Author's Notes: I'm sorry that this chapter took so long to be completed – it's not for lack of effort, and I so appreciate those of you that read.

Please be forewarned, I am not a Jafael shipper, but I obviously can't rip the two of them apart with the snap of my fingers. There must be some buildup to get to that point, and that has been the struggle with getting this chapter done – I have a very hard writing any sort of romance for them.

Anyways, here is the next chapter. I appreciate any and all feedback.

Chapter Four

Jane heard her bedroom door creak open a few minutes after 7:30 in the morning. The sun wanted to stream into her bedroom, but her curtains kept the glare at bay for the time being. But truthfully, it didn't matter what time it was. Jane felt like she had just closed her eyes even though she had laid down hours ago. She had spent a good deal of time tossing and turning, running through everything.

"Jane," Rafael started, his voice hoarse. "Just wanted to make sure you were up. The kids will be awake soon."

She knew he was upset by her edict to sleep on the couch. Jane had just needed a bit of space - because apparently several people had known everything before she did last night, and that didn't sit well with her. They were supposed to be partners, especially if they were planning a future together.

Jane pushed herself up into an upright position on her mattress and rubbed at the back of her head. It still ached from where she had hit it the night earlier, which didn't make waking up to start a new day where her world was upside down any easier.

"I'm up," she finally said. "Didn't get much sleep last night, considering everything."

Rafael hung his head. Part of her felt awful for continuing to make him feel at fault, but another part of her wanted him to continue to feel accountable.

She moved from the bed and went to her closet to find something to wear. She wanted to dress in a long-sleeve black blouse and jeans, almost as if it were armor for what lay ahead in her day. But remembering that she lived in Miami, Jane quickly edited her choice for a sleeveless shirt with flutter sleeves and a pair of cropped jeans. She wanted to look normal. Unruffled by the current situation.

"How can I fix this?" he begged quietly.

Placing the outfit on the bed, she turned towards her boyfriend.

"I know you're nervous about Jason being here, but I'm going to tell you this for the last time. Lying is a huge problem for me. I know you're sorry, and I will try to push past this but lying and trying to dictate my life will only drive us apart. Do you understand that?"

Rafael nodded at her words, and she motioned for him to come to her. He closed the distance in two strides and pulled her close to him. Jane didn't stop him as he slid his palms along her jaw, as he leaned in and kissed her, a gentle, barely-there kiss that is so different from their typical vibrant passion.

When he broke the kiss, she looked at him, implored him with her eyes. "My mom kept my dad from me for 23 years. Michael lied, and that ended our first engagement. I can't do lies, Raf. I won't."

Rafael gathered her close to his chest and pressed a kiss to her hair. "I get it. I'll be honest to a fault."

"Well, in the spirit of honesty, I am going to make myself an appointment to see Dr. Ellis. Today, if she can see me."

The mention of her former therapist caused Rafael to tense up and take a step back.

"You need to go see your therapist because Jason is here?"

Jane was baffled that she immediately felt resistance from Rafael about seeing her therapist and was asking nothing of him in relation. He had never bought into therapy when she had sought help for their relationship as well as their co-parenting. The thought of having an unbiased sounding board to help her navigate the situation that she now found herself in had felt like a life preserver in a sea of uncertainty.

"I need to know how to manage a few things, specifically when it comes Lucy. And Raf, all this is happening on top of what's going on with my mom. I think that she can help."

"As long as it's not about us," he replied to her explanation.

Before Jane could react, Mateo popped his head into the bedroom as the spokesperson for all the kids in the house. Mateo indicated that everyone was starving.

"I'll start breakfast," Rafael said and gave Jane a smile before following his son downstairs.

She watched as he left her room before she began to dress for the day ahead. Although it was not something that she had initially thought would need discussing in reaching out to Dr. Ellis, Rafael had inadvertently added the strength of their relationship to weather this situation to her list.


When Jason arrived at her grandmother's house that morning, Bo clearly remembered Jane from the night before and gave an excited bark at seeing her, his tail also providing a clear indication that he was a fan. Jane bent down and scratched the dog under his chin in mutual approval.

"Good morning," she greeted Jason. "How was your night?"

"Fine," he answered concisely.

Jane supposed that she would have to get used to his quietness and not expect Michael's open nature. With a nod, she welcomed him into the house.

Her mother and grandmother came around the corner, and Xo's surprised gasp filled the otherwise silent room.

"Ma'am," he greeted her mother.

"Just Xo is fine."

Her grandmother stuck out her hand for a handshake, and Jane couldn't help but smile. Jane knew how hard everyone was trying to make this as normal as possible, despite its unusualness.

"Alba Villanueva. You can call me ma'am."

Despite everyone being friendly and open, Jane could feel Jason's apprehension roll off him in waves. She was sure this wasn't easy for him.

"Does any of this look familiar?"

Jason took a moment to look around the modest home where Alba had raised Xiomara, and in turn, Xiomara had raised Jane. Jane could instantly recall so many memories that she had had with Michael in that house, but she knew she couldn't overwhelm him with anecdotes right off the bat.

With a defeated sigh, Jason answered no. Bo sensed his owner's disappointment and gave a slight whine and nuzzled at his hand.

"He really loves you," Jane expressed, and she quickly noted that her words brought a smile to Jason's face. Jason gave the dog a gentle pat on the head. She wanted to know more about how the dog had come into his life but didn't have an immediate chance to ask.

With his usual flourish for the dramatics, her father entered the room slowly and eyed Jason with awe.

"Hi there, yes, it is me, and I have missed you." Rogelio could not help himself and enveloped Jason into an awkward hug.

Jane could immediately tell from Jason's stiffness that her father's hope that he would be the one to bring back the missing memories was unfortunately null and void. When Rogelio broke the embrace, Jason questioned their relationship.

"I'm sorry, sir… how do we know each other?"

"Well, we are best friends, and I'm also Jane's father, and of course, I'm Rogelio de la Vega."

The blank look on Jason's face doesn't stop Rogelio from saying his name two more times, each with a differing level of theatrics.

"Nothing?" Rogelio asked, the disappointment evident on his face and in his voice.

"Sorry, sir," Jason replied, and he quickly glanced at Jane. She hoped that her eyes were able to communicate that it was okay.

The doorbell rang, which temporarily ended the awkwardness of her father doing his best to jog Michael's memories. Through the glass of the red door, Jane could see Patricia, and she swiftly opened it so that she could enter the Villanueva home and see her son in the flesh. It was evident to Jane that Patricia was equally nervous and elated – her eyes were red probably from tears and a lack of sleep; her hands clutched the strap of her handbag in a death grip. But she seemed full of momentum.

"Jane," she said and gave her daughter-in-law a quick hug. Their relationship still wasn't perfect, but Patricia had been an incredible grandmother to Lucy, and that was more than Jane could ask for.

Patricia pulled away from the embrace and gazed in wonder at her son.

"Hi," she said softly. "Do you know who I am?"

The hope was evident in Patricia's voice, and Jane winced at Jason's next words. She knew how much it stung to remember everything and be completely discouraged.

"Sorry, ma'am."

But Patricia handled his response with a winning attitude and instead told him exactly who she was. "It's Mom, and it doesn't matter you don't remember me. I remember you."

It didn't shock anyone in the room when she crossed the room and gathered him into a tight hug with tears streaming down her face. Considering the emotions that she had been feeling since last night, Jane couldn't imagine all the things that Patricia was feeling about her son's return.

"I can't believe you're alive. And I just love you so much."

The words that Patricia said felt like a dagger to Jane's heart. She felt overwhelming guilt that she hadn't been able to offer that level of happiness in Jason's presence. Jane still struggled with what exactly she should be feeling and how to handle the next few days. However, she had to remind herself that Patricia had had a little more time to process this, even if it was only hours more.

Jane heard Patricia mention a neurologist appointment and was pulled back to the present when Patricia directed a question to her.

"Are you ready?"

"You want me to come?" Jane asked incredulously.

"Of course, Jane."

She stole a glance at Jason first, who seemed at peace with her coming to the appointment, so she quickly looked at Rafael, who also offered his support for her to go.

"Good luck," he said with a slight smile. But the smile didn't reach his eyes, so Jane was sure that the thought of her tending to Jason and his medical appointments did not sit well. She just hoped that some assistance would come out of her therapy appointment later that.


With Miami traffic what it was, it took them nearly thirty minutes to get to the neurologist appointment that Patricia had set up.

Jane and Patricia sat on uncomfortable plastic chairs in the waiting room of St. Ignatius' neurology wing. The ride had been equally challenging – Patricia had done most of the talking, trying to jog Jason's memory with different tidbits about places they passed. Still, it was evident by his reticence that nothing stoked his memories to return. Jane had remained quiet but tried to offer him some solace by sending a friendly smile to him every once in a while.

When they arrived at the hospital, the medical assistant indicated that the doctor wanted an up-to-date MRI of Jason's brain so that he could review it and provide a diagnosis. Jane quickly told Jason that she would hold onto Bo, who had already been categorized as a service animal, so that he could enter the facility as it was.

The waiting room was in a different pavilion than where emergencies were brought in. Although it was quieter than other places in the hospital, magazines several years old and had seen better days were discarded on coffee tables in front of the bank of chairs. Music was also piped in to distract those waiting. Jane immediately recognized the song by Oasis and couldn't help but wonder if the lyrics to the song were meant to be a sign.

Because maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me

Would she be able to help?

The waiting by Patricia's side certainly brought Jane back as she remembered a similar waiting period but in the hospital's surgical wing. And although today was not as high stakes as when Michael had been shot on their wedding night, waiting on the results to better understand the damage that Rose's torture did to Jason's brain was still significant.

"I still can't believe this is real," Patricia murmured.

Bo sat quietly at Jane's feet. If he was stressed about Jason being out of sight, he didn't let on.

"I know," Jane replied and gave the dog a good scratch behind his ears, earning her another happy thump from his tail. "I keep waiting to wake up or something else to happen."

"You're handling this well."

Jane gave a derisive laugh. "I'm glad that I'm putting on a good show."

"You're a strong woman Jane. I know I wasn't always supportive of your and Michael's relationship the second time around, but I know why he chose you. One of them is because you can handle difficult things," Patricia said, signaling at where they were sitting, "That much is clear. And thank you … I know that I threw you off by asking you to come with us today. I actually didn't really think when I said it, but I'm glad you're here."

A nurse stopped by and told them that the MRI would be complete in 10 minutes, and they could head to the examination room, to which she quickly gave them directions.

"You don't have to thank me, Patricia. I think

Jane moved to stand, but Patricia placed a gentle hand on her arm. "Before we go to the exam room, I do have to ask you something."

Jane sat back in the awful hospital chair and allowed her former mother-in-law to continue.

"I'm pretty sure that this is none of my business, but what are you planning to do about Lucy? And Mateo?"

It was the first time that someone had openly asked her what she planned to do about Jason's arrival when it came to the kids. It wasn't the first time that she had thought it – truthfully, it had dogged part of her sleeplessness the night prior.

And Patricia was wrong – it was her business to ask that question. She was Lucy's grandmother, and Jane knew in her heart of hearts that although Patricia wanted her son to know his daughter, she wanted Lucy shielded from anything that could hurt her.

"There have been moments over the last three years where I have felt this absolute desperation to have Michael experience Lucy's milestones. But having Jason not recognize me last night and seeing him be familiar with anything at my old house this morning really threw me. I hate to think this, but he might be a little less compassionate or caring towards the news of having a kid, and that makes me want to lose my lunch."

"I would never want that little girl to have an ounce of feeling like she isn't wanted. So, it's agreed then, we wait?"

Jane nodded, and this time, when she rose from the bank of chairs, Patricia followed her. They found the exam room easy enough. Jason was already there, sitting on the exam table with a patient gown on. He looked worn out already, but Jane couldn't blame him – today had already had a great deal of activity for anyone.

"How are you?" Jane asked instinctively. Bo sat down and observed the new room that he was in.

"I was in that tiny loud tube for far too long," he muttered in response.

Part of her wanted to comfort him, yet she held back. It was too confusing.

Two short knocks on the door and in entered the neurologist that Patricia had found. Dr. Robert Suthers carried a file into the room and gave the three occupants and their canine companion a warm smile.

"Mr. Allen, I've just been reviewing your MRI results."

"I don't remember anything."

"Understandable. Your brain scan shows evidence of excessive ECT... electroshock...Primarily in the hippocampus and the temporal lobe. Both play important roles in memory processing. In particular, amnesiac patients..."

Excessive. That word made Jane nauseous. Jane looked at Jason's scans that Dr. Suthers had put up on the portable lightbox to show the MRI. There were evident dark areas that she could only perceive were the results of the ECT. She couldn't imagine how much Rose and her minions had tortured him. In that minuscule way, it was good that his memory of that wasn't present. He would need support working through it if it did return.

"Jane?"

"Yes?" She asked, zoning back into the room's conversation and looked at Jason.

It was the first time he had said her name aloud, and despite the drawl that came with it, it felt familiar. She had to blink quickly to stop the sting of tears.

"You okay?" Jason asked

"Yes, sorry," Jane and felt a blush of embarrassment heat her cheeks briefly.

"So, what does this all mean? Will he get his memory back?"

Jane was glad that Patricia had asked the question outright, without beating around the bush. Dr. Suthers seemed to struggle with giving her an immediate answer but

"Each case is different. There's so much we don't know about the brain. It's really not an exact science.

To Patricia, that was not good enough. Jane couldn't blame her – she wanted her son healed. "Well, what do we do? To help him?"

"Hmm. I'd just say get him back to a routine. Familiar people, places, things..."

"Okay," Patricia affirmatively before asking Jane for her assistance in the doctor's suggestions. "You can help with that, right?"

Jane heard herself agree without hesitation, although she also knew that she couldn't take this on alone. "Of course. And I think asking Dennis would be a good idea as well. And I'm sure my dad would love to help out."

Patricia seemed satisfied by her suggestion. It wasn't that Jane didn't want to help because she genuinely did. It was more so that she knew she couldn't be everything to everyone in her life and help Jason alone.

The trio and Bo headed out of the hospital and back to Patricia's car. All were quiet – she was unsure what Patricia and Jason were thinking, but Jane had begun to formulate a plan in her head as they walked through the parking lot.

As they got into the car and started driving back to Alba's, she and Jason finally exchanged numbers.

"I'm going to find a motel for the time being," he informed her.

"Okay, just please let me and your mother know where you end up staying." Jane looked over her shoulder into the back seat and could tell that Jason wasn't used to having people being concerned about his whereabouts. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to overstep."

"No, you're fine," he assured, "It's just …."

Jason trailed off and looked out the window of the car, gathering his thoughts. Jane didn't want to push. He had admitted the night prior that he wasn't a huge talker. It would be something that she needed to adjust to.

"I've gone four years with only my best friend on the ranch looking out for me. It's different now."

Different was an understatement. Jane was glad that Patricia jumped in at that moment.

"Well, you have more people with your best interest at heart right by your side."


After Patricia has dropped her back off at her abuela's, Jane didn't go back inside. Instead, she went off to another appointment that she made for herself this time.

The last time she had seen Dr. Naomi Ellis was about a year and a half after Michael had died. They had had sessions together, and she had sincerely helped her through her panic attacks.

"So Jane, you said on the phone that we needed to meet today. What's going on?"

Despite Dr. Ellis' kind eyes and dulcet tone, Jane still felt out of her skin to be once again sitting on this couch. It felt odd that she was back here once again because of Michael. But Dr. Ellis had helped once; Jane only hoped that she could again.

"What I'm about to tell you is going to sound impossible. I've known for just about 20 hours, and I'm still trying to wrap my head around it."

"Okay," Dr. Ellis said and put her pen down on her book so that she could give Jane her full attention.

"Michael is alive."

Dr. Ellis looked to be processing Jane's statement before she asked Jane to repeat herself.

"The abridged version? The crime lord Sin Rostro faked his death and gave him amnesia, so he doesn't know who he was, but he goes by Jason now. I met Jason last night."

The therapist's wide-eyed look told Jane that the abridged version wouldn't cut it. So Jane relayed the other pertinent details - how Rose had accomplished his kidnapping and amnesia, where Jason had been, and how Rafael had brought him back to Miami. She also briefly told her therapist about Xiomara's breast cancer diagnosis and her relationship with Rafael.

"Jane, I've been a therapist for nearly 16 years, and truly, this is a first. I'm sure this isn't easy, so I guess my first question to you is, how are you feeling?"

Although she had been asked a similar question the previous evening, she wasn't sure if the additional time to process had cleared her freeway of emotions, but this time she couldn't stop tears from falling in front of her therapist. She grabbed tissues from the box in front of her and wiped at her eyes.

"Every time I think I know what I'm feeling, another emotion replaces it. It's like my feelings are all over the map."

"Understandable. So, that will be your first piece of homework for next week. I want you to write down the emotions you feel about the situation and just a quick sentence on why you feel that way. We will tuck into that next time and work through it together."

Dr. Ellis looked down at her notes. "I know you mentioned that you and Rafael have been seeing each other for a few months, and you indicated that he was the one that brought Jason to Miami. How's everything with you two?"

"Tense," Jane said honestly. "He knew about Jason for several days before clueing me in. Lied about his whereabouts. He says it's all stemming from being worried that he will lose me if Michael gets his memories back. And he wasn't thrilled about me having an appointment with you today. I guess I just keep coming back to Lucy."

"Can you elaborate?"

"Rafael has never been a huge believer in therapy. When I told him I wanted to make an appointment, his immediate thought was that I was calling our relationship into question. To him, it was not about my getting assistance with navigating my current situation," Jane explained, "Beyond the shock of him being back, I started thinking that the predominant reason I would want him to get his memories back is to have a relationship with Lucy."

Jane felt like she was talking an extensive amount, but she had to remind herself it wasn't Dr. Ellis's job to always speak. It was instead her job to listen, ask questions, and assist Jane in coming to her own conclusions.

"I want to focus for a minute on your relationships with Rafael and Michael."

"But that's not…."

"I know, you said it's Jason, not Michael, and I'm happy to hear that you are setting your expectations about him getting his memories back accordingly. But Jane, we need to think clearly here. What happens if you are successful in helping Jason recover his memories, and he is the Michael you once knew, were married to? What happens next in your life?"

It was a very practical question, and Jane couldn't say that she hadn't thought of it herself. The question had reared its head several times over the last day. And she had no clear answer.

"I want to say I know the answer, but I don't."

"That is something you have to think seriously about because it has ripple effects on both your children."

Jane's breath caught at Dr. Ellis' statement. No matter what happened in this situation, there would be consequences. Nothing seemed to be a perfect choice.

"I'm going to give another piece of homework. And I want to see you the day after tomorrow. I know that sounds soon, but I think you need another session to work through this homework before moving to a weekly cadence. Does that sound okay?"

With an agreeable nod from Jane, Dr. Ellis proceeded to give her the second piece of homework.

"I want you to imagine two scenarios. The first is your life one year from now as if Jason had never shown up in Miami. What does your life look like with Rafael? And the second scenario is a look back. If Michael hadn't 'died,'" her therapist said using air quotes which Jane now realized would be the norm when describing the situation, "what would the last four years have held? Can you work on that?"

"You've given a writer the perfect type of assignment," Jane affirmed.

"Great. I look forward to spending some time delving into what you come up with. My receptionist can make us an appointment to meet again."

Jane gathered her bag and stood up from the couch, but Dr. Ellis had some final pearls of wisdom to impart.

"Everything will work out the way that it is supposed to, Jane. You must remember that as you withstand everything life is throwing at you."


The next day felt like a whirlwind as Jane tried to return some level of normalcy to her life. She dropped Lucy at pre-school and Mateo at kindergarten before heading to the Marbella to work a shift. Rafael had had two open houses to attend to that day but had arranged to transition Lucy from pre-school to daycare, which Jane appreciated immensely. But with all that on her plate, Jane knew that she wouldn't be seeing him until later that evening.

Petra had been a godsend and had offered to provide Jason a free room at The Marbella so that all he would be responsible for would be any charges that he made at the restaurant or that he charged to the room. It provided Jane with a sense of relief to know that he had somewhere that he could call home base. She had planned with Jason to meet up after her therapy appointment the next day to begin the "Michael Memories World Tour," but she knew that she had homework to fulfill for Dr. Ellis to get to that point.

After picking up Mateo from school and retrieving Lucy from daycare, Jane fed the kids dinner and gave them time to play. While the kids half-watched the movie that she put on and continued to play with their toys, Jane tried to focus on the homework due to Dr. Ellis tomorrow.

She opened a blank notebook that she found amongst her stuff so that she could tackle her homework. It didn't take long for her thoughts to simply take over, and the words for both assignments just flowed out of her. She was so absorbed in the task at hand that it wasn't until Mateo shouted that there was someone at the door that Jane looked up. A quick glance at the clock told her that she had been engrossed in writing for almost an hour.

Setting her notebook aside and getting up from the couch, she went to the front door and found Rafael waiting, his leather messenger bag that she had given him as a good luck present for his new job, slung over his shoulder.

Things were still not one hundred percent solid between them, but deep down, Jane knew that Rafael was in her corner. And with him working a new job to provide for their future and organizing his workday to help care for her daughter only reaffirmed that. Working through her homework for Dr. Ellis verified that as well.

She wanted the solid ground they had been on before Rose had contacted Rafael and Jason had arrived in Miami. It was a constant that she sorely missed.

"Hi," she said softly and opened the door wider to let him in. "How was your day?"

Rafael seemed a bit stunned that she was so welcoming to Jane, but he didn't verbalize it. Instead, he cleared his throat and told her about the open houses. It seemed like he had a few buyers interested, which was great news.

"I have a plate for you in the microwave," Jane told him, "I'm going to start working on baths for the kids and then bedtime. Do you want to read to Mateo tonight?"

"Absolutely," Rafael responded enthusiastically.

Before Jane could turn to head back to the kids, Rafael caught her by the elbow and pulled her to him for a kiss. It was not a tentative kiss like the previous day. It was urgent and fiercely demanding, as were the hands that pulled her closer to him. Rafael seemed to be showing exactly what she was trying to verbalize – let's work on this, I'm fighting for us.

She wound her arms around his neck, and he made an approving sound against her mouth. When they finally broke apart, Jane leaned her forehead against his chest to regain composure before she went to tend to Mateo and Lucy.

"Go," he told her, kissing the top of her head, "I'll eat quickly and be ready for reading."

As she had let them stay up later than usual before starting their nighttime rituals, wrangling her son and daughter into the bath and not giving in to their pleas for tub playtime caused some uproar. But Jane stayed firm and got them bathed in under thirty minutes, which to her was a success. Wrapped in their towels, she gave them marching orders to head to their separate bedrooms and pick out pajamas while Jane stayed back in the bathroom to wipe up the water that had gotten onto the floor and cleaned up the toys that they had swindled her into bringing into the tub.

Jane went to Mateo's room first and saw that he had followed directions, so she asked him to please go brush his teeth, and she would be in to dry his hair.

Lucy was another story – she was still wrapped in her lavender-colored towel and seemed to be debating between two pairs of pajamas.

"Lu, just pick one. You can wear the others another time."

Her daughter heaved a dramatic sigh before she settled on the pajamas that were covered in flamingoes. Jane had to hold back a laugh. Lucy was almost four going on twenty-five. But as Xiomara told her repeatedly, Lucy very much matched how Jane was as a child.

"Put your pj's on, and then meet me in the bathroom."

Jane spent the next fifteen minutes ensuring that both kids brushed their teeth thoroughly and then took out the blow dryer so that they didn't go to bed with wet heads. And because she knew what a restless sleeper her daughter was, Jane quickly braided Lucy's hair so that the numbers of knots would be easily surmountable in the morning.

"Okay, both of you, go pick out books and get into bed. Mateo, I'll go get your dad so he can read to you."

Jane went downstairs to grab Rafael so that they could divide and conquer book reading that night. However, the Rafael she left to head upstairs for the kids' bath time was different from the one she found waiting for her.

With Mateo and Lucy waiting upstairs, she didn't have time to tuck into what had changed in less than an hour.

"Mateo's ready," Jane declared. He brushed past her without a word, headed in the direction of the stairs, and Jane felt her spine stiffen in response.

She did her best to push how Rafael acted to the furthest part of her mind as she went back up to her daughter's bedroom and snuggled with her as they read three books. When she was done, Jane wished Lucy sweet dreams throughout the night, kissed her sweet-smelling head, and turned on the nightlight before she went back downstairs.

Rafael was sitting at the counter, the notebook that she was writing in earlier in his hands.

"What's this?" he inquired.

"That's homework for my therapist. I see her again tomorrow."

He protested loudly, "Waxing poetic about your feelings for Michael is homework?"

Rafael opened the book and began to read, but she doesn't need him to. She knows exactly what she had written in response to Dr. Ellis' prompt.

Lucy is two weeks old. I hear her begin to wail from her crib. As tired as I am, I start to get out of bed when Michael stops me and tells me that I need rest.

"This is why you're pumping. I can do the nighttime feeds, plus it's my bonding time with her."

He kisses my forehead before he scoops Lucy out of her bassinet and heads down to the kitchen to ready a bottle.

When Lucy first begins to cruise, I start carrying my phone around constantly as I know her walking is imminent. She is a bit ahead of Mateo, but that isn't shocking as it's clear that she wants to be doing exactly what her big brother is doing and is determined to make it happen. Michael is sitting on the floor with one of his law school books when he sees that Lucy has taken a hand off the coffee table and seems to be contemplating her next move. He quietly closes the book and sets it aside before alerting me and encouraging her in the same breath.

"Babe, start recording. I think she's going for it," he says excitedly. "Come on, Lu, come to daddy. You can do it."

Lucy contemplates a moment or two more before she removes her other hand and unsteadily starts to toddle towards Michael. Michael scoots forward, so she has a closer distance to cross, and the moment she gets to him, the two of us are shouting excitedly for this milestone that she has hit.

Rafael doesn't read everything that she had written, and Jane is relieved.

That is until he begins to fixate on the list of emotions that she had written down as Dr. Ellis had asked for.

"And this list of feelings Jane? Jesus …"

Jane crossed her arms over her chest for protection. She was incensed – not only had he gone ahead and read her private thoughts without asking, but he constantly focused on Michael when he could be focusing on the two of them in the pages that followed.

"Did you even go beyond the stuff about Michael? There's stuff about you too, and if you gave me half a minute to explain instead of jumping to your own conclusions like you always do, maybe you could understand."

He flipped past what he had been reading earlier and, after taking it in, looked up at her sheepishly. She knew exactly what she had written about their future.

One year from today

Rafael has been in the house with us for six months. It feels great to have such a stable relationship. Ellie and Ana have been over quite a bit, and Petra is incredibly supportive as I start navigating a bit more of their parenting when they are over. But with all the kids over, it's clear that the house will be too small sooner than we think.

As we close in on the holidays, Rafael tells me that his company is having a party to celebrate. It's being held at the W downtown (Petra grumbles about that because they didn't choose The Marbella). I choose a simple black dress because although I've met most of his coworkers, this is the first time I will spend an extended period with them, so I want to make a good impression.

He asks me to choose a tie for him, so I head into the closet and look through the options, and when I come out, Rafael is on his knee with an open ring box. The shock is evident on my face, but it is an easy question to answer.

"Yes, of course, yes," I say and bend down to kiss him. He slips the ring onto my left hand and tells me that he didn't want to go to the party that evening with his girlfriend, that he wanted to go with his fiancée. The statement warms my heart.

And I know that when the time comes that Rafael will be open to adopting Lucy as his own, to give her a father that she needs in her life. After we are married a few years, we begin to talk about adopting another child to round out the family. Optimally it would be from Venezuela to honor my heritage.

"Do you see now? Jane questioned. "You're constantly living in this sea of doubt about us, and that is scary."

"I'm not, Jane, I swear I'm not. It's just … when I think about Michael getting his memories back and your history with him, it feels like we are right back in the past. But I want exactly what you wrote down. Swear to me that we'll get there."

She couldn't answer him in absolutes, so Jane answered him conditionally. She moved to where he stood and took his hands, interlacing their fingers.

"If you can be my partner through this, we can get there." She looked up at him nervously. Jane wanted to confide in him but didn't want to set him off with further discussion. "Do you want to hear about what is going on?"

Although it seemed like he hesitated briefly, Rafael nodded. So, Jane led him to the couch and told him the latest – how the doctor's appointment went, where Jason would be staying, the support she had amassed in who would be assisting her with his memory recall, that she was looking further into her marital status.

"Now you know everything. I will do my best to help Jason recover his memories, but I have help, so luckily, it won't all fall on me. Plus, I figure we all have our own memories, so maybe a variety of different experiences will be the key."

He bobbed his head in understanding. "You're seeing your therapist again tomorrow?"

"Yes, I'm seeing Dr. Ellis tomorrow. She wanted to process the homework that you read earlier and start giving me some ways to manage everything, prepare if he does get his memories back, and he wants a relationship with Lucy."

Rafael took her hand and kissed the back of it. "I know that I was originally against you seeing Dr. Ellis, but I think it will be useful."

Jane barely heard him because a tiny voice teased at the back of her brain and refused to be silenced.

But what if Michael does get his memories back?"