= XV =
Mira slowly felt her mind wake up but everything was still foggy. She couldn't recall when exactly she had gone to bed but she stopped thinking when she heard someone talking. Their voice was deep, something was tangling in it… 'Sadness maybe? No… something else… rage?... no that's not it either… guilt?' Mira thought, she couldn't place it and so she decided to just listen instead.
"Though rank and high the holocaust
Of nations, steams to heaven,
Glad I'd join the death-doomed host,
Were but the mandate given.
Passion's strength should nerve my arm,
Its ardour stir my life,
Till human force to that dread charm
Should yield and sink in wild alarm,
Like trees to tempest-strife.
If, hot from war, I seek thy love,
Darest thou turn aside?
Darest thou, then, my fire reprove,
By scorn, and maddening pride?
No my will shall yet control
Thy will, so high and free,
And love shall tame that haughty soul
Yes tenderest love for me."
Mira opened her eyes slowly, starring up at the ceiling for a few moments but then turned them when she noticed Khans voice had stopped. "That was pretty." she whispered out, flinching as she tried to move. Khan instantly pushed her back down gently. "You need to rest; your body is still recovering." he told her. That same tone in his voice was dancing behind his eyes but this time Mira could place it, it was indeed guilt. "We were in the testing range…" Mira said, trying to recover her memory but her mind seemed to be failing to do so. Khan nodded solemnly as he looked away from her.
"You do not recall?" He asked her and Mira looked back up to the ceiling trying to remember but every time she nearly grasped onto it, it would slink just out of her reach again. "Why am I so blah?" Mira asked looking to Khan who still wasn't looking at her. Instead, his gaze was to her hand that he was holding, his thumb caressing the veins on her wrist.
"Marcus shot you with one of my guns, you are no doubt feeling the after effects of it." Khan told her honestly and Mira just nodded her head. "How did I get to my room?" Mira asked another question, turning her hand over and grasping his hand with hers, giving it a quick squeeze. "I brought you here." Khan told her.
Khan had stopped mid stride as Mira stirred in her sleep, looking as though she were in pain and so he amended his plan. He would go to sickbay and give her a once over and then take her to her room and let her rest. It hadn't taken him long to get to sickbay and he was instantly bombarded with questions and the likes that he promptly ignored as he rested Mira down on a table and began a scan.
"Commander Harrison, you will tell me what has happened! And you will tell me now!" the main Doctor spoke firmly and loudly at Khan. Khan, not having patience for anything at the moment, just turned his head slightly and glared. He saw the Doctor shrink back and quake in fear of him. "You will not speak a word to me again." Khan seethed out and quickly returned his gaze to the scan, a little bit of happiness flooding in when he saw that there was really no damage other then the burn marks and the effects of the stun which Khan had altered slightly. If that gun had been pointed at him, two or three good shots and he would go down.
Khan, of course, hadn't really thought of that when he built it. He was too consumed with the joy of making something new, even if it was for Marcus. If he had known it was intended for Mira he would not have made it… but then again, he was foolish, he believed she a spy. A manipulator that played the game well and he knew that if Marcus had told him it was intended for her then he still would have made it… probably making it far worse than it currently was.
He sighed as he looked down at her, brushing a lock of her hair behind her ear before moving to the cabinet by the door, grabbing an ointment for burns before quickly scoping her back up into his arms and leaving sickbay. A glare to anyone who got in his way or thought to say something in protest.
Khan sighed with relief once he had reached their quarters and instantly went to her room, figuring it would be the more comforting thing for her. Once she was down on her bed, Khan set to work removing her shoes and her uniform and with a little difficulty dressed Mira in her usual Pajamas but not before he applied some of the cream to the small areas the shot had made contact.
"I am sorry." he whispered, leaning his forehead against hers.
Khan knew for his manipulation to work that he would always need to be in a constant flux of close and arms length with her. However, over the past few weeks since she had given him a piece of his past back, he had held her closer. Which in turn made him feel, he felt for Mira now. She wasn't just some tool to him anymore and he only denied that until the range because until then he had thought such horrible things of her and now… he knew she really was the sweet and kind person she made herself be. A frown graced Khan's lips as he pulled away to look at her face fully, he had so many thoughts and ideas about Mira, he thought he knew every single thing to know about her and it turns out he hadn't a clue, not even about what her father had stolen.
Khan let out another sigh as he brushed his fingers gently against her cheek, his mind coming to a decision he would most likely regret. He would tell her the truth, he would tell her what he had planned and was doing and hopefully if she was still willing to see his face he would ask if she was what her father had stolen.
Khan would be lying to himself if he didn't at least admit she was the most fascinating thing he had ever come across. From what he saw she was a walking, talking energy shield and it made Khan wonder more if being a shield was all she could do. If maybe she was more weaponized then he was, he now at least understood why her regeneration was better than a normal humans. It needed to be in order to sustain her and her abilities.
Khan wondered if she would ever willingly talk to him about it and frowned when his mind answered that question. 'Why would she trust someone who did such horrible things, who would have kept doing horrible things and would have left her with nothing in the end? Left her a broken shell of what she used to be?' Khan's frown only deepened with those thoughts and shook it off as he stood. He did not know how long she would be unconscious for and recalled a memory of when Nicole would read to him. Khan left her room and retrieved one of his books, he thought poems might help maybe, he always did have a fancy for them.
Khan sighed as he thought over his words carefully, he was stuck. No matter how he phrased it, he knew she would hate him in the end and; while his feelings may not have been all that strong for her, they still mattered and he didn't want to be a catalyst for her pain, not anymore. "Once Marcus had left, I made sure you were okay to move. I took you to sickbay and ran a scan to make sure you were okay. That my gun did not leave any internal damage and then I brought you back here." Khan explained thoroughly and he saw the raw panic spread across her face.
"Is your memory still hazy?" Khan asked and he only received a nod from Mira. Khan let his own head bob for a moment before letting out a sigh. "Marcus asked for your bracelet. I saw what you can do." Khan told her the truth yet again and Mira seemed to shrink away from him, fear rolling off of her. Khan wondered what she was afraid of, he could understand being an experiment but then the thought came swiftly and then Khan understood. 'This was the reason Marcus assigned her to me… she is better then any tool he possesses.' Khan thought. He could understand that, being looked at like a tool when you were anything but. Khan had made peace with the fact that is what people saw him as and even now, that's all Marcus saw him as.
A tool to be used and discarded at the user's leisure. Khan had taken great strides to never being seen like that again, to never be used like that again but here he was. Before, Mira was that much to Khan. A tool to be used and her being a person made things a little easier for Khan but now, she was more. "I won't use you Miracle." Khan whispered out softly, "You are not a tool to be used. I will not do that to you." Khan let his words settle into her mind and slowly the fear faded out but was replaced by confusion. "Marcus thought I was trying to reverse my condition." Mira muttered and Khan internally sighed with relief, her memories were slowly piecing themselves back together. "Yes, he threatened you… your father. Why did you not tell him about the scanner?" Khan asked, truly curious what she would answer with.
Mira shrugged for a moment, seeming to think it over before she returned her gaze to him.
"I'll tell you when I'm done, promise." she told him with a small smile on her lips. Khan looked at her for a long moment and then nodded. "May I ask you something?" his question was met with a pondering look but Mira nodded her head nonetheless. "What exactly did they do to you?" the question came out slow and unsure. Khan noticed Mira instantly looked away from him, her gaze going to the wall beside her as she thought.
"I wasn't made like this… I born like this… grown would be a better word actually." Mira muttered out. Khan knew she was perfectly aware of his advanced hearing. "Grown?" Khan questioned her and Mira sighed before she tried sitting up, Khan quickly helping her and adjusting the pillow behind her for comfort. "Yes, from what my father could see, from what he took when he rescued me, I was grown. I don't have a mother." Mira explained. Khan now got why she had snapped when he brought up her mother. At the time, he had thought that they simply weren't on good terms.
"You do have a mother. The female DNA they spliced into you… she's" Khan said but Mira shook her head. "I'm spliced from so many different DNA strands. I don't even know my base structure but no, I don't. I was grown in a tank. I do not have a mother" Mira corrected him and Khan knew that this sub topic was not one Mira wished to discuss and so he moved on. "What did they make you for?" he asked his next question and was met with a laugh and snort from Mira. "To be a weapon, just like you were. I'm a waking, talking, breathing condensed energy weapon." Mira said in one breath and Khan frowned.
"I was probably meant to be the next wave of foot soldiers; from what I could gather on the research notes my father took. They were far from getting a perfect specimen, the energy output was far too high and the bodies would deteriorate at some point. I guess that's why my regeneration rate is higher then normal." Mira paused after that, taking in a big breath and then releasing it slowly, seemingly to help collect herself. "It didn't help though; I couldn't heal fast enough to keep up. It made me very sick when I was younger. My father worked around the clock to find a solution, he did obviously otherwise I would be dead".
Khan nodded as she spoke more about it, how she didn't know what happened to the project, if she was still the only one like her alive. That she could indeed use her energy output to hurt others and such, whatever question Khan asked Mira would do her best to answer though some she feigned away from and he took the hint to move along. "You are truly a miracle." Khan smiled, tucking a lock of her hair behind her ear as he smiled at her. Khan looked at her for a few moments, not caring if he was starring or not but then decided it was time. Khan leaned in slowly and placed a small chaste kiss on Mira's lips and then her forehead, his lips lingering there for a few seconds and then pulled back. "Miracle, I have a confession to make." Khan let out slowly, not entirely sure if he wanted to do this anymore.
He could, in fact, continue with his lie but after this the lies would stop. No more using and lying to her, no more manipulation but when he looked at her deep green eyes he knew he couldn't do that. "What is it?" Mira asked, her voice small as she intertwined their fingers, her thumb rubbing over his. "I have lied to you".
Mira stared at Khan with wide eyes at his words, not understanding them in the least. "Sorry?" she said, hoping she might have miss heard him in some way but from the look he was giving her, she very much doubted it.
"I lied to you. I had no interest in you. I did see you as a tool but that was before… I didn't believe you when you told me Marcus was threatening you. I thought you were playing me… trying to manipulate me." Khan spoke, like always choosing his words carefully. Mira instantly wrenched her hand from his, her breathing picking up as confusion and anger settled. "What?" Mira rasped out, eyes analyzing everything about him. His features, his posture and his eyes, his eyes telling her she hadn't miss heard a single word he had just said. "I sought to do the same to you, to manipulate you, seduce you. And when you called yourself mine, I would have used you till you proved to be of no use anymore and then left you broken." Khan let out a breath as he finished, his eyes locking with Mira's. Mira could see the sadness but her rage did not let her care at all, she was seething with unbridled anger.
"I have done nothing but be kind to you, I have never lied to you and you were going to do that to me?" Mira whispered out, slight horror in her voice as she pictured his words in her mind and saw the empty hollow of herself and while he may not have gone through with it, she felt it now. "What made this confession happen?" Mira inquired, eyes cast down to her lap, her tone strained. "Marcus's threat in the range. I then knew, I was wrong… I did not want to lie to you anymore, Miracle", Mira's head instantly snapped up and a hateful glare marred her features. "Do not call me that, you will never call me that again." she snapped and Khan nodded. "All those times you were kind to me… those were just tricks to gain my trust." Khan nodded at her statement "Yes, they were exactly that. I did not do them because I was being kind or because I thought you would appreciate them.
All I have ever done was for myself, to give myself advantage over you." Mira stared at him for a long moment, she saw the truth in his words and without her permission tears filled in her eyes, she cursed herself internally for being such a cry baby, especially at moments like these.
"You lied to me, you… I don't even… I can't… what were you going to do if I tried to sleep with you?" Mira asked, eyes scanning his and Khan shrugged. "I would have had sex with you. I would do anything for my family Miracle. I would even destroy this planet if it meant I would get them back." Khan said slowly and Mira instantly snapped. "DON'T CALL ME THAT! YOU NEVER GET TO CALL ME THAT AGAIN." She shouted at him "Get out." she seethed under her breath.
"I don't know what the hell I did to deserve this. I don't know what made you hate and distrust humans so much but I swear to god… Just get out, get out and leave me the hell alone." she continued and Khan instantly got to his feet and left but not before Mira looked to her night stand, picked up his tags and threw them at him. Khan spun quickly and caught them, only staring down at his tags for a moment before he turned back around and left, no word of goodbye or protest, no looks of his shoulder at her, nothing. He was just gone. Mira wasn't sure what was more upsetting, that she had been played like a fool, that she had let herself get played or that her mind was replaying him saying 'had' when he talked about his feelings. For some reason that word seemed to cling to her mind and it hurt all the more.
'What's wrong with me… I'm so stupid.' Mira thought bitterly, her anger slowly fading out and pain taking over. Mira moved herself to lay down again, turning herself on her side and curling into a ball as tears spilled over. In that moment, she felt like she was back to being a little girl with a broken heart and it hurt that it took that moment to know exactly how much Khan had meant to her and like a little girl all she wanted was her dad.
