an attitude all of sudden?" I speak up.
"What attitude?" She responds, placing cans in her cabinet.
"Jazmine. Come on now." I tilt my head.
"I'm fine Huey."
"Alright." I put my hands up, backing off.
In a matter of seconds, Jazmine sort of slams the cabinet, "It's just did you really have to take that girl's number?" I knew it was going to be a problem. However, it shouldn't be.
"Why wouldn't I? I'm single, right?" I ask sort of rhetorically.
Jazmine looks to the side, "That's not the point. It was literally right in front of me."
"I don't see what's wrong. It's not a problem when you parade around with your little boyfriend around me."
"I do not throw my relationship in your face, I am always mindful of your feelings."
I scoff, "Sure you are."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Jazmine folds her arms.
I let out a condescending laugh, "It's just I'll never understand you Jazmine, it's perfectly fine for you to be in a relationship but if I even glance a girl's way I'm suddenly the bad guy."
"You can talk to whomever you like, Huey." Jazmine presses her lips together.
"Doesn't seem that way." I look at her unbelievably. Little did she know, I wasn't even going to entertain that girl from the grocery store. Latinas are not really the ones I go for. Yeah I messed around with a few for a good time. But I am really only into black women.
"Well it is. We're just friends at the end of the day."
"I thought it could've worked. But it's not." I stare at Jazmine.
"What?" Her eyebrows furrow.
"Us getting along, being friends. We're being selfish."
"H-how?"
"Not allowing the other to move on. We just have to let each other be." I didn't want to but Jazmine is in a whole relationship now. Chances of getting her back were slimmer and slimmer each day. What was I supposed to do, wait around and hope they break up? Nah. That may never even happen. Who am I kidding?
"Don't do that Huey, I just got you back in my life. I can't lose you again." Her tone changes. This was becoming harder to do.
"I have to leave you alone. I only hurt you."
"You'll hurt me more than ever if you walk away right now." I remember Cindy's words. 'Don't screw up her life again.' I'd know this would hurt Jazmine at the moment but I was doing the right thing for her. She'll see that in the future.
"It's not good for us to be around each other, you even failed law school because of me." I say honestly. I didn't want to admit it but it was the truth.
"That's not true." She objects, "You know this is just like you. To walk away and leave."
"Jazmine you deserve so much better than me. I'm not sure I can give you deserve but Clarence Thomas can." As much as I can't stand him, she seemed happy with him.
"Logan?"
"He makes you happy, he's not going to distract you from your goals. He's everything you want in a person. You don't need me around anymore. Okay?" I am hovering over her now. I examine Jazmine's facial expression. She struggles form words.
"How do you know what I need or want?" Jazmine's eyes are teary eyed.
"You need him, not me. So I'm going to step back because I need you to get everything you want and need." It pained me so much to say. I hope she understands that this has to happen. I move away to grab my jacket and come back to her.
She shakes her head, "No. If you leave your dead to me!" She raises her voice but it cracks. A single tear flows from her eyes. My hand jets out to wipe it away. I hate seeing her cry.
She pushes my hand down, "Just go. You've made your decision." Her breath is shaky. I try again and she moves her head away. But that doesn't sway me, from stopping my hand. Finally she gives up and sighs. However she can't look at me.
"I'm sorry, Jaz." She finally looks into my eyes.
I wipe the tears from her cheek and place a kiss on her forehead. I let go of her face and walk away. I hear her sniffles and choked sobs behind me as I exit her apartment. I've been selfish with her for so long. This hurt me just as much as her but it's time to be selfless finally. Put her needs in front of my wants. I am doing this for her. This is what's best for Jazmine. I always wish her well even if it's not with me.
